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OcarinAttorney

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Alright. I guess this is where I talk to myself about my progress and people can see it.

Reason why I'm making a tulpa:

Basically, it's for companionship and (maybe) love, not necessarily sexually. I was tired of just being pushed around and hurt by my "friends". I also wanted help from someone (I guess it's technically myself..) that I can trust and love completely for my developing anorexia.

 

Tulpa info:

Name: Benedict

Gender: Male

Personality:

Kind-hearted, chatty, curious, loving, sympathetic, outgoing, gentle

 

Wonderland (if I am going to work on it- still trying to decide)

A green pasture with a table and two chairs. There's a big tree that gives shade to the table area, and next to that is a pond. Across the pond is a little turquoise house.

 

Day 0 (7/31/12)-

Yesterday, before going to sleep, I had a 20 minute session of narrating and dabbled a little bit in visualizing after I thought up the framework of Benedict. It was really, really hard to visualize because I couldn't see shit. I got frustrated but calmed down since it was my first session. Anyhow.

After a little bit, I got nauseous and my head was hurting really bad. I started to tear up from the uncomfortable feeling and went to sleep.

 

I dreamed about how I cut off strings from my hand that connected to Benedict - probably influenced by a method that I saw on a thread about parroting- and it was pretty... Bland.

 

So far- 20 minutes

Please just call me Christine because Ocarin sounds/looks awkward.

 

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Well good luck with Benedict! Keep it up. it is difficult to concentrate at first, you will get the hang of it in time. What is Benedict's personality like? Or are you planning on not giving him a base of one yourself?

 

 

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I'm planning to give him a more cheery, bright personality than mine. I would like some sunshine in my life, haha. I haven't pinpointed the exact traits yet, but I'm getting there. :) and thank you for the "good luck!"! It means a lot to me.

Please just call me Christine because Ocarin sounds/looks awkward.

 

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Day 1

 

Started on visualizing more. I did some exercises dealing with a ball and I could faintly see the outline, but it was a wisp of it and it disappeared as soon as it appeared. Disappointing but some progress. Visualized Benedict's simplified chest and tried to visualize orbs of light and narrated the personality traits and etc. The orb had a wisp of an outline but same old. Disappeared very, very quickly. Ended abruptly at 24 minutes and 18 seconds because mom wanted me to do something. Ugh.

Afterwards, I lurked more in the threads on this forum and randomly started to talk to Benny. A weird light headed feeling and a very dull pain and pressure appeared, as well as a little pin prick on the left back side of my head. I still have the pressure on my forehead and on my eyes (wat.) and trying to not think much of it.

 

Total time- 44 minutes 18 seconds. Aiming for 30 more minutes before I go to sleep.

 

EDIT: I'm going for 1 hour before I go to sleep. Managed to force for 22 minutes and I am tired lol. Taking 5 minute break... I'm feeling very fatigued, I had headaches during the forcing, and I felt really nauseous and a little bit right now. A bit of prickly pain on my chest.

During that time, I visualized the wonderland, got the little house straightened inside - it's basically a really empty room with white walls and hardwood flooring. I put a blue circular rug in the middle, a plain blue couch on top of it, a tall lamp in the left corner and a white bookshelf in the right. I also put 2 windows on each side except for the center wall... If you get what I'm saying, lol.

Planning on reading a book for him for 10 minutes and polishing up his traits & his bod.

EDIT EDIT: Goddammit nausea and headache. I could only do 24 minutes after break. I touched up Benny's face and hair and read stories from Chicken Soup, added 2 more traits to the cloud of Benedict since I can't vis him as a person. Bleh. I'm not feeling good but I'm happy.

 

Total time= 44 + 22 + 24 = 90 minutes = 1 hour 30 minutes

Please just call me Christine because Ocarin sounds/looks awkward.

 

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I'm so frickin' tired. Anyhow.

 

Did 44? 46? During the daytime and before I went to sleep did 33 just visualizing. No pains or anything. I got the main picture of Benny in my head which is good.

 

Total time = I have no idea bout roughly 2 hours and 45 minutes I don't even know

Please just call me Christine because Ocarin sounds/looks awkward.

 

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Stop counting hours so closely. If you do that, then it creates false associations with timeframes and deadlines. People take longer than others for seemingly no reason. Don't count your hours and build yourself up to get disappointed that your tulpa isn't sentient and talking at a specific time.

 

Don't beat yourself up with the visualisation. It's not key right now, what is is getting a feel for what your tulpa will be like, who they act and move and say things. Once that's down, give him lot's of hugs and believe in him.

frt

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Sorry, I'm a little bit OCD when it comes to time.. And okay, I'll give him a lot of hugs :)

 

Thanks for your tips and support! Yay :)

Please just call me Christine because Ocarin sounds/looks awkward.

 

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I am Gary motherfucking Oak, bitch.

 

>This is my grandson. He's been your rival since you were a baby. ...Erm, what is his name again? That's right! I remember now! His name is DICKS!

The THE SUBCONCIOUS ochinchin occultists frt.sys (except Roswell because he doesn't want to be a part of it)

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