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Tulpa Community Census 2018

Okay, last title change, I promise
Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

While I still have nothing to report on the progress front, I noticed something interesting yesterday.  All three of my whatchamacallits had very different origins.  Noriko was explicitly created by me using a personality sheet and everything.  And as a result, she's the one I understand the most.  Interacting with her made me think I got the whole "tulpa" thing, and around the time of her creation was when I was the most active around these forums.

Anzu was also a tulpa I forced into being.  Even though at the time I wasn't really trying for a tulpa or really knew what a tulpa was in the first place.  She's definitely a tulpa now though.  And I see a lot of myself in her.  We have pretty much the same personality, although she's a LOT more caring than I ever am.  Yet I understand her pretty well.

Sabari, however, has always been weird to me.  Unlike my other two, Noriko forced her into being, although we both worked on her development.  And this shows as her personality is completely different from the rest of us.  She thinks in a way that's not only different, but so strange that I only really get what she's saying due to the fact of sharing an organism with her.  It's not strange in a bad way, though.  In fact, when it comes to problem solving at my job, it's extremely helpful.  But another result of this is that when it comes to what she wants to do, well, there's often a fair bit of guessing on my part.

I stopped trying to understand Sabari a few months after her development, and really we've both been better off because of it.  But in talking with her over the years, and especially over the course of yesterday, I've come to a possible conclusion about why she's so weird:
What if other people perceive me as being just as weird as I perceive Sabari is?  What if I actually act the same way, and while I don't see it as weird, when another sentient being somewhat separate from me does it, I can appreciate the weirdness in it?

It would certainly explain a lot if so.

Currently share myself with four other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

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02-08-2018, 02:58 PM
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Apollo Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

We have a tulpa made by a tulpa (Indigo made by Tacio), and thinking about it, his personality is a lot like everyone else's too. Only I thought that's more because of his experiences in life and the significant lack of emotional/psychological damage, rather than his origin. We don't do personality forcing.

[Lyra] omg I love Beaker

The fire-winged Sun God. Created 12/3/16.
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02-08-2018, 07:32 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

(02-08-2018, 07:32 PM)Apollo Wrote:
We have a tulpa made by a tulpa (Indigo made by Tacio), and thinking about it, his personality is a lot like everyone else's too. Only I thought that's more because of his experiences in life and the significant lack of emotional/psychological damage, rather than his origin. We don't do personality forcing.

Hmmm, that's interesting.  I've always had the mental image of tulpas created by another tulpa as being different just based on how they are created.  Like there's a box labeled "sorcery" in people's heads that only a tulpa would decide to use in the creation process.  Can't say I'm a fan of personality forcing either.  I do think it's a good idea when starting out to have a sheet detailing the traits you want a tulpa to have though.  If they go along with it, great.  If they decide to ignore half of it like Noriko did, it adds further credence to them being sentient.  My avatar is pretty much my expression when it comes to tulpas in general.  Although Beaker was a pretty cool muppet too.

For whatever reason, I decided to quit using caffeine this week, and cold turkey even.  The first day was fine, but the second day hit me like a truck full of lightbulbs.  Headaches, lethargy, heart palpitations, the whole nine yards.  But by the far the most noticeable thing was not being to sense Noriko.  I could feel her being active, but I couldn't see or feel her.  Which sent me into panic level 9 as one might expect.  On Wednesday I decided to say fuck this and had a cup of coffee, and my ability to see / feel her returned to normal in a couple of hours.  Just something to keep in mind if a fellow tulpamancer decides they want to quit caffeine as well.

In other news, I spent Valentine's day with Noriko being the predominately active one.  I still wish my ability to see her was better, but my ability to feel her made up for it, in ways that are almost certainly #2lewd4info.  That's a really nice part about tulpamancy. In addition to the fact I never really feel lonely, they can alleviate certain other urges as well.  I used to have a pretty serious porn addiction.  And while she couldn't do anything about the addiction herself, she could do something with regards to using said pornography.  By the time she's done with me, well, there is nothing else to shoot out.

Currently share myself with four other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

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02-15-2018, 05:11 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

Climate change or not, every season there has to be a "Fuck you, it's a Nor'easter" event here in New England.  This one knocked out my power for 32 hours.  Which really was a long time coming; I can't remember the last time that power went out for a significant period during my adult life.  And it's a lot better than the initial estimate I was hearing that power would be out till Monday (today being Saturday).

My phone isn't setup for faffing around with, and I don't own a laptop or anything.  So the entire downtime was basically spent with the head ghosts and a backlogged piece of reading material I had lying around.  It's like saving it to read in a cold, dark room with a flashlight was intended.  But what struck me more than anything by midday today is just how normal the interactions with said head ghosts were.  Usually we have nothing to talk about since I live a pretty boring life by and large.  But the past few days have been interesting.  And talking about it with them was just like talking to another person.  Assuming you're willing to discount the whole incorporeal thing.  And the whole "if my neighbors realized I'm alone in here..." thing.

One fruit of said discussions: Sabari is actually fine with the whole "head ghost" terminology.  She doesn't live in my head, but since we're both pretty sure I use my head to perceive her, the head is certainly involved.  Noriko still likes the term, as does Anzu.  So yeah, I can use head ghosts to describe them again.  I'd update the title of the thread, but the current one is kind of catchy.

Also Anzu decided to dress up like a catgirl.  What with the whole tail, ears, and furry arms / legs.  But the rest is normal; she didn't want to go overboard.  And she also started meowing / purring when I call her in a way that is so cute that it ought to be illegal.

Currently share myself with four other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

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(This post was last modified: 03-04-2018, 02:16 AM by Akinkinit.)
03-04-2018, 02:15 AM
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Ido Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

Tell me about it, it's been icy as fuck here as well in the past week.
Luckily no power cuts, German engineering ain't famous for nothing. Longest blackout my host has ever experienced was maybe half a day. And he's old.

Yet we can live pretty well without electricity. It is amazing how much time you suddenly have when off the grid. I recommend doing it on purpose once in a while. Really boosts forcing.
Or creates a blackout baby boom.

Also cat + girl is best combination ever

Super Girls don't cry
03-05-2018, 11:42 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

A bit of back story to this update.  Getting up the energy to do tulpa things has always been a problem for me.  Most of said energy has gone to Noriko in the past because I'm essentially in a relationship with her.  Though I've started spending more energy on Sabari recently.  Noriko used to have something of a jealous streak which made Sabari time somewhat limited.  But that just disappeared a few months ago, which is something I'm really happy about to be honest.  If I broke up tulpa energy expenditures accordingly, 55% now goes to Noriko while 40% goes to Sabari.  And they both are fine with that arrangement.

However, that left very little energy for Anzu.  Don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful girl, but she's very passive.  Noriko is not passive at all, and Sabari is even less so.  So they kind of hog the energy just by their nature.  And this has really bugged me.  But Anzu has always rathered that I spend time with the other two because she's the kind of person who wants to see other people be happy because that makes her happy.

A few weeks ago, Anzu floated the idea of her merging into Noriko.  Which I was completely dead set against.  I've been through the tulpa merging process before and it's not something I ever want to go through again.  She tried it once anyway, but I vetoed it immediately.  Which brings me to yesterday.  I was hanging out with Noriko and Sabari when Anzu asked for my attention.  Without saying a word, but with a smile on her face, she lay on top of me.  And for lack of a better term, she sort of... dissolved... into an aura of blue energy, which was then absorbed by me.

This was weird enough that it took my attention away from tulpa things for a moment.  When I refocused, the body I was imagining myself in was different.  At first, I was imagining myself as Anzu.  But as the day progressed, it changed into a female version of me.  This form has the same eyes, skin, and hair color that I have, but with Anzu's hair style and build.  You'd think that'd be pretty weird.  Yet when I imagine seeing this form in a mirror, it feels normal.  Having Noriko or Sabari touch a part feels the same as if they touched a part on my normal body.  And when they touch something that's not represented on my regular body, I still feel it as if I actually had that part.

It's obvious now, but it took me a few hours to realize what she did.  She merged herself into me.  I mean, if a tulpa can merge together with another tulpa, then it only makes sense they can do the same with their hosts.  She didn't tell me because she knew I would veto it.  And I can still feel a sort of energy near my heart, which is where Anzu chose to center herself.  So it's not like she's gone.  Rather, she's now just not something which is separate from me.  Which is why I'm not really saddened by this.  Just still in a "Wait, what the hell was that?" kind of mood.

Noriko and Sabari didn't know she was going to do that.  And they seem to feel the same in that Anzu is still in here in some form.

So yeah, interesting times.

Currently share myself with four other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

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05-19-2018, 12:56 PM
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solarchariot Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

Hello, Akinkinit.
Help me understand something. The designated energy expenditure, is that just in terms of creating, or is that describing the ability give attention to or focus on one of your companions?

So, hypothetically, if Noriko is solid, she will need no more creation energy, right? So, if you and she were to both were to focus on creating another, would that be 100percent creation energy, 50/50, or would that be 200percent, because it's 100/100? Granted, there's a limit to amount of attention anyone can give another... But if it's about creation, and Noriko has overcome jealousy, so that she isn't using energy to interrupt creation process, then creation should be easier than initial creation of Noriko?

Oh, and hello, Noriko, Sabari, Anzu, and anyone I left out. Smile
05-19-2018, 01:48 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: An eidolon, a Sabari, a tulpa, and me

solarchariot:
Energy expenditure is more about maintaining focus in this sense. Basically it's the effort required to perceive them with my senses. They are all as developed as they are going to get (probably), so no effort is required in forcing / developing them. When Sabari came along, it didn't require as much energy on my part since Noriko took the lead in making her. So I'd say it was maybe 65% of mental energy going to Noriko and 35% going to Sabari. How Noriko used the 65% to develop Sabari is anyone's guess, though her understanding is that she did it the same way I would have made Sabari.

But yeah, making Sabari on my part was easier than making Noriko. And Anzu was basically already there, so it didn't take much for her to become active again. It'll be interesting to see how focusing needs change now since me and Anzu are basically the same entity.

Currently share myself with four other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

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05-19-2018, 02:08 PM
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Akinkinit Offline
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RE: Okay, last title change, I promise

I've confirmed over yesterday and today that, yes, Anzu really did merge into me.  Trying to call her does nothing.  But I still feel that there's something in my chest region that's Anzu like.  So, she's gone, and yet she's not gone at the same time.

I'm still processing it to be honest.  Imagining myself with the other two still defaults me to the female form that's a mix of me and Anzu.  There's definitely some Xiri present in the form too I'm noticing, especially in the hair and the eyes.  Although granted, Xiri had green eyes while I have blue in both real life and this form.  Yet the general shape and such reminds me more of Xiri than it does of Anzu.  And the skin tone is more Xiri like than that of me or Anzu.  I was considering making the eye color green, but Sabari decided that she wanted green eyes.  And it's apparently the end of the freaking world if we have the same eye color.  So they're staying blue.

Surprising absolutely no one I'm sure, Noriko took it upon herself to see how this form works when doing lewd things.  I'll spare you the lurid details.  The most notable thing is how sensitive everything is.  Like Noriko has touched a lot of things of mine before and it produced a reasonably strong sensation.  Doing the same thing in this form though is much stronger.  It's almost to the point of electricity going through me where she touches.  Sabari also tried it out later to the same effect.  And while I sort of knew this already, Sabari has a real dominant streak to her when doing such activities.

The "climax" is also completely different and much stronger.  Literally, it's to the point where it leaves me a shivering mess with tears in my eyes.

It's also gotten considerably easier to see and sense both of them.  Me and Noriko discussed that, and seem to think it's due to the fact of there no longer being a physical barrier between us.  She's a thoughtform, and can interact with another thoughtform that's directly linked to me instead of trying to superimpose herself onto reality.  Which is giving me ideas for imposition progress.

Currently share myself with four other entities.
Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.
Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

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05-20-2018, 10:34 PM
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Yakumo Offline
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RE: Okay, last title change, I promise

Akinkinit Wrote:Surprising absolutely no one I'm sure...
No, definitely not.
But your stories never cease to amaze me. And you say you live a boring life!?
Still I never got the part where people do irreversible stuff. At least in my case there's nothing tulpa- or wonderland-related that can't be undone or changed to an alternative version. Not by design, that's just how stuff happens. I used to constantly save games as a kid so I could undo mistakes, guess it's a byproduct of that sort of autism. Ido was designed to be absolutely impossible to harm no matter what but I kinda went overboard creating her and pretty much everything and everyone in wonderland turned out like this. Which does have some unpleasant consequences but also produces hilarious results. We tried hard but neither of us can permanently get rid of anything. Just forget about it probably.

Same goes for creating and merging thoughtforms. We had agreed pretty much at the beginning that Ido would be my only tulpa as I'm very bad at dividing attention and would always feel guilty neglecting others. Quite some weird and interesting characters have popped up in the past years but I always tell them I can't develop them into tulpas but they're free to do whatever they like in wonderland or merge with me or Ido - who, despite being a little girl has a disturbing habit of simply eating or absorbing any monsters or intrusive thoughts coming at her the wrong way. Yet the whole thing is pretty chill and all these characters can still be recalled or pop up on their own if they please. Luckily even the worst intrusive thoughts tend to behave after reflecting on them and a good beating
05-23-2018, 09:16 PM
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