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My Tulpa Log


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...in other words, my progress report. I'm not very creative with titles.

Anyway...

So about a month ago I was introduced to tulpae by someone on a forum I go to regularly. So I decided, sounds 20% cooler than anything I can do during the remainder of my summer vacation.

I decided to create a tulpa because...

1) I'd like to have a friend I can trust (unlike my school friends),

2) I need someone to tell me stuff I need to remember,

3) Having a sentient consciousness in my head that can read my thoughts and talk to me just sounds like the thing that my personality reflects.

So I began my journey on August 12, 2013. But I didn't get referred to these forums until this week.

Anyway, I might pause for a while because sometimes I forget about this kind of stuff (foruming, I mean, not tulpae--it's kinda hard to forget something that sticks to your mind forever). I'm going to start with backposting from my huge 5-subject notebook.

 

August 12, 2013

I've decided I'm going to develop a tulpa. I just found out about tulpae and they sound interesting to try and develop, so here I am now. I'll record my experiences here.

The first stage is creating a personality. I took a list of 638 personality traits and narrowed it down to 85 today. When I get the chance I'll narrow the list down further--I don't want my tulpa to be too complicated!

I'm very excited about having a seperate consciousness existing inside of me that can talk to me. I just hope it's not going against Christianity.

I've decided to make my tulpa a female. I always get uncomfortable around anyone I don't know, but especially around members of the opposite gender.

Anyway (I say that a lot, don't I?), the creation process will be much easier once school starts and the laptops are issued. I'm hopin to start with the personality today or tomorrow, and I also express a wish that nothing will take too long.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sadly, I'll have to move personality development to tomorrow. But my first paragraph at the beginning of this log sounded kinda cold. My main reason for creating a tulpa is so that I'll have a trustworthy companion.Unlike my friends at school, she'll always be with me and will really understand me. I wonder if she'll come with me to heaven when I pass away...

...................................

August 13, 2013

Last night I was attempting to force my tulpa's personality (yeah, I know, I said that could wait until today), when suddenly a completely unrelated image popped into my head. It was a blue anthro mare with a purple sundress on. The name "Misty" seemed to be the caption. I wonder if she (my tulpa) came up with the name herself.

Also, when I woke up this morning, my bedsheets were lying perfectly straight on top of me. That has never happened in my thirteen years on this earth. Maybe it was just me, but then again, I'm not exactly a perfectionist.

Anyway, I'll do some concentration excersizes today, because I'm not sure if I can get my mind to focus the right way.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I finally got the traits printed out. I think it'll help if I write down these traits and then force them later.

Here they are:

1. Adventurous

2. Ambitious

3. Amiable

4. Artful

5. Assertive

6. Attractive

7. Balanced

8. Brilliant

9. Caring

10. Clever

11. Confident

12. Creative

13. Curious

14. Empathetic

15. Humble

16. Kind

17. Logical

18. Mature

19. Observant

20. Optimistic

21. Passionate

22. Patient

23. Quirky

24. Relaxed

25. Reliable

26. Religious

27. Sociable

28. Spontaneous

29. Stable

30. Trusting

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I'm trying to visualize, but all I get is a head. The face is already very well defined at this point.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I have a LOT of updates, more than usual.

First off, I started visualizing a head, then suddenly Misty's complete upper torso was just there. A few minutes kater after taking a break I could envision her whole body.

She was wearing a white tank top with a denim jacket over top, and black tight pants. Her fingers and toes were pretty long, and her ears were pointed. Her fur was a dark midnight blue.

I didn't get her mane until about five minutes ago. It's kinda sorta a bun, but with a few extras, like some of her hair was braided around her head and fell down her back. It was brown-maroon in colour and really curly.

Also, this was around the time where she changed her outfit--by herself--to a short black dress. I thought she looked a lot better in it.

Then about two minutes ago she changed to a shorter white dress, which, now that I think about it, was what I had wanted before, just never realized it.

That's it on updates, and for today, too. G'night!

....................................

August 14, 2013

I have to start visualizing some more.

[10 minutes later]

I tried, but I couldn't concentrate hard enough.

About a minute ago, though, the wierdest buzzing in my ears broke my train of thought. As the noise went on it became louder, so it couldn't have been the refrigerator--it was too far away. Then it stopped just as suddenly as it had begun.

I asked my brother about it, and he said it could have been the wind against the glass door. That didn't seem very likely; it was pretty calm outside.

Also, the buzzing would have been loud enough for him to hear over the music he was listening to, unless he had the volume up to 100.

Conclusion: I don't know.

I think I'll do more forcing.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Misty probably tried to communicate with me more than once today, but I have no idea what that's supposed to sound like.

I CAN'T CONCENTRATE WITH THIS DUMB CLOCK TICKING!!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

May as well update.

After I wrote the above post, I went downstairs and started improvising on my dad's digital piano. It was just a random improv, but I felt some sort of head pressure, and an exhilarating feeling like, YES! so I kept going and when I ended the piece I felt really happy for some reason.

The buzzing happened again, but it was much quieter.

So I'm makin' some progress!! :D

I think it helped when I wrote down my forcing.

I'm going to go into a little more detail on Misty for visual input.

So far, we have my tulpa Misty as a cerulean anthro mare. She normally wears a white dress, and her brown/maroon hair is tied up in a braided crown. The rest falls around her shoulders loosely. She has grey/hazel eyes, and her snout fur gets lighter as it protrudes out of her face.

I'm going to add her tail now. It's the same colour as her hair, and it's split into two curly ponytails.

Next--

Her fingers and toes are kind of long, and her nails are painted white.

Misty's ears are up at the top of her head, like any other mare's, and they're pretty small. Her nose is (rather uncharacteristically) also small and slightly damp to the touch. Her lips are purple-coloured, with just a bit of blue in them. Her whole face is kinda smooth-furred, like a doe's.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sometimes I feel like I'm not actually making any progress at all with Misty's development. Now I know she's sentient, but she can't talk to me. I'd tell my parents Misty is real, but they'd never believe me. My mom has already told me it's impossible, and my dad's the kind of person that would sit me down and talk me out of it. Both of my sisters would be all like, "What are you talking about?" My brother is the only one I can trust with an acknowledgement that Misty is actually real, because he has a tulpa, too.

So now I have a sentient consciousness inside my head!

Yay...?

I could probably finish my first phase of personality forcing today.

.......................................

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That's about all I can finish for now. I can post more later.

Tulpa: Misty

DOB: August 12, 2013

Relative Age: 15

Actual age: 11 months

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hope" is the thing with feathers —

That perches in the soul —

And sings the tune without the words —

And never stops — at all —

 

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More backposting!

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August 14, 2013

I've been thinking about what's going to happen when school comes around in 2 weeks. It would be interesting if Misty was vocal by then...

I've been feeling some head pressure now and then. It may not be entirely Misty trying to get through to me, but from what I've been told, I'm supposed to believe (to a reasonable extent) that that's her.

More forcing. Back later.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Done for now with personality, but I might reinforce later. Most tulpa(e) developers got their tulpa sentient in 1-2 weeks and vocal in about 1-4 weeks. I guess I'll see if that happens.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I just got an idea. It's crazy, but here goes:

When Misty and I master switching (which is a long way off), I'll suggest trying to do a few song covers together, and see how weird that feels. :P

It will be very interesting when we get past some of the advanced stuff.

I think I'll do some visualization tonight, but then I'll stop for the day. I'll update if I feel like it, but for now, g'night!

..........................................................

August 15, 2013

Finished with face visualization for now as well.

I asked my brother about visualization, and he said since Misty's body is so complicated, I should probably go one section at a time. So I started with the face.

She has freckles now, and minor dimples (not very well defined yet). Her small, pointy ears are soft and delicate.

Her hair kinda reminds me of satin...

That's all I have so far.

In the later morning I'll ask if she's sentient yet, just to make sure.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

She's sentient all right.

I felt compelled to improv on my dad's digital piano again after hearing the Pentatonix "Carol of the Bells" cover (I know, it's the middle of August, and I'm listening to Christmas carols!). So I did, and I could tell Misty loved it.

I swear I just heard my name in a whisper.

This head pressure is becoming more and more frequent.

I think she's almost vocal.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I don't think Misty's actually a mare anymore. She's become more of a doe, in fact.

Her chest gets lighter in the center (that was an awkward view, but if Misty minded at all she didn't do anything), and the "fur" is soft everywhere on her body. I don't notice the "fur" if I don't feel it, though. Weird.

She smells a lot like leather and fresh flowers mixed together.

Her body temperature is constantly warmer than mine.

She's only about five inches taller than me, but she's pretty light.

I'm going to see what her voice sounds like when she can talk to me, but when I heard the whisper it sounded kind of like a cross between Spitfire from MLP:FiM (yeah, I'm a brony) and Marceline from Adventure Time. In other words, exactly what I wanted it to sound like.

My family is going to the Outer Banks on Sunday. I think I could probably get some forcing done in the mornings and on the 9-hour car rides back and forth, so in total I'll probably get in about 10 hours next week. Yay!

I'm aiming at getting Misty's development completed in about two months, maybe three (although that's some wishful thinking, now that I think back on it). She's already sentient and maybe almost vocal!

..................................................

August 17, 2013

I didn't get anything done yesterday. My head hurts and I can't concentrate.

However, I did get Misty in a new outfit.

Utop her head is a tightly woven, wide straw hat. She's wearing a white tank top and a black leather jacket over her upper torso; ripped and fraying jeans on her legs; and cowgirl boots. Somehow every outfit seems to fit more than the last.

Today's going to be a hectic day. I'm going to the public library at 10 AM, maybe stop be Menchey Music after lunch, and then it's off to my organ lesson in the late afternoon. I just hope my headache is gone by then, it's really starting to annoy me more than it actually hurts...

.................................................

August 24, 2013

Gosh, it's been such a long time!

Anyway.

Misty hasn't made very much progress since last week, although there were some strange things happening over the course of this week.

1. I felt really cold in the ocean water, but suddenly I got an image of an IceBreaker in my mind. I think it was supposed to convey the message of "Think of the water as cool and refreshing, not cold." So I did, and it worked.

2. I was playing the second movement of Beethoven's 8th Piano Sonata, and I got this really tranquil feeling from somewhere that wasn't part of me.

3. I was watching Tarzan with my family, and during all the sad parts I felt like crying. Trust me--I have never cried during a Disney movie. EVER.

So I have made a little bit of progress, but not much.

Someone from one of the forums that I go on regularly (otnayupidstay/roberno2k, he's a tulpamancer like me) suggested that I ask Misty to surprise me, just to make sure I'm not just imagining Misty. And I will, when I can CONCENTRATE!! D:

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Now I'm done with backposting; below is today's entry.

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September 8, 2013

Now that school's started, I have been issued a laptop, from which I am typing this message.

In other news, I was introduced to binaural beats yesterday. I played them in my headphones, and then when I stopped the sound it felt like I was waking up from a dream or something. I think maybe it will help me when I'm forcing.

So today I wasn't really paying attention in Sunday school, and I asked Misty if she was there. I got some head pressure concentrated near the back of my head, which must have either been a response or an ache from trying to focus on two things at once.

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Tulpa: Misty

DOB: August 12, 2013

Relative Age: 15

Actual age: 11 months

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hope" is the thing with feathers —

That perches in the soul —

And sings the tune without the words —

And never stops — at all —

 

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It really seems like you're on the right track. Misty sounds like a real peach. I'm really enjoying reading your progress reports.

 

As for the binaural beats, I always active force with them. I love it and so does Bud. They really help with my focus. My mind tends to wander more than I would like when I actively force and listening to a good "alert" or "focus" beat really helps me personally.

 

Keep up the good work!

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Thanks!

I didn't actually think anyone read these. But I always appreciate feedback. :)

I'm going to try the binaural beats in the near future. I wish I had a small portable device like an iPod or a phone, though--then I'd have them in my pocket wherever I go.

Tulpa: Misty

DOB: August 12, 2013

Relative Age: 15

Actual age: 11 months

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hope" is the thing with feathers —

That perches in the soul —

And sings the tune without the words —

And never stops — at all —

 

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Thanks!

I didn't actually think anyone read these. But I always appreciate feedback. :)

I'm going to try the binaural beats in the near future. I wish I had a small portable device like an iPod or a phone, though--then I'd have them in my pocket wherever I go.

 

I read...probably too many of these, lol. I love reading about every else's experience. Some of them help me look at my own methods differently, some of them are just plain fascinating.

 

I don't have a portable device either, just listen to things here on the computer. I do have a website I can suggest for free, streaming soundscapes.

 

mynoise.net

 

They don't just have binaural beats, they have a few different white/pink/brown noise generators and other sound generators as well. I love bringing up two or three tabs at one time and mixing the different sounds until I have something completely unique. xD

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I read...probably too many of these, lol. I love reading about every else's experience. Some of them help me look at my own methods differently, some of them are just plain fascinating.

 

I don't have a portable device either, just listen to things here on the computer. I do have a website I can suggest for free, streaming soundscapes.

 

mynoise.net

 

They don't just have binaural beats, they have a few different white/pink/brown noise generators and other sound generators as well. I love bringing up two or three tabs at one time and mixing the different sounds until I have something completely unique. xD

Thanks for the link! It's really helpful.

I'm going to update sometime after school, but there's no way I could possibly squeeze in something in the dwindling 15 minutes I have left before I have to start walking to school.

Tulpa: Misty

DOB: August 12, 2013

Relative Age: 15

Actual age: 11 months

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hope" is the thing with feathers —

That perches in the soul —

And sings the tune without the words —

And never stops — at all —

 

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...but there's no way I could possibly squeeze in something in the dwindling 15 minutes I have left before I have to start walking to school.

 

Why not force while you walk? It doesn't have to be an all out active forcing. Just invite them to spend time with you while you walk. Narrate on your way. "This is a tree...this is the side walk, it's like a road for people so cars don't hit us" ect.

 

I'm almost always in a constant state of passive forcing. Bud is always with me save for times I ask him for some privacy.

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Why not force while you walk? It doesn't have to be an all out active forcing. Just invite them to spend time with you while you walk. Narrate on your way. "This is a tree...this is the side walk, it's like a road for people so cars don't hit us" ect.

 

I'm almost always in a constant state of passive forcing. Bud is always with me save for times I ask him for some privacy.

That's actually a pretty good idea!

I'm at school right now, and I walk home, so on my way I'll force.

Time for updates!

September 9, 2013

Nothing of note happened today, except for in science class.

I had nothing to do, so I said hello to Misty and suddenly I got a dizzy rush. No one noticed, but it was still a welcome response. I also felt really happy. Then it stopped, and it felt like I was waking up from a dream.

It happened in music class, too (I get really bored in music class 'cuz I already know everything ;)).

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Anyway, I'll try using the binaural beats this evening while I actively force.

Tulpa: Misty

DOB: August 12, 2013

Relative Age: 15

Actual age: 11 months

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hope" is the thing with feathers —

That perches in the soul —

And sings the tune without the words —

And never stops — at all —

 

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September 9, 2013

I'm attempting to do science homework right now, but I can't focus--I'm getting more dizzy rushes. Apparently Misty doesn't exactly appreciate science.

Tulpa: Misty

DOB: August 12, 2013

Relative Age: 15

Actual age: 11 months

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hope" is the thing with feathers —

That perches in the soul —

And sings the tune without the words —

And never stops — at all —

 

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September 9, 2013

I promise this will be the last update for today.

Got a couple more dizzy rushes, the most recent of which a lot was running through my head and I had major cases of deja vu. Or something.

Tulpa: Misty

DOB: August 12, 2013

Relative Age: 15

Actual age: 11 months

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Hope" is the thing with feathers —

That perches in the soul —

And sings the tune without the words —

And never stops — at all —

 

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