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Midge and I: A Progress Report!
Midge Offline
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#11
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

We've been really productive the past few days, made some real headway with personality, now we have 9 traits left. Yesterday, for the first time, I felt what I'd like to think is Midge's presence (that alien feeling that's so often talked about.)

So, since then, I've been directing my thoughts towards that "presence."

I shoulda done this in my first post, but since I didn't, I'll go ahead and write it here: a bit of my background story. I remember (quite vividly) three imaginary friends that I kept around when I was around 5. I doubt any of them became tulpas, or got even close to it, but I know I could impose at least one of them.

When I felt that presence yesterday, I was half inclined to ignore it, but it felt so real it almost scared me.... That's what got me thinking about my childhood imaginary friends, and I can't help but wonder if that could be one of the reasons that I can "sense" her so easily, and so early into this process.

Of course, I can't hear her yet, but we've got forever to get there.... It's comforting, though, being able to feel that she's there.
01-17-2014, 02:35 AM
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Midge Offline
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#12
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

Done with personality. Might go over it a bit more, but I've heard her a few times now, so I'm not sure if it's worth it to continue with personality at this point.

It may be a bit early for this, but yesterday I tried the black box differentiation method, just for the heck of it. Only had Midge hide something, though. She put a cupcake with pink icing in the box, sent me an image of a banana. I guessed right pretty quick, but it was interesting.

Something I've noticed: when it comes to closed-eye visualization, intrusive thoughts become hell to me, unless I really focus (meditation helps, too.) But with my eyes open, it's the opposite, clear as day. I don't like the dark, I can't help but think that's got something to do with it, but then I also think I'm being ridiculous.

Also, if you find yourself wondering why I'm less than a month in and already have a vocal (or not so) tulpa, all I can say is this: Everyone thinks differently. I've been doing a lot of lurking, and I've come to realize that (in my case, at least) belief really is the key. It got rid of my concerns, and it's letting Midge become what I know she has the potential to become. It really is as simple as finding what works best for you.

But, yeah, as far as progress is concerned, that's where we're at.
01-21-2014, 04:33 PM
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Midge Offline
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#13
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

Not very much to report.... Midge is still speaking the occasional single word answer or short phrase. Her eyes have changed from green to amber, and today they've seemed to fluctuate between amber and blue, so maybe she's just experimenting with different things.

Tomorrow, Midge will be one month old! The past month consisted mainly of passive forcing, but we did at least 15 hours of active forcing. I'm done with hour counts though (didn't really take it seriously, anyway) and now I'm just focusing on Midge (and forcing in a way that is fun for us, rather than a chore..... Counting hours made it feel like a chore to me.)
01-26-2014, 05:40 PM
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#14
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

Midge is much more active than she was a week or so ago, doing a lot by herself. Including a lot of deviations.

Ah, what else...? Oh, I've had two more dreams of her. In each dream, we were in a place that I've dreamt of before, and those places had previously freaked me out a bit. With Midge there, the dreamscapes were the same, but not as intimidating to me. I was a lot more interested in chatting with her than I was in paying attention to the scenery. And when we were talking, it was very vivid. Can't remember much besides that when I wake up, though, and I can't remember any of what was said.
01-28-2014, 04:49 PM
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#15
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

Up until yesterday, I was seeing only Midge's face clearly (and even that wasn't perfectly clear,) and her body was more or less just a shape. When I sat down to force for the night, I saw her the clearest I have yet. I could see her facial features almost perfectly. Today, I was imagining her following me around at work, when I got this image in my head of her wearing too-big yellow rain boots, and marching along behind me all confident-like. (I work in an outdoor environment, so - despite the lack of rain - it seemed fitting.)

Normally, if I'm not actively thinking about visualizing, it just happens. But if I'm trying to visualize, it's as if I'm looking through a cloud of smoke. So, I've gotta stop "trying" and start trusting myself.

It's funny how these things seem so glaringly obvious after you figure them out.... I do think Midge had something to do with my realization though... I've never seen her wearing rain boots (or any boots for that matter) before.
02-02-2014, 12:31 AM
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#16
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

I had previously decided to focus mostly on narration and the like, not so much visualization. I did visualize obviously, but it was always while talking to her, or walking with her, never just sitting and focusing on her form.

So, I'm going to kind of start /that/ bit over from square one. I'm not going to change Midge, just act as if I've not visualized her yet. I know that passive forcing seems a lot easier to me than active forcing, which does mean that I'm awful at active forcing. I feel like getting myself better at active forcing - or at least practicing it more - will help us progress.

My plans are to read (which I do a good deal of already) and to simply practice. Maybe some image-streaming, too, depending on how things go. My goal is to be able to visualize Midge's form with ease, and without getting it confused with intrusive thoughts.
02-04-2014, 12:02 AM
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#17
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

My main issue with active forcing is distractions. There's a guide here somewhere that suggests having your tupper put its hands on your head during forcing. I'm going to give that method a shot.

However, I'm going to be taking it easy with the active forcing sessions. The harder I try the worse it seems to get, so my plan is to keep up with the near-constant passive forcing, and do short, daily active forcing sessions. I'll add more time to those sessions when I feel I'm ready, but I'm not going to stress over it.

Midge is still on the quiet side, but when she does speak, it's easier to tell her apart from me, and her personality is more distinct. She's becoming rather sassy, and - while I'm lenient with pretty much everyone and everything - she can be unyieldling and implacable. Not what I had in mind when I first started all this, but we're both happier with the change.
02-08-2014, 02:54 PM
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#18
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

I realized yesterday that there was a bit of a problem. For the past two weeks or so, I've been unintentionally "making up" answers for Midge. Every few days, I'd hear something that was unmistakably from her, but it got to the point where it seemed we were stuck. I was hearing her less and less, and we weren't progressing. I had read NotAnonymous's awesome post in the Misinterpretation of "assuming sentience from the start" Philosophy, but I hadn't continued to work with the mindset needed after hearing Midge for the first time. I got lazy.

I have apologized to her, and - after reading through that whole thread - Midge and I got down to business. We've already gotten some results out of this. I feel like an idiot, and a jerk, but Midge just seemed excited about my "discovery," not annoyed that I had forgotten about it in the first place. So, we're back on track, I guess!
(This post was last modified: 02-16-2014, 09:56 PM by Midge.)
02-16-2014, 09:56 PM
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Midge Offline
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#19
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

We did the black box defferentiation method again the other day, but this time we played 20 questions as suggested in the guide. I almost used up all my 20 questions, I was even starting to wonder if Midge had put anything inside the box at all, but I finally got it right (it was a bobcat, go figure.) When I tried putting something in the box, I realized that we have something new to work on! I absolutely stink at hiding things from her. Not that I want/need to, but I honestly couldn't even hold out for a full 60 seconds.

In other news!... Midge is slowly graduating to longer sentences. She's not too good at it yet, but she's trying. She has also found a way to get my attention (it's kinda like a memory, she'll give me a little "nudge" to remind me/let me know that she's there, and if that doesnt work she resorts to head pressure,) but I can't hear her speak unless I really focus on her.

I feel like we have reached a turning point. Before now, I felt like I was struggling to keep her going. And to keep myself working at helping her. I've been quite busy the past month, so that didn't really help either. But now it feels like we're standing on solid ground. We've conquered the first challenge, there will most likely be more to come, but we have each other. That much we know.
02-22-2014, 02:43 PM
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#20
 
RE: Midge and I: A Progress Report!

I've been crazy busy the past two-three weeks, only been able to log in to check out the new guides. Whatever.... Midge is doing well, and she's pretty vocal now. For the past week or so, she's been talking more frequently, and more eloquently. She's also been changing her form every day. When I asked her why, she said she liked having options; she doesn't want to be "held down" by just one form. "It's boring," she says. Mostly, she's got light colored hair, and her facial features are pretty much always the same, except for tiny little changes occasionally. Her eyes and overall build are the only things that don't change. Her eyes are green.

Oh, and Midge says hello, and, "thanks for reading!"
(This post was last modified: 03-08-2014, 02:57 PM by Midge.)
03-08-2014, 02:56 PM
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