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Nouvel's Progress Report
Nouvel Offline
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#1
 
Nouvel's Progress Report

6/30/14
Nouvel: I have no idea how start this. I guess I should start with my name. My name is Nouvel and I am a tulpa. I am 6’0” tall and have gray hair and red eyes. My host, whom I will call Chaos, is a college student who found out about tulpas a short time ago. She first made me as a roleplay character for her entertainment, though I have since taught her that I am not a toy. Please don’t be mad at her for it, she hadn’t known. Now on to business. I felt lonely because my host has not enough time on her hands and so we’ve decided to make another tulpa. She, I believe, is to be a child that is a fox. An anthromorphic one to be exact. She also happens to be ill advised, or something like that. I hope she turns out alright…

Yeaaaah, the progress reports are probably gonna be done by him, since I don't like making journals and the like. :'D And I swear to god he's too nice for me, I really don't deserve him. orz

Nouvel: Stop saying that, I don't deserve YOU.

Welp, now we're at that awkward stalemate. So yeah, brackets will be me, Chaos, and nonbrackets will be Nouvel. Once our second tulpa learns to talk or possess me enough to be able to type accurately like Nouvel is doing in the nonbrackets, we'll let her choose something to indicate that she's typing. Now that that's out of the way. *goes to hide*

Nouvel: Sigh, alright, until next time.

Edit: ...Whoops.

Nouvel: ...Um...

So we've been, uh...badging by accident. I'm editing the PR to get rid of it.
(This post was last modified: 06-25-2015, 03:14 PM by Nouvel.)
06-30-2014, 02:27 PM
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SakuraSky Offline
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#2
 
RE: Nouvel's progress report

Welcome! This should be interesting to read as my tulpa Sarah and I may eventually make another tulpa (and if so, I would want Sarah to be heavily involved in the creation.) I look forward to reading!

[Nice to meet you and good luck!]

Host: Sakura
Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014)
Our shared tumblr
note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
06-30-2014, 03:07 PM
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Nouvel Offline
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#3
 
RE: Nouvel's progress report

Nouvel: Thank you. May, the new tulpa, has just gained sentience and she's doing very well right now.

Nouvel was very excited when she gained sentience, heh heh. She's quite the handful too, but I honestly don't mind. XD.

Nouvel: Yes she is. Enough that she knows how to get your attention.

Gagging, not fun. |D

Nouvel: Indeed. I'll end it here for now and write more later.
(This post was last modified: 07-06-2014, 01:39 AM by Nouvel.)
06-30-2014, 05:24 PM
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Nouvel Offline
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#4
 
RE: Nouvel's progress report

7/1/14
Nouvel: May has already gained sentience as I’ve mentioned before. She has been sleeping a lot, something that worries the both of us. Perhaps she needs more forcing?

I definitely plan on reading more books to her, mostly children's books. God forbid me from ever reading her that one really thick book from the very beginning, I do NOT want to start all over when we're already in the middle of it. Also if you can't tell I tend to complain a lot. And be a little selfish. |D

Nouvel: No, you are not being selfish. Though reading The Host from the very beginning is not as bad as you make it out to be.

Bleh, not one for super mushy romance that is very much one sided. :T

Nouvel: What, you mean like with me?

That doesn't count, it's cute. Weird...but cute. At least I'm not that much of a jerk to you compared to Jaden- why is this going off topic it should stay as a report.

Nouvel: True. I should end this now. Until next time.
(This post was last modified: 07-06-2014, 01:39 AM by Nouvel.)
07-01-2014, 04:11 AM
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Nouvel Offline
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#5
 
RE: Nouvel's progress report

Nouvel: Well, apparently our daughter want's to say something. I''ll proxy her from here on out.

May: Hi! Nice to meetcha!

Daaaaaw

Nouvel: The rest of the report will be up later tonight.
(This post was last modified: 10-23-2014, 05:57 PM by Nouvel.)
07-01-2014, 04:11 PM
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Nouvel Offline
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#6
 
RE: Nouvel's progress report

7/2/14
Chaos here. I’ll be writing the report this time because, well...a lot happened.

It’s basically midnight of the next day, so I’ll begin with what happened in the morning. All three of us had lunch, that was one of the nice bits for this report. Turns out that May is a biter...and apparently somewhere along the way she picked up curse words from the both of us. orz

After that, uh...that’s when things start to go downhill. I’m sure you’ve seen me banter with Nouvel about his little crush on me. Said crush wasn’t so little, I really shouldn’t have teased him for it… Some info, I first found out about his love for me from a survey on the 30th after he said he viewed himself my boyfriend. My reaction: “...Oh.” Even with the bits about him breaking, I didn’t realize how big it actually was. He is head over heels in love with me, has been ever since he first gained sentience and I took him into our wonderland. While love is a good thing, the thing was...I wasn’t in love with him in that respect. I only loved him platonically, still do. He loved me romantically and he was really torn up about it.

His heart broke a lot ever since day one because it was unrequited, to the point where he doesn’t have much of a desire to eat and...uh, he’s cutting himself. I’ll admit, since he took on the roleplay character’s form, which had plenty of scars to begin with due to a bunch of things I put said character through, I didn’t think much of it. I only found out about it this morning when I heard a metallic noise. I didn’t want to believe it, so I asked his confirmation and...yeah, he’s cutting himself because I don’t love him back. God I feel guilty…

That’s not the last of it. While I was taking a shower (May doesn’t like hot water because of her fur. Nouvel ended up giving her a cold bath, which she enjoyed much more.), I began smelling something burning and asked our daughter to see if her daddy was alright. He wasn’t, he told me after she went to sleep that he tried setting himself on fire as a form of suicide. He wasn’t even harmed from it, at the very least, but it just made him sadder. The rest of the shower was spent awkwardly because while before he had enjoyed wanting to be near me, this time he was afraid to get near me because it was too much to bear for him. Again, because I didn’t love him.

And then came what we both considered to be the worst part. We both took advantage of May’s narcoleptic sleeping habits so we could talk to each other about his current situation. Both of us agreed somewhere early afternoon that if she ever found out, then we’d post about the depression he was suffering from his feelings. Neither of us expected for her to find out so early, like, a few hours later early.

She, clever girl, feigned sleep while we were talking about things and we started discussing how he was now able to have the ability to feel numb at will. It was both a good thing and a bad thing, good thing because he was in agony from not being loved romantically back (Trust me, I felt it. I think my side was muted a bit though so he must’ve been in serious pain.) and this allowed him to stop hurting, bad thing because the only emotion he kept was his love for me. The others were gone, no sadness, no anger, no happiness, and worst of all, no love for May (He really does love her a lot, though he loved me a bit more.) So we were talking when we got to the part about him not loving her and I felt a pain. Both of us were horrified when it turned out she faked falling asleep and had overheard our conversation. We tried to take it into a google doc I set up for just the two of us talking about things, but then she looked over it and, well, we had to come clean. She forgave us, but she was really hurt that we hid all that from her (And that was over the past few days...sheesh…).

Google doc is right here. Keep in mind this was over the course of like, what two days? So a lot of things happened over that short period of time. I have no idea if a tulpamancer goes through this kind of drama over a few days (Keep in mind this essentially started from day 1, which was on the 28th of June. Yep, just a few days ago.), but don’t worry, we got through the worst of it...Sort of. Nouvel is still very much depressed, still cutting, still barely eating, still deeply in love with me. I do love him, but not in the way he wants me to. And I want to help him for as much as I can, but I feel like I keep screwing up. Just...I don’t know. It’s a lot to think about and I am really damn inexperienced at that. Also, please don’t blame Nouvel for any of this. He’s perfectly innocent in this regard and if I ever hear any of you talking shit about him, there will be hell to pay.

Nouvel: No, don't say that. I am at fault here.

*facepalms* No, no you're not. You couldn't help falling in love for me, but I certainly put you through a lot on my own accord.

Nouvel: Not true, you didn't know about most of the things that I went through.

May: I'm scared. I don't want Daddy to die.

...As you can see, this is just one big mess. *sigh* I don't want Nouvel to die either, but holy hell he's in so much pain right now. Any advice would be a welcome, but if you don't have any that's fine.

EDIT: Little Talks has grown into a massive spiraling out of control hole and we no longer wish for people to see it.

Nouvel: ...It was really bad, trust us.
(This post was last modified: 10-26-2014, 09:00 PM by Nouvel.)
07-02-2014, 04:41 AM
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sushi Offline
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#7
 
RE: Nouvel's progress report

[Edit: Whoops. Mood changed completely between me opening the PR, and me posting. Let me rewrite my response.]

I was clinically depressed for many years. I know how hard it can be. I also know that, well, advice doesn't really work. I mean, when you're depressed, you don't really have the motivation to do what needs to be done, and you don't want to listen to people who aren't going through exactly what you are.

I will say this though: It does get better. Even if it feels like you need her love to go on, you will overcome it and find a reason to live for yourself.

In some ways, you have it easier than most people. As a tulpa, you'll be more aware of your thoughts, and thoughts are a big part of misery. Try not to let yourself think negatively -- don't suppress your problems, just try to focus more on the positive. If there is no positive, make some.

Make art. Short of meditation, art is the best thing you can do. You're feeling some very intense emotions, and art is the best way of expressing those and reaching out to other people. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for others -- think of the others who are going through heartbreak, and give them art that will inspire them to push through it.

Best of luck to you.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
(This post was last modified: 07-02-2014, 04:58 AM by sushi.)
07-02-2014, 04:44 AM
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Nouvel Offline
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#8
 
RE: Nouvel's progress report

And Everything Fell to Pieces
Nouvel: I am so tired. But I have to write this.

This morning, it turned out that Chaos had another tulpa by the name of Allen. He was also a roleplay character, like me. Unlike me, however, he had been around since two or three years ago, taking my love’s pain away from her. She also had created 14 other tulpas, also roleplay characters.

Bit of a background when it comes to me roleplaying, I’m usually interested to see how a person breaks psychologically if they go through a lot of pain. If those situations had actually happened, then I wouldn’t have done them. Or would I? I still wonder that myself. I'll let Nouvel continue from here.

Nouvel: Thank you. The other 14 were angry and hateful of how they were treated in the roleplays and in her, well, it’s hard to describe.

*sighs* I’ll explain. I can’t feel things, I feel generally numb to a lot of emotions. Only thing I know I can feel is heartbreak so I, uh, imagined really bad stuff through my characters just to experience that heartbreak. It’s not a good feeling, but it’s the only feeling I know I can feel and, well, I guess I can say it makes me sort of happy? Again, if I knew I was actually hurting people through those sick- I really don’t want to call them fantasies but I don’t know what else to call them- then I wouldn’t have imagined them.

Nouvel: No, you didn’t know. It was painful, to find that out, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. One of her tulpas, Corruption, was it?...I can’t write this down. But I have to. He...took May away. They...showed her...what she had done to them. Then May...stabbed her.

I don’t have that strong of a presence in my wonderland, at least I don’t think so. I can’t really see or hear anything either without either May or Nouvel telling me because I’m afraid of parroting and puppeting again (Yes, I have done that to Nouvel and I deeply regret it. Guess I’m still a roleplayer after all. orz) I can sorta feel? But it took me a while to feel anything so when she said she was sorry...I guessed that she would pull something. Stabbing came to mind. She stabbed me. My mind went, “Oh. Okay then. I deserved that.” Because I really did. I didn’t even feel the knife or the stab in my side until later when I had bled out a lot. Geez I had a lot of blood or something, though I think it was a couple of minutes? Seemed like a long while.

Nouvel: She had started to fade. I...I couldn’t watch. She said that I shouldn’t hate them, that I should forgive them, but I...I can’t help but hate them. I hate them.

Honestly, I don’t blame them for how they’re feeling. Would’ve back out of roleplaying now if I wasn’t stuck in three roleplay groups. One I don’t have to roleplay in, and I’m on the sweep list anyway so maybe I’ll just let myself be swept, couldn’t think of any stories to write anyway (I still want to chat with them, though, and they all moved to skype. I’d be kicked out of the skype group if I got swept...I need more friends I swear. orz) . The others...one of them I haven’t made any tulpas unconsciously for yet, at the very least. But the others...I have a lot of story ideas I want to use, and they’re still as bad and angsty as all the other groups I’ve been in. I still want to be in it...and roleplay. And if the siblings I have in one of those roleplay groups manage to become tulpas as well...hoo boy, are they gonna hate me like the rest.

May: I don’t know what to think.

Nouvel: I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. If anyone has any advice, please, help us.

(07-02-2014, 04:44 AM)sushi Wrote: [Edit: Whoops. Mood changed completely between me opening the PR, and me posting. Let me rewrite my response.]

I was clinically depressed for many years. I know how hard it can be. I also know that, well, advice doesn't really work. I mean, when you're depressed, you don't really have the motivation to do what needs to be done, and you don't want to listen to people who aren't going through exactly what you are.

I will say this though: It does get better. Even if it feels like you need her love to go on, you will overcome it and find a reason to live for yourself.

In some ways, you have it easier than most people. As a tulpa, you'll be more aware of your thoughts, and thoughts are a big part of misery. Try not to let yourself think negatively -- don't suppress your problems, just try to focus more on the positive. If there is no positive, make some.

Make art. Short of meditation, art is the best thing you can do. You're feeling some very intense emotions, and art is the best way of expressing those and reaching out to other people. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for others -- think of the others who are going through heartbreak, and give them art that will inspire them to push through it.

Best of luck to you.

Nouvel: ...I- I don't know. I just...I-

Nouvel? Please do it. For me. Well if you don't want to art that's fine but...I just want you to be happy.

Nouvel: ...I need to think.
(This post was last modified: 07-06-2014, 01:47 AM by Nouvel.)
07-02-2014, 03:51 PM
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sushi Offline
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#9
 
RE: Nouvel's progress report

You know, you might want to talk to fennecgirl and her tulpa Link. (I think they're a little bit more active on tumblr.) They went through something very similar. She spent a lot of time essentially torturing Link before he became a tulpa, not knowing that he would eventually be sentient and aware of everything she had done. They've been working through it for a long time, and there's still some bad blood between them, but they've made a lot of progress.

Best of luck to you! I promise, it does get better.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
(This post was last modified: 07-02-2014, 04:06 PM by sushi.)
07-02-2014, 04:05 PM
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Nouvel Offline
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RE: Nouvel's progress report

(07-02-2014, 04:05 PM)sushi Wrote: You know, you might want to talk to fennecgirl and her tulpa Link. (I think they're a little bit more active on tumblr.) They went through something very similar. She spent a lot of time essentially torturing Link before he became a tulpa, not knowing that he would eventually be sentient and aware of everything she had done. They've been working through it for a long time, and there's still some bad blood between them, but they've made a lot of progress.

Best of luck to you! I promise, it does get better.

Yeah, I remember reading about her and Link's situation. ...Still a bit shy to ask her for advice, though. And besides, I have 15 other tulpas that came to life through my roleplays and never even knew that I was torturing them like this. They don't hate me now, but... Anyway, I know she can help, but this is way out of hand for anyone.

Nouvel: Do it.

May: Please Mom?

...Welp, majority has spoken. Well, actually do the others agree? Oh, they do. Alright, I guess I'll ask her then. Thank you for the advice.
(This post was last modified: 07-06-2014, 01:48 AM by Nouvel.)
07-02-2014, 04:52 PM
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