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mordred

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General progress/blog thread. I will be listing out my methods and progress, and any queries I may have that anyone reading can answer if they so wish.

 

Progress: 7 hours - nothing's happened yet.

 

Pre-current:

I fucked around for the first 3 - 4 hours, because I really didn't know what I was doing. I had no idea how one was meant to visualise a personality, so I tried to visualise a body- just to see if I could. It turns out that it's really hard for me to see anything using my imagination. I couldn't even see an outline, but I could somehow picture it, if you get what I mean (akin to remembering someones face but not being able to visually see it in your head).

 

Hopefully this gets better as I progress.

 

Current progress as of 28/06/2012:

I have started on what I consider to be a decent method for doing this, at least, a decent method for myself. I will be going to several different locations outside somewhere in order to give my tulpa a personality. That way the environment of where I take her can influence her personality rather than using traits (a quiet park, a city cafe, an art museum, a live music show- a few examples). I will be using very few umbrella traits beforehand, even though I've read many times recently that using no traits is preferable.

 

I am stuck on something, though. I have no idea how to picture my tulpa before it becomes sentient and we can give her a body. How is it meant to look before hand? Do I even picture anything or am I just over-thinking this? I'll figure it out, though. That's why I wanted to visualise a body beforehand, so at least I'll be able to know what I'm communicating with. I've been considering doing both at the same time- working on the personality of the tulpa by taking her out and stuff (even though I don't even know what I'm taking out. Is it a metaphorical, imagined ball of personality? Do I have to picture a body as I talk to her?), whilst spending each night slowly working on her body. It sounds like I may make some real progress doing that. I may not. Time will tell.

 

I'm about to go tulpaforce now for an hour or two, whatever I can manage. Maybe I'll make more progress doing it than just thinking about doing it. I'll try talking about something, I've read that that helps with building a tulpa.

 

---

 

I have the next two weeks completely free. I will be spending as much time as possible trying to figure out how to into tulpa and stuff. I'll keep this updated as I go along. If anyone would like to give suggestions, by all means, go ahead.

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Diss the wonderland if you're not a faggot. Why? Basically just a waste of brain power that could be fully focused on your tulpa.

 

And listen to my tones during forcing.

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@Fede: I've already been doing so, they helped me concentrate just that little bit extra. I've found ambient music quite helpful, too. Also, I didn't like the wonderland idea. A black void is enough for me, I would rather focus on the tulpa.

 

---

 

This is just a small update:

 

I've found extra information regarding problems I'd been having, and I finally know how to proceed. It feels pretty good.

 

This thread helped me so much with my issues visualising. This thread and the second half of this post were also quite informative. I feel quite a bit more motivated about this, now that I have a definite place to start.

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Don't stop updating or we will hunt you down.

 

With love from /jp/

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Progress: 10 hours - There is something.

 

 

Current progress as of 29/06/2012:

I have spent approximately 3 hours on pure forcing since yesterday, and I have also began narrating. Pleeb, Sock and Pronas have given me guidance regarding how I should move next, and I feel that I have done all I can for the creation-stage personality. At a later date, my work on personality may become invalid, as I wish to allow my tulpa access into my memories so that she may create her own personality and form.

 

On to the exciting stuff.

 

I read a thread by Phi which gives a very useful view on how to treat a tulpa before beginning personality. I personally can vouch for this also working if you are still in personality- although I have no idea if this is just me or if it will work for anyone else. The idea is that you treat your tulpa as sentient before you get to that stage, so I decided to give this a shot in the second forcing session I had today. It worked. For the hours beforehand, I had felt absolutely nothing what so ever, it had been as if I were just talking to myself- both mentally and literally, instead of working with an actual presence or "being".

 

Indeed, I felt as if I had finally accepted that she is indeed real, and is indeed waiting to be formed. As if there's something faint there. Undoubtedly, this got me pretty fucking excited. I spent the next few hours just narrating, before doing another hour and a half of forcing.

 

Even if it's "wow it's fucking nothing.jpg", it's still something to go by: more than I'd ever expected. I had the preconception that none of this was possible. I'm no where near where I hope to be, though. I will continue narrating daily until I reach the next milestone.

 

I am also going to start visualising a basic form for my tulpa, nothing too fancy- she can change that when she hits sentience. It's just so I have something to visualise every now and then when I talk to her. A lot of people who do this tend to make a "ball of energy", but I'll think of something a little bit more inspired.

 

I'll keep this thread updated on anything new in regards to my tulpa, or any good information I find.

 

Oh, also, I decided to name her Seraphina.

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Seraphina, meaning: "Burning ones"

 

Her name was quite the coincidence. I had been using "Sera" as a name for female characters in RPG games for at least 5 years now, so as I was going through girls names I found myself remembering that name and decided to look through "S" to see if Sera was in there. To my surprise, I found Seraphina, and its meaning. The coincidence is that my own name is a homonym for a name that means "fire" or "burning".

 

Burning ones. I hope she likes her name.

 

Here's what I did for personality. It's nothing fancy, but this is the type of person I would get along with. Someone a bit like me, but with a few traits that complement my own. It goes "base trait leads into > this trait which leads into > this trait". Although I realise that once she is sentient, she is likely going to change, but I am okay with this.

 

Seraphina is...

introverted > shy > quiet,

compassionate > empathetic > forgiving,

strong willed > dominant > argumentative,

intelligent > logical > quick thinker,

creative > musical,

laid-back > care-free. (she likes taking it easy)

 

Will update the next time something exciting happens, or if I have any more information.

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Progress: 12 hours

 

 

Current progress as of 30/06/2012:

Nothing super new to report. I've visualised a basic form for Seraphina, just to have something to focus on when I narrate during forcing. I was going to go with the basic "energy ball", because it's a simple shape and I found it somewhat possible to picture. The problem was that whenever I kept trying to picture a single energy ball, I'd suddenly have many of them visualised- possibly due to my relation of energy balls to Touhou.

 

I decided to keep the basic "energy ball" shape and add wings, ie a Kokiri fairy. It's a basic enough shape to picture, and gives it a little extra character rather than a simple ball. She is a red fairy with pink wings.

 

It has made narrating a bit simpler, and it's given me a greater feeling of "someone being there".

 

---

 

I'll keep whoever's watching posted on anything new as it happens.

 

EDIT: I made an image representing how she appears in my mind when I think about her.

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Progress: 18 hours

 

 

Current progress as of 04/07/2012:

This just happened literally a few minutes ago. I've been kind of frustrated lately, because I've finished personality and working on visualising is really hard for me. Some sessions I can see Sera somewhat, other times I only get a flash of an fuzzy outline.

 

So anyway, I was listening to one of the tones Fede has on his thread- the tone "4.0287". I hadn't really listened to it yet, I just knew it had this beeping sound rather than the typical binaural beat sound. As soon as I listened to it, though, I heard the sounds of the beach. A bit of a background on me: I'm very much an auditory learner, which is why visualising is not my thing. A few minutes after I heard those beach sounds, I pretty much had a vague wonderland visualised of a beach with my tulpa there.

 

This had been the most vivid visualisation session (or any visual image whilst awake) that I've ever had- and because of this, I remembered the guys on the IRC who keep mentioning: "Have you hugged your tulpa lately?". I had not been able to do so yet, because I could barely even see her. Let alone hug her.

 

So... I hugged her for the first time, and lo and be-fucking-hold, I got an emotional response. I could tell it wasn't me, because shortly before I'd only really felt somewhat confused (I wasn't sure how to hug a kokiri fairy). I know it was her. I sat there on the beach trying my hardest to keep the visualisation going, talking to her about random nothings and my life.

 

Pretty big fucking progress. I've kept up with narrating as much as possible, and now I have enough drive to continue with visualising more.

 

I'll keep this updated with anything new that happens.

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Progress: lost track, over 20 hours.

 

 

Current progress as of 07/07/2012:

Getting a lot better at visualising. I haven't felt any subsequent emotional responses, but I'm not attributing it to being a placebo or from myself. I just have to trust her.

 

I've been slightly lagging behind with narration, which is a shame. Sometimes, if I forget to talk too long, I feel as if I've lost that "presence" of someone else being there.

 

Not much for an update, but not much has really happened. I'm quite set on how I want to proceed, though. I'm going to work on a wonderland with visualisation, it's been helping me at visualising more-so than just a black void for visualising in. I'm bad at visual imagery, and imagining landscapes and such has helped stimulate growth in that area. After that, I'll work on giving her a human form. I'm not sure how I'll do that, but I'll come up with something.

 

Then I'll move on to touch/smell etc until sentience.

 

---

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