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JGC's Progress Report
#1
I'm Jamie, here with Cassidy and Gavin. I figured I'd make a progress report for the three of us, since it seems like the right thing to do.

For my background: Sometime in 2014, I granted my "imaginary conversation partner" sentience and individuality. Over the next two-ish years, Gavin became my closest friend and confidant, but we were also very confused as to what he was. We decided that he was an alter/fragment, despite my lack of switching or amnesia. After I received two new thoughtforms (that I now know were walk-ins), Gavin decided they all were bad for me. After a complicated process, Gavin forced the thoughtforms out, and left with the last one to go. It was awful to be alone again in my mind, and I never quite understand what had happened.

Fast-forward to a few months ago. I found out about tulpas and had my mind metaphorically blown. That's what he had been- I wasn't on the verge of insanity. I had made a perfect tulpa candidate by years of narration. After I granted him the ability to be his own person, Gavin became a tulpa. I instantly wondered, "Does this mean I can bring him back?", but decided against it for the time.

Instead, I created a new tulpa, Cassidy, on September 5th. We became fast friends. He was vocal the next day, and sentient at about two weeks. At about 3 weeks, we were able to switch for the first time, only for a few minutes at a time. By the time he was a month old, he could stay in the body for about two hours. Cassidy also has a strong interest in appearing in the outside world. I keep him visualized around me for much of the day, and have been working towards imposition.

I was extremely happy to have Cassidy, but my desire to have my old tulpa back never went away. I had some conversations with Cassidy, did some soul-searching, and sought advice on the forum. We decided to try revive him. The plan was to wait until the 19th, but he ended up being revived the 16th of October. To my surprise, Gavin was back to nearly-full strength within an hour. He decided on a form for himself the next day, since he never had much of a form in his old life.

We're three now, and I have no plans to add anyone else into the mix. I see myself with these tulpas for a long, long time. At the same time, I feel like my tulpa journey has just really begun. All the characters are finally on the stage, and it's time to act.

Here are my end-stage goals for our abilities:
  • A vivid, immersive wonderland
  • To visualize my tulpa's forms clearly, in wonderland for both of them, and IRL for Cassidy
  • Auditory imposition
  • Some degree of tactile imposition
  • Some degree of visual imposition
  • The ability to have quality lucid dreams with some regularity
  • Cassidy wants to be able to write left-handed
The goals might change with time, depending on what happens in the future. Right now, I'm pretty optimistic that I can achieve them all, with enough time and practice. 

-Jamie
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#2
You could also change the name of your original progress report by editing it in the first post, if you wanted to.
Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)
L - 5th May 2014
Nevira - 14th December 2014
Misa - 5th December 2015
Roska - 22nd July 2019
Progress report
Art thread
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#3
Ehh, then the continuity would be wonky... I want a bit of a different style here, so I figured I'd just make a new thread.
Jamie and two brothers.

"You are the messenger, not the message. You are just like everyone else."
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#4
All of those goals have been achieved by other systems, so i'd say your chances are good.
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#5
Sunday, September 21st, 2018

I've been seeing a bit of progress in imposition, which makes Cassidy and me ecstatic. I was afraid I'd have to work months and months to see anything, but I've achieved just enough to make us inspired and motivated. 

At school, whenever I have a few minutes at my desk to spare, I've been doing this: I draw three circles, each about the size of a dime, and fill in the leftmost one with my pencil so it's as dark as it can get. Then, I stare at the middle circle and think "I see this circle filled in just as dark as the one to its left." I visualize what the two dark circles would look like, and try to really see the dark color of the graphite. 

The third circle is for comparison. I haven't been able to actually see the middle circle as filled-in, yet. However, my brain starts registering the middle circle as "darker than the rightmost circle", even though it's not, and I know it's not. It's a pretty foreign experience, though it no way negative. From my various 5-minute sessions through the day, I'd say I have between 1-2 hours of practice so far. 

I've been trying to see Cassidy's form where he likes to visualize himself: sitting in my desk chair. Just today, I got a touch of that same "circle is darker" feeling around his edges. Not actually seeing anything yet, but just... feeling like I could see him, feeling like he's really about to be imposed. It's almost staticky, if that makes any sense. 


I saw someone else do this in their progress report and I thought it was great. Here's my little report card for our system's abilities, in a scale of 0 (no skill) to 10 (goal achieved.) 
  • Mindscape: 2
  • Visualization: 3
  • Auditory imposition: 0
  • Some degree of tactile imposition: 1
  • Some degree of visual imposition: 1
  • Lucid dream skills: 0
    Hopefully over the next few months, I'll progress out of my current noob status. Not sure if I really do have noob status... Gavin is technically over two years old, but I didn't know about all the things you can do with tulpas, like imposition or even mindscapes. Eh, I'll be a noob to myself until I hear their voices, imposed. 
-Jamie, currently caffeinated
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#6
Hearing their voices imposed was about the most satisfying thing that can happen outside of lucid dreaming, even seeing visual imposition in a semi-lucid state isn't as good because there is a sence of legitimacy to actually hearing them answer your questions and dispelling your lingering doubts. I'd think when their little alien voice says something complety unexpected without imposition is as good, but this reinforced their legitimacy for me.

Everything else is cake to me (as in not needed, not easy).
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#7
Monday, October 29th, 2018

Cassidy here. I usually hate to stay up, but Jamie and I switched, and then I understood what's so great about it. Gavin is actually asleep or dormant or something, which he never used to do, until he got a form. 
We haven't been in wonderland for a few days, which is unusual. Jamie's busy, but I think that's kinda unfair. Gavin and I have been working on getting Jamie to listen to us enough. Now that I think about it, this is the quietest Jamie's ever been in my head. I wonder if he's dormant, too. 

I ended up writing a poem. Jamie paints and stuff, so I know how to do that too, but I want my own hobbies. I've been learning piano, because I already know how to read sheet music and because we have a nice keyboard at home. I also wanted to write poems, because Jamie writes other stuff. I wouldn't post my poems anywhere other than this forum, so here it is: 

I want to stay forever 
because I know
just how easy
tulpas go.
First we fade
and then we sink.
Last, we drown and
dissipate into the drink.
When my lone brother sunk under,
he did not die.
His sense of self
liquifed. 
Remember:
Tulpas are not
Toys that can be
Dropped in mud and left to rot.

Gavin hasn't said anything about it yet. I think it would be nice to write Jamie a poem for his birthday, and a poem for Gavin's one-month re-birthday, but I just don't know what to write. 

Jamie and I have been thinking about starting a YouTube channel for tulpa stuff. The only thing really holding him back is his age and the fact that he's pre-T, but all of that is changing. Gavin is more cautious about it. He's always scared for our public safety and reputation, and if we were open about being a tulpa system, that might endanger us. It's true. We actually have a tulpa-related YouTube channel right now, but there's no original content on it, I've just been making playlists of resources. 

What do you think of my poem? I'd recite it and record it, but I haven't been able to "find" my voice using this body yet. Jamie might also not like it if I posted a recording of the body's voice, but I don't think I could ask him right now. They're both being really quiet. It's like being home alone for the first time in my life!

-Cassidy

Addition: I'm going to go to sleep while in front for the first time. I'm really excited to see if I'll wake up in the body, and if I'll have my own dreams. Wish me luck <3

Update 10/29: Jamie here. No luck, I woke up with no blending at all. However! When Cassidy went to bed, our "internal radio" of thought-hearing was playing "For the First Time in Forever", very thematically. When I woke up, the same song resumed within the minute. That has to count for something?
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#8
I like it, Cassidy! (The poem, I mean). I’m not sure if it would work, but if you guys are afraid of people discovering you because if your voice, could you use a text-to-speech program?

Good luck! Big Grin
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#9
You could also pretty easily fine an autotuner app or vocalizer to change the body's voice to something more to your liking. The poem was really good.
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#10
Jamie on Tuesday, October 30th, 2018

Wooooo!!! I'm over the moon right now.
 I was writing a post about tulpas and holidays, while chatting with Gavin and Cassidy. I joked with Gavin about how he refuses to sing, and I said "Didn't you whistle me 'Happy Birthday' or something?" and he said, "You didn't know how to whistle back then: we both hummed all the time." Then he started humming "Happy Birthday", coming from the left side of my face, then he said, "Oh, wrong side," and switched over to my right ear. 

When he switched to humming in my right ear, the whole half of my head felt hot. I heard  Gavin hum, for just a few lines. It felt like there was a real voice, sitting beside me. After a few lines, I turned and looked at where he was humming from, and that "broke" the imposition. When I saw no source, I think my brain threw the "hallucination = bad" wall up, and he felt instantly like a thought-voice again. Still! I probably had ten seconds of hearing him. Very exciting. 


I've been trying to do it again, but I haven't been able to control it. I had earbuds in (though no sound was coming out of them), had been talking to my tulpas for a while, and am in a pretty quiet room. Those were the conditions. 


On a smaller note, we've all been working on making a wonderland chess board. It's mainly Gavin's thing, but it requires a lot of attention of whoever's in front to be able to focus on it. Right now, we're literally just trying to see the whole board and process every square. We've started with a 4x4, which Gavin had the great idea of texturing. The white squares are smooth, and the black squares have slightly raised lines. It helped a lot, by making it more immersive. We all will see ourselves running a finger across the board, seeing all the squares and feeling the different texture beneath our skin. We can run a nail over the board and hear the sound change between the smooth and textured squares. We practice with a little game: One of us will yell out chess notation, and the other one will put their finger on the square. It can take up to thirty seconds, depending on who's playing. I'm the best at it, probably because I'm usually in front. 

Next, we'll up that to the full 8x8 board, then start with the pieces, and finally, playing games. I expect it to take a while. It's basically blindfold chess, and I want it to look nice, not just be a mental representation. 


0 = no skill, 10 = goal achieved
  • Mindscape: 2
  • Visualization: 4
  • Auditory imposition: 2
  • Some degree of tactile imposition: 1
  • Some degree of visual imposition: 1
  • Lucid dream skills: 0

    Now just a single lucid dream, and I won't have any zeros left. 
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