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Raxter's Progress Report
#31
Quote:Did you get tired of his slow movements and specifically set out to change them or is this just a natural progression?

I wouldn't say that I was tired of it exactly, but I felt that if his form no longer required him to shamble then he really shouldn't continue with the action. He was in a whispy / zombie-esque phase for only a short while although that was mostly me plugging flesh and substance into his being. During his creation process I tried to literally build him as if I could conjure his bones, organs, and frame.

I'm keeping him in a relatively blank slate until I get the right inspiration from him. He's too young and I'm not entirely comfortable adding or subtracting anything that I don't feel is natural. And to be perfectly honest, he seems quite content with the whole mysterious bit for now so we'll see how it plays out on that front!


Twenty-Two
There's been a lot of life's silliness attacking me lately and it really tests my ability to keep Vigil manifested at my side at all times. It's easy for me to slip into hold distracting habits, I daydream to get my mind off daydreaming like some weird mobius-strip of mental distractions.

When you work with your tulpa, what are some things you do to keep them in mind? What allows you to stay reminded of them?
The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.
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#32
(07-11-2014, 08:10 AM)Raxter Wrote: When you work with your tulpa, what are some things you do to keep them in mind? What allows you to stay reminded of them?

I sometimes draw an ideogram on the back of one of my hands. It's a big "F" to remind me of my tulpa, Fennel. I spend a fair amount of time doing craftwork, and since I'm always using my hands the symbol has served as a constant reminder.
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#33
Quote:I sometimes draw an ideogram on the back of one of my hands. It's a big "F" to remind me of my tulpa, Fennel. I spend a fair amount of time doing craftwork, and since I'm always using my hands the symbol has served as a constant reminder.

This is a good idea I think I could try. I'm not OCD by any means but I tend to notice things that are on me rather quickly, so the ol' "Kick Me Sign" trick doesn't usually work. But I use my hands quite a bit as well, I'll try putting a mark or symbol on me for a while and see how it goes.

Twenty-Three

Many apologies for the long delay this update. Life has an odd way of butting in at the worst times in order to distract me and I'm just the sort of person to get caught up in one thing as soon as dropping something else. A trait I'm not going to let interfere with my journey.

Vigil's cloak intrigues me to no end. It's more of a trench coat really than a large all-encompassing cape. It's a heavy greenish brackish material that repels the elements well and also doesn't flap around like a flag.
It's clasped at the neck with only a small space, maybe an inch, between between where the two edges of the cloak fall down the front of him.
I jokingly figured he hid demons and skeletons inside of it like the Ghost of Christmas Future in 'Scrooged' although a part of me also figures he doesn't have anything under there at the moment, literally just enough flesh and muscle and bone to keep the cloth on his frame.
He's tall, too. Not gargantuan but I'm 5'10'' and I put his height somewhere around 6'3'' with an imposing width. The only noticeable features currently is the bridge of his nose which extends out of the shadow of his cowl, and his pair of black boots that look like they could be used for combat or mountain climbing.

I think the coat he wears interests me so much because what's under it is unknown to me. While I suppose I could just tell Vigil to reveal himself I kind of like the mystery of it and I feel better knowing that Vigil has something of his own. It makes it easier to see him as an actual thing and not just some puppet or servant that I can order about.


Does your tulpa ever have things that they keep to themselves? Are there things you don't mind your tulpa knowing without you yourself knowing?
The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.
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#34
My tulpa Sigma has a floating island with ruins on top of it! No one's allowed on without his permission. If they try to walk on it, they just kinda slip off somehow, and if they try to fly over it, a strong gale blows them away. I think it's super cool! I like that he has his own place.
Tulpas
Amy
Nine-Tailed Kitsune
Sigma
Anthro Cat-Bat
The Kippies!
Jazz (M), Viola (F), Chime (H), Fife (M), Iris (F), Robyn (F), Aster (M), Sage (F), Dune (M), Snowbell (F), Rosemary (F), Glyph (M), Volt (M), Circuit (F)
The Baybees~
Marina, Acorn, Anais, Lily, Chip
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#35
Twenty-Four

I think Vigil might be a female.
I know my descriptions have put a definite masculine spin on Vigil but a recent experience may change all that and if it will be the first deviation I've witnessed since his conception some months ago.
I'm very big on exercising, specifically running since I feel it's the best thing I can do to keep myself fit and in-shape. I tried weight lifting and cross fit training for a while but with my body type I just can't put on weight or muscle as easily as other people. It's incredibly frustrating to never lose or gain any weight despite eating like a slob and exercising like a possessed person.
My run time is like my therapy and I take out a lot of personal rage when I sprint. It's not uncommon for me to swear or curse constantly while I run and my routines are typically very negative in terms of my emotional state.

During one particularly difficult run (a 7.5 mile hike / sprint) I had finished the first half of the exercise and had to collapse on a bench for a few minutes during my cool down routine.
I usually don't have to have this mid break so I was in a foul mood for having to stop for a few deep breathing cycles.
Vigil was standing in front of me a few paces away.

"Why don't you ever fucking talk?" I asked more to the ground than to Vigil. I even sneered a bit, I was pissed off and not used to being so exhausted as I was then.
Of course, no answer.
"Talk. Say something. Anything. I don't care what."
Fine. It was a higher pitched voice that Vigil spoke with. Not the deeper, masculine voice that I imaged it would be and it certainly was NOT my mind voice. At most it was androgynous.
By now my breathing was normalized though I was covered in sweat and the armband holding my music player was slipping.

Vigil is imposing with a wide, tall frame. So I was caught off guard a bit but I was also trying to force my heart rate down.
"So you're some amazonianesque...thing." I was still livid and frustrated at myself for feeling so tired and Vigil's minute shrug at what I said only further enraged me.
"Take your hood off."
No
At this point I was at my limit and beyond my rational limits. I dropped the conversation there and continued my sprint which was possibly the worst thing I could have done with my core temperature way too high and my breathing not normalized.
I finished, barely, and simply kept Vigil visualized nearby but I have yet to re-address this.

Up until this point I had the idea that Vigil was just decidedly male. The frame, body, mannerisms, and overall look are masculine. I'm not sure what to make of this.


Has your tulpa ever done something like this? Could this have just been the byproduct of my mindset at the time?
The most terrifying thing about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent. In the vast darkness we must supply our own light.
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#36
(07-11-2014, 08:10 AM)Raxter Wrote: When you work with your tulpa, what are some things you do to keep them in mind? What allows you to stay reminded of them?

Well Merman suggested writing their initial on your hand. I do that, but I also have alarms every hour with Void's name as the subject so I'm constantly reminded of her presence.

(08-04-2014, 10:44 AM)Raxter Wrote: Twenty-Four

My run time is like my therapy and I take out a lot of personal rage when I sprint. It's not uncommon for me to swear or curse constantly while I run and my routines are typically very negative in terms of my emotional state.

Before I tackle Vigil being something different than what you intended, just keep in mind that talking with them about those issues might give you something to talk about with them, as well as a possible solution to those issues.

(08-04-2014, 10:44 AM)Raxter Wrote: I think Vigil might be a female.
-snip-
Up until this point I had the idea that Vigil was just decidedly male. The frame, body, mannerisms, and overall look are masculine. I'm not sure what to make of this.

Has your tulpa ever done something like this? Could this have just been the byproduct of my mindset at the time?

Definitely. I've come to accept Void for whatever she wants to be, regardless of appearance. Perhaps Vigil is just trying to figure out who they are in the world? Maybe you should try and confront those issues of their identity and ask why they want, not what you want.

[Basically that. We both noticed you seem mad at Vigil for not talking to you over the time you've spent doing this, which is, honestly, kind of mean. You can't expect everything to fall into place really fast, even if you've been at this for a while. You seem to believe your mindset of efficiency (from post 21) has rubbed off on Vigil. Maybe, in that time off extreme stress, they decided to become something they want to be, and not just your mold of things? That's real progression, even if they aren't talking a lot. Embrace change, don't shunt it!

We also found it funny because you answered your own earlier question: "Since you've started working with your tulpa, what sort of major changes have occurred to its form?"]
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