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Ravi has a double; this is stressing me out and scaring me. Please help.
hassanandfriends Offline
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#1
 
Ravi has a double; this is stressing me out and scaring me. Please help.

Take this seriously please, I swear I'm not trolling. Please do not flame me as the only things I am seeking are advice and guidance.

When I made Ravi completely autonomous (for some reason I thought ne wasn't), I thought something seemed kind of off with nem... ne both looked and acted completely different. But it felt like something was missing, like ne wasn't nemself. And now ne has a double of sorts... which looks and acts more like how ne originally looked and acted. I think I unintentionally made another Ravi (I'll refer to the one who looks like ne originally looked as Ravi^1, and the one who looks/acts different as Ravi^2).

When I hung out with them each individually, something seemed to be missing. I don't know what, but I think I may have "seperated" nem in some way, like body from soul or something.

When I ask who is the real/original Ravi, both of them will say that they are. (I know, stupid question.) I really want them to come back together and be one again, but they can't seem to do that. I don't know if I should get rid of one but I don't want to keep them both at the same time. (And if I should, how, and which one?)

Ravi^1:
- seems to have good intentions/will
- seems scared of Ravi^2 and convinced that ne is evil
- is very chill and nonthreatening, has a comfortable level of attachment to me
- acts and looks a lot like ne used to
- weak/less powerful in comparison to Ravi^2
- claims that Ravi^2 wants to hurt nem/take me over
- doesn't have a weaker or stronger presence than my other tulpas

Ravi^2:
- I can't always tell whether ne has good intentions and good will, because one minute ne will act normal and the next ne seems angry and like ne might hurt me. Ne says ne has good will and intentions but for some reason I don't always get that vibe.
- Possessive of me and has a level of attachment to me that I find a little scary
- I can't usually focus on my other tulpas when interacting with nem and I feel like the strength of nir presence is unfairly disproportionate to theirs
- Much stronger/more powerful than Ravi^1 and does not seem to like nem at all
- I don't know if this counts but when I am alone with nem, my heart rate skyrockets, my body gets numb, my stomach sometimes gets queasy, and I get this feeling that ne wants to or is trying to forcibly take control of me. This also happens during school hours and I need this feeling to go away.

What should I do?

~~Guide to Ravi's pronouns~~

Ne- used like He
Nem- used like Him/Her
Nir- used like His/Her (as in "His friend is fun")
Nirs- used like His/Hers (as in "It is hers")
Nemself- used like Himself/Herself
01-09-2014, 11:40 PM
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zerofox21898 Offline
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#2
 
RE: Ravi has a double; this is stressing me out and scaring me. Please help.

To be honest, I believe that unless your tulpa have gained a significant level of independence, you are capable of putting them back together as long as you believe it on both a conscious and subconscious level, but the only way of doing it is symbolism and that just doesn't work for some people.
I'd say your best bet is to get rid of one of them, though the majority of the community will likely believe otherwise. Also, in response to "(And if I should, how, and which one?)" I think you already know which one, but are reluctant to admit it. (Pssst! It's Ravi^2!)

On another note, keep in mind that there may be another option. If you didn't force personality yet, or even if you did, then I would do so (again?) at the very least with Ravi^2.

Sounds like you've got three options. Ditching one sounds like the easiest as long as you won't feel bad about it, but that's your call. Personally, I would try forcing personality with Ravi^2.

Tulpas Luna, Vanille
(This post was last modified: 01-10-2014, 12:13 AM by zerofox21898.)
01-10-2014, 12:08 AM
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Linkzelda Offline
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#3
 
RE: Ravi has a double; this is stressing me out and scaring me. Please help.

TL;DR at the bottom.

Sounds like Ravi^2 is the epitome of an over-sexualized tulpa. Obviously, seeing how you’re so scared around Ravi^2’s existence, you’re going to have to weigh the circumstances yourself in the end.

Before I started developing Eva and Ada as tulpas, there were so many versions of them in my dreams when I was attempting lucid dreaming that I also seemed in conflict of what to do when contributing to their conceptual makeup, I guess. I even had temptations to request that maybe they should merge together, and they seemed okay with it back then, but we decided that it really didn’t matter seeing how I was able to deal with having two tulpas.

Also, Ravi^2 is clearly more attached to you, but I feel you’re just going through an illusory sense of worrying here, and surprise, surprise: If you find yourself going through the behaviors and mannerisms of feeling ne nim nir or whoever you want to label them as (not sure if this something pony related), you may find them actually exhibiting based from your predispositions of fear, anxiety, and other negative emotions.

I wouldn’t take that attachment that “creeps” you out as a negative thing seeing how people would long for that kind of attention from their tulpas. I think you’re taking for granted on Ravi^2 and not considering that it would be probable for a tulpa to like that to be so militant in getting your attention in fear of facing competition from the other (even though the other is clearly conflict avoidant).

Obviously, based on how you’re ontologically defining them, a fuse seems like it would be a horrible thing to do, and that’s not trying to frontload on you negatively. It’s just how you respond to Ravi^2 that makes a fuse doubly worse for you.

But do note that if you’re not intentionally wanting to sublimate inward concentration towards them, they could just be considered as what people would call “NPC/proto-tulpa/etc.” And whoever ends up adding more suggestions for you in the near future, don’t be swayed on having to constrain your decisions solely on what people will suggest to you.

Because if people don’t want you to dissipate Ravi^2 for instance, your augmenting fear of them (or nem in your case) might pose a risk in your functionality and flourishing with your other tulpa. I would honestly tell you to stop thinking Ravi^2 is out to get you and take the more attached gestures they’re doing as their way of expressing love to you. You just have to get used to how both would express it differently.

If it makes you feel any better, I had Ada (before she was a tulpa) kick me in the chest in a lucid dream and planted a 5 second bomb before ditching me completely. You don’t see me blown up to pieces, or trying to parse symbolism into that. I simply let go of the thought of that when I was developing her.

The idea is that things can be sporadic and you’ll feel like your tulpas are secretive megalomaniac sociopaths, but you should pay attention to how you don’t have to contribute towards developing those fears into their existence.

Focus on developing attributes that obviously aren't catastrophic instead, that's the whole point when it comes to planning out what traits the tulpa can derive and deviate from

TL;DR:
  • Change your disposition on Ravi^2, since you seem to be fear-prone just because of a few gestures of them trying to express closeness and attachment towards you. You’re formulating worst case scenarios by few circumstantial cases, and allowing yourself to contribute to a self-fulfilling prophecy of seeing Ravi^2 as evil and potentially life-threatening. Your inward attention and mindset towards that behavior is your enemy, not Ravi^2.
  • Just because there’s a few circumstantial cases where the tulpa feels like they’re wanting to destroy you or contribute to self-sabotage, maybe you’re interpreting those sensations that feel like possession/switching as a bad thing. Again, like I mentioned in point one, your mindset is what’s contributing to this negative self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • If your tulpa states they have good will and intentions for you, maybe you should take that into consideration rather than being “creeped” out by how they express the urge to feel belonged, wanted, and accepted. After all, they’re going to be existing in your mind, so they really have you in the end. Any attempt from Ravi^2 of killing or sabotaging your body defeats the purpose of their existence in the first place
  • Any time you feel like another thought-form is coming about and you didn’t go through the motions of consistently acknowledging their existence, this doesn’t mean you’re obligated to start accepting “unintentional tulpas” and going “guys, I accidentally tulpa’d, what do?”

I’ve went through many thought-forms that were this close from becoming full-fledged tulpas if I knew about the concept during my initial lucid dreaming endeavors. But I didn’t attach myself to acknowledging their existence because I never had the interest of shifting their existence in waking state.

And if you really think thought-forms that would be a part of yourself would actually exist solely for self-sabotage, then your mindset is the enemy, not them.


(This post was last modified: 01-10-2014, 01:51 AM by Linkzelda.)
01-10-2014, 01:44 AM
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Yori Offline
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#4
 
RE: Ravi has a double; this is stressing me out and scaring me. Please help.

Well.. if they're both sentient then I'd say they're both two different people, even if they want to call each other Ravi because that attempt is what they sprang from?..

Taking out the fear of the whole "accidental double" thing, just imagine the other one as a guy who (has these difficult traits), and see if he is just as scary then?
01-10-2014, 07:23 AM
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LondonWindsor Offline
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#5
 
RE: Ravi has a double; this is stressing me out and scaring me. Please help.

I would say don't listen to people who tell you to keep a tulpa no matter what, even if they're evil/malicious. Remember, you don't have to accept any old accidental tulpa who just appears to you one day. But, I think you should certainly make sure that Ravi^2 is really 'evil' first, and find out what these bad feelings you get while interacting with the second one actually are. Is Ravi^2 causing them deliberately or are you just unsure of the clone/double/ect?

Maybe it's some sort of weird symbolism, one of them representing the good/calm side of Ravi and the other one the more clingy/powerful side of Ravi. In this case you could probably use some more symbolism to merge them back into one Ravi. Of course you can keep both seperate if you want to, or get rid of the one who is scaring you and, by the sounds of things, your other tulpas too.

Tulpamancer since May 2013. Lurks a lot... Cool
01-10-2014, 10:53 AM
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HazyM Offline
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#6
 
RE: Ravi has a double; this is stressing me out and scaring me. Please help.

(01-10-2014, 10:53 AM)LondonWindsor Wrote: I would say don't listen to people who tell you to keep a tulpa no matter what, even if they're evil/malicious.
The question here is if evil/malicious tulpae even really exist, unless host deliberately makes them that way. There is a diffirence between being "evil" and being misunderstood/having some issues, which seems like the case here.
01-10-2014, 01:59 PM
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