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Intrusive thoughts overload.


KarlYoshimura

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Recently, I've gotten disturbed at the frequency and severity of intrusive thoughts I've been receiving. I've put up with them for as long as I can remember, yet it's rather painful when matters involving my tulpa are involved.

 

I understand that these thoughts are just my anxiety creeping up on me, but now it's as if they've found other ways to be a bother. For example, my tulpa will say or do something out of the ordinary, only to deny such immediately or some time after. At times it's just annoying to not be able to clearly communicate with my tulpa, and others it's upsetting because I couldn't fathom why she'd do/say certain things. Beneath all of this, there's also a slight fear of me suppressing what my tulpa wants to say/do, and at one time I seriously thought she was lost and replaced by a sinister facsimile of her.

 

Can any of you help me out with this? Or at least explain why it could be happening? I've grown very, very fond of her, but I would be torn apart if I were selectively muting her or forcing her to live up to an ideal she doesn't want to be.

I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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Whenever I try to communicate with Eva or Ada, I do get those moments where they seem to be indecisive. Sometimes I wonder if it could just be how I interpret the information, or there’s things that distract me from hearing their genuine response.

 

Like if I were to yawn while waiting for their response, it would feel as if the processing was skewed a bit, but what I can suggest is that you shouldn’t worry too much. It’s not like you’re militantly trying to mute her in the first place, it’s just that you’re not as used into getting those intrusive thoughts out of the way based on what you stated so far.

 

Things won’t suddenly become smoother if you don’t allow yourself to ignore those thoughts. And it could be that maybe you’re not as relaxed or in a trance or suggestive state to easily hear her voice with ease. Maybe it’s best to constantly remind yourself of what her voice sounds like, suspend any belief that you may be parroting, and just use the voice recall as a catalyst to eventually get her back into communication.

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I think with plenty of practice and patience you can start to get rid of it, or at least suppress it for a few sessions.. My intrusive thoughts and doubts usually come monthly, but it's a whole lot better now than it was 6 months ago. My best method for getting rid of it was to distract myself. This was so I couldn't focus on my tulpas as much and I'd usually just forget about intrusive thoughts for the rest of the session if I could suppress them for about 5 minutes.

 

I've been through a lot of trial and error with this, and the best way to go about it is to find different ways and methods of getting rid of such anxiety. For example, mediation helps clear my mind, as does Fede's tones. Sometimes I need the day off from forcing, other times I need to do more forcing. Basically find what works best for you, and be extremely patient.

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When the person is trying to listen for their tulpa’s voices, but has to face a scatterbrain mind of conjured voices that’s so overwhelming that it’s like having 100 raging lemurs trying to communicate to you simultaneously.

 

Symptoms include:

 

  • Extreme doubting over processing and confirming genuine responses

 

  • Having exponential attachment to what they felt was genuine, but always second guessing themselves

 

  • Being stuck in a deadlock with feeling as if they’re inferior to make the breakthrough with developing and being more receptive to a vocal tulpa

 

  • Making detached justifications so that they wouldn’t be overburdened with guilt of their imaginative inferiority

 

  • A tulpa slapping them in the head for being so doubtful. Most of the time the tulpa is the one that confirms and suspends most of the doubt.

 

  • Confirmation bias seeking to gain assurance despite knowing what answers will come up. Then trying to reject said beliefs, hoping that there would be some new found knowledge to get themselves out of the ditch

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This is a stupid question, but what are intrusive thoughts?

 

An intrusive thought is any thought in one's mind that is unwanted, as it "intrudes" upon one's mind. For example, if someone asks you not to think about elephants, you'll keep returning to the thought of elephants. Apparently, the mind focuses on an idea and retains it for a time until its attention is turned towards something else. In my case, my intrusive thoughts are very frequent and upsetting as they're motivated by some unresolved anxiety.

 

Also, Linkzelda, could you simplify the symptoms you posted in bullet points? Any time you talk on the forums, you sound like you're quoting a jargon-packed psychology manual.

I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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The idea is that the tulpa is the one that will help you remove most of your doubting when you hear them speak fluently without you having to shift your awareness to them first.

 

But until that happens frequently, it will most likely involve overcoming the fact that things aren't going to be smooth, positive, or perfect all the time until the person finds a way to develop cognition for the mind to connect things better (i.e. having an easier time filtering out the random noise of negativity that may come about when listening to your tulpa).

 

 

I occasionally still get random responses from time to time when asking Eva or Ada a question:

 

Example:

 

Me: "Hey, you like this?"

 

Them: "Yeah....you f***ing piece of.....we're sorry! We didn't mean to say that."

 

Me: "...."

 

Usually when the conversation goes more in-depth, the randomness reduces tremendously. Focus more on extending things and they'll eventually get better.

 

 

Either you keep reinforcing a mindset that there will be a casual and easy conversation as you progressively practice with narration and such, or you stay stuck in doubting.

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Guest Anonymous

There's something that happens in and near one room in Betty's house, that was meant as my own room. Sometimes, there'd be like a giant Krakken tentacle bursting out of the door. And when I enter, sometimes I find some distracting muck attached to me. I don't know what to make of it, but when I asked about it she deemed it non existent, therefore intrusive thoughts. Not that it doesn't bother me, but what would you make of that?

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There's something that happens in and near one room in Betty's house, that was meant as my own room. Sometimes, there'd be like a giant Krakken tentacle bursting out of the door. And when I enter, sometimes I find some distracting muck attached to me. I don't know what to make of it, but when I asked about it she deemed it non existent, therefore intrusive thoughts. Not that it doesn't bother me, but what would you make of that?

 

Just because your tulpa deems the moment as nonexistent doesn’t necessarily mean it’s labeled as an intrusive thought. Either she didn’t see what you were seeing, or something else entirely.

 

As for what that moment actually served, how you interpret the symbolism can be subjective. Sometimes there could be some meaning behind the moment, but trying to close the gap between certainty and uncertainty can be done through lucid dreaming, meditation, or whatever means to communicate and interpret solutions made from the mind.

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