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Intrusive thoughts? Or...


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Hello. Posting because I have a slight worry involving possible intrusive thoughts that have been with me for quite a few months now. First, some background. I've been forcing for quite a while, altogether a year and four or five months. I can't recall when it started but about..Four to six months ago possibly longer I noticed some bad intrusive thoughts I was getting. Details below.

 

1. I used to smoke a lot of weed, daily. I believe at first (not completely sure) I ONLY heard these thoughts shortly after smoking. Even though I no longer smoke, I still get these thoughts.

 

2. 95% of the time, because I currently can't recall this happening otherwise..I ONLY hear the voices when communicating with my tuppers, as in they speak over us, or when listening for my tupper's voice. They can respond first and I can sort of recognize it because...

 

3. They are always negative (Namecalling, Doubt related). Examples would be "Stop talking to yourself!!" when trying to talk to my tulpa or "You are a retard." Things like that. It's interesting to note that back when I WAS smoking a popular one would be "STOP SMOKING!". But I don't get that anymore. Yeah.

 

4. They do not respond. I can ask who or what is talking to me, but they don't speak up after that. The thing is they are consistent with the above. They say the same thing. Not over and over in one moment, but whenever I happen to hear it, it's always the "Stop talking to yourself" "You're an idiot" etc, etc.

 

So...Thoughts?

 

[Edit..]

 

Forgot to add that the voices are all mindvoice. Nothing with my actual ears. Also they can be pretty clear sounding. Sometimes more than my tupper's voice. But that's rare.

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To me, it sounds like the voices of self-beliefs. Even though we may consciously picture ourselves in a particular light, certain situations expose 'raw spots' so to speak in what we truly believe or doubt about our self.

 

My suggestion would be to take the time to de-activate the voices. Perhaps try engaging them constructively. As an example, consider the thought, "You are a retard". Ask yourself what the foundation of that thought is. Perhaps it's socially conditioned on the stigma you think you would receive if you told friends and family about your tulpas. Or perhaps you have told people and they have responded negatively leading to a reinforcement of an existing self-doubt. If you can identify the foundational fear or doubt, you can try to reframe it in your mind with an appropriate refutation. As an example: suppose the basis is fear of what other people will think. Then get a strong image about a positive benefit that your tulpa(s) provide you. Perhaps you find yourself being more creative or happy when you are visualising. When the voice says, "You're a retard." Respond with, "It doesn't matter because my tulpa helps me focus on my artwork (or whatever) more effectively and I am more creative in their presence." The goal is to take the perceived negative (which does not exist outside of your mind), and confront it with a positive fact that de-energises the negative thought.

 

Or another alternative, you might find symbolic visualisation easier to undertake. When you are in neutral state of mind, take the time to clear your thoughts and feelings. Then summon a negative thought and visualise it as something, say, a black crystal. Visualise yourself taking the crystal and dropping it into a furnace where it is destroyed. When the crystal is destroyed visualise your mind as a calm, clean space ready to receive only positive thoughts. Practice this against the different negative thoughts that you can have. Become proficient at it. Then on an occasion where you communicating with your tulpa, if a negative thought intrudes you will be able to destroy it (because you've practiced).

 

These are just a few suggestions. I'd also recommend spending some time with google to look for other methods of dealing with negative self-talk.

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