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is this a tulpa?
69lettuce Offline
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#1
 
is this a tulpa?

im rlly new to tulpae, and i made this acc specifically for the question, but i might post more later on?? (also i know about all my capitalization and grammar mistakes, this is how i type)

a few years back, i discovered tulpae from scaretheater and i thought that was just the coolest thing! so, i decided to make my own tulpa and work on him a lot and he would be my best friend. he was a red panda named jerry, bc i love red pandas, and eventually i started forcing him (thats the correct term, right?) everyday and even made his own wonderland (it was a beautiful cabin in a fantasy-like forest, it was quite nice there). he even changed himself up a bit, he originally had a husky cool dude voice but it changed to a lighthearted british accent. he wasnt really "done" yet, though, and i started to abandon him. he never disappeared, though, he might've just changed a lot...

 shortly after forgetting about jerry, i started getting a voice in my head. at first i thought it was just intrusive thoughts, bc i couldnt control what it said, but the more and more i thought about it, this new voice inside my head bringing me down and making me literally abuse my girlfriend wasnt just a voice in my head. it felt sentient, like i was sharing my body with someone. it soon took a form in my head, it looks like a white-gray, skinny rat-demon-thing. it also has its own voice, its like a rusty high-pitched growl. i really hope this isnt jerry, because jerry was so nice to me and often helped me calm down. now this "thing" just controls my body and mind and makes me: attempt to hurt things (i do myself to force it not to), yell at people, hurt myself, and the worst of all is my girlfriend. shes such a sweet, gentle creature, but this creature is just taking over and yelling at her, and telling me that its worth it, and saying that she deserves it. i often talk to it, telling it to stop, but it  just snaps back and continues to do so. now its just been forcing me to tell her to hurt me. it makes her break down, and i just want it to go away. i dont know how long i can take this, hopefully it is just intrusive thoughts. thank you!
03-05-2018, 11:44 PM
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Heckhound Offline
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#2
 
RE: is this a tulpa?

If this thoughtform is taking complete control of you and "literally making you abuse your girlfriend," then that's disordered behavior, and no it is not a tulpa. It sounds like you're entertaining, and in doing so exacerbating, violent intrusive thoughts, and you need to take back control. If you're harming yourself or others, I suggest seeking professional help as soon as possible.

pr // discord: Heckhound#6112
03-06-2018, 01:52 AM
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69lettuce Offline
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#3
 
RE: is this a tulpa?

thanks sm
03-06-2018, 03:07 AM
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Spice Offline
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#4
 
RE: is this a tulpa?

Seeing a therapist for a case like this is essential, we cant provide the help and counseling you need.
03-06-2018, 10:18 AM
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jean-luc Offline
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#5
 
RE: is this a tulpa?

If what you say is true, you need to get help immediately. The help you need may not be pleasant, but it will be necessary. We are not profesionals, and do not have the “tools” to help you.

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03-06-2018, 10:15 PM
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