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im embarrassed by my 15 year old self


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im embarrassed by my 15 year old self

Just a kid with a dream! Nothing too exciting here.

Skimp likes to speak in teal lowercase with no punctuation and might lie

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If he's malevolent and not planning on changing, then I say he's gotta go. Sure, you might feel bad about letting him dissapate, but keeping him around would likely do more harm than good.

I'm IBreakGames, a genuine dude.

 

We gave up on using different colors for each of us, so there's Al, Ollie, and Eva. We're all rabbits, get over it.

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...Huh.

 

I also have a persona that is supposed to be me. She also does everything that you stated here, from doing drugs to relatively being addicted to lust, "immorality" is a part of her.

 

What I've known from the start, though, was that all of these things were just "symbolizm".

 

All of the things your persona does is just symbolizing the materialistic part of you. It's just a represantation of what you always kept yourself away from consciously.

 

I'd say try and tell him this, and don't change him. Because see, since he's a part of you, he won't change unless you change yourself first.

 

Him being violent and mean doesn't indicate a truly evil person who wishes death on everyone. It just indicates the power you always knowingly or unknowingly wanted to impose on certain things/people.

 

Calm yourself, and you will have also calmed him. Once you find a way to get along with this "violent" part of yours, you will understand that you can do all of the things you wanted to do, with him.

 

EDIT: If you find that he wants to hurt you, and you're sure of this, I'm sorry, but dissipation is the only chance.

I'm SomethingDire, and Céleste is my partner in crime.

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In my headspace, I am this person. Sounds like I'm not as hard to handle as yours is, but still. We prickly headmates can be hard to get a handle on.

 

As far as I can tell, you have two options:

 

1. Try to dissipate them.

2. Learn how to keep them around.

 

Obviously, my system went with the second one, so I might be biased in that I think #2 is worth a shot. Like SomethingDire pointed out, him acting awful doesn't mean that he is entirely awful. More to the point, it doesn't mean that he needs to be.

 

See, if he's really gained sentience, that means he can learn. That means he can grasp things like consequences, and what it means to work as a team in a plural system. It means he can reflect on himself and figure out ways to express himself without being a danger to self, system, and others. Because the consequence of possible termination? That's a really good reason to learn to behave.

 

It sounds like you care about him, despite that he's an ass. That's fine. So do what a parent does to an unruly child they care about and lay down the law. Introduce consequences to his bad behavior. Give him a hard, fast limit on things he is not allowed to do, and give him specific consequences, including dissipation, if he does those things anyway. He will have a decision to make about this: go along with it (albeit grudgingly and with a lot of tugging on his leash) or eventually be dissipated because he is too harmful to keep in the system. If he is as you say and has a fear of abandonment, he may be willing to go with the first option.

 

Our system has a few "villain" archetypes, myself among them, and this is how our host handles the more unruly ones. Lay down the law. Make it clear who's in charge. You are the host. No matter that he seems stronger and more aggressive, this is your house and he will behave by your rules or he will be escorted off the premises.

 

And here's the crux of it: if you set those guidelines, after a while, you'll be able to ease up on the consequences. Once you two learn to work together on things, you may even be able to trust him, given time. Like I said, I'm not a very nice person either, but I am allowed to switch into the body at will as long as I promise each time to behave myself. My host knows me well enough to know that I keep my word on things, so she knows she can trust me with the body.

 

Though I think it goes without saying that you should not give your persona that sort of control unless you absolutely trust them with it. This is just an example, meant to encourage this persona to behave himself long enough to earn that trust and understanding.

 

Until then, remember that you're in control. If he's a danger to anyone, then you may need to get rid of him. But give him a chance to prove that he may not be.

~ Member of SparrowNR's System ~

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Thank you guys for your considerate answers. I think I'm going to try to keep him around, at least for now. He's definitely gained some sort of sentience, in the sense that he knows what's going on, he knows that he was conjured from "Bad" or "Unhealthy" thoughts, and I think that's why he's so angry at me.

I'll give him some time before I try talking with him again.

Just a kid with a dream! Nothing too exciting here.

Skimp likes to speak in teal lowercase with no punctuation and might lie

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It might help if both of you stop thinking of his traits as entirely negative. If you think he's mostly bad traits, that's how what he's going to see himself as well. I can see why he'd resent that.

 

Instead, think about what attracted you to this persona in the first place. His ability to live in the moment? His fearlessness when facing opponents in the ring? His confidence to not take shit from anyone that he doesn't want to? These are not negative traits. It's only in how they're expressed that they become negative.

 

It's a character development trick that my host learned as an author. All "positive" traits have a negative side (e.g., being "kind" might mean you're passive-aggressive when you're angry) and all "negative" traits have a positive side. Traits are traits. It's how they're used that matters.

 

So find the things about him that are positive, and respect him for those things. If you were so drawn to him that he became a person, not everything about him can be bad.

~ Member of SparrowNR's System ~

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It does not necessarily have to be a "tulpa" per se, since it just sounds like you're personifying urges that you do not want to have "be part of you" and then just externalizing them. Granted, that can be an inaccurate conclusion, but that is what I see. Tulpas aren't inherently magical- at the end of they day, they are still in your brain so it becomes a matter of belief. How strong they are is how strong you believe them to be.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

 

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." -Marcus Aurelius

 

“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” -Neil Gaiman

 

"The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried." -Stephen McCranie

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