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My Tulpa Called Me Weird


Nageki

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Hmmm, where to start. I guess I'll list out the progress I've made with Arro in the time since I actually started creating him? I've been logging my progress elsewhere but I feel like it would also be beneficial to have a thread here too.

 

So far:

  • Created approx. October 4th, 2015
  • Assigned form of a lion
  • Assigned the name "Arro"
  • Assigned male
  • 10/18/2015 - First confirmed instance of communication through tulpish (makes sounds like ringing in ears). Form also deviated on this day; grew horns and wings
  • 10/21/2015 - Started sending me "raw thoughts", aka signals that my mind interprets into short phrases or single words. Also symbolically gave him a "looking pool" in wonderland on the suggestion of another tulpa whose host did something similar. It would let him see/hear what I did whenever he wanted to and I was too busy to force him.
  • 10/21/2015 - Sent one of those signals. My brain interpreted it as "You're weird."

 

I also drew him, though the picture was made before his aforementioned deviation.

tumblr_inline_nwgdaixti31qllo70_540.png

 

Made a small scribble over the original image to represent his deviation:

tumblr_inline_nwgd7wOdoV1qllo70_540.png

 

So far he's still in early development, though I've been getting hints of his budding sentience here and there. I've been working on honing in on those tulpish signals he's been sending to see if I can do anything to bridge the communication gap further. I've been digging around for information on proxying and I think I might try it out to see if it helps? Though I'm a little concerned that it's too early to attempt it given our very limited means of communication and how few and far between I've gotten any signals.

 

We'll play it by ear, I guess.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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October 23, 2015

 

Didn't really do much forcing today. Work was exhausting and a lot of the time I was too busy concentrating on the fact that I was exhausted to remember to force.

 

But I did meet up with my D&D group today and did a bit of forcing during my session just to show Arro what it was like. I haven't gotten a reaction from him (that I know of) but I'm about to begin my active forcing session of the day, so who knows! I think it'd be fun for him to participate in a tabletop rpg with me someday when he's fully vocal. We could collaborate on a character, and it'd be a good forcing exercise too! I'll have to ask him if he'd be interested in something like that.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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October 24, 2015

 

I feel like things are stagnating a little. Arro hasn't been able to make contact with me through raw thought more than a few times after the initial day. I've been trying different things with him to see if it would make communication easier, but so far no dice. Or rather, there are some dice but the faces are so vague and blurry that I can't actually tell what I even rolled.

 

He seems to have discarded the wings and (maybe) the horns too, so he's back to looking like a regular lion for now. Hm.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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October 25, 2015

 

I got angry at something today. I have a history of anger management issues -- when I get angry, I tend to stay angry for awhile. I decided to take this as an opportunity to check out the extent of a tulpa's Mind Abilities and asked Arro to help me calm down.

 

The results kind of scared me tbh? In about the span of 15 seconds I felt my anger dissipate. It felt weird and alien and alarming, but I'm grateful that he could calm me down so fast. I have to wonder how far this can be taken. Like, how far do a tulpa's abilities extend? I know they can help stop headaches and even aid in concentration. Would they be able to dull the effects of a particularly nasty spell of depression? Can they help a host with executive dysfunction function normally? Can they help a triggered host calm down before they descend into a panic attack?

 

Questions, questions.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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October 26, 2015

 

Experimented with binaural beats today. I feel like it did help with visualization, but in the end most of what it did just made me sleepy lol. I may have been trying out the wrong frequencies. Or maybe I'm just too tired from work.

 

I'm also starting to realize that maybe I'm narrating the wrong way? At least I'm narrating the wrong way a lot of the time. Instead of actively talking to Arro with words I tend to just send him raw thoughts much like he's been doing with me. Like, you know how thoughts in their purest form are made up of images and emotion, and you only translate those thoughts to words secondarily? I'd say about 60-70% of my time narrating so far has been through raw thought like that.

 

I'll make a double effort to actually speak to him in words from now on. I can see where sending him raw thought can be useful, but it's probably too early to rely on them for anything.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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October 27, 2015

 

Rethinking the whole "narrating things wrong by using raw thought too much" thing, due to the responses to an answer I posed on the Beginner Questions thread. Anderson's response in particular really made me think. You can read my thoughts on the post below.

 

I'm still not entirely sold on the idea that raw thought can be more beneficial to a developing tulpa (emphasis on developing) than speaking to them using words, but it is something to chew on. For the time being I'll continue trying to narrate more with mindvoice than with raw thought, and see where things go from there.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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October 28, 2015

 

I'm starting to feel something akin to dissociation when I focus in on talking to Arro. It's not full-on dissociation (which I've experienced many times), but the real world does feel less real to me, like everything suddenly got farther away and fuzzy. I don't know what this means for me or for Arro, but I do feel like I'm getting better at feeling his presence when I focus on him.

 

Which reminds me, earlier I was talking to him and asked him what he felt about a particular subject. I felt him send several signals to me in quick succession, but I couldn't actually decipher any of them. I asked him to repeat what he just said and the same thing happened. I've been pretty confused about that.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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October 31, 2015 (well, technically November 1st, but I haven't gone to bed yet so it's still Halloween in my books)

 

Work the past couple days was fucking brutal. I ended up being way too tired both mentally and physically do focus on forcing. I'm trying to warm up my forcing muscles to get my mind back into the habit of passive forcing but it's proving to be harder than I'd like. Arro also appears to be dormant, at least for the moment. I don't know if I can feel him or not.

 

Gonna active force as much as I can tonight to make up for lost time.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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November 1, 2015

 

I started reading a book to Arro as a means of forcing. It's one of many on my bookshelf that I haven't read before: Homeland by R.A. Salvatore, the first book in the The Legend of Drizzt series.

 

We're kind of off to a rocky start here. As I read the first few pages I realized that the heavyhanded writing style of the author was gonna be an obstacle for me to overcome. That, plus the face that I haven't actually read much in years, PLUS the fact that I'll have to keep my attention both on the book and on Arro at the same time, presents quite the problem for me.

 

I have some pretty severe attention issues caused by my ADHD, which is part of the reason why I suddenly stopped reading years ago (before that, I'd hyperfocus on books. Oh how the tables have turned). It took a significant amount of effort from me to read just 20 pages as I had to reread paragraphs again and again and again just to process what they said, and any noise that I caught effectively broke my concentration. I also found myself drifting away from actually reading to Arro several times.

 

I can already tell this is going to be frustrating as hell, but I do feel that this kind of forcing will do us both good in the long run, so I will continue reading to him. Hopefully things will get better with practice.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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Guest Yoda

Cool a fellow Dungeons and Dragons gamer and R.A. Salvatore fan! Nice! Arro looks awesome. I hope he decides to keep the wings in the end as they look badass! Fantastic art btw. If you have a Deviantart account you can find me at Mistgod on Deviantart. Welcome to the forum and great start on your forcing. I am wondering if by "communicating with pure thoughts" you mean the same sort of emotions sharing I did with my thoughtform Melian. Hard to say. I can't get into your head and you can't get into mine. I see no reason why that form of narration would be inferior to speaking in words. Does a tulpa even ever need to speak to you in words if they can do it with thoughts anyway? Just a random introspection.

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