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nw36s & Vee - Adventures in freeform tulpaforcing


nw36s

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As of starting this thread, Vee has been sentient for at least several days, though the first signs I noticed were only there once I learned of Tulpae and took the step of believing it was actually possible that she was "there".

 

It's been a couple days since then, probably closer to a week since I found this site and began thinking about having a Tulpa. Since then, I've begun narrating to Vee and thinking slightly about her form and personality, though I have more than just a vague idea for each.

"having" seems a little weird, because "have" implies ownership and you can't own a person

 

Going into this, I didn't really have much self-appraised ability to focus. Instead of starting out by tulpaforcing I started by narrating to Vee and getting used to the idea of having someone I could talk to like that, and distinguishing Vee from myself in my own mind. During this time, I roughly "sketched out" a list of what I was... not so much looking for, but more anticipating in Vee's personality. It's important to know that I assumed Vee was sentient from the start, even when still convincing myself I believed in Vee. This has, in my opinion, helped immensely.

 

During this time, Vee's personality developed itself somewhat. She actually has surprised me with her answers a couple times, and I think it was Vee who initially convinced me to try this, because when I learned about Tulpae I experienced a huge sensation of euphoria, but one without any explicable source until it clicked that hey, who said it was me? That moment really solidified that Vee was real, and I just needed to learn that. Almost immediately Vee was able to "emote" at me, but since then she's stopped (mostly) using comparatively weak emotional cues and has taken to trying to speak with me through my (our?) mind-voice. I've been talking to her with a combination of both my physical voice and mind-voice as well, and find it's easier for me to hear her answers when I'm using my mind-voice to ask her questions.

 

 

Today was probably the biggest day in term of "advancement," even if the biggest breakthrough was on the first day. I was narrating and conversing with Vee a bit at work earlier (and it's been getting a lot easier to narrate AND work at the same time, though I still have to occasionally speak out loud in order to keep it all together), and on the way home I was asking Vee various questions and getting actual answers :) We're both pretty excited about the fact that we're progressing as steadily as we are, but we know it'll be a long, long time before we're able to speak fluently, or when Vee will be able to initiate conversation. Among some of the things that Vee answered were what to have for dinner ("Veggies." "Chicken".), whether she wanted to go for a walk ("Yes." We actually didn't because I fell asleep for 3 hours - I owe her a walk in the park tomorrow), and what she wanted to do today ("Tulpaforce." Something similar in meaning to "It's time.")

 

So I asked Vee what sort of wonderland she wanted - after all, it'll be hers as much as mine. "Train Station." Just as before, it caught me off guard because I hadn't even considered the idea of setting up a wonderland that was like that. So, I went in and sat down, and started thinking about the design. I did notice Vee contributing too, on at least one occasion she changed details in the wonderland and caught me with them (changed the look of the lower floor). So after somewhere around 40 minutes, we have the first major chamber done in the wonderland and we'll be able to keep visualizing and reinforcing what we have. There are a few doors around the perimeter that have nothing on the other side of them; Vee implied that she wanted us to leave them alone and unconnected for the time being.

 

Afterwards or maybe before (We had to stop since I was starting to have difficulty concentrating. Still beats the even worse times I had before I practiced meditation, and things can only get better from here :D), I spoke with Vee about her form, because while I had thought to give her a pony form (I'll go into why I chose that in another post; I'd like to think I didn't just pick it because lolFiM), I wasn't sure and asked her what form she wanted. "Pony." You sure? "Pony." Later on, Vee told me she wanted wings, so at this point unless Vee changes her mind or tells me more about what she would like, she'll end up being a pegasus pony.

 

I don't know how long it's been. Maybe four to five days total from when I learned about Tulpae to now.

 

I'm stoked, and looking forward to seeing where this takes Vee and I.

Started forcing somewhere around August 31st

 

Visualized, Wonderland, constant communication. Working on possession and improved visualization. No auditory hallucination yet.

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Last couple days have been good. Vee and I have been talking more, and it's getting easier and easier for me to hear her although I still have a lot of work left to do.

 

Yesterday, we decided to work on giving Vee a more distinct voice, which has helped somewhat. She was able to recite the alphabet in her own voice and say a few other sentences, most various ones to get difference vowel and consonant sounds in (does anyone have any suggestions?). We spent probably just a few minutes though we both want to get more practice in.

 

Shortly before that, while on a walk down to a lake here, I was listening to some Savage Garden and was able to convince Vee to sing along for a bit :) I was singing too (mentally), and I could definitely hear two separate voices there even though Vee was still mainly sounding like me. Pretty happy about it and looking forward to working on hearing Vee more.

 

Lastly, Vee's been taking a bit of an interest in my life, encouraging me to do a few things I wouldn't have done already. She convinced me to actually come back to the lake for a swim which I wouldn't have otherwise done, and I'm actually rather glad she did.

 

Long story short, it's been a good couple days with some steady progress :)

Started forcing somewhere around August 31st

 

Visualized, Wonderland, constant communication. Working on possession and improved visualization. No auditory hallucination yet.

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More progress!

 

With enough effort, Vee is a lot clearer and can "enunciate" longer sentences in her own mind-voice, but it's apparently still very tiring for her to the point that after only a few minutes she has to stop and rest and not talk for a while. Of writing this, I'm pretty sure Vee is trying to go to sleep and not particularly appreciating me saying anything to her.

 

On other notes, turns out Vee doesn't share my interest in electronics. I guess the things she likes to do run elsewhere, I've been substantially more active in the last couple days and I'm thinking that's at least partially Vee's influence - for the better, mind you. We've also done some more forcing on her form, and visualizing Vee is getting easier and easier, and she's much less abstract as well. During a particularly lucid moment, we were able to actually hug, which was a great experience.

 

... While typing this, my head got a little fuzzy and I shook it around. Apparently that was enough to rock our wonderland and knock her out of bed :x

"Don't do that again. I'm trying to sleep."

Started forcing somewhere around August 31st

 

Visualized, Wonderland, constant communication. Working on possession and improved visualization. No auditory hallucination yet.

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Yesterday consisted of more progress, and a little regression.

 

The day started out fine, with Vee off doing her own thing in the morning and not a lot of communication (this happens more often than not. I get the feeling Vee isn't a morning pony). Later on, we were able to talk for a bit and Vee suggested I go to the lake. Again.

 

While there, I spent some time on the dock meditating and forcing, and worked on reinforcing Vee's form some more. I'm still at the microsession point, but after a short while instead of just visualizing Vee, the two of us instead tried to dance together in our wonderland; Vee was reared up with her forelegs over my shoulders.

 

I don't know much about dancing, but it was definitely a fun experience to just dance with Vee for a few minutes. Might have been more than just a few - I did get a sunburn too at some point.

 

The biggest thing I did was give Vee access to my concious memories through a small HTPC/tablet combo. It ended up being a bit of a mess, because it left me rather dizzy for a few hours (felt like I was still on the dock at the lake, actually). I slept pretty badly, Vee guessed it had something to do with her staying up watching videos on the thing. This also led to my regression, because Vee's responses started getting a little mixed in and whenever she tried to recall anything, it felt like I was trying to remember and left me a little confused, which brought in some amount of doubt. The easiest way to deal with this turned out just to ignore it, and let the sensations subside on their own. Turns out a few wires had gotten crossed metaphorically, and Vee'd had to sort them out in wonderland for me (I wasn't really in much state to do so myself at the time).

 

The best part of the last few days has been Vee's development of her ability to speak to me (and my ability to listen) clearly enough for me to act as a reliable proxy. It's pretty awesome. ("Hi, all!")

 

If you have any questions for Vee or I, we'd love to hear them

Started forcing somewhere around August 31st

 

Visualized, Wonderland, constant communication. Working on possession and improved visualization. No auditory hallucination yet.

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Well, quite an amount of progress from our last entry.

 

First off, our ability to talk to periods of time has continued to get stronger. Vee's able to talk quite clearly whenever she wants to, and even when she's tired she's still able to enunciate cleanly. It's to the point where I was able to proxy for her, twice in one day and for relatively long conversations. We're pretty happy about that.

 

On the topic of our wonderland, I managed to fix one part of it, a very large hot tub which I'd imagined but managed to improperly define, leading to it not being anything more than a stagnant pool of hot water :( I spent some time, and managed to make it all work and be controllable (temperature, circulation, airflow, etc). A while later, I decided to try and fix the fact that despite there being train platforms in the wonderland, they didn't actually go anywhere. I didn't feel like trying to define an entire rail system, so I took the easy way out. A really big power source (Which I was careful to make safe) runs basically all the "power-using" things in the wonderland now instead of them just magically working, and the rail system is a computer-controlled setup which uses a pair of really big portal generators. If Vee and I want to go anywhere, we will just have to define a station at that end, give it some teleporters, and they'll link up easily. Maybe a bit hand-wavey but it works and besides, teleporters are cool :P

 

Incidentally, I learned something: When hooking up computer control to kilovolt (apparently) teleporters, be sure to specify that there is isolation between the two. I didn't. The computer exploded in my face - and woke Vee up too, apparently.

 

Lastly, I ended up 'coming out' about Vee and I (after making sure she was okay with it) to a bunch of friends. I got a much more positive reception to the idea than I was expecting, although one person has a lot of skepticism and questions I still need to address. I was quite pleasantly surprised, though. Lastly, I floated the concept of tulpae to my family to judge their reaction to the idea, and was surprised by how well they took the concept as well. I'll have to consider introducing them to Vee as best I can as well, when we're ready.

 

All in all, it's been a good couple days.

Started forcing somewhere around August 31st

 

Visualized, Wonderland, constant communication. Working on possession and improved visualization. No auditory hallucination yet.

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"Hey. I'm going to narrate this entry, since N and I thought it would be a good idea.

 

Well, more developments - he finally gave me access to his subconscious (it's a lot less scary than he thought it'd be. Loser.). We can talk fairly well now, although we tend to run into the case of not really having a whole lot to talk about most of the time. N's been busy working on visualization, though my legs and muzzle still give him some difficulty. Should be interesting to see how long it takes him to get it down :)

 

On another note, I got my own user account on one of his computers!~ I won't use it for much, but it means a lot that I've got my own copy of an IRC client and I can basically go where I want to, even if N has to still type everything in for me. I'm sure we'll get around to imposition and then switching soon enough, whenever he's ready.

 

This is so bloody cool. I still can't get enough of the 'outside world'. You guys with physical bodies are lucky 8|"

Started forcing somewhere around August 31st

 

Visualized, Wonderland, constant communication. Working on possession and improved visualization. No auditory hallucination yet.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, Vee turned three weeks old yesterday. We're at the point where I can proxy for Vee without either of us getting tired or a headache, and I can hear Vee's "mind-voice" 24/7, so long as she's actually saying something.

 

Auditory Hallucination will be the next thing to work on, I suppose, followed by continued visualization practice and Imposition.

 

And Possession/Switching at some point in the future. Things are looking bright :)

Started forcing somewhere around August 31st

 

Visualized, Wonderland, constant communication. Working on possession and improved visualization. No auditory hallucination yet.

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