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Let's Give It Another Shot


g0askalice

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Well.... After 6 months of inactivity, back into the fray I go. I drifted away for a while - illness and school and relationship trouble had all of my attention - but I'm starting up again. Hopefully I'll be vaguely active here, and I'm going to try to post occasionally to keep track of things for myself.

 

Me and Kerry

I'm Ellis, used to go by something else but that's what I'm sticking with for now. Starting college sometime in the near-ish future, so that'll be an adventure. I'm also chronically ill, I have dysautonomia, chronic fatigue, and a number of other related issues. It leaves me housebound quite a bit, so, I've got nothing but time - though my focus is a bit lacking. Kerry's my tulpa's name, and it feels like she's still around. I tried to put her in stasis while I stepped away, but, it looks like that didn't quite work. She's changed quite a bit since I was away.

 

Current Progress

Well.... And past progress. 6 months ago, I had very clear visualization and I was getting pretty fluent vocality from Kerry, and though my focusing skills weren't the best, I was doing pretty well with self-hypnosis and meditation. I could definitely focus through outside noise, such as music and fans, but all this time with no work and no practice leaves me at a pretty weak spot with everything. I've also lost all progress with proxying and possession, something that we had just started work on when I started to drift away, and something that I'm definitely going to be working on - along with switching - as soon as we start making ground again.

 

My visualization skills have degraded big time, though everything's still decently clear. My focus is at an all-time low, and I can barely meditate for 20 minutes before the intrusive thoughts drag me away completely, or I'm so exhausted by the forcing that I have to stop. I'm also getting responses and being able to hear them, but, the intrusive thoughts keep altering Kerry's voice and changing patterns, which I think might be due to sleep issues or medication conflict. No idea, though I'll definitely keep trying to sort it out. I've practically lost all ability to move around the wonderland in first person, as well. I keep looking as if my body is there, but I'm not in it - I'm controlling it, but it's like I'm watching a movie of what's happening.

 

I've got a lot of work to put in on this, and a lot of time. I've gotten in about a solid hour of meditation in the past day or so, even though it's been pretty spaced out. Hopefully I'll get enough focus back to be able to passively force, which was really convenient last time. Back to meditating for a while, and maybe giving self-hypnosis another shot tonight.

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