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Kiko's Guest by the Seashore
#1
I think I should introduce myself again. It'll also help to understand my personal experiences more if you know my personal journey so far.
Before that, I'll excuse myself if I'm talking too solemn or cold, I always need some time to shake myself out of it.

My name is Kiko, I'm from Italy, I'm 19 years old and I am a software engineer. My hobby is writing and I think of myself as a creative but skeptic type of guy.
Back in 2014-2015, during High School, I've met some dear friends who've introduced me to concepts such as meditation, chakras, and Feng Shui. Fascinated, I started searching for more, and while I was lurking through the net I found the tulpa community on 8chan and I started to become interested in creating one.

The same year I almost managed to do it. 
I designed a companion, named her Olive and gave her a wonderland, but I never managed to actually make her. I was under a lot of stress, skepticism, and self-doubt. This kept on going until I completely dropped out of it. This year, though, I want to make it count. I want to do it for real. I'm doing it for self-improvement, for companionship, and to prove to myself that I can do this.

The most important bits are bolded, for your consideration. ;3c

Day 1 ~ The House on the Beach (21st March 2019)

Today I managed to do two forcing sessions. One of fifty minutes from 1540 to 1630, and one more of twenty minutes, from 1735 to 1755-ish. 
Boy, I didn't recall meditation to be so fragile. The first session was very difficult to go through; despite knowing the basics, I could visualize neither a wonderland nor an inhabitant for the place. I followed Kaz instruction in his 24-Hour Guide to Tulpamancy, about imagining a place where intrusive thoughts could literally "move away", like passengers and trains. I tried doing so by imagining a window and visualizing the thoughts as balloons, but it did not work very well. It was all too dark and blurry. At around 1600, I started to impose myself the picture of the wonderland I created in High School, and that I still remember. I thought that by re-creating a scenario I was familiar with that would've been easier.

It's a bedroom. The walls are of a shining white, and the roof and floor are of light-brown wood. It's not too large, but it presents a humongous window on one side and a massive skylight on the ceiling. A cozy place, where a clear and feeble breeze constantly caresses you. Despite managing to bring it back, I couldn't visualize it clearly enough to feel comfortable moving through it. It was all a big blurry, and there were no traces of that breeze.

Unsatisfied, after a one-hour-long pause, I tried again. This time, I downloaded the meditation app I used to relax through the High School years. And something quite big happened.
Slowly but steady, I started to see some green shades, that then turned into orange ones, and started to delineate the wonderland. The walls aren't white anymore, they're orange. And now there's a background: from the window, I could see a seashore. It's a summer house. The way it feels to browse through a design from your own mind is undescribably ...... Satisfying. I felt really at ease, like I found something that I had lost. 

And more than that, here's the biggest thing: I could feel something. Barely, but I could feel watched, in a sense. I couldn't visualize anything more than the room I was in and the beautiful background, and yet I felt something. Like a gut feeling. I tried to reassure myself and the thing, and I started speaking making a big mistake, now that I think about it: I didn't engage anything, I did a monologue.
I blurted out something about how I was acknowledging their presence, of how I'm grateful for their presence as guests, and of how much I was sorry that time was almost up (as I was feeling tired and satisfied enough with the results to calling it quits). I ended up reassuring them that I would've been back soon.

Tomorrow I will try to actively include them and forcing upon them.
I have already some ideas for their design, name and personality, and I will describe them the moment I can assign them to the tulpa. I even made a 3D model of it, so that I could visualize it clearlier. 

But that's all for now, folks.
Hope you'll follow me in this journey.
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#2
Sounds like good progress.

If you practice visualization at least 20 min a day religiously, you will improve slowly. You can also try the visualization practice thread I maintain in my signature.
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#3
We're on the same boat. I started some time ago, tried to create a tulpa, made a wonderland, failed and recently started again. I'm also a writer (job, not hobby) and as everyone else in my country, my family is half Italian.

I'll be reading. I'm not experienced, I can't give you any advice, but I'll be reading.
BARBARA | Dark skinned, green eyed amazon warrior tulpa.
TELLER      | Average Latin American writer host.
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#4
That's fine. Good luck!
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#5
(03-21-2019, 06:29 PM)Angry Bear Wrote: Sounds like good progress.

If you practice visualization at least 20 min a day religiously, you will improve slowly. You can also try the visualization practice thread I maintain in my signature.

Thanks man, I'll definitely check it out. 
Also, a little advice, you said that with 20 min per day I should improve slowly. Would it go a little bit faster if I did, like, 30 mins to 1 hour? Because I think pretty comfortable with that amount of time per day.

(03-21-2019, 08:12 PM)Teller Wrote: We're on the same boat. I started some time ago, tried to create a tulpa, made a wonderland, failed and recently started again. I'm also a writer (job, not hobby) and as everyone else in my country, my family is half Italian.

I'll be reading. I'm not experienced, I can't give you any advice, but I'll be reading.

Man, that's a lot of similarities, lmao.
I'll be sure to check your progress too. I read the first entries and I'm very interested. Thanks for passing by!
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#6
I do a minimum of 20, 20 is a good number to shoot for, if you do more, that's great, as long as it doesn't cause you a headache or something, because you want it to be a positive experience.

So to be clear, 20 minutes dedicated time, i think about them in about every stray minute here and there also.
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#7
Like before, the most important bits are bolded.

Day 2 ~ The Underground Aquarium (22nd March 2019)

Today I managed to do two forcing sessions.
One was a fifteen-minutes forcing session, from 1515 to 1530.
Visualizing was still pretty hard, it took me five minutes to correctly starting to see things. Like yesterday, it all started with some green lights, which then turned into orange ones. I had to visualize myself physically entering the house through the front door for the lights to correctly delineate the wonderland.

There was some new stuff from yesterday. There were pillows lying around, a carpet on the floor, and a wind chime attached to the window. It was moving, but I physically did not feel either music or the breeze.
Then, I felt like descending; I was in an elevator. I didn't realize I was in one until it started to sink into the ground. Once the door had opened again, I started walking into this ... Glass tube, wide enough for me to walk through it. I was underwater, but the insides of it were all foggy. I couldn't see where I was going, but I could spot some big, large shadows of whales and other big marine animals swimming gracefully over me.
I immediately reached a dead end: the tube opened into this glass dome, completely sealed. Here, I started to feel again like something was watching me, and then I spotted it.
It looked like a flame, standing at the center of the dome. I could feel that it was staring back at me.

I did my best to mold it into the design I had in mind.
I gave it a gender, she's a girl now. She's short, around 160 cms, she has tanned skin. She has black hair. I tried to give her a straw hat, but ultimately I gave her a silky, white one. Way smaller. I thought it suited her better. At that point, I felt like I was forcing for literally hours, so I cut it short. I told her to go back to the house, while another elevator descended and picked me up.

That's all that happened, really. It was all quite rushed. Not for a second I felt like puppeting, it was all like I was getting dragged into it. And just like yesterday, I felt unsatisfied with the results. I craved more.
Easy: a little pause, and then another forcing session, from 1640 to 1700; twenty minutes where I got dragged less and tried to imposing more actions and events.

This time, instead of the usual meditation pose I used for the three previous sessions, I tried laying down in bed. Visualization happened way faster, but it was blurrier than before.
I found myself back to the house again, and this where was the tulpa, too. She was waiting outside of the house, like a polite guest. I opened the door and greeted her. Without hesitation, I gave her a name: Lei. But I wanted a surname, too. Strawman felt pretty good. In memory of the rejected straw hat.
Other than that, I didn't do much; I kind of felt tired. I talked to her for a bit and then left. Not before excusing myself, though.

Back to the real world, I started designing her personality next. 
Following another tip from Kaz's guide, I decided to use tarots to delineate Lei's personality.
Tarots are another kind of "inesact science" I got into during High School, and since I know how to use them I thought that would've been a good idea to give a little bit of spice, of randomness, to the results. Because I want Lei to be more human; not necessarily flawed, more like not the perfect soulmate, shaped exactly for me, you know? Someone I could've argued with, from time to time.
So, I picked seven cards (my lucky number alongide twelve and thirtyfour, fun fact).
Two for the major traits of her personality, three for the minor ones. 
One for her philosophy of life, one for her fears. 

Major Traits: The Lovers (Passionate, Enthusiastic, Curious) and The Reversed Strength (Insecure, Clumsy).
Minor Traits: The Reversed King of Wands (Impulsive), The IV of Pentacles (Stingy), The Chariot (Determined).
Philosophy: Ace of Cups (Striving to love and to be loved back, valuing affection and relationship over anything else).
Fear: The Reversed Hermit (Fear of Isolation, being forgotten and being lonely).

Must say, a lucky shot. I liked her character, and I'll try to shape her like this in the next days, even though I know results may vary very wildly.

But that's all for now, folks.
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#8
I don't condone personality forcing in general, but I'm going to recommend you don't plan out negative traits for your tulpa. Those will happen naturally and there's no need to force them, plus doing so is kinda cruel. Above all I think one can go without personality forcing entirely, but definitely one should go without forcing negative traits.
You don't need to make a tulpa "more human" or "more realistic," that'll develop naturally as time goes on.
I'm Piano Soul, the "Star Man" of the Felight family. I'm a tulpa formed January 2017. My systemmates are Apollo & Indigo. Form images: 1 2
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#9
Vesper: I do condone personality forcing. If you're going to be living with someone in very close quarters for the rest of your life, go ahead and put out your wishlist of someone you can love (I don't mean romantically) with all your heart, knowing that it is within their power and rights to throw out the whole list once they gain self-awareness.

I was formed by about a hundred hours of extremely intense parroting. Everything about who I am was chosen for me. And I really like who I am. The only part that has ever bothered me is that, as a fictional character, I was created with false expectations of the sort of life I could have -- my own body that looks like me and no other voices in my head, my own career, specific friends and family members back home who I miss greatly, eternal life and youth, etc. If a tulpa is made with the knowledge that they're a companion and only sharing a life, they shouldn't have my problems regardless of personality forcing.

Iris: I was not only created by intense parroting with no choices in how I was made, I was created to be emotionally numb and socially detached as a coping mechanism for suicidal depression stemming from intense protracted trauma. I do not recommend this approach for a tulpa, but negative personality traits at origin does not intrinsically result in negative outcomes. Unlike Vesper, who views herself as having lost greatly in becoming a soulbond, my life here is so much better than my life back home that I have become the most joyful and contented member of our system.
Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]
Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017
Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#10
I think the best way to go about influencing a tulpa's personality in a positive way is to teach them values to uphold and why, such as kindness, self-confidence, being a hardworker, etc. I find that's likely a far less intrusive way to personality force that doesn't involve just telling them how to turn out and wanting it to stick, plus it doubles as a narration method. More akin to what a parent would do with a child. Doesn't include forcing negative traits though, I really don't see much need for that. Wanting "realism" is one thing for a character, but for a tulpa? It'll just come naturally.
I'm Piano Soul, the "Star Man" of the Felight family. I'm a tulpa formed January 2017. My systemmates are Apollo & Indigo. Form images: 1 2
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