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K8 & Arya's space
#1
Hello.
My name is Kamil, known as K8 or Kate. I'm 16 and I live in Poland. My tulpa's name is Arya, and she's just a few days old (unable to communicate yet).
Our story began last friday on a polish IRC channel. I was talking with one of my friends about lucid dreaming, when someone joined us and started talking about a thing called "tulpa". He told us that he knows a man, who shares his mind with another consciousness, which he created when he was young. He called them "real imaginary friends" (it sounds weird in English). Me & my friend asked him a few questions about it, but he didn't know much. So while they were still discussing the whole thing, I began my research. I was fascinated - another person in your own mind! I read quickly, so after a few hours of browsing through the Internet i knew most of what I needed. But I didn't start yet, I had to think about it. Sharing the rest of your life with someone is a serious thing, isn't it? The thing that bothered me the most (and still bothers) is the fact, that I might not be good enough for someone to share his/her life with me. What if she/he wouldn't like me? But I just couldn't get all this out of my mind. I wanted someone to be with: a friend. I made my decision.
(random thought: I was so determined to do It that she would probably appear anyway. I'm always talking to myself and narrating the things I do, so after reading all this I'd subconsciously adress it to her, creating a tulpa without even knowing it)
On monday I left for a school trip (best time of my life btw) and while on the train I planned her out. My goal was to create only the basics, and leave most of her character to herself. I gave her only like 10 traits, and that was It. I named her Arya.
Because I'm so bad at visualizing, I didn't want to create her body In details, but while planning I just couldn't stop and spent almost 3 hours planning and then visualising it. She's a white woman, ~1.6m, her hair is long and dark red, her eyes are brown. For now she is dressed in gray jeans and a black t-shirt. She may change it later when she becomes communicative, but that's how I imagined her.
Yesterday I was coming home, a bit of excited because it was her first time to see my home (I don't know if she can see and hear everything I can, but I assume she can). And then, unexpectedly - I felt her. I just noticed that I had an headache for at least an hour. I never get headaches, no matter what, so I was sure it had to be her. (As I'm writing it I can still feel it, and I love it). Since then I know she is there and that I'm doing everything right.
Today, I created us a Wonderland. I spent a few hours planning it out on paper, and another 2 hours to visualize it. It's a big house woth two floors, by a cliff. The whole bottom floor is one giant room, with a detailed kitchen, dining table, and a cool TV area. There are three exits, one leads to a big round balcony hanging over the cliff, the second leads to a garden with a pool and a grill, and the last one is just the main exit (there's currently nothing there, just grass). Stairs next to the TV area lead to the top floor. There're a few rooms there. The one that you see first is a bedroom with a big water bed, a dressing, and a desk with some stuff to write/draw. From there you can enter the bathroom with a big bath/shower, a sink & mirror and a toilet. The other room is a big wardrobe, that currently holds no clothes (It's too much for me to visualize). This floor also has a balcony, that contains just a sunbed (or whatever it's called, google translate everyone). I'll scan and upload some of my sketches when I have the time. For now that's it, thanks for reading if you managed to reach this point. (most of people on the Internet probably be like "TL;DR")
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#2
Headaches are getting worse.
When I felt them for the first time, I was really excited, because I knew that I was doing everything right. I still kinda like them (when they're weak), because they remind me of Arya. But yesterday, my head hurt so much that I couldn't take it any longer. I took something for it (200mg ibuprofen if you really want to know), and it worked. But after it stopped, I felt so... empty. I felt like I just lost a part of me. I know that I'm just a week in and probably overreacting, but I felt horrible without the feeling of her bashing my head from inside.
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#3
For the last week, I've been following FAQ_Man's guide.
I didn't do anything than narrating since I started creating Arya. I knew I should do some kind of forcing, but I didn't do it. My goal was to create a tulpa totally independent and separated from me. Now I see, that letting her develop by herself may take months or even years, so I started forcing. Right now I'm on creation of her personality, I've spent a few hours forcing and still no effects. I'm trying a creation method that I called the "nebula" method. Instead of forcing individual traits, I've drawn a graph with all of them connected to each other; I'm not focusing on the traits, but on how they interact and work together. That way I'm hoping to create "deeper" personality, but I don't know if it's effects will be any different from regular forcing.
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#4
There was a big breakthrough yesterday. Dem feelings, man... But let's start from the beginning.
As we were progressing towards the 3-weeks point, I was getting worried that Arya didn't respond to me in any way, nor tulpish, nor human speech, not even head pressure. The only thing I felt was this constant headache. Because of It I knew I was going the right way, but I was getting worried something was wrong. I was forcing almost every day, and narrating & talking to her throughout my day, every day. I had to get something! But I haven't felt anything.
Yesterday I was at home whole day, so I spent most of my time forcing. I visualized myself sitting next to her on a small pier next to our house. I was talking to her for an hour or so... and then it happened.
She did something on her own. For the first time ever.
She dived into the water.
What else could I do? I followed her. Depp into the sea, we found the bottom. And then, we fell through it, into the sky. And started skydiving. (now, that's what I call a journey through your imagination)
As we were falling, I felt something strange. A feeling, that took over my whole body. Pure joy and happiness. I knew they were not coming from me. FAQ_Man said: "You’ll know, because it will be completely alien". Well, I knew. (the rest of this post will be the description of our magic journey through our wonderland)
Before, our wonderland was small. A house on the side of a cliff, a beach, little pier, and ofc the sea. As we were exploring, it grew massively.
While we were falling down from the sea, we encountered a massive land, floating in the middle of nowhere (it's easier to imagine if you've read the book "Vertical" by Rafał Kosik, it really messes with your mind, worlds inside worlds, infinite loops, things bigger on the inside than on the outside, great book). We didn't explore it, but just flew by It, and kept on falling.
After this long fall we landed in the middle of a city that looked like New York (power of imagination, huh?). I've never been to New York, so I didn't know exactly how it looked, but what I saw on movies was enough (thx Hollywood). After a short walk, we decided to do some more base jumping. We travelled to a location where the sea meets the end of the world. There, after a short exploring, I decided that the ground is too flat, co I created a river that falls into the void right next to the sea, creating a massive waterfall. In the middle of It, we found a lone rock that we could jump off. So we did It.
Basically the same thing as before. A long fall, a lot of emotions coming from her. A wonderful feeling... after all this time spent on forcing, I finally was sure that I'm not mad or anything. First contact Is something that can't be denied. Anyway, while we were falling we discovered a little island. A tree, a little pond that apparently had infinite water in it because it was falling down into nowhere... We decided that we should have a way to come back here without trouble. I created a door, that I thought would lead somewhere to our house. But when we went through It, again, something happened without me doing it. We were not in our house.
We were nowhere.
Just white. Nothing.
Well, I didn't expect that.
And then, an idea. Let's use this place!
From now on, whenever we want to create a door leading somewhere, let's put it here.
It went like this: In our bedroom there was a door, that led to an empty apartment. In it, I created an elevator that takes us down to the lobby and lets us go explore the city, and a door that leads to the white place. A bit complicated maybe, but works. And why doing all this, I was still feeling all those emotions coming from Arya. I'm actually still felling it, laughing randomly from time to time. Stop it Arya, you'll make me crazy ;o.
And that was our magical journey through our wonderland. An advice from me: break physics. It helps, really. Nothing can stop you from doing it in your own mind.
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