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Jay and Company
Jay Offline
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#1
 
Jay and Company

Howdy, Jay here! I currently have a tulpa named Yuli, who I've been working with since November 2013. Despite it being nearly a year since then, our progress hasn't been too substantial, but I understand it's the result of little and ineffective active- and passive forcing. I don't see a reason to dwell on the past, so we'll just work with what progress we've currently made.

Here are Yuli's personality traits, as far as I'm aware. Despite having began with a basic set of traits, I don't feel they accurately describe her current personality - at least, the vibes I get when thinking of her.

-Accepting
-Adventurous
-Affectionate
-Compassionate
-Curious
-Emotionally perceptive
-Happy
-Humorous
-Intelligent
-Intuitive
-Responsible

Doubt leads me to believe that this isn't entirely accurate and that there may be facets of Yuli's personality that I'm completely ignorant of, but I guess that's part of the fun of tulpa-forcing: becoming acquainted with the other person in one's mind.

First Entry--

7/1--

Tired of my lack of focus and motivation with tulpa-forcing, I decided it could be beneficial if Yuli and I had something to work on together. I imagined a simple, soccer-sized egg that I supposed could have a blank/empty tulpa inside. It would be a blank slate in which we could interact with and include in our daily activities. I chose to skip any personality and form forcing, and to let whatever might be inside the egg decide for itself.

At work, I held the egg while I had time, while Yuli carried it around on her hip the rest of the day.

Perhaps a side effect of imagining something new (the egg), Yuli was noticeably more vibrant in my mind. I wanted to keep it that way, so I pledged to put more effort into focusing on her. We could have made so much more progress if it weren't for my wish-washy, unmotivated attitude. I felt this way yesterday, but making a conscious effort to focus harder seemed to help.

Who knows what's in store for 7/2? It could be the start of something great - a revival of our efforts.
07-02-2014, 12:32 PM
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sushi Offline
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#2
 
RE: Jay and Company

Hello and welcome! That egg thing seems like a really good idea. I'm not ready for a second tulpa, but it seems like that could be a good way to focus, so I'll try something similar. Thanks for the idea, and good luck with your forcing!

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
07-02-2014, 03:55 PM
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chasingtheskye Offline
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#3
 
RE: Jay and Company

That is a really good idea. I may try it when my first tulpa is mostly complete. I wish you and Yuli luck!
Also, hello fellow person named Jay!
07-02-2014, 09:48 PM
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Jay Offline
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#4
 
RE: Jay and Company

(07-02-2014, 03:55 PM)sushi Wrote: Hello and welcome! That egg thing seems like a really good idea. I'm not ready for a second tulpa, but it seems like that could be a good way to focus, so I'll try something similar. Thanks for the idea, and good luck with your forcing!

Thanks for the welcome! And don't credit me for the egg idea, that was all inspired from reading Ashmo's PR. Instead of an egg - or anything with the potential of becoming a tulpa - I'm sure anything else could be used, so long as you value the work that both of you will put into it. And I suppose the egg was more a means to spend more time with my tulpa, because whenever I thought of the egg, I also thought of her holding it, and vice versa. I'll just have to see how useful this is once it's novelty wears off.

(07-02-2014, 09:48 PM)chasingtheskye Wrote: That is a really good idea. I may try it when my first tulpa is mostly complete. I wish you and Yuli luck!
Also, hello fellow person named Jay!

Thanks and likewise! : D
(This post was last modified: 07-02-2014, 11:44 PM by Jay.)
07-02-2014, 09:48 PM
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sushi Offline
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#5
 
RE: Jay and Company

That's cool. It did remind me of Ashmo's egg, but it's a bit different, since she didn't have a tulpa at the time. You've made it into more of a focus technique, so I think you should get at least some of the credit.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
07-03-2014, 12:38 AM
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Jay Offline
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#6
 
RE: Jay and Company

7/2--

Passive-forcing and narration is the usual routine during my work week, but it's arguably the best time for me to force. Unlike home, there are few distractions, and the work is simple enough that I can work on open-eye visualization and narration throughout the day.

This morning I felt a strange apprehension whenever I asked Yuli to hold Eggdgar (I've been thinking of silly pun names ever since creating the egg..), and couldn't get her to hold it for more than a few seconds. I thought whether the egg was a bad idea in retrospect and if I should abandon it, and felt a strange hint of guilt; at that moment I believed leaving the egg would be a great mistake, so Yuli and I came to an agreement: whether or not she wanted to take part in its development, it would remain a personal project of mine. I felt like she was content with this, which was a relief. At least my tulpa is reasonable.

I wasn't very productive this afternoon, being physically fatigued and therefore mentally unfocused, so I tried to make the best of things by including Yuli and Eggdgar when I could. We played Pokemon Mystery Dungeon for an hour, with the egg at my left side while Yuli sat to my right. Afterwards she was open to holding the egg for a few minutes. Maybe the apprehension I felt was because she didn't want to hold it at that specific moment? Who knows..

Overall, Yuli was happier and more optimistic than the night before. Sometimes when I think of her, she'll almost seem like a different person, neutral, serious and grey, and other times she'll appear jubilant and lively, giving me thumbs-ups when in agreement and generally emanating positive vibes.

Apart from the feeling of guilt, still no signs from Eggdgar.

--

My tulpa occasionally has changes in mood, often transitioning between optimistic and happy to serious and thoughtful, along with a change in form that reflects her mood (or at least, how I perceive her form when I think of her). But I believe it's more closely related to my own mood swings than her independence. Often when I'm feeling confident and joyful, her form and personality will be more lively, and the opposite when my mood is neutral. Maybe this will change as she grows stronger and more independent.

Communication with Yuli happens silently, either with movement of some kind or a soundless thought with no weight or "voice" to it and sometimes things feel so subtle that I question whether or not it was me instinctively responding to myself. I feel like if I ever completely stopped giving her attention, she would fade without noticeable protest. I want to change that.
(This post was last modified: 07-03-2014, 02:34 PM by Jay.)
07-03-2014, 02:31 PM
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sushi Offline
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#7
 
RE: Jay and Company

I know what you mean about communicating with Yuli. Until you develop different mindvoices, there can be a lot of "did I say that, or did you?" moments.

If you want, you could try interviewing her. It'll give you plenty of interaction time, which helps to get her a bit more independent of you. It's easy to tell who's saying what, because you're the one asking the questions and she's the one answering them. I've used fiction character worksheets from google for interview questions, but you could also come up with your own.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
07-03-2014, 05:32 PM
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Jay Offline
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#8
 
RE: Jay and Company

7/3--

We didn't have work until the afternoon today, so I was able to sleep in. Huzzah! I attempted to talk to and keep Yuli within eyesight while going about my morning, finishing household chores and walking to the grocery store. On our way there I asked her if she wanted anything and thought I heard "soda." I reminded her that we already had some at home, but I think she knew. At work I passive-narrated to her, again trying to keep her within eyesight, but heat and physical fatigue made it difficult.

Nothing eventful happened today, but I'm glad I spent time with Yuli while I could. I'm beginning to realize that there are many, many opportunities for me to practice passive narration and open-eye visualization throughout my day, which I feel I'm most comfortable with at the moment. What's important is taking advantage of them.

--

I hadn't even considered using a fictional character worksheet, but judging by the few that came up on google search, I feel they'll come in handy. As soon as my weekend rolls around I'll pick a few and try interviewing Yuli one-on-one. Heck, until then, even glossing over them seems to help. Thanks! Smile
(This post was last modified: 07-04-2014, 03:37 PM by Jay.)
07-04-2014, 03:36 PM
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Jay Offline
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#9
 
RE: Jay and Company

7/4--

Fourth day of posting! Such commitment!

Not much happened today, since it felt like Yuli was absent for nearly half of it. We took a shower, taking turns scrubbing one's back while the other washed their hair. After that I tried passively narrating and open-eye visualizing her like I have the last few days, but it was difficult to see her. Likewise communication wasn't any better, and I had the nagging feeling I wasn't talking to anyone.

Work came 'round the afternoon, and the minute I walked into the building she appears standing next to my work station like usual. I had the bright idea to mention that Yuli could move her disembodied head around so that she could constantly be within eyesight while talking with me, and suggested that she use whatever "vibrancy" I had within myself so that she could appear more lively and active. I gave the egg - who I'm naming Hope until further notice - a pair of wings, so that it can float next to me whenever it's not being held. It also has a more spatially convenient mini-version of itself. I think Yuli wanted to have a similarly small, cherub-like form. There's no telling whether any of this will stick, but I can't complain with spontaneity in my tulpas, so I'll continue to press onward.

Lastly, I spent fifteen or so minutes asking Yuli some questions that I found while searching for fictional character worksheets. A few questions she answered before I finished asking, while others were given no response. Once or twice I felt as though I "lost connection" with her, but managed to visualize an image of her that I could communicate with. We finally went to bed, and I tried to focus on where her presence until I fell asleep.

I'll have to explore ways in which I can actively procure an image of her that I can speak with, maybe by integrating certain methods and techniques that make passive-forcing easy for me.
(This post was last modified: 07-05-2014, 12:31 PM by Jay.)
07-05-2014, 12:31 PM
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sushi Offline
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#10
 
RE: Jay and Company

You seem to be doing really well with passive forcing. I always had trouble with it, especially at work. I don't know how you do it.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
07-08-2014, 05:06 PM
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