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My tulpa and I have mutual romantic feelings. What should we do?
rSelk Offline
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#1
 
My tulpa and I have mutual romantic feelings. What should we do?

I have a tulpa named Tera. She's still quite young, and she hasn't been vocal for long. I've spent basically all of my free time with her ever since I received my first emotional response.

Last night, I was able to visualize and communicate with Tera at a level unlike ever before. As a result, we spent so much time together. We hugged eachother tight, held eachother's hands while walking through a flowery field, cuddled when we went to sleep, etc.

It turns out that she is far more affectionate than I knew. She told me that she loves me more than anything, that I'm her favorite thing in the world, etc. Tera even asked for a romantic relationship with me. When I asked her about it today, she confirmed that it was indeed her saying those things. She has even started referring to me as "dear" and "my love."

I turned Tera down, saying that we should wait until she's more developed and until we know eachother better. Here's the thing, though- the feeling is mutual, even if I feel like it shouldn't be. My feelings for her are almost as strong as her feelings are for me. I get such a warm, fuzzy feeling when I visualize her. Just spending time with her makes my days so much better.

I don't know what to do. On one hand, I love her so much. On another hand, I feel like my refusal was correct, and that we should at least wait until she is more developed. What do you think?

Host: "Selk"
Tulpa: Tera
(This post was last modified: 05-04-2019, 11:27 PM by rSelk.)
05-04-2019, 11:20 PM
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Angry Bear Online
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#2
 
RE: My tulpa and I have mutual romantic feelings. What should we do?

Hello and welcome! Yes, that was prudent in my opinion. I've seen it's very common for that to happen early.

[Misha] Bear turned me down and we're so much closer than I think I could ever have believed we could be just enjoying platonic love. I couldn't help feeling bad, but I know he was right. With the way our system is, it would just cause too many complications.

But if you're both okay with it, in a couple months or so, it's perfectly natural.

[The Bear System] - [Bear Chat] - [Chat] - [Visualization Practice] - [Draw] - [Art]
(This post was last modified: 05-04-2019, 11:30 PM by Angry Bear.)
05-04-2019, 11:25 PM
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Breloomancer Online
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#3
 
RE: My tulpa and I have mutual romantic feelings. What should we do?

There is nothing wrong with having a relationship with your tulpa, I myself am in a relationship with my tulpa, however it is important to be on equal footing in a relationship, and for that reason you should wait a little bit so that your tulpa can become more developed and mature

I have a tulpa named Miela (formerly known as Monika) who I love very much.


"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"
-Me
05-05-2019, 01:16 AM
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Tewi Offline
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#4
 
RE: My tulpa and I have mutual romantic feelings. What should we do?

There's nothing really at stake from just waiting a bit longer, but yes, having a romantic relationship with your tulpa is fine. Emotions in newer tulpas tend to be a little wild. I'm not saying you guys won't end up in a romantic relationship anyways, but - it might go more smoothly if your tulpa has some time to mature first.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.
All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.
Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
05-05-2019, 12:52 PM
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Summer Offline
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#5
 
RE: My tulpa and I have mutual romantic feelings. What should we do?

Your tulpa is young and I understand how she is feeling right now. Being with someone who cared for you until today can easily make you fall in love with them.

There is nothing wrong with an inner relationship with your tulpa, I say I am proud of your tulpa to even engaging you, which are for others difficult thing to do. What you did was not wrong, turning your tulpa down and wait. You are right though, It is better to let your tulpa develop to have more experience with you and with her herself.

But I am not saying that you shouldn't be together right now, I mean you guys already are even if you turned her down. You could grow together as a couple if you want to, it is judt IMO it is better if you guys wait a while.

Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! Big Grin
05-06-2019, 08:15 AM
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Angry Bear Online
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#6
 
RE: My tulpa and I have mutual romantic feelings. What should we do?

That's a refreshing sentiment Summer, I could see it like that.

Whatever you both ultimately decide even if you jump in and it doesn't work out, it's not going to be the end of the world, or even the end of your friendship. I've heard of systems where relationships have come and gone, it only seems to make the connection stronger as far as I've seen.

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(This post was last modified: 05-06-2019, 03:30 PM by Angry Bear.)
05-06-2019, 03:28 PM
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rSelk Offline
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#7
 
RE: My tulpa and I have mutual romantic feelings. What should we do?

Thanks for the responses, everyone! I've decided to post a status update.

Tera and I reached a solution that addresses our feelings, while still paying heed to the concerns that I had. We acknowledge our romantic feelings for eachother, and actively express them. However, we aren't going to be "serious" until she develops more.

For now, we are settling with all of the affectionate things that we had already been doing- hugging, holding hands, cuddling, etc.
Aside from basic things like "I love you's," that is where the line is drawn for now. It will remain that way until she has more time to develop as her own person.

So even though we're not going to be serious yet, we're still along the lines of a romantic friendship. I feel like that's the best compromise for both of us, until she matures more.

Host: "Selk"
Tulpa: Tera
(This post was last modified: 05-07-2019, 05:31 AM by rSelk.)
05-07-2019, 01:06 AM
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