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Progress of Sam


GagiePie

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Authors Note: Days are started at 12:00 AM (EST), meaning that if you see something like "_.5" I started doing, well whatever with Sam at a time before 12:00 in the morning and it crossed over the line.

 

~:: Update!! ::~

 

Means that I did something that same day after making the original post for said day.

 

 

 

Day One:

 

I began trying to talk to my Tulpa, at 4:53 and continued to do so to 7:10. I didn't get any reaction, but I am determined to continue working on this. I'm not sure what a "Brain Pressure" as I have heard them being called, but when I talked about them I did feel something but I just passed it off because it's just the first session. I talked out myself, being their host, and what I was excited about. I plan on doing this again tonight and for the following nights. I have names my Tulpa Sam, but I would like them to decide their form and personality for themselves, I'm not positive if that's a good idea... I again began talking to them at 4:20 something (at night) and I fell asleep... I hope that won't make them upset if they were listening.

 

Day Two:

 

Sadly, I wasn't able to have a very long with Sam, but I was able to talk to them for about 45 minutes (6:58-7:44, AM)

I honestly feel like I am talking to some one whenever I sit down to talk to Sam, even if I don't get any reactions as of yet. I won't be able to do another session with Sam today because my Aunt and Cousin are in town, and they all are loud and I probably won't get a long time alone to speak with them in a private session, calmly where I can actually focus on the conversation. I have enough time focusing on my own, so talking to Sam while the kids are here isn't going to work... I did try to talk to them at 2, but that conversation kept drifting and was going into me

singing songs, so I don't count that.

 

~:: Update ::~

 

I did try to meditate around 2:00 or 3:00 PM to clear my mind but that was a fail. I think I did it wrong, but I want to increase my focus while talking to Sam so whatever can help I'll do.

 

Day Three:

 

I only talked to Sam for one hour, starting at 3:37-4:38 AM and basically all I talked about was how my family was in town, what things annoy me, weird things I think about during the day, and so on. I'd say about 15-20 minutes with in me talking to them I had to use the restroom, which made it hard concentrating but I managed until the session was finished. During the session I remember saying "I wonder if talking to you late at night will make you nocturnal or something... well either late at night or early in the morning depending how you look at it" and thinking about that now made me chuckle. I haven't had any response as of yet; but I'm still determined. Every night I usually tell Sam something along the lines of "I don't want to fail making you..." or "I don't want to forget you. If I ever get you or want you to start fading, if you ever did that's one thing I'd want you to tell me immediately. I'd be really upset if I lost you..."

 

Day Four:

 

Talking today with Sam was somewhat weird... I remember starting at 3:37 and the last time I looked at the clock it was 4:26 I believe, I most likely fell asleep but I remember waking up talking to them, and still in my mind. I don't exactly remember what I said but I wasn't fully awake till like 5:40. I'm going to say I finished the session around 6:24. The most thing I remember was talking about what support was to Sam, because I remember reading in a few places that you may want to put in a "Core" personality that your Tulpa can continue to branch it's personality on. I won't have any time to talk to him other then at night until the 18th, so I'm trying to talk to them as much as I can at night. Being an insomniac helps sometimes but even having that, my body sometimes lets me sleep even when I don't want to. In conclusion. Oh! One last thing. I remember being shocked with like a shiver coming from my stomach and extending to the rest of my body when I was talking about support. If I find some time today I may try to meditate or talk to Sam some more.

 

~:: Update! ::~

 

Okay, I found this video, and I am not sure if it's safe or even fair to a tulpa to do this but I kinda want others opinions. I don't have an hour and a half to spend watching the video right now while family is in town, and that's for two weeks so if anyone wants to comment about me using this video please do.

 

Link right here:

 

I will continue to update about Sam as I'm going to do this traditionally as I have read. Tonight I'm going to meditate and try to focus on Tulpas. Meditation is a weird thing to me and I'll probably mess up... I mess up a lot of crap because I may miss read or follow the directions wrong. You'll hear about how the meditation went on day 5! ...Wow... Five Days... Nice one Gagie...

 

Day 5: Oh my gosh that was so fucking cool! I just finished my meditation at 6:06 (AM) and that was just so unique. I woke up at 5:25, and said "Okay lets do this... After I use the bathroom" and then when I got upstairs I sat down on my bed and cleared my mind out as best I could, and even got the songs to stop repeating but that didn't last long. I opened my eyes a few times to check the time, but still my focus remained on Sam. My body felt either limp and firm or soft and heavy at times. I laid down and sat back up a few times as well. So what happened was so flippen cool to me. Over time of just saying their name, I started to envision them. It was soooo flipin cool! I continued to and I saw her with Orange Hair, a blue sweat shirt that in my opinion looked real itchy, and it wasn't all the way to the bottom of her arm, it was slightly rolled up but even if the hole thing was rolled down the shirt wouldn't cover her whole arm. You like how I kept her gender a secret? Hehehe. Any who, she also had some bracelets. On her right hand was a silver metal like bracelet that looked like it had some charms on it but I didn't see real good, and on the left she had a bracelet that was like beaded and it was black and white, it looked porcelain to me, and a bracelet that I have myself which is a rubber band bracelet, two actually together, it's kinda weird how I did that. Continuing! The bracelets are like this; One is rainbow and one is glow in the dark and goes in the pattern Pink, Yellow, Green, Blue. As I continued I saw some profiles of her, one she was in the ground covered in mud (laughing), and another she was reading a book and tapping a pencil to it, and in the last it was her drawing with this cute little smile. That got me thinking of her personality I guess. The meditation was quite weird because I was focusing on Sam but I had thoughts in the background. As I continued, I started seeing her do things, kinda montage of stuff in my minds eye. I saw her walking with me while I took my dog out, riding on the back of a truck as it passed while I was in a car, I saw her eating some ice cream with me (She had chocolate if you were wondering) and I saw her being dragged by my dogs tail while I took her out and I thought that was just silly. I also saw he with star eyes (Like from Steven Universe) while I was on the computer. Then I saw something that made me a little sad through all these happy memories, I saw us fighting, like screaming at each other. There was no sound of course, but after that I saw us looking angry at each other, like we were speaking with my mind voice. Then after that I saw her trying to ride my dog and her feet were dragging on the ground. I remember hearing a small conversation in the back of my mind and it was like "I don't want to design your personality for you, I want you to be you Sam." and then after that I heard "Okay Old Man!" which I wasn't expecting... It wasn't in my voice either... I just didn't expect that. I kept feeling pressure in my head, that kinda hurt. I remember feeling two in the back of my head and then one on the side like a small little jab or poke. I don't think I'm missing anything, but I was proud how I stayed on task while songs were trying to play in the back of my head.I may stop listening to music for a small bit for Sams sake, she deserves that.

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Welcome to tulpa.info, and good luck on your tulpamancy efforts!

 

I would like them to decide their form and personality for themselves, I'm not positive if that's a good idea...

That's absolutely okay! Ultimately, tulpas tend to deviate (aka change their traits/form) at some point. Some don't but well, it's rather random. If there's a particular trait that you'd like your tulpa to have then doing personality work is recommended -same with form- but not really necessary.

If they deviate it's usually not a big deal and most times both host and tulpa end up liking the result. They live inside your head after all.

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Welcome to tulpa.info, and good luck on your tulpamancy efforts!

 

That's absolutely okay! Ultimately, tulpas tend to deviate (aka change their traits/form) at some point. Some don't but well, it's rather random. If there's a particular trait that you'd like your tulpa to have then doing personality work is recommended -same with form- but not really necessary.

If they deviate it's usually not a big deal and most times both host and tulpa end up liking the result. They live inside your head after all.

 

Thank you, that's helpful. I just don't want to mess up.

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Making new posts in your thread bumps it and makes it easier for other members to give advice/comments on your progress, so it might be a good idea to do that instead of updating the OP.

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Making new posts in your thread bumps it and makes it easier for other members to give advice/comments on your progress, so it might be a good idea to do that instead of updating the OP.

 

Oh, well that makes a lot of sense... I'll make Day 6 in the comments. Thanks a bunch :3

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Day Five:

 

~:: Update ::~

 

I had to do some yard work today so I talked to Sam while I did that. It was surprisingly easy despite the bugs flying around and me lifting the logs and rocks. I'm not sure how long I did that, because I didn't look at what time I started or stopped, and I don't think I'm going to do that anymore when I meditate or talk to her. I also took a shower and talked to her. I wasn't expecting results because I was doing other things and maybe she thought that I wasn't paying full attention to her? Meh. it's day Five, this takes months to years to do.

 

~:: Update ::~

 

I am really disappointed... My family was gone pretty much all day and I'd be able to talk to Sam for hours on end if I wanted to, but I didn't know they would be gone as long as they were, so all those hours to talk to her is wasted... On the bright side I was able to read a guide that I will take notes from and try to help myself with creating Sam. I am so scared after reading it, and now feel like I may be doing this for the wrong reasons or am to young to do this... I thought about this for like two weeks before beginning but now I'm all paranoid... I am pressured to be practical by my family so now after reading that I feel like I only made the decision because I'm a teenager... I am glad I didn't start because of something stated on the "Why NOT to create a Tulpa" section, but still... I feel like I'm to young now... I know most of the people on this site is over 18 and I'm just kind of an outlier to this all... I had no paranoia except maybe hurting Sam some how or messing up, and now this is just another added paranoia... Should I feel that way? I hope Sam doesn't think less of me because of this... Here's that guide by the way: https://docs.google.com/document/d/17iiFxZ9PYXXxSqWHdU2YoPsGfJr90w8aIG_evqc1wiY/edit#

 

When my family leaves I plan on scheduling a whole day where I just spend time with Sam. Trying to communicate with her and see her form more. I have to take my dog out at 7,12,5, and 9... Should I stop this until I'm older? I feel like I'm about to cry right now... I don't want to fail or get into something I can't handle, but I feel so confident and maybe my ego was over inflated? That usually never happens and now I am doubting myself and proper judgement level... I know my full proper judgement won't form until I'm 20 but even teenagers can make practical decisions... I feel so dumb right now...

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Well... seems like I'm going to have a pretty empty day today. The family is leaving somewhere for awhile... I kind of feel down but not to an extreme that would make it hard for me to talk to Sam... I'll update tonight. When my family leaves I think I'll meditate. My mom leaves at eight, and whenever my aunt wakes up to take the kids out then I have a lot of time till 12 when I have to take my dog out. Hopefully today will be fun or bring me some results with Sam. Ever so patient.

 

I didn't talk to Sam last night, I was tuckered out but I'm glad I know I'll have some time to talk to her today.

 

(Day 6, Morning)

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Day 6:

 

Well, I didn't do much today. Since my day was free I did some personal things till about 3:50 and then I tried to imagine myself in our wonderland. For now it's just a bland white space that if I want I can float around in. There's a couch on the ground and then over in another area is a table filled with colored liquids in a rainbow order. Underneath the table is a door that when open reveals a huge ocean, with everything that I could ever want is in. On top of the door is a box filled with old mementos and things that bring back nistalga. The table was a tad small, only having the glasses in a six by six direction, with labels on them. Red and Orange were memories, Yellow and Green were Motives, and Blue and Purple where Fears. I believe that the table will expand the more I visit. I wanted to leave the wonder land bland so when Sam gets her form more developed we can walk around and work on it together. It seems like it would be a bonding experience. It was a little hard to visualize myself in the wonderland, but I believe with practice it will be easier and easier and I may be able to fall into the world. No more for tonight I don't think. Tonight I'm going to talk to Sam. I also plan on trying to draw those profiles I saw when I meditated. Can Sam appear in my dreams? If so that'd be cool. I am not sure if Sam would have to drink the liquid on those tables or pour them on top of her head, but I like her pouring it over her head... I wonder if wonderlands have limits where you can no longer walk in them, or if they are infinite. I may do some passive forcing tomorrow but I'm not sure. I am going to post at night from now on unless I want to write down what happened immediately so I don't forget. Almost one week yaaaas

 

~:: Update ::~

 

I don't know how I forgot to put this in but I've been really good about not listening to music. It's hard but I feel like it will benefit our relationship. Songs don't come in as easy as before when I meditate or talk to Sam as before, even only after two days. I am so impatient but I knew this wasn't going to just come fast so patience is key in this situation. I'm going to be such a bad host oh god... Sorry in advanced Sam...

 

~:: Update 2 ::~

 

I just tried to draw Sam from memories of the profiles I saw while meditating, and I couldn't visualize her in my mind. Not sure if I should be worried or not but I am planning on talking to Sam tomorrow about it. Still only day six, so I guess it's alright that I don't have a full visualization of her form. I'm not to worried now but if someone tells me differently I may be a bit more paranoid...

 

P.S. I remembered the colors I saw, and was able to pick them out to an exact when I saw them.

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Can Sam appear in my dreams?

 

Yes, tulpas can appear in dreams, and some have claimed to be able to go lucid with their help.

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Day 7:

 

Today was more of a harder day, I went out with my family and focusing while doing things were somewhat hard. The hardest part had to be when they turned the radio on and were talking... I didn't keeep track of time but I'd say I finished talking to her at about 5. I talked to her about my doubts and the wonderland and other stuff. I even talked to her during dinner. When I was done I had a huge headake, it felt like my brain was going to explode. I think I sprained my ankle so if that still hurts tomorrow it might make it harder to focus on the little marshmellow. I also told her how sorry I was about not being able to focus and how I loved her when I got a free moment which was when we went to the auqutorium. I don't think I can doing anything else with her today so this should be all I post. I'm going to go take a shower and see what I'm going to do with her tomorrow. Maybe meditate

'

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