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Life, stuff and things. A story of us
Scythe Offline
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#11
 
RE: Life, stuff and things. A story of us

So. Just a small update. Aurora has decided that this name switching business is a lot more complicated than we gave it credit for at first. She has been putting up with it well considering. But I was informed today she just wants to switch back to being called Trixie. Because that's what she has been for years now and it's burned into our mind apparently.

So rather than having me fret over something I'm trying like hell to give to her. She is just switching back. We are going to try and set Aurora as her middle name for awhile, see if that helps familiarize us with using it more often. But neither of us really has high hopes that it will do any real good.

Sweetie still thinks there was no reason for the change to begin with so she is kind of out of the discussion.

Here's hoping the next few things we put our minds to go a bit better.

There are few things more confusing in this life, than trying to figure yourself out.

>The tulpa that I created this account for no longer wants it. So not having an account myself, ill take it.<
07-17-2018, 05:21 PM
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Scythe Offline
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Registered

Posts: 37
Threads: 2
Joined: Jun 2013
#12
 
RE: Life, stuff and things. A story of us

Minecraft: the novice switchers tool....

Apparently.

Yesterday Sweetie wanted to play minecraft because of the new update. After we found a really cool place with a lake and giant mushrooms Sweetie said it was like a fairy land. Sweetie wanted to switch in and play.

We have been practicing quite a bit and it's almost effortless for either of them to come forward now. The problem, as it has always been was me. I didn't know how to NOT think. I have seen the post about complex thought but until yesterday I didn't really understand it. Or rather, what the difference was.

Every time before yesterday that they had come forward I would think about it analyze what I was experiencing in the moment. Partly because that's how I operate, and partly because I would honestly like to be able to tell people how to do it because this seems to be a little complicated. But you can't do that when you switch. Using that much thought immediately either pushes them out or makes it a co-fronting situation. I had to hang back and just observe not think anything every time I started to think something Trixie would shush me and tell me to stop. It's weird how you can see all the posts about how the mind only has so much room or whatever and you think you understand what that means. But really you didn't have any idea what that means.

You can even have your Tulpa explain to you that the reason why we end up finishing each other's thoughts and sometimes think the same thing at the same time because there's only so much room and only so many thoughts lines as they call them. None of that stuff clicked until yesterday while Sweetie was playing Minecraft and I just hung back and observed until eventually I wasn't there anymore.

All it was left was sweetie playing and Trixie observing I don't know exactly where I went but all thought or feeling of "me" stopped. I just wasn't there anymore. I can't really explain it any clearer than that. Sweetie ran into a monster type that we have never heard of before called a Phantom. And she ran straight into the base shut the door and hid behind some stairs for a while asking Trixie what to do. Eventually they woke me back up I guess I don't know what else to call it and I helped them deal with it.

Very very weird. Something I did not think I would be comfortable with. But all the memories are still there. Even Sweetie freaking out and asking Trixie first because she was the one still there. Which it's not that I didn't expect but it's definitely something I suppose I was kind of unprepared for. Even though having a blank moment when your switched out is I guess like a really bad problem would be much worse than having the memories still.

I don't know. But as I so often say, i'm just trying to tell things from my perspective.

So I finally got to feel what it's like to not be there anymore I guess.

The system analogy makes a lot more sense now too. It's the same computer screen it's the same memory bank just using a different operating system.

Also. As has been pointed out to me, perhaps they're not exactly what you would think of as tulpa. Yet again explaining how they came about someone mentioned that we shouldn't be telling people that i didn't even know what a tulpa was, just one day I had a voice talking to me in my head. And if that's the case you should really look into other options before just assuming that it's a tulpa.

And maybe I misunderstood what was said, like I said I tore myself up inside worrying about this through the entirety of the experience last time. This time ive at least made peace with the idea. We are happy, healthy and can function normally, so who really cares.

But. If that is a fact, that they are not in fact tulpa. They behave and act almost exactly like anyone else's tulpa that I've heard of. And then I made the point which was met with absolute utter silence so that if in fact mine are not tulpa then how do we know that this process doesn't just give us either schizophrenia or whatever you want to call it, pick a label. I'm not saying it's giving anyone a disorder because that implies that something's wrong something's interrupting your day to day life. But how can we be really sure A hundred percent that this isn't what that is, even if in a very controlled sense? I'm not trying to say there is anything wrong with doing this. Obviously many people do and it goes well. But there are other people who have legitimate issues with the experience like myself. Which gives me at least pause for thought.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with anyone but myself. And I'm not suddenly going to speak up and Advocate that everyone stop this now and no one should ever do this.

It's food for thought at the very least.

If I'm crazy so be it. At least I'm happy and having fun. Which is more than I'm sure many "normal" people can say.

There are few things more confusing in this life, than trying to figure yourself out.

>The tulpa that I created this account for no longer wants it. So not having an account myself, ill take it.<
Yesterday, 04:56 PM
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