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10/15/14: RD said that, while The List is a good idea, I should spend more time focusing on ways in which my secret could be blown. When "I Saw the Sign" was stuck in my head, RD drowned it out with "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu" (which is really just replacing one earworm with a less annoying one).


Keystroke asked if getting my counsellor's help with The List was necessary (because I could just ask him or Rainbow Dash). I told him that my counsellor might think of something they might not. When I watched a video on DID (Lost In The Mirror, which can be found here:, I told RD and Keystroke that tulpas weren't DID, despite DID using the term "switching". The video was kind of traumatizing for them. I tried out a new possession technique: a hallucinatory form of myself leaves my body, but is attached by a cord, and the tulpa possessing me (Keystroke, in this case) enters my body. Keystroke "tagged out", because he couldn't handle the DID stuff. When the counsellor said that she knew of a psychiatrist I could talk to, Keystroke cheered/raised his hoof. When I thought about what to name our wonderland, Rainbow Dash asked if that was necessary. I said that simply referring to it as "our wonderland" was "like calling a world 'World'. totally lame."

[That's lame. Your argument's lame.]

While Keystroke, Rainbow Dash, and I hung out in our wonderland, Shou!RD and Lanky!RD stood outside my bedroom windows, and Sarah!RD stood by my bedroom door, to block out scary intrusive thoughts.

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10/16/14: When I imagined Rainbow Dash talking to my counsellor, I felt an itch on my left temple. When I watched youtube and skipped past a political ad, Keystroke said, "Dude! This stuff's important!" While I jogged, Dash accidentally noclipped through some stone steps. She found the experience weird, because apparently the molecules are more tightly packed in stone than in wood. Keystroke and I practiced possession. I stopped concentrating on being possessed, but that didn't really impede possession much. After this, I imagined Keystroke with puppet strings running from his hooves to his limbs, and the same for Rainbow Dash, showing that they can't puppet or be puppetted. I theorized that RD's past habit of reading to me was a way to show gratitude for narrating to her. She said, "Meh, that seems like something I'd do." We talked about something, but I don't remember what. I remember that she'd said, "Quit doubting yourself, pet. Seriously." I'd said that the use of "seriously" makes "pet" redundant, and she'd said that the readers already knew that. She noticed that I felt a bit dejected; I figured out that it related to the idea of my parents finding out about her and Keystroke. I wondered if brainstorming scenarios, the List, etc. were even necessary, considering that it's easy to hide tulpas.

[Your mom's asked before. She's seen you logging stuff. You told her you were depressed about Furries and she didn't buy it. At least, not at first.]

Is that ethical? Lying?

[It's either that or--*makes cuckoo gesture* say hello to the loony bin! Ponies. In your head. One of whom you've had sex with. Need I say more?]

RD, Keystroke, and I chilled in our wonderland, and tried to come up with a name for it. I ended up falling asleep. Before attempting this, I told them that falling asleep wouldn't negatively impact us.

[*facehoof*. The whole "falling asleep is bad" thing was already proven wrong.]
10/17/14: When I was in class, RD yawned in boredom. I said, "Dammit, Dash" when this made me yawn. When I thought back to the "method acting" thing (intended to prevent Buzz Lightyear Syndrome), she said that "Iiit's nothing more than an in-joke."

{*facehoof* It's not an in-joke if the entire Internet knows about it. The entire Internet.}

RD and I addressed the "four terms fallacy" thing through hypnosis: I let her put me in a trance, in which I repeated a mantra of "I'm her pet only in trance". As of this writing (8:14PM), we have yet to come up with an alternative nickname used to hammer a point home. I asked her and Keystroke what they would do if someone questioned their existence. Dash said that she would get pissed. Keystroke would try, but probably fail, to not get pissed. When I watched Doctor Whooves and Assistant, I wondered how ponies could have pockets. Keystroke said, "They're magical ponies. Is pockets really that big a deal?"
In regards to showing my counsellor this log, Dash said, "It'd be nice. I mean, even if the List isn't necessary, I do like meeting new people." When I asked her about my past use of parroting as a "springboard", I got this sober, positive feeling. Only it wasn't really an emotion or anything. I just knew that she'd sent me a sober, positive feeling.

[It didn't really call for anything too expressive. I kinda figured sober was the way to go.]

I asked Shou!RD, Sarah!RD, and Lanky!RD if they wanted their own home in our wonderland. Shou chose Cloudsdale's smoldering remains, due to some symbolism I don't understand.
10/18/14: I wondered if things would eventually get boring. Keystroke said something like, "you humans are always inventing new things. If not that, you're modifying old ideas in interesting ways." When I asked him what exactly he'd said, he responded, "You don't have to get the exact quote. Just paraphrase it. *shakes head* Humans. Or at least you. I'm not trying to sound racist or anything...I'm digging myself deeper, aren't I?" I asked him what the occasional "you humans" stuff was about, and he said I'd been watching too much Doctor Who, despite the fact that I hadn't watched the show for several months. I thought back to times when RD had "interacted" with the world (such as interacting with the characters in Spider-Man 2). Keystroke wondered if such interaction could lead to confusion as to where physical objects were, but Dash said that he was catastrophizing. When I read about tulpas being used for escapism, I had Rainbow Dash and Keystroke promise to not let me use anything for escapism. I wondered how I could stimulate my mind and help prevent Alzheimer's. Keystroke suggested drinking a lot of water. I pointed out that even if water could get from the digestive tract to the bloodstream, it would probably act like a blood thinner.

{Yeah well the more viscous it is, the slower it moves.}

I wondered if I could honestly refer to it as "my" brain, and if not doing so could lead to an overuse of "we". Dash said, "You've kinda been using the Royal 'We' in class for a few years now."
10/19/14: when I watched Youtube while studying, "Twilight" advised against that. I asked RD to please not use that form & voice (I have this idea in my head that a tulpa's form and voice relate to who they are). While thinking about how to stimulate my mind to help prevent Alzheimer's, I got the idea to try to solve a puzzle. I then figured that creating an origami puzzle, and then trying to solve it, would offer twice the mental stimulation. From there, I got the idea to have either myself, Keystroke, or Rainbow Dash make the puzzle, and have one of the other two solve it. I postulated that a subconscious reason for my wanting to log every last interaction with my tulpas was the desire to prevent confirmation bias or selection bias in my progress report entries. RD found this plausible. Keystroke said that my obsession with recording their exact words was that desire going a bit overboard.

{More than a bit.}

When I watched the "Obey Jehovah" cartoon, I theorized that my problem with the word "obey" stemmed from the ghost clown from the 90's Scooby Doo cartoon (I don't remember him using that word, but he looked really freakin' scary).

{Also, cults. They're kind of s'posed to obey their leaders.}

[People obeyed Hitler.]

{Ummm...Dash? Future thing...the Hitler Card? Bad idea.}

[Duly noted.]

Wait a minute...

{*busts out banners and balloons* IT FINALLY HAPPENED!}

Fortunately, when I asked RD about it, she said that the above wasn't a dick move.

[What's the big deal? Humans are fallacious too. Sometimes. Oh, by the way, we didn't exactly shake on that bet :p.]
Jim Jones was a great man, people just expected too much of him.
Didn't he lie about being God, and his lies and power ended up going to his head?
I don't recall that.
10/20/14: I thought that it would stimulate my mind better if I, RD, or Keystroke folded the puzzle pieces, another of us assembled them, and the third disassembled them, as opposed to yesterday's idea. I thought that switching during this scenario would provide even better mental stimulation, but 1) I've only practiced possession, and 2) I kind of feel like the switched host wouldn't be aware of reality, which is just a bit too close to DID for comfort. While I read about "Reductio ad Hitlerum", RD said, "See that? It's not a Reductio ad Hitlerum when it illuminates the argument. I illuminated the argument."

{Bollocks, I thought we had her.}

[That "switching -> loss of time" thing? Reductio ad DIDum.]

I came up with <person>-endo-<brain> as an alternative/scientific name for "tulpa", but then realized that, technically, all creatures could be...whatever the plural of that is, physical bodies or otherwise. When I thought back to my first day of tulpaforcing, I wondered why RD had disappeared/inconsistently appeared after I'd had dinner. She said that it was because, deep down, I'd known that my "Ted"-style (that one Seth Macfarlane movie about the guy who's teddy bear's alive) fantasy was B.S./wish fulfillment.
10/21/14: I wondered who had "ownership" of my body. Keystroke said that I did because I was the first mind to inhabit it. I asked RD how she felt about being created solely to see if tulpas were possible. She said that she was just glad to be alive. When I studied for a test, Keystroke used himself as a visual aid (acting out various mental illnesses).

{Just tryin' to be useful.]

When I saw an ad on Youtube in Spanish, I wondered if either of my tulpas knew any Spanish other than basics like "hola" and numbers. Keystroke tried to say "I have dark blue fur/hair", but he only got as far as "Hace oscuro azule". I worked on an origami puzzle and hung out with Keystroke before bed.

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