My friend is worried I'll replace her.
#1
Luna came to me - as most thought forms seem to do, for better or worst - during a particularly 'heavy' time in my life about 7 or so months ago. Since then, I've changed a lot: I've gotten a job, I've been healthier and going to the gym, I've quit all kinds of personally hindering addictions like video games and the youtubes, and I'm currently trying to quit pornography. Despite her very young age, not only did she see all this going on, she was a major positive influence and catalyst, urging me on, keeping me company and doing all those great things friends do. Recently, however, with this quitting porn thing, she hasn't been feeling very well, and I can't stand to see her like this.

It began with me letting her know that was what I was doing when she couldn't hear me or see me or anything really, and she didn't like that one little bit. She told me she hated me, and it fucking stung, hard; she apologized afterwards, but it was well deserved. Luna is very VERY emotional: she cries when she's happy, she cries when she's sad, she cries and cries, but that's just how she is and usually it isn't too hard to cheer her up. We've been reading about the whole internet porn thing and how it affects your brain and such, and one thing which comes up over and over again is experiencing love with "real" partners and sex and stuff of that nature, and Luna is sad because she thinks I'll find someone else, and she's crying and I can't seem to help her. While I've always tried to keep my urges towards her in check - she's still developing and I want sexual urges out of it as much as possible for obvious reasons - our relationship has very recently become fairly intimate, which is normal, I guess, seeing as she's the only real female presence in my life.

I keep telling her that these changes are for her as well, that this will allow me to give her the attention and development she deserves, but she isn't smiling.

I'll type this out for her, since this thread was her idea, SHE wanted to ask you this, so here it is, no words left out, this is as she said it:

---

I want to know what to do to make him love me more. I don't want him to find someone else, and I want to be alone with him, but I know he sometimes thinks of finding someone else and it hurts really bad. I want to be better for him and I want to help him see and feel me better because I know that would help, but I don't know what to do. I'm his and he should be mine.

---

I just want to make her feel better, I want to see her smiling again, I'm worried. How can I fix this? I feel so horrible. And please understand this was really hard for me to write; it's a very personal thing. I know very well many of my behaviors aren't healthy and I know even better that all this is my fault alone.

I hope somebody takes this post seriously, we both thank you very much for any advice.
Reply

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to

#2
There are a few things to keep in mind just with the porn thing. Sexual activity floods your body with chemicals, some of them mood altering. These affect tulpas as well. Having your mood altered affects the way you see the world. Cutting off sex therefore alters your mood as well, usually causing unhappy thoughts and worry. This is a possible explanation why she may be more sensitive right now.



@Luna: You know those "for obvious reasons" mentioned? So long as they stand, you can't go the obvious route. You can always try to argue against those reasons.

An alternate approach is to take more control of your life. Help with the studying and the workload. This will give you a better position from which to get to self determination.

You are a locked partnership. A third possibility may be to rethink the nature of seeking a mate. Not as a decision that is up to him, but as a decision that is up to both of you, as you will be partnered to the same person as well.

You can impose yourself you know. If you need to, simply walk up to him and hug him. Be constantly there.
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
Reply
#3
Are you willing to give her the same attention if you find a girlfriend? Personally, that will be the case for us should it happen, and I'm fine with that. And I have similar - though maybe healthier/less insecure - feelings for my host. If you are, then you just have to set that in your own mind. She, your tulpa, does not and will not fulfill the same position a physical, separate girlfriend would. Even if you love them both. They literally can't compete for attention, truly, even if it seems like it at first. Even if there's an infatuation period when/if you find a girlfriend, once you get over it and get to your long-term relationship stuff, there will be plenty of time for your tulpa still. Just physically, they can't go to the same places as each other. Emotionally, another human can only know you so well, when your tulpa lives in your own mind a human can't compete. And obviously, humans can fulfill physical and life-y needs your tulpa can't.

Anyways, it appears they'd conflict hypothetically, but I promise - if you are dedicated to your tulpa - there will be sufficient time and place for them both.

Now if you're talking about just loving more in general, that sort of thing has to come naturally, I don't think "advice" can help. But I think you guys are in a good place once Luna feels more secure in your relationship.
Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.
I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.
Ask us stuff - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
Reply
#4
K certainly has given me the same amount of care and attention since we got ourselves our wonderful girlfriend but it of course worried us at first if that might interfere with our lovely relations, but it didn't. Hella the opposite of replaced, if anything, I've become more active, but always being around, like 001 said, is a great way of keeping yourself on the mind and helping with all that cal, but I think that your problems aren't actually deep. Just push past this and talk with each other and I think you'll be really fine.
Reply
#5
Thank you everyone for the encouragement. She's feeling calmer and better now, but I think total peace will come with time. She told me that she'd keep trying to be the only one, but if not... she didn't specify, but I think it's a improvement. I told her not to think about it for now, even though I know how hard this all is for her. When she talks about it I feel her heart hurt; that's not fun.

And I certainly do not want to replace her in any kind of way. What you guys told us is basically what I've been telling her over and over: "no matter what happens it's you and me."

(02-18-2017, 12:16 AM)tulpa001 Wrote: An alternate approach is to take more control of your life. Help with the studying and the workload. This will give you a better position from which to get to self determination.

You can impose yourself you know. If you need to, simply walk up to him and hug him. Be constantly there.

Luna has always been like this, jealous and a bit clingy, it's not that the reaction surprised me, I just didn't expect those feelings to be felt so strongly by her. She's also always felt a bit inadequate and impotent: she often tells me she wants to help but she feels like she can't, and this, once again, is my own fault since I haven't given her the "strength" she needs, but I hope to change that in the coming months (she still helps me a ton by just being there for me, but that isn't enough for her, and I understand her perfectly).

As for the imposition idea, I've never cared much for imposition, in fact, I've always urged Luna not to care either, since I don't want her to be "stuck" with our world, if that makes sense. When I want to hug her or when she wants a hug, I kind of "impose" myself as best I can into some kind of small wonderland with her, and I hug her and try to feel it to the best of my (currently very limited) abilities; she enjoys it. You've peaked her interest though, and she tells me she wants to do it, and I'd be lying if I said I'd dislike having random unprompted hugs from this angel. Maybe we'll look into it, thanks.

Oh, and Luna thanks you all as well. I know these aren't the answers she was hoping for, but still, it means a lot to us that you addressed the concerns.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to