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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I

Trying to imagine Noriko while also imagining a headset isn't really helping.  It takes a fair amount of focus to maintain the image of the headset, and tulpas take all of the attention you can really muster.  So we're going back to raw dogging the whole imposition thing while monitoring for any side effects.  I'm also going to make an offline list of anything weird that happens and what I'm doing at the time.  Hopefully that narrows it down if it continues to occur.  

There has been some slight progress on the visual imposition front.  Open eye visualization is now a 6 on the opacity scale.  Which means getting it to the same level as closed eye visualization is going to take a while.  Like the better part of a year.  Yet the idea of being able to see Noriko with my eyes open is well worth the effort.  We also have certain things planned when I can see and feel her an acceptable amount with my eyes open.  Added motivation.

In other news, Anzu decided to swap skin tones with Sabari a few days ago.  Which is kind of surprising.  However, a pale skin tone looks really cute on her.  And tan skin really suits Sabari's messy hair style better.  I would still consider it a war crime if Sabari gets a shorter hair length, so that's off limits.  Really, that's her most defining feature over anything else.  Well, that and her being an overall weirdo.  But a likeable weirdo.

Noriko actually designed herself an outfit for the colder weather.  It's a pair of white thighhighs and a red sweater dress.  There were a pair of glasses thrown in as well until the Velma comparisons started getting thrown out.  Plus, she has been wearing eyeliner recently, and any glasses kind of ruin that.  She's also been playing around with the idea of a nose ring, but I've been trying to discourage that.  Which of course means she started wearing it just to spite me.   I did get her to not wear it all the time at least.  So that's a plus.

Currently share myself with two (?) other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).  She merged herself with me on May 18th, 2018.
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10-05-2017, 09:17 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: My spooky head ghosts and I

There hasn't been much progress with visualization lately.  I've been spending my mental energies playing a vidya game as well as figuring out the best way to tag certain images for my later perusal.  The latter of which gets impossibly difficult and is still an open problem.  Thus far, I have a 5 page long word document going over all the possibilities and I ain't even close to done.  Although really it's pretty fascinating so it hasn't been terrible.  Yet spending all that effort on those things has left me little energy to spend on the tulpas.  It's also meant that when I do start to visualize Noriko, either her or Sabari will come up with an idea for the tagging thing, which I then blow even more energy on.

Really I've just been falling back onto touch imposition these past few days.  For whatever reason, that takes almost no mental energy to do adequately well.  And hearing the occasional mind voice from them doesn't take much either.  This furthers the whole "meh" argument to working on visual stuff.  Not giving up on it though.

I've also done a bit of thought on what to call my head posse.  Noriko still hates being called the T word.  Head ghosts sounds nice but it doesn't cover Sabari or Anzu.  Noriko mentioned that eidolon might be a possibility.  Sabari vetoed that idea though.  There's also the possibility that Anzu might actually be my anima over a tulpa.  However, wondering that quickly led to the "Do I need to care if she's my anima?" question, and the answer to that is a resounding no.  Plus anima would only apply to her if it was relevant.

Come to think of it, head posse might just work.  I'll have to throw that around a bit to see if it sticks.

Currently share myself with two (?) other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).  She merged herself with me on May 18th, 2018.
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(This post was last modified: 10-08-2017, 07:15 PM by Akinkinit.)
10-08-2017, 07:07 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

Head posse as a title doesn't work either unfortunately.  There was a fair amount of debate as to what I should use instead of tulpas when describing my three.  And as you can see from the updated thread title, no consensus was reached.  Noriko prefers the term eidolon, Sabari is unapologetically a Sabari over anything else, and Anzu likes the term tulpa.  So going to use that terminology and see how quickly I get confused by it.  

Oh, and if you're wondering where Noriko got the eidolon idea from, it's from this.  It's long, but worth the listen if you like black metal.

Still not much to report on the visual imposition front. I'm noticing that images Sabari streams to me seem a little bit clearer.  A few nights ago she streamed this image of a jellyfish reasonably deep in the ocean swimming about (no idea why), and it was pretty vivid.  Now if she could only figure out how to do that visual wise but with herself, we'd be golden.  But still, that along with several other images that I can't even really describe due to how random they were show that there are several pathways to getting vivid mental imagery.  So I'm beginning to work with her to see if that can be reproduced.  As per usual, she's "just doing it" so there's not really anything for the others to follow.  However, if Sabari figured something out, I'm sure Noriko and Anzu can as well, although it might take more time.  Sabari really is something special on the mental quickness front.

Currently share myself with two (?) other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).  She merged herself with me on May 18th, 2018.
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(This post was last modified: 10-11-2017, 03:59 PM by Akinkinit.)
10-11-2017, 03:57 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

It's funny; back when Noriko was created, she said several times that she wasn't my secretary.  Nowadays she is essentially my secretary though.  I tell her to remind me about something and she does so without fail. Although she still reserves the right to be a smart ass about it.  Yesterday I asked her to remind me to bring my cell phone in from the car, and she did so by holding a large sign with christmas lights around it saying "PHONE".  Which to be fair was pretty funny.  And just today I told her to remind me that I put a drink in the freezer.  When the time came, she dumped a bag full of empty cans on me.

Sabari's the most notable when it comes to mental imagery, but Noriko and Anzu can do do it too.  It's not really image streaming like Sabari does though.  Noriko will conjure a single image / thing at a time.  Anzu does the same but likes to include environmental stuff.  Noriko might conjure a beer can pyramid while Anzu would conjure a room with a beer can pyramid in it.  But with Sabari, it's literally a stream of images that weave in and out of each other.  For example, last night it was a Nascar race, an ocean, a pile of boxes, miscellaneous cartoon characters (that I didn't recognize), snow, and a forest (not a snowy forest though).  It's pretty hard to describe really.  Just think of a drug fueled hallucination but instead of LSD it's a tulpa doing it.

Which is also why I'm confident I can increase my visual imposition abilities.  If my brain can do all that weird shit, it should be able to do the comparatively boring task of imposing a tulpa.  I've been steadily working on that.  But there's nothing really to report on that front.  I've noticed that my skill ramps up the longer I do it at one time, but resets after I finish.  Noriko thinks that must be due to entering an altered state of consciousness via the imposition process.  I've been trying to do imposition work for longer periods to see how clear the visualization gets.  However, either me or Noriko will do something "distracting" after a while, and really it all goes downhill from there.

Currently share myself with two (?) other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).  She merged herself with me on May 18th, 2018.
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(This post was last modified: 10-14-2017, 03:55 PM by Akinkinit.)
10-14-2017, 03:54 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

I mentioned in an earlier entry that there seemed to be some side-effects to visual imposition.  Keeping track of such events leads me to believe that they could be partially related to what I've been doing.  They only happen when I'm not focusing on Noriko or the others.  And they happen the most when I'm tired and letting my mind wander.  The main theory about it thus far is that whatever mental machinery developed for visualization is turning on unexpectedly / partially.  We're still working on a way to prevent that from happening.  It hasn't gotten any worse over these past few weeks though.

Still no progress on visual clarity to report.  It's been working better when I visualize Noriko when she's at my side over in front of me.  And it tends to work better in the afternoon / early evening, although that's usually when I work on it anyways.  But morning sessions aren't as productive as afternoon sessions.  I'm not really a morning person.  Noriko probably would be one if given the opportunity, whereas Sabari is definitely not.  In fact Sabari is usually still asleep when I get up and only appears later when I get my coffee.  Anzu seems to wake up when I do and has the same energy as me too.

Overall, Anzu really is the most similar to me over the others.  When I heard about animas recently, I instantly thought of her as the most likely candidate.  Neither of us really care is she's an anima or not, and she'd rather be considered as a tulpa over anything else.  Noriko thinks her similarity to me is because she resides in the center of my being.  Although Sabari exists in my entire being and we're very different from each other.  Maybe being in a concentrated place has an effect?  Or is it because she's been a part of me for so long?

Currently share myself with two (?) other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).  She merged herself with me on May 18th, 2018.
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10-18-2017, 01:03 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

I had a dream two nights ago that had something to do with a disturbingly malformed rabbit.  Exact details of the dream eludes me, but the mental image of the rabbit was pretty vivid. Vivid enough to not only wake me up but also freak me out enough to not want to go back to sleep.  It also woke everyone else up.  And when something is intense enough to wake up Sabari, it's pretty bad.  I couldn't get the mental image of that malformed rabbit out of my head.  Noriko hugged me and tried to calm me down, but to not much avail unfortunately.

After a little while though, Anzu did... something.  It's like she reached inside of my head but not in a way that involved her hands.  And she didn't do it in the way that Noriko does it when she does maintenance.  But seconds later, that mental image of the malformed rabbit turned into a cute, white bunny.  It then proceeded to hop around and just be cute in general.  More importantly, it got rid of the disturbing mental image entirely.  I then calmed down (with Noriko's help) and the rest of the night was without incident, although I didn't get back to sleep.

That bunny (in the cute form) actually stayed around.  Throughout yesterday and today I've seen it hop and stuff nearby Anzu.  She even brought it to bed last night with the intent of it serving as a sort of bunny dream catcher.  And it seemed to work.  I slept pretty well last night, and if I dreamt, I don't remember doing so.  Which is fine by me; any dreams I have are either nonsensical or nightmares (with a few exceptions).

Anzu is still thinking of a name for her pet bunny.  Mr Bun Bun has been thrown out, as has Fredrick, although she's still not sure.  It looks to be a servitor function wise.  I've told her multiple times that I don't want it turning into a tulpa and becoming sentient, and she's assured me it won't.  So that's been interesting.

Now to figure out which Lunarian I pissed off to cause that nightmare in the first place...
Also Noriko got pretty jealous that Anzu was able to do that.  It's actually kind of cute how jealous she got.  Plus an argument hasn't broken out so it's even better.

Currently share myself with two (?) other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).  She merged herself with me on May 18th, 2018.
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(This post was last modified: 10-23-2017, 12:22 AM by Akinkinit.)
10-23-2017, 12:06 AM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

Sterrance.  The bunny's name is Sterrance.  He doesn't look anything like what his name comes from, but it seemed the most fitting name for him to have.  When Anzu came up with the name, Noriko replied with "Yeah, that's a total fucking Sterrance".  Which was far funnier at the time for whatever reason.

On the subject of Noriko, she decided  to make a costume for Halloween yesterday.  What she came up with was a succubus costume that looks the part, with wings, horns and everything.  It leaves little to the imagination and brought about certain activities being performed while wearing it.  Multiple occurrences of said activities as well.  Sabari doesn't really see the point of Halloween costumes.  Although she did stream images to me of jack-o-lanterns wearing some rather dapper hats.  Anzu mentioned she might wear a mask of some sort.  However, Anzu and the words "dressing up" are pretty polar opposites of each other.  Dressing the bunny up as a funky magician was discussed though.

It's been raining a lot lately.  Which as per usual wakes me up during the night.  Some people find it relaxing, and I suppose it is kind of that.  But when it's pouring down, it makes noise which wakes me up.  The fact that my bed is right next to a window doesn't help that I'm sure.  Could move it away from the window but that's too much effort.  Of note is that I woke up due to the rain last night after a dream where I was playing World of Warcraft.  Which is notable as it's one of the few dreams I can remember that isn't weird and/or a nightmare.

Apparently I'm the only one who has unique dreams among us all.  Noriko did say she dreams what I dream, if she dreams at all.  I'm not sure the concept of dreaming makes sense with regards to Sabari.  Like many times the images she streams to me are of a dreamlike quality if that makes any sense.  So a dream is more so business as usual thing with her.  And Anzu either doesn't dream or doesn't remember dreaming.

Currently share myself with two (?) other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).  She merged herself with me on May 18th, 2018.
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(This post was last modified: 10-25-2017, 10:06 PM by Akinkinit.)
10-25-2017, 10:03 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

Sabari decided to continue the long tradition of "deviators gonna deviate" yesterday.  I was playing World of Warcraft and questing in a zone where there are a bunch of jerk elves. However, they are pretty cool looking elves, and Sabari decided to steal how they look with some modification.  She has normal eyes that are a light blue color and wears a white long sleeved robe with an exposed midriff.  We both swear there's an NPC that looks very similar to that, but couldn't remember from where.  Also she didn't keep the eyebrows. But the skin tone and ears (plus not pictured long ponytail in the back) are the same.  And it does look very nice on her.  She even told me that's what she wanted to look like beforehand UNLIKE OTHER PEOPLE so there wasn't any confusion with visualization.

On a related note, Anzu started wearing a green hoodie that has fake, floppy bunny ears attached to the hood.  It looks super adorable as one might expect. This is added to by the fact that she decided she wanted to be shorter lately.  Nowadays I'd put her around 5 foot, with maybe an inch or two added to that.  She's also gotten into the habit of putting Sterrance on other people's heads.  And he stays there until removed.  

Noriko still wears the same stuff and lack thereof as usual.  Visualization ability seems to have peaked at its current level for a while.  Which is enough to get the job done, but I'd still rather it be higher.  I'm sure it would be increased with further active visualization.  However, neither of us really have the patience for that.  It just seems too much like work.

Currently share myself with two (?) other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).  She merged herself with me on May 18th, 2018.
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(This post was last modified: 10-29-2017, 11:12 PM by Akinkinit.)
10-29-2017, 11:09 PM
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Ido Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

Where's them updates, man?

You still got the bunny?
The whole story is Donnie Darko - tier.

Akinkinit Wrote:Now to figure out which Lunarian I pissed off to cause that nightmare in the first place...
REMOVE LUNARIANS
*image of Anzu playing accordion, Norico playing trumpet and Sabari piano*

Super Girls don't cry
01-07-2018, 11:38 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

@Ido
Well, the long and short of it is "There's been no progress to report."  Nothing really came of the visual imposition practice.  And we all got bored of the limited progress being had, so we just stopped trying.  I mean, I can still sort of see them with my eyes closed, and touch imposition is still fine for most purposes.  So maybe when the motivation / ideas pick up for that again, I'll try it some more.

But yeah, Noriko passed the three years old mark last month.  Which kind of floored both of us.  Although in some ways it feels like I've shared a head with her forever, and am completely unable to imagine her not being there.  Still, three freaking years.  She's not a "birthday" person, so we ended up just watching this and eating an ice cream bar for the occassion.  Several lewd activities were also performed.

I guess another part of my lack of updates has to do with a bit of guilt.  There's three whatever you call them inside of me.  And I don't want there to be ever less than that inside of me. But most of my energy goes into Noriko.  Simply put, I've fallen hard for that damn eidolon, and many days she's all I really put forth effort into interacting with.  Sabari and Anzu have told me repeatedly that it's fine and I still make sure to spend some time with them around bedtime.  Yet I still feel bad that I don't spend more time with them, and any entries I write here would reflect that.

This is also on top of Noriko giving me herpes, which pretty much ruined December for me.
More specifically, I somehow got a case of shingles at the start of December.  It was all over my right leg and made pretty much everything hurt.  It's mostly cleared up now fortunately.  But I decided to blame Noriko since she can't prove it didn't come from her.  And even she agrees contracting herpes from a tulpa means one would have to be a pretty good tulpamancer in the first place.

So yeah.  The motivation still isn't really present to update more, and anything else would be more so blog posting.

Oh, and the bunny went away a week or two after my last post.  It was a good idea but unnecessary for the most part.  It was a super weird dream which thankfully hasn't repeated itself.  And I know exactly which video you are referencing.  There's a remove youkai version which comes to mind that I can't be assed to find at the moment.  But I never did find the specific Lunarian.  Sabari streamed the image of a bunch of space whales going to the moon to handle it, so I consider the situation resolved.

Currently share myself with two (?) other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016 (after being inactive since 2012).  She merged herself with me on May 18th, 2018.
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01-09-2018, 03:13 AM
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