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[Possession] Possession / Eclipsing Memory Confusion
#1
So, there is something that has become a bit of a source of doubt for me. While Sarah was possessing and talking to my husband, she would say things like "I did this" or whatever, but it was things I did before she existed (so things from my memories.) I think maybe we were actually eclipsing, not possessing. When we possess it feels sometimes like possessing, but I think sometimes we merge together for parts of it. I start to feel like I am Sarah and we only have one mindvoice. Its just odd when it happens, because it feels like it becomes mainly my memories and experience with Sarah's personality. I think I become so passive that we kind of merge together, its hard to explain, like we have one identity for a period of time. I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this (with the memory confusion), I've asked others and haven't seen anyone else notice this.

Sarah: [When we merge like that I feel like all her memories from before I was created are mine, so Ill refer to her parents as my parents (as an example), but once we go back to normal its all clear again. I feel bad because I think its causing Sakura doubt, she is afraid that it means she is just pretending to be me when I'm possessing.]

Is this familiar to anyone else? Thanks
Host: Sakura
Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014)
Our shared tumblr
note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
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#2
Sounds like you are blending or blurring together. That is very common for co-fronting (of which, possession and eclipsing are sub-types). Eclipsing by definition involves blending.

T and I experienced that yesterday when we were co-fronting with some possession added in.

- Hail
Tri = {V, O, G}, Ice and Frostbite and Breach (all formerly Hail), and others
System Name: Fall Family
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Contributor and administrator on a supplementary tulpamancy resource and associated forum, Tulpa.io and Tulpa.io/discuss/.
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#3
Eva: Yes, this is familiar to me and the rest of us as well. If you think about it, having your tulpa express themselves as you to people you may have a stronger bonding with could be a good thing depending on how you want to look at it. I see the whole “tapping-into-recollection-of-memories” as a way for them to give the impression that it is you that they’re talking to. Because if someone finds something completely different in how you behave towards them, they may question what could be wrong, or even wonder why your disposition at the time was so different than it usually is.

Maybe this could be something that happens naturally where tulpas, for the circumstance of talking to people the host communicates to daily do to prevent that potential conflict of identity issues. And seeing how when you’re done communicating with them, everything seems to go back to normal. So maybe this sudden change where Sarah seems to be a liaison/agent for communicating in a way that validates what makes you, you is probably something you shouldn’t take as bleeding into Sarah’s selfhood being threatened.

In other words, tapping into the recollection of memories from you, the host, was readily there for her to use is probably just one of the many truckloads of gray between possession and switching. It doesn’t seem like this is going to affect her own mindvoice vs your own. Maybe it’s a predisposition Sarah has to emulate your mindvoice for the sake of sustaining a genuine impression that the people she’s talking to know it’s “You” they’re talking to.

If you want Sarah to express her views, then you’d have to take into consideration of how her wording may differ, and may cause potential confusion with those same people you talk to daily. So it may be a good thing rather than something to be doubtful, unless you really want people to see you change like that every now and then.
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#4
Thanks for response, Linkzelda. In this case, my husband is completely aware of Sarah and knows when he is conversing with her rather than with me (we have different voices). I think Sarah might feel like it's easier to just reference my memories as her own, or say "my parents" instead of "Sakura's parents". It definitely makes me feel better though to see that others have had similar things occur.
Host: Sakura
Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014)
Our shared tumblr
note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
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#5
Oh, that's a very fortunate event to have someone like that know about her, and take it so casually as well. All the best in her and you getting used to communicating differently. I just seem to be in a different position where I have to protect them, and prevent my own identity from being questioned by others.

You're so lucky. :<
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#6
I can see why you'd be concerned! However, I'd like to tell you that you can rest a little easier. Couple things:

First, consider the fact that you, as Sakura and Sarah, are sharing a brain. You don't live in completely separate sections of it, you share its faculties. Neuroscience has shown that our grey matter has specialized regions; when either of you talk, you are tapping the same Broca's area. Memories for both of you are handled by the same hippocampi. Given that, it's virtually impossible for your boundaries to be 100% clear and narrow, as the brain doesn't have a good way to prevent itself from making muddled associations with everything that passes through it. So, how do you make sure that the boundaries exist and remain useful? My reply is to do a little manual sorting, and come up with a "labeling system" that helps you distinguish in some fashion. For example, I'm much more likely to have music playing in the background when I'm possessing the body, and if I can't do that then I like to deliberately keep a tune running through my thoughts. So, when it comes time to remember precisely what I personally have been up to, it's easier (not that it was hard in the first place, but still) because I know to search for stuff associated with the music I like.

Second, consider the fact that tulpas lack a lot of the touchstones you primary thought-forms take for granted. Parents? We know what that means, but does it fit for any relationships that are strictly ours? Not really, but hey, if we can access your memories of that relationship then that's as close as it gets. So sometimes we sort of step across the ambiguity and just let your touchstones stand in for our nonexistent ones - because, let's be frank here, culture does not do an adequate job of teaching anyone how to operate or think about themselves without certain conventional flags. Just like it's awkward to introduce yourself at a party if there's not a convenient, trite explanation for your career, it can be strange and clunky to try and have a discussion when you're not someone with the controlling share of a body or a history that goes along with that. "Hey, do you know anybody who might be able to help with this?" "Well, sure, my friend (well, he doesn't actually know about me personally, so it's technically my host's friend, but I think he'd be friends with me too if I were to be introduced...)" Do you see how silly that is? Look at it. LOOK AT IT. It's silly. So sometimes a tulpa cuts through the waffling and just borrows pieces of your identity for the sake of convenience.

That's my perspective, anyway. Granted, there are probably some out there who are much more concerned with and attentive to the whole boundaries issue, but as far as I can tell what you're experiencing should be pretty typical. Smile
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#7
Sarah: [Thank you, InfernoEngine, that really makes a lot of sense. I think it's a mixture of using her memories for convenience as well as some confusion of memory since I'm not used to being in control of the body. I think it's definitely something we can get sorted out. Sakura is definitely feeling a lot better about everything now and I think a lot of things make more sense to me now too.

Thanks a ton, everyone!]
Host: Sakura
Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014)
Our shared tumblr
note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
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