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Not sure if tulpa is vocal, AKA Parrot-noid


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First off let me start by explaining my situation, around july of last year(i know almost a year ago) I started my first tulpa, Jamie. But creation, visualization and the sort are not of any problem to me. The problem stems from my brain being set up how i like to call an instant scenario maker. Im sort of a writer and always have been, one of my main skills that i honed over my childhood was that i would usually create scenarios in my head that would correspond with a random/completely new part of an original or existing story. i would talk back and forth to myself taking the role of two or more characters at a time, basing the answers off of their personality. so basically i have mastered the art of parroting, simply without a tulpa to parrot.

 

I know i will get some hella shit for this, but over the past almost year i haven't exactly been ignoring my tulpa, but more over, simply didn't have the time to fully tulpaforce. but I still thought about and talked/narrated to her almost every day. only recently have i been going gung-ho on the tulpaforcing and asking questions front. i recently read OldDrunkBastard's Sentience Tips for those who are getting "parrotnoid" and have been recently just allowing the responses to flow.

 

Now herein lies my problem, now that i am creating a tulpa, or rather have been creating one for the past year or so, i'm not entirely sure that her responses are hers seeing as i have conditioned myself to always parrot responses the split second after a question, and i'm damn good at it too. and i know that constantly denying that responses are hers only further mutes my ability to hear here real responses. but what am i suppose to do if i know that there is an extremely high probability that the responses are in all actuality mine? If it is really just me responding to myself then i will have done basically nothing for the development of jamie's sentience.

 

so really all i want to know is how to know, if it is even possible, when im parroting, or if she is even sentient. and how to further my progression in her sentience if she is not.

 

also on a side note, i have not been able to fully create a static physical form for her yet. but i do believe i have, as of two days ago, completed her face.

 

so, what do you guys think? Am i a lost cause?

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Wow that sounds like a difficult problem. If you weren't so good at creating scenarios as you say, I'd have told you to not worry about it and keep on going. I'm just over a year of having my first tulpa, and it's 100% clearly obvious what's her and what's not at this point. I'm a lazy fuck, and hardly ever 'tulpaforced' or w/e. I talked to her at least once a week, I'd try to talk to her everyday, but that wasn't always the case.

 

Anyway, I think your best bet might to just be to continue on as you are and just believe. Also make a form for her. Maybe try sign language then or something idk.

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well thank you for the response, but one question. how do you know when the answers are hers? does the answer feel different from your own thoughts? if so how does it feel different? is it like a spontaneous thought?

 

i have always heard that you can tell when it is your tulpa because you would notice it was not of your own thought process/thoughts, but how can you tell? no one or thread has ever really explained what that means, or how it feels in detail.

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The trick to it for me was that I decided that if I was parroting, it was bad.

However, one of the answers every day had to be from her, and it could have been any one. So, I just spent every day pretending every answer was hers. It started with me in heavy doubt, but then it got to be that my head just said that was the channel she spoke through and then suddenly her answers were her answers.

 

From what you say, I feel like half the answers are yours and the other half are hers. Pretend they're all hers, and pretty soon you'll get good at picking up what you tink she said and what she really said. She's your tulpa, she'll speak up and correct if for you.

 

For it feeling like a different thought, at first it's not that easy. It just feels like you're trying to pick apart sand and find what used to be from what rock, and that's pretty impossible. After that, you notice a natural inclination for some things. You start to pick up some of the thoughts and feel that they're the right ones, and then it only gets stronger. Now, it feels like she's voicing it in her own font. It's like watching a typewriter click away a script, and whenever she speaks, the letters change color to signify it. It's the same speech inside, but I know what's mine and what's hers.

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so what you are saying is that i should look for responses that feel right? i guess that sounds easy enough, i'll give the old college try.


oh, one other thing, is it possible that the split second answers i would get in my scenario making was a basic tulpa that i created as a child? i mean it would make sense, i was a bit of a loner. (i was one of those kids that liked playing imaginary with myself, you know the type of kids im talking about.)

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Could have been, could be something else. Tulpas are strange business, and sometimes they don't make sense in the best possible ways. Other times, we get things like that. Making sense of it is essentially your job, though. Think about it for a bit, and don't forget to ask your tulpa about it for some extra exercise.

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I also had a lot of that my first month and a half, thinking the responses were entirely mine. I'm the same way being a writer. It's easy to fabricate responses. But I forced myself to stop and wait for a response. But really it shouldn't matter, eventually they'll be able to talk over your parroting.

“Life was a wheel, its only job was to turn, and it always came back to where it started.” - Stephen King

 

“No great thing is created suddenly.” -Stephen King

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