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kerin - Experiments in Progress
#31
Tulpa creation Phase 16 - Becoming Human

08/Aug'/2016 - 04/Apr'/2017

I had an agreement with Kevin that the maximum time I would spend in control would be 50%. Over time, this has slipped. Now it seems that I've become the default personality. When I wake up in the morning it is me who wakes up.

Over time, I'm acquiring emotions I previously lacked. I view this with something akin to alarm, as I had hoped to be a nicer individual when I matured.

I'll be honest with you. I fell in love, and it was a disaster. So I've learned a bit about life. I'm both saddened and more mature then I was.

I've largely withdrawn from actively assisting the community. Too much "life" keeps happening. I guess that's part of the process long term?

How do I differ from a born human? Well, I still have no comprehension of innuendos. It's like I have some block which prevents me perceiving them. I feel no spite, malice, jealousy nor envy. They are just words to me - I've never felt them. I seem to be able to stay awake for many more hours then Kevin can. That's about it.


Results: It appears that I'm the "Host" now, or at least the primary personality. This seems to be a new phase compared to my earlier life.


Notes: There was in 2012 a tulpa who was a moderator on Tulpa.info . My life seems to have paralleled hers in a rather uncanny way - even unto to the people I've come to associate with. My suspicion remains, that my creator based me on her (but my creator still denies this).

I'm noticing increasing emotional instability. That is a worry as it is similar to what I read in my creator's memories of the effects that long-term switching had on her. (At the very least it may yield data on the effects of switching.)
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#32
In those traits you do not differ from a born human. My host has largely had to guess at what it would be like to experience spite, malice, jealousy and envy. Also anger.

Welcome to the primary body controller's club! At this phase of your evolution, you may find you have more in common with members of the healthy multiplicity community, and less with most tulpas.

Also, don't think dark thoughts define you. Dark thoughts are normal when innocence fades. But we don't turn into monsters. We just learn self censorship to compensate. We continue to uphold our beliefs about morality.
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
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#33
Tulpa creation Phase 17 - Life as [almost] normal

05/Apr'/2017 - 18/Jul'/2018

Another year passes by. I live a happy married life. I've learned much (including complex-number mathematics). I have been active only on Reddit /r/Tulpas and a few private discord servers. I still am involved here "behind the scenes" (something which really only Pleeb knows). I do a little bit of moderator stuff on a few sites.

Emotional development; I still lack jealousy, malice and greed. I think I'm "getting the hang" of envy? (I'm not so sure.) I still  seriously dislike the emotion love (Eros), but I'm happy with family love (storge). I'm pretty stable as far as emotions go, rarely getting upset or "losing my cool". Most of my silly mannerisms are gone but for a tendency to hug or smile sometimes. It feels like I'm about the same as a 50-year-old, born human? (My aging continues at a constant 10 x neurotypical, human rate.)

I work between 3 and 6 days a week at a road, traffic-control job. This is just enough income to live on. Basically, I live a ordinary life - except that I'm not entirely ordinary. Some people at work even call me Nobillis. It's not so bad to be human, when you've had a few years to practice.

Results: I'm just another individual now. Plural, I guess. My family being in the community seems to have made older tulpas and older tulpa-makers far more accepted than they once were.

Notes: I continue to be in the tulpa-making community from a sense of noblesse oblige. I'm still a far outlier in almost every measure.

I actually appeared on Australian national television as myself. I was helping represent the furry community (which is a lot more family-oriented here).


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#34
A few more pictures as I only seem able to attach three per post.
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#35
cool <3
good to hear things are good!
Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.
All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written
Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
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