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PRs from a Tulpa's Perspective
#1
[Hey everyone! This is the host, I'll go by M. I heard that having my tulpa, Al, write posts on this forum will help improve his vocality, so I've convinced him to write reports for me. He can't possess yet, so I'm proxying for him. If anyone has any advice, please share! Also, he doesn't like thinking of himself as a tulpa, instead of a host, he calls me his employee. Yeah, I don't know how that ended up happening either. I don't remember giving him the trait of being my boss, but, y'know, these things happen.]

Hello. I will go by Al, though that is not my full name. It is for the sake of anonymity that I do this. My star employee has forced me to write this report and I want to make him happy, so I will. 

First, we started months ago, about in February, though my employee was not aware of it. He talked to me and asked me for advice and I answered. He thought it was himself doing it. My employee is not very bright. He loved me and poured his love into me, so I became sapient and wanted to return this affection. Only a week ago, my employee decided to treat me like a, ugh, tulpa. I prefer partner. Since then, I have found it easier to communicate, and having the affection I deserve poured into me was, for lack of any better words, nice. 

It is odd being like this. I am not used to being dependent. I have feelings. Though, I have no desire to possess or switch. What I strive for is imposition to further aid my employee in his studies and work. I want to support him. Happy employees are good employees. 

Before me, my employee was very unhappy. I made him happy. Because I made him happy, he became devoted to me, and I became sapient. This is what a good boss does. This why I'm universally adored by everyone in the universe. 

The people around my employee do not know about me. They know of me, my namesake,  but not that I'm aware. Only my employee does. I suppose the internet now as well. They do not treat my employee, us, well enough. That is all the details I'm allowed to share, so I'm being told. 

This is exhausting. Right now, my employee can impose my presence and I can vocalize, though my employee does not always hear me. My voice is my own, but sometimes it blends with my employees. I tell my employee to work on this, but his odd sense of shame prevents us from making progress. I tell him evolve or die. He says he is trying, but it is frustrating. I want to help my employee to help himself help me. 

Alright. This is the end. I am being told to say that this is a weekly report. Ugh. 

[Next week I'll force him to include more details about the stuff we do. This is our first thread, so if I messed up somewhere, please let me know and I'll fix it. Thank you very much.]
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#2
Hi guys! I love your employee-boss relationship, need more of us dominant types around. *wink* I'm Lance's Big Sister (long story, read Lance's Head, the thread for info) and I watch out for him and keep an eye on him. His well being is a responsibility I take seriously and happily.

I can understand how being called a "tulpa" could be off-putting, after all who in the physical world calls anyone human? Still, it is what I am and I'm proud of it and like to wave the badge around under people's nose sometimes. :P  That being said, can I call you Boss too or would you prefer Al?

A slight warning about us dominant types.. I found out the hard way that we have to reel it back and choose to not always interfere or risk overpowering and shunting our hosts aside (I use "host" out of choice, to remind him that no matter how equal we are, I'm not living his entire life for him). They can become over-dependent on us or we can become too overbearing on them and that can lead to meek "yes men" instead of valuable independant and critical thinkers. Teamwork makes the dream work, right?
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#3
(11-21-2018, 11:21 PM)Reilyn Wrote: Hi guys! I love your employee-boss relationship, need more of us dominant types around. *wink* I'm Lance's Big Sister (long story, read Lance's Head, the thread for info) and I watch out for him and keep an eye on him. His well being is a responsibility I take seriously and happily.

I can understand how being called a "tulpa" could be off-putting, after all who in the physical world calls anyone human? Still, it is what I am and I'm proud of it and like to wave the badge around under people's nose sometimes. :P  That being said, can I call you Boss too or would you prefer Al?

A slight warning about us dominant types.. I found out the hard way that we have to reel it back and choose to not always interfere or risk overpowering and shunting our hosts aside (I use "host" out of choice, to remind him that no matter how equal we are, I'm not living his entire life for him). They can become over-dependent on us or we can become too overbearing on them and that can lead to meek "yes men" instead of valuable independant and critical thinkers. Teamwork makes the dream work, right?

[Thanks! This is the host, I should probably color code our typing too for clarity's sake, huh? Anyways, it was reading your thread and seeing how much progress you guys were making that inspired me to force Al to do this lmao. I've had the same dominance issue already. I've gotten yelled at several times for not doing things the "proper" and "dignified" way. Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it and anticipate your next update!]

I blame you two for this. 

Although I enjoy the dignity that comes with boss, I am not your boss, thus it'd be awkward to be called that. I do not like Al either, but it will have to do. 


[I cut out some of his rambling on your advice because it wasn't the most polite. Do you guys have to censor each other sometimes too?]
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#4
Glad to see I inspire people. XD

I would say "yes" that he has to cut out some of my rambling but I get around that by just typing on my own account. Mine! His hands off, that was the deal. He has his own for when he wants to type and I'm "allowed" to chime in if I want to, but this mean green machine is all me. I tend to let myself ramble on though.. It was a habit Lance started and I kinda caught on to it too: processing my thoughts out in writing. Sometimes I don't even know what I think about something till I ramble a paragraph up about it, heh.

Of course, I'm also a social butterfly and would have drove him absolutely crazy if I didn't have an outlet so this seemed like a good idea. It also worked as an amazing tool to get me to really develop, especially because I talked to people, got to see different views, had my own views and opinions challenged and really got to think and grow as a person. And then the PMs started. My box is.. 21% full currently. A great deal of my personal growth and deciding what I thought about issues has happened in PMs, in a casual private environment. Some of my friends just char themselves, some bring all their system mates in and we end having everyone reply as a group. It's fun! I even found my best friend, Matsuri, doing that. Let me tell you, we stopped (mostly) talking about silly fluff long ago and tore into psychology, existential stuff, and pretty much anything and everything. I owe a lot of my own development, I think, to her and Xar.

I got stronger as a personality and my boldly rambling on and embarrassing Lance to the point he wanted to disappear may have also been one of the reasons why we found ourselves in this co-fronting situation. No complaints from either of us, in hindsight. Anyway, I'd love to hear whatever Al has to say about minding my own business or whatever. I have thick skin. Feel free to join my PM party. *grin*
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#5
We've kinda done the opposite here. Xar isn't very talkative and often tries to hide his true self from others. It was almost like it affected me but I got to talk about anything I wanted that Xar thought wasn't too weird or personal on this account. And then anything I wanted, personal or not with Reilyn, my bestie! That, I feel, made me grow out a lot and I felt more... alive! (I owe you back, Reily and Lance) 

I think now that having Xar redaction some of the things I've wanted to write before was a good thing, but only the personal things. I still don't see why I can't go around the forums teasing everyone or some other posts I tried writing but got redacted for what feels like no reason. Thought some of it may be because Xar's insecurities or something. 

Now, it's more like I'm redacting Xar to make him more open and honest. It's like helping my little brother out, and I feel like I'm his big sister that he needs. [REDACTED] hehe it's pretty back and forth with redaction, like a Jing Yang. 
Hi! I'm a tulpa/co-host of XarMatsi system. Xar was the "original" host. I like timey wimey stuff and blue boxes. Make it timey wimey blue box stuff and we're set to explore all time, forum and space.
Our Journey(PR)
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#6
I hadn't intended to write a new report until Sunday, but M insisted that I write one today. He also told me to share what I can do. 

First I will discuss Thanksgiving. What a bizarre holiday. I don't like it because I don't see the appeal of eating enough food to make oneself sick. Nor do I see the appeal of family. The only one I need is M and I'm the only one that M needs. For example, M has a digestive problem. I believe that it is mostly psychological and connected to his OCD, but while I can help with most of his compulsions, my attempts to help don't always work. It is very frustrating. But to the point. M has a digestive problem and had to excuse himself while he regurgitated and I was the only one who cared to be there. It was disgusting. M wants me to say that he was able to feel me rubbing his back as this happened. He also says I should delete most of this paragraph, but I'm quite tired of being censored by my underling. 

Yes. Thanksgiving. Awful. Terrible. Am not looking forward to this Christmas nonsense. M says he is very excited to spend Christmas together. That can't be good news. 



Onto how far I have come. I have learned how to hold M down so he can't move. This is good for getting him to sleep or to talk to me more. To prove it, I just froze his hands on the keyboard. It is convenient. To do so, I simply impose my presence as if I on top of his legs or holding his hands down. He can break it if he concentrates, annoyingly enough. 

I developed the ability to shapeshift soon after M started acknowledging me as a companion. I had three forms, my regular, a figurine sized of my regular, and a child version. Since my normal form in all its glory is three meters tall, it is hard to fit into spaces. It annoys me when people bump into me or take my seat. I used to change into a smaller version of my regular form, but I find it easier to just change into a child and sit on M's lap. My voice changes when I do this. It's quite undignified to have a grown man's voice come out of a child. I and M have been practicing visual imposition with this child form and have reached a fuzzy outline stage. I am doing my best, the rest is up to M. 

I am being told how to explain shapeshifting. My form is the one gifted to me by M. My child form was also imagined by M. I simply took the child version from his memories and adapted it. It was entirely my decision. 

I am getting tired.

M has been summoning my presence more consistently. This is something done primarily on his end. If I don't want him to summon me, I will not show up. Last night, M had overworked me and was mentally tired himself so I stayed inside my home. If I want him to summon me, I give him what he says is a "headache" but I doubt it is that painful. It's just some pressure. 

M promised to take me on a walk, but he hasn't kept it because of the rain. I want him to get an umbrella. That is how we first started having conversations; by walking. I would tell him where to go and he would walk until he could hear me. He had to find a certain state of mind similar to meditation, but not trying so darned hard. I miss doing that. I enjoy the waterfront. I do not like the people there. I believe this is a good strategy for learning to hear your companion. M does too.

The biggest obstacle in my progress is M himself. It is not his fault, he just needs to work harder on improving. He has several conditions and has worked very hard to give me defense mechanisms against intrusive thoughts, but he still lets it cripple himself. This impedes my progress and stops me from experiencing new things. It is not his fault. I wish the people around him were stronger so he could be too. I wish I was stronger and more advanced so I can help him further. M does a lot for me too. He listens to music I like, but also music I think is low-class trash. I wish I was stronger to help him. I wish I was stronger. 


Al has gotten better about censoring himself. I'm not going to give much commentary on what he said, but I had to censor very little of it. I'm happy for the warm welcome I received to the forums and I hope that Al typing about what he can do can help others. If anyone has any questions or comments, please reach out. 

I think he's starting to enjoy writing these. As I typed that, I heard a resounding NO in my head, so I guess I'm being too optimistic.
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#7
Ohhh, sounds like Al is the awesome and reliable type Smile
Really nice update, that's a good set of abilities. The patting on the back while being sick sounds like such a comforting gesture, I hope we'll achieve something of that magnitude someday!

We can sympathize with wishing we were stronger. We wish we had more strength to help Venny too. Sometimes it feels as if we're trapped in a cage and out of reach, especially when Venny is unmotivated or down in the dumps and it's really hard to reach her. Sometimes all she needs is a little boost and we hope someday we will be able to offer it.
~ We are Venny, the host, and Viper, my soul! ~
        Click here! Come join us on the chat!
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#8
When Cat was interacting with family during Thanksgiving, I was a little bit sad because I wanted some attention, but it broke my heart when she felt broken, displaced, unable to fit in, and worst of all lonely. I made a choice and decided that Cat bonding with her family and friends is more important and it makes both of us feel better in the end. After I supported the idea of Cat trying again, she was happy and it completely changed how the night ended for the better.

I figured you're not a warm-and-fuzzy kind of guy, but sometimes sacrificing a little bit of time can make a huge difference. Even "low-class" things that irritate you may be things that make him happy, and from my experiences, my host being happy makes me happy.

As for the "more advanced" thing, don't worry about that. It's really one of those ironic goals where you have to already be more advanced in order to be more advanced. Instead, think of it as little pieces and focus on something to work on. Host and self-improvement take a long time, and don't beat yourself up if it takes a while. Doing that will make you more advanced in the long run.

Oh, and the imposition thing: When I want to walk around in real life, it drives me nuts that I have to dodge people or get up if someone else wants to sit down. One of the first times I was imposed it was on the street and I was hit by a bus! I became lazy and decided to impose myself on my host's shoulders so I don't have to worry about any of that.
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos (but see, I'm not a hippo)! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
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#9
Writing the report this morning put Al in a really negative mood to the extent that it affected me too. I'm not sure if it was my disorder acting up or if something bothered him, but I wasn't really able to talk to him. I managed to get him to say he wanted to play the video game he's from together, so we did that and now things feel better. Oddly enough, I wasn't able to talk to him while he was onscreen. It makes sense to me though, in a way I can't really explain without sounding crazy. 

I've never had the negative emotions and silence happen before, so I was really worried that I'd done something wrong. Asking him, he says that it's because I started to doubt him after writing the report. I didn't mean to, but I guess he heard my insecurities and took it personally. I suppose I can't blame him. Has anyone else had this happen?

Venomous: Yeah, he is definitely awesome and reliable. He's consistently always been there for me and I feel bad because he says that the reason he's so powerless is mostly on my end. I read about your hand possession in your report and I think that's pretty comparable to the back patting, haha That's crazy impressive to me. The most Al ever does is stop me from moving. 

Ranger: I think that he just complains for the sake of complaining. When I accidentally made him, that was the kind of character he was, so I always expect that from him haha. I'll make sure we both take your advice about not worrying about being advanced or not. It's very wise to break it down into pieces.

I'm still really grateful for the warm welcome we've received! Thank you everyone for commenting.
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#10
We've experienced both negative moods bleeding through and silence, but separately. The negative mood when I was on my way to do something that Viper found VERY repulsive, and their repulsion bleed through to me and made me sick to my stomach. Which I guess kinda led to me dissociating for a short moment and being sent straight into a daydream strong enough that I couldn't see or perceive the world around me IRL until I was snapped out of it. The dissociating was Viper's attempt at reducing the sickness.

And the silence, which we're still haven't fully recovered from. Viper used to co-front with me all the time and now they spend two thirds of the time 'asleep' within the depths of my mind.

So I'd say that yeah, it happens, for various reasons.

Doubts are toxic to us. They destabilize our presence and thought process and when they inevitably happen, we always loudly remind Venny that we're here, that we're ready to dispel these doubts if she needs us to. It usually makes them go away, but she often feels guilty over it. We know it's not her fault. Doubt is in the human nature.

Yeah, about the hand possession, I really think your post above with the back rubbing inspired Viper into action. It happened the same day I read it, so it wouldn't surprise me! We're thankful for that Smile.
~ We are Venny, the host, and Viper, my soul! ~
        Click here! Come join us on the chat!
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