My tulpa is very disturbing and I cant send it away
#1
I recently lost a lot so its out of question that I focus on ‘erasing’ this one. But its driving me crazy. I read one thread from the website and it was about a tulpa trying to kill the maker. My tulpa heard it and since then Its been annoying me repeating everything comes to my mind, disturbing me almost torturing me with unwanted thoughts, moving me around and trying to kill me saying ‘this is what a tulpa does’. I have years of experience with tulpas and none of them did such a thing before and it wont understand me. I got it sorta out of control but its super annoying and Im scared it will leave a damage in my head by repeating all of my thoughts and messing with my brain. How can I stop it until Im powerful enough again to send it away??
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#2
Unless this belong in meta or something, that's a person in your head messing with you and being a bit of a jerk. Tell them to cut it out. You guys gotta share space and creepypasta junk like that is one of the things that can give tulpamancy a bad name. That's not "what a tulpa does", that's what a big jerk does. Point out how many stories of murder and creepy junk are in the mainstream media and yet how many people see those and say "oh, I guess this is what a person does", and starts reenacting them? Gonna live in this head, gotta communicate and not be a giant annoying jerk. There are PLENTY of them already out there to not having one living in your head.
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#3
Some Tulpas have had the unfortunate experience of blending with or having intrusive thoughtforms impersonate them. Both of these situations can be really scary for the host and challenge trust between the effected Tulpa and Host.

The good news is this can be fixed. Intrusive thougthforms lose their power once you realize that's what they are. After that, it's best to stop talking to it. Intrusive thoughtforms will only harass or belittle you if you talk to them, and after ignoring them they will dissipate on their own. Since it sounds like an intrusive thought is pretending to be your Tulpa, it's better to ignore it. I don't recommend trying to talk to your Tulpa until you have calmed down because trying to summon them may summon the intrusive thoughtform instead.

I have had this happen to me a few times where I feel like I would lose control, saying awful things to my host and threatening her or wake up only to find my host in tears. My host was scared when this would happen, but she realized she wasn't in any actual danger because she could control the situation. Her simply not wanting me to possess prevented me or the intrusive thoughtform from possessing the body.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, and I understand that this probably challenged your trust. I want to point out that these events are rare and are more likely to happen if you are emotionally overwhelmed or feeling anxious / depressed. We have anxiety disorder, so we have had first hand experiences with these events more times than most systems do. We have trouble detecting each other's presence when we are really anxious, hence why it's easy to mistake an intrusive thought for another systemmate.


Once you calm down and take a break, you should be able to detect your Tulpa's presence again and talk to them normally. They may be really scared and upset and need some quiet time with you.
I'm Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
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#4
Hello stonetears! I am very sorry that your tulpa is disturbing you. The most important thing you can do is send the message, "This is NOT how tulpas act, express themselves, or get attention." You need to realize that tulpas can think and process in the same way you do- your tulpa is capable of thinking through their actions, though you may need to help them to do this, just like a child acting out something they saw on TV. You can say, "No. That's not how to act." Don't be aggressive- just assertive, calling the misbehavior into light. You should trust one another. 

I actually started out as a compulsively narrating voice (repeating thoughts, repeating what was going on in the environment like a book narrator), but when my host decided, "Nope! You need to talk about other things!" I grew out of that. Some of the other headmates in my system (we aren't exactly tulpas, but I think my advice still applies!) greatly distressed my host with repeated violent or graphic thoughts or visualizations. Again- they mostly needed, first off, to know that it's wrong and that they can act differently, and second, change their behavior in order to have a better relationship. Make it clear: The tulpa will have a lot more fun with you, if you both get along and respect each other, than if they are making you feel unsafe.  

Your tulpa is NOT evil, and not a monster! They (not "it") are capable of understanding what they are doing and capable of changing their behaviors. You just need to help them along. 

I did write a guide on dissipation (making tulpas go away permanently), but, I'm also actually going to recommend this Tulpa Vocalization Practice by my friend Indigo Felight. Spend some time with your tulpa, give them some real one-on-one attention- and have good expectations. They do have it in them to behave properly. 

However, if you really are interested in making your tulpa go away, my guide is out there.

Hope this helps <3 
Gavin edit: word
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#5
It's very clearly to me not your tulpa doing that, it's either intrusive thought or you unconsciously puppetting the tulpa into doing it because you expect him to. Both of those things are likely, and both of those things can be fixed upon realizing it's the case. I'd try meditating a bit, clearing your mind, and asserting to yourself and the tulpa that it's not really the tulpa doing those things. Remember how the tulpa was before you started reading creepy stuff, and tell yourself that that's your tulpa, allow him to go back to being that way, don't expect him to be "evil" or "disturbing" anymore, and most likely it'll be fine. If not, you still expect him to act that way, and you need to get rid of that expectation.
I'm Piano Soul, the "Star Man" of the Felight family. I'm a tulpa formed January 2017. My systemmates are Apollo, Luxio, & Indigo. Form images: 1 2
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#6
There's already a lot of good advice here about dealing with hostile thoughts and thoughtforms, so I don't feel a need to touch that.

But you seem to have been facing an extremely similar problem when you joined the forum over two years ago, by which time you already had "many years" of experience with "this craft":

https://community.tulpa.info/thread-out-...#pid184621

Evidently you survived. The idea of a murderous tulpa was already present in your system long before now, even if it was triggered again recently, and it seems to comprise a large portion of your interest in this community. Is this a different tulpa or the same one?

Repeated thoughts, however annoying, aren't going to leave damage in your head. What's most interesting to me is this:

(06-12-2019, 01:54 PM)stonetears Wrote: I recently lost a lot...
...until Im powerful enough again...

More context would be helpful. In general, a person is as powerful in the mind as they can sincerely believe themselves to be.

-Ember
Ember - Host   |   Vesper - Soulbond (since ~12 May 2017)   |   Iris - Soulbond (since ~5 December 2015)
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'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#7
I agree with Piano, that's pretty clearly intrusive thoughts. Furthermore, no tulpa out of the blue does that. It's just a creepy pasta. You need to calm down, relax and ignore everything they're saying with the least effort possible. Don't feed it, drown it in positive music and reading. Don't give it any attention at all. Practice ignoring it, don't treat it as a sentient entity, it not your tulpa, it's just nonsense of subconsious mind.
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#8
(06-12-2019, 01:54 PM)stonetears Wrote: I recently lost a lot so its out of question that I focus on ‘erasing’ this one. But its driving me crazy. I read one thread from the website and it was about a tulpa trying to kill the maker. My tulpa heard it and since then Its been annoying me repeating everything comes to my mind, disturbing me almost torturing me with unwanted thoughts, moving me around and trying to kill me saying ‘this is what a tulpa does’. I have years of experience with tulpas and none of them did such a thing before and it wont understand me. I got it sorta out of control but its super annoying and Im scared it will leave a damage in my head by repeating all of my thoughts and messing with my brain. How can I stop it until Im powerful enough again to send it away??

Hey, stonetears. I agree with the others, this this isn't your tulpa. This is something else. Intrusive thoughts, perhaps. I base that partly on your own narrative... "I have years of experience with tulpas and none of them did such a thing before and it wont understand me."  This also brings me to one of my questions: how much experience precisely do you have? How many tulpas do you have? Are they still present and can they assist in this matter? Cause even though I don't this is a tulpa-gone-wild event, I can make an argument for a young tulpa competing for attention and just being a nuisance. The problem with this theory is, it is usually so counter productive that most people, especially tulpas, figure out that path is harmful for relationships. Unlike children, who can takes years to figure this out, tulpas learn at higher rate. Even tulpas who dramatically deviate, usually don't deviate to the point of being adversarial to host- at least in this community that seems to be true. Again, just using Alexandra David Neel's example, perhaps the 'first' westernized tulpa, friar tuck- he was a bit adversarial, and there is even speculation that it was her own repressed sexuality that caused the deviation...

This part of my response is purely speculative. If you explore this, i would explore it in terms of 'experimenting' not an absolute, and if you get a response, yay. Postive response, keep doing it, negative response, well, maybe this is the wrong track. If the idea of repression having set off friar tuck, and any of your present experience is related to personal fear, then I would recommend facing it dead on, not running from it, not trying to send it away. This is not counseling, it's straight up advice based on something I understand from Shadow Work, or Jungian... One does not get to the light running from shadows; you must go towards the shadows. There are several examples in Jung's work where he advised others to confront their demons, peacefully... hold their ground, meet their eyes. If you run, it chases, but when you stand your ground, things have to change. Jung himself reports experience, in the red book, where a very frightening apparition confronted him, and held and asked his name, and the thing change, became less frightening, and went away. This is true for nightmares, at least it was for me- when I became determined to face the repetitive nightmare, and not run wild, but face it... the nightmare changed, and I never had a nightmare again.

For you to suddenly have intrusive thoughts, with no hint of prior intrusive thoughts... Can happen, but it tells me this has been an ongoing problem, and something's changed and your level of control has changed. Even though I tend to be meta, with meta explanation, I have no doubt that tulpamancy requires the brain. actually changes the brain. You been doing this for 'years?' Multiple tulpas? You've clearly changed something, unlocked something, and this is good! Change is good! yay. but it wasn't watching or reading a negative tulpa story that resulted in this. We get bad news all the time, the news is seriously depressing, and horror fiction abounds, even if it's just commercial for a new movie, so all of these 'negative' things didn't set you off, but one negative tulpa story did? Were you already harboring concerns? I want to know why, because you have 'years' experience with positive results?


You started this with: 'I recently lost a lot so its out of question that I focus on ‘erasing’ this one.' What did you mean by 'i recently lost a lot...' you had a death in the family? You lost a job? You lost some friends? 'so it's out of the question i focus on 'erasing' this one.' Why? I mean, yes, I am opposed to creating tulpas and erasing them, but why is it out of the question? (the Tibetan monks apparently dissolved their tulpas all the time, as they were practicing non attachment, but they were also making things they were scared of, so in that sense, if this is bothering you, they would probably have you sit with it till it stopped bothering you before they would recommend dissolving it.) So why can't you? Because you can't focus? Do you have ADHD and lost your prescription for meds? Are you using any drugs? Is the loss you're referring to someone important, death or not and you can't focus because you're grieving? This is so vague that it's really challenging to provide good insight. Any of those speculative answer would make it reasonable to see a counselor. Loosing focus after a loss is actually fairly normal; sometimes it takes a moment to get back on track when something unexpected knocks us over. I can only imagine how grief may affect tulpas, who have only one source for venting, you, and if you're grieving, and they're trying to distract you, well... who knows how a new tulpa would respond...

What were some of the things you did in the past that were successful? I would turn to these, to your practice, and help scaffold the problem. If you're all in a panic and running around 'i can't focus,' 'it's driving me crazy...' well, how can you expect your new tulpa to exercise control when you're having your own little melt down. but that's your last question, isn't it. 'How do i make it stop till i am powerful enough to send it away...' Hell, if one story about tulpas gone wrong did this, and it's afraid of you sending it away, but you need quiet to build up the energy to do that- i personally, would pester you mercilessly because I don't want to die. If it's a tulpa, and it's sentient, maybe it's afraid for its life? You don't mention anything about your previous success tulpas? Where are they? Did you dissipate them? Do you have long line of making tulpas and erasing them? This tulpas fears would be justified? Can I reinterpret your statement about experience to mean, you have experience creating tulpas, but you don't have any solid experience of living with one?
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#9
Maybe punish the tulpa, or say "that is not what a tulpa does"
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