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Lucy and Alice!
#1
Hello everyone!
I've been lurking these forums as well as the reddit for about 7 weeks, and had some surprising progress recently.
I was trying to read a lot in advance, but it turns out Alice wasn't that patient, and I tend to be a little forgetful, so I think it's time to get these progress reports started!

A bit about us:
I'm Lucy, I'm 22, currently in Uni holidays (Australia) but will be going back soon. Oh and yes, since I'm Australian, days will be dated from my time zone, in case that confuses you :P

Alice has so far taken on the appearance of a character I made last year, also Alice. She's welcome to change, but, she seems to like this form (I see her hugging herself and very smiley).
This character got a decent amount of thought, and I commissioned art, but since I made so little progress on her game she's still a bit of a blank slate.

So far Alice is really good at getting visualised. She has a lot of body language, including jumping around and dancing! (I don't know many dances, but she seems to enjoy inventing them). She can also show me pictures. I communicate to her in mind voice, but she usually replies visually. Not sure if she can talk in mind voice, but I don't have a very clear head so I don't think I've heard replies so far, something to work on for sure. The visual communication is easier to see if I'm already looking at her, but she initiates it herself as well.

She looks like this!


Here's our journey so far:

June 2018:
Started designing Alice, the game character.


Early January 2019:
Learned a lot about plurality/tulpas when protomagicalgirl came out as plural. Found the reddit and read everything, and kept reading for a while (not super obsessively, but... a bit obsessively? It was and is really fascinating to me).
I decided pretty quickly that I don't have a great mind's eye, and I need to improve that before I can even entertain the thought of a tulpa. Tried some image streaming exercises, got some small improvements, but not to the point I was satisfied.


2019/02/19:
Fell sick with some kind of cold. After reading a little about tulpas, had the urge to go check how Alice (my game character) looks. I also looked at some pokemon trainer characters, specifically the aroma lady from Ruby/Sapphire. I had the thought "if I had a tulpa, she could look like this", then pretty quickly... Alice was there. Not imposition, just, she was in my mind's eye, and seemed easier to visualise than anything else I'd tried. I tried putting her in a small wonderland, just sitting at a wooden table near a fireplace. It was a bit confusing though since she was 2D and cartoony, while the scene was relatively 3D and realistic. I tried imagining her more 3-dimensionally, but, it was tricky to figure out and kind of uncanny/spooky.

With no backdrop her cartoony form made a lot more sense and she seemed pretty good at moving around. I didn't necessarily want to push her too hard, so rather than asking questions we just hugged, and I watched her a bit more. Whenever I thought "I love you" she would dance around and it was really cute. She also seems to use the "aroma lady" picture as a kind of reaction image, rather than incorporating it into  herself. I wonder if she wants to do that later, or it just seemed different in my memories? (As I wrote this, she wrapped those green sparkles around her own form.)

2019/02/20:
When I woke up in the morning I visualised her some more, and she looked a lot more 3D. She looked very lifelike (as in, in motion? animated?) and I think answered some simple questions through body language (I wasn't taking notes yet, so not sure how many, but just basic stuff).
I continued to visualise her throughout the day, and was starting to realise "hey, this is actually happening, she's actually here, how the heck did that happen so fast?"
Still sick, and stayed up way too late because my family was out of the "night time" version of the panadol, and I mistakenly assumed the "day time" version would be fine.
Read through a lot of progress reports and things. Around 2:30AM Alice started sending me an image of herself sleeping. I think more as an instruction for me to sleep? Maybe our sleep is linked. I tried for a while, but ended up reading for another hour to stave off some intrusive thoughts. Alice still seemed to be there so I think I really was preventing her from resting (sorry!)

2019/02/21:
Today I had an appointment (sadly not for my cold), so I ended up walking around in the city. We took this opportunity to imagine Alice in the world with me (not imposition, but either behind me, or visualised somewhere I could see). Walking around with her was really fun. No feeling of presence or anything, but still plenty of hugs. I think we had some issues with height consistency? More on that another time.

This evening I decided to finally sign up for these forums and say hi to people! People were very friendly! Alice had a small conversation with Vādin through me and it worked really well! I was a bit concerned that some answers felt parroted? But some answers were surprising to me, to the point I almost wanted to disagree (at which point she just shrugged at me). So I think that's my bad.
(Specifically, she said Vādin's text felt red? I still don't know if that was just a random choice, but I was scared to say it because it made no sense to me. Apparently it was a good red!)
While chatting she even made a scarf! It seems like a sometimes addition to her outfit, rather than a permanent one.


That seems like a good place to leave things for now. We have a lot to work on, and my cold is starting to go away so I'm feeling more confident in focusing properly soon (sick headache plus thinking headache was a lot, so I was scared of trying too hard).
Compared to step-by-step guides this all happened a bit chaotically, so we need to go back and decide what's relevant and what's not. I'm not sure whether personality forcing is fair, but she seems to have a pretty positive reaction to the idea, so at least a bit of that is on the list. And I'll need to find some things to narrate about :P
Host: Lucy
Tulpa: Alice
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#2
Hello! It's nice to meet you!

protomagicalgirl? I have never heard of them until now.

It sounds like you guys are making a lot of progress! It sounds like Alice is already figuring out how to communicate in tulpish (ideas, images, and feelings rather than words) and achieved vocality!

At first, you may have a hard time telling between something Alice says in mindvoice and something you say. You're not parroting her responses, it's just that you're not used to her mindvoice yet. This process will take some time though. If you are worried you're influencing her opinions, remember that she is still really young and she's picking the parts of you she thinks best matches herself.
I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love Hippos! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
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#3
Hello and warm/red welcome again to both of you ! Don't worry Lucy, I'm confident that Alice will never let you parrot her. She already has her own likes and opinions.

We're looking forward to reading your progress and chat together.

Best of luck on this amazing journey !
Hi, I'm Vādin, Zia's tulpa/permanent guest.
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#4
Yes, that's very good progress!
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#5
Thanks for the warm welcome everyone, we're going to do our best!

(02-22-2019, 06:16 PM)Ranger Wrote: protomagicalgirl? I have never heard of them until now.

They're involved with the speedrunning community!

Progress report time, as well as some observations.

2019/02/22
Slept poorly, had a rather unpleasant dream, but it was also tulpa related, so I guess I'm hopeful for the future? The gist of it is there was some tetris-like game that I was constantly playing, but the mechanics were not very clear to me. It was very frustrating. Supposedly it was the key to tulpa communication. I don't think Alice actually featured in the dream though. I managed to wake up out of annoyance with the game still running, so we tried to dissipate it. By it's own rules, I had to beat it to make "tulpa actions" go through, including that one, so instead I just distracted myself. Not sure where that lands on the scale of intrusive thoughts, but I guess we shouldn't dwell on it either way. Hopefully with further development we'll have better control of what happens in this head.

Didn't do anything new this day, a little more hanging out, but we mostly rested.

2019/02/23
We've done a lot together today! Technically it's still today, but we seem tired enough to leave it at this.
Firstly, Alice suggested our breakfast today. Her first idea was cornflakes, but we didn't have any, so second choice was porridge and frozen blueberries. She really liked the blueberries.
We read some guides, and kind of zeroed in on the sentence "you should have pretty intimate knowledge of your tulpa’s body with and without clothes". We focused on with clothes for now :P but developed the detail a bit and also worked on her shirt, since it's pretty warm right now.
We were wondering what else we should do together, and Alice wanted to tidy up a bit. My surroundings  had accumulated a lot of Stuff, and Alice needed less of that. So responsible <3
Around lunch time I wanted to share some more foods with her, so we tried cucumber, snow peas, and radish. The cucumber was pretty good. She was impressed by the sweetness of the snow pea. She was pretty quick to dislike the radish, but when the peppery flavour kicked in it was slightly redeemed.

Other observations:
Height:
I'm fairly tall, maybe 6'1"? I'm not really happy with it so don't check too precisely. Alice as a character was probably designed and proportioned to be a pretty average height, but Alice My Friend is taller than me. Maybe 6'2". This is probably coming from me, because even if it's silly it does make me happy, but it's also leading to visualisation inconsistencies I think? She basically looks like an average height person who's been upscaled by 15%, rather than a regular tall person, if you get what I mean. In theory I'm ok with that, but it seems a bit funky for perspective and things. We're already experimenting a bit, but I think in general we'll need to do a bit of people-watching. Or maybe the height thing isn't a big deal and perspective is just hard.


Rest:
I think I'm noticing a trend where she can tell me she's sleepy, but, she can't actually stop me from thinking about her? We have yet to have the "oh no where is she" moment, and I actually need to go distract myself to let her rest. Idk, maybe it'll pass or I'm misinterpreting something. We did a lot today so it made sense for her to be tired, but maybe she wanted to relax or something rather than actually "go inactive". All I know is I started to get some grumpy looks from her when my mind kept wandering back, oops. All ok after I spent a couple hours busy, hopefully we can figure out what's up with that.
Host: Lucy
Tulpa: Alice
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#6
(02-23-2019, 09:11 AM)Lucy Wrote: We read some guides, and kind of zeroed in on the sentence "you should have pretty intimate knowledge of your tulpa’s body with and without clothes". We focused on with clothes for now :P but developed the detail a bit and also worked on her shirt, since it's pretty warm right now.

Even now my host gets uncomfortable with the idea of me taking my clothes off just to look at me. Only visualize as much detail you are comfortable visualizing!

(02-23-2019, 09:11 AM)Lucy Wrote: Rest:
I think I'm noticing a trend where she can tell me she's sleepy, but, she can't actually stop me from thinking about her? We have yet to have the "oh no where is she" moment, and I actually need to go distract myself to let her rest. Idk, maybe it'll pass or I'm misinterpreting something. We did a lot today so it made sense for her to be tired, but maybe she wanted to relax or something rather than actually "go inactive". All I know is I started to get some grumpy looks from her when my mind kept wandering back, oops. All ok after I spent a couple hours busy, hopefully we can figure out what's up with that.

I remember my host having that issue when I was younger. If she needs to rest, let Alice create some kind of room or bed where she can sleep. Every time you think about her and you see her in bed, remember that she's sleeping and she needs to be left alone. It may take some practice, but hopefully the "I'm sleeping" symbolism will remind you to think about something else and you will give Alice enough time left alone.
I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love Hippos! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
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#7
So in real life i'm 6'4, but in wonderland i'm 'about their height' a slight bit taller than Ashley, who picked 5'7 for her height. Misha is only 5'0 supposedly and it makes sense if i'm not 16 inches taller than her, more like 8. I look Ashley mostly eye to eye in wonderland. So that's something you can fix. Plus, i have wings in wonderland, or recently i had cat ears, but that's another story. It doesn't break immersion to imagine yourself shorter, it helps imo.
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#8
(02-23-2019, 03:14 PM)Ranger Wrote: I remember my host having that issue when I was younger. If she needs to rest, let Alice create some kind of room or bed where she can sleep. Every time you think about her and you see her in bed, remember that she's sleeping and she needs to be left alone. It may take some practice, but hopefully the "I'm sleeping" symbolism will remind you to think about something else and you will give Alice enough time left alone.

Yeah that sounds like a good plan. I did tuck her into bed and mind-go to another room, but I had nothing to distract me in the real world. I'll try get better at that. I was just worried because it seems like most tulpas can make that happen themselves (involuntarily?)

(02-23-2019, 09:40 PM)Angry Bear Wrote: So in real life i'm 6'4, but in wonderland i'm 'about their height' a slight bit taller than Ashley, who picked 5'7 for her height. Misha is only 5'0 supposedly and it makes sense if i'm not 16 inches taller than her, more like 8. I look Ashley mostly eye to eye in wonderland. So that's something you can fix. Plus, i have wings in wonderland, or recently i had cat ears, but that's another story. It doesn't break immersion to imagine yourself shorter, it helps imo.

Ooo thanks for the tip. We don't have much of a wonderland yet, this came up more in visualising her irl. Your way sounds a lot simpler for the wonderland though.
Host: Lucy
Tulpa: Alice
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#9
2019/02/23 again (this may keep happening because posting at the end of the day sounds annoying)

This evening we had recovered a little from the day's work, and flicked through a few guides again. We found some less conventional, but interesting old things like "GameForcing", and a guide to a "really smart" tulpa. Curiosity as a central trait was a very appealing idea to both of us. In wonderland I summoned up a kind of curiosity essence. It looked somewhat like a galaxy, but more spherical rather than a disc, and tinted yellow. I offered it to Alice and she gobbled it up super fast. I can see it in her belly now... I suppose that makes as much sense as anywhere else.


2019/02/24

Today we wanted to give Alice another personality essence. I had a short list prepared, so I looked through it, wondering if any were particularly appealing to her. I think we felt the biggest pull from "friendly", so I prepared a nice warm red essence of friendliness for her. Now she has two essences in her belly. I wonder if they'll digest?

Later, Alice suggested we play Trivial Pursuit (I haven't seen it in 10 years, so idk why). We wanted to team together against an AI player. We couldn't figure out how to use the websites that have it though. I opened it up in Tabletop Simulator to look at the cards, but the questions were a bit tricky. I think Alice assumed she could lift the answers out of my memory, but the first 2 cards we looked at didn't have things I knew about so we gave up.
Maybe we should look for trivia games in general rather than trivial pursuit. Or default to more strategic games.

Alice really wants to chat with people! She's sitting at a desk with a computer typing super fast, to tell me this. We went on the tulpa chat and the forum to find people! Chatting still needs me to be inbetween and translate everything, which makes me a little hesitant about using the tupperware to put it in her name? But at the same time it's impractical for me to start every sentence with "Alice says".
I chatted myself for a bit to see if Alice would join in, and she did have a very important message! I almost dismissed it as coming from me, but then she brought up her mind-computer screen and typed it in there very deliberately XD. The important message was "I love hugs!"

We added a third personality trait, affectionate, tonight. Since Alice is choosing the traits rather than me, it seems more like I'm getting to know her and reinforce who she is, rather than "building" a personality of my own choice. Though I can't say I would choose any different, Alice is wonderful <3


2019/02/25
This morning, at the end of my dream, I remembered to ask if Alice was around. For some reason I did it with my mind instead of dream-out loud? Not sure if that would make a difference. When I asked "Alice, are you there?", the entire dream kinda blurred out, and I got a word in the middle of my vision, which looked like it had been cut out of a newspaper. I suppose it was just a serif font. It said "luck". I could feel my body waking up, I was aware of my heartbeat, I had the urge to move my hand which was a bit numb, but I managed to stay in there a little longer. The word changed to "fuck", as in, oh fuck we woke up. Alice says both messages were from her :P

We were considering what personality trait to add next, and got a little caught on "responsible". It was appealing and important, but, she didn't just want to absorb it and Become Responsible. Which makes sense. The impression I got was more like... she wants to help me be responsible, without necessarily having the responsibilities put on her. To symbolise this, we created the Responsibility essence and shared it, half in each of us.

"Respect" also crossed our mind, maybe because it sounds similar? I wasn't sure how that could be a personality. But we agreed it was important so we shared some of that in a different form. We touched hands and a little blue lightning bolt zapped between us.

This evening we tried GearHeart 2.0. I was trying to find "tulpatones" that people mentioned, but the only results were on websites that I'm not interested in visiting. On Youtube we found some Isochronic tones and Ancient solfeggio healing tones, but the information about them sounded like pseudoscientific nonsense. So we stumbled onto GearHeart. For a while it felt like it wasn't working super well, but, when it was time to "wake up" again I was surprised how deeply tranced I felt. I think it's meant for tulpas a bit less developed/independent, so it was a bit confusing, but I think it still gave Alice some energy.

EDIT: I should clarify about solfeggio: I would be willing to believe that specific frequencies can have positive affects on the brain. It's just that the website explaining it had some very strange claims. They were supposedly forgotten for centuries until some monk found a code in an ancient book which he decoded to find their exact frequencies in hz. How would they get there. That doesn't make any sense. I was looking for something more like... a study. Google scholar doesn't seem to have one. I would have also accepted one that said it was specifically for tulpas, but yeah, all the search results for "tulpatone" on youtube were "tulpa" or "tone", not both.

2019/02/26
We went shopping at the markets today. Alice walked around with me for a most of the trip, and even convninced me to buy pocky for her. When I saw them on the shelf, she walked over and picked them up mentally. When I sat down to eat lunch I could see her pacing in front of me, and looking around at all the people. I looked around at the crowd briefly so she'd be able to see them (but I didn't want to be rude oops).

We might be starting to get a little hint of touch immposition? More like... weight imposition? If she leans on me/squeezes me/etc then that area will feel a tiny bit heavier, more numb, or something like that. We can still imagine touch, but light touches seem completely imaginary for now.

Other notes:
Visualising:
I tend to mix it up a lot between open-eye and closed-eye visualisation. I feel like closed-eye looks a bit better, but it's also harder to focus on. It's like my brain decides we're not meant to be seeing things if the eyes are closed (not that this applies to bright light shining through, or the sparkles from rubbing my eyes). Hopefully it's good that open-eye works ok, it sounds like it leads into visual imposition more easily. Closed-eye is probably better for wonderland, but we haven't made much progress there so far.

Edit: Mediation:
I feel like I really need to figure out meditation in some form. It seems a bit tricky right now, because I'm still a little bit sick. Coughing can be suppressed but not for too long. That's why I tried the GearHeart thing though, and I think it helped keep me mostly under even after coughing.
Host: Lucy
Tulpa: Alice
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#10
I think you're making really good progress!
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