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Research for a story
#41
intel: perhaps your paramedic should have been telling you that shock is a medical condition (loss of fluid) and not what it commonly referred to as 'being shocked'.

For both of you, the point is that the attacker has just come in and shot your father. It's a little different to paintball or your friend knocking on your bathroom door. Regardless of what you think you would do, what you wouldn't do is a) be effectively aggressive or b) be level-headed or calm.

And intel, Google is not hard to operate. It's designed so that anyone can use it; it's like saying that it's hard to cook microwave meals.
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#42
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(11-29-2012, 06:17 PM)waffles Wrote: intel: perhaps your paramedic should have been telling you that shock is a medical condition (loss of fluid) and not what it commonly referred to as 'being shocked'.

For both of you, the point is that the attacker has just come in and shot your father. It's a little different to paintball or your friend knocking on your bathroom door. Regardless of what you think you would do, what you wouldn't do is a) be effectively aggressive or b) be level-headed or calm.

And intel, Google is not hard to operate. It's designed so that anyone can use it; it's like saying that it's hard to cook microwave meals.

I was kindof not talking about the medical condition, and if you read it in context it is kinda obvious what i meant.

also, he didnt just knock on my bathroom door, he scared the shit outta me AHAHAHHAHA, SO FUNNY!. just imagine, you are sitting on the can minding your own buisnes, you know, just shitting and stuff... AND OUT OF MOTHER-FUCKING NOWHERE! A EXPLOSION OF NOISE AS A RANDOM STRANGER IS BANGING WILDLY AT YOUR TOILET DOOR! YOU MAKE A QUICK ASSERTION OF YOUR SITUATION, YOU JUST LOCKED YOUR FRONT DOOR BEFORE YOU WENT TO SHIT, SO THE ASSASSIN IN CLEARLY HERE TO KILL YOU!

Of course i was shocked, i was scared shitless OH GOD THAT NEVER GETS OLD! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

and seriously, making microwave meals require efforts, and it requires caring, something i simply do not do. I think you should spend a few minutes thinking "what if he speaks without being 100% literal about every single thing?" before you post, no offense.
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#43
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(11-29-2012, 06:39 PM)intelhunter Wrote: I was kindof not talking about the medical condition, and if you read it in context it is kinda obvious what i meant.
The point is that the paramedic was saying it, which would suggest that he would define medical shock rather than give definitions that he is not qualified to.

(11-29-2012, 06:39 PM)intelhunter Wrote: also, he didnt just knock on my bathroom door, he scared the shit outta me AHAHAHHAHA, SO FUNNY!. just imagine, you are sitting on the can minding your own buisnes, you know, just shitting and stuff... AND OUT OF MOTHER-FUCKING NOWHERE! A EXPLOSION OF NOISE AS A RANDOM STRANGER IS BANGING WILDLY AT YOUR TOILET DOOR! YOU MAKE A QUICK ASSERTION OF YOUR SITUATION, YOU JUST LOCKED YOUR FRONT DOOR BEFORE YOU WENT TO SHIT, SO THE ASSASSIN IN CLEARLY HERE TO KILL YOU!

Of course i was shocked, i was scared shitless OH GOD THAT NEVER GETS OLD! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Yep, OK. The point that your friend didn't kill any of your family members, nor was holding a handgun, still stands. This just implicates you as a faggot excitable and naive when it comes to basic psychology.

(11-29-2012, 06:39 PM)intelhunter Wrote: and seriously, making microwave meals require efforts, and it requires caring, something i simply do not do.
Ladies and gentlemen, here we are. A prime specimen of the present-human, who neither wants or cares enough to make a microwave meal. Where is humanity headed?
Seriously though, you missed my point. Microwave meals require practically low effort, and this is indisputable.

(11-29-2012, 06:39 PM)intelhunter Wrote: I think you should spend a few minutes thinking "what if he speaks without being 100% literal about every single thing?" before you post, no offense.
Where was I taking you too literally? The above suggests that you are serious about Google being too hard for you.
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#44
Ok ok, let's not totally derail this topic over how much shit can blast out of your ass if someone knocks on a door.
The opening scene isn't totally balls, but I would change two things about it-

1) Add in at least ONE sentence of "oh shit, daddy's got a new facehole, better get outta bere before this scary man gives me a freebie too".

2) It's caught between a rushed flashback (which is good) and a description, like we are supposed to know what went down. I think you should stick to just one of them. Personally I prefer a quick flashback. So we get the idea that they came home, oh no, home-invader man, worst supervillain ever, daddy learned the same trick as the dog; play dead, mommy died too, sandwich taken.
Think those Batman films where they showed us James and Martha Wayne getting done in. You saw the gun, the wallet, two gunshots, sad little batman. Quick and clean.
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#45
*noms popcorn while watching the fight* Is there going to be blood? I hope so.. The only good fight's a bloody fight!
lol jk!

I'll take all of this into consideration. Thank y'all so much.
You don't win a war by dyeing for your country,
You make them die for theirs
So I say
Kill them all and let God sort 'em out!


Nothing is true, Everything is permitted.
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#46
Also don't take it too hard that we keep rejecting parts of your stuff. You are getting there, this latest version was definitely the best, just tighten up on the opening. Set the scene more, but do it with less words.
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#47
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(11-29-2012, 06:49 PM)waffles Wrote: The point is that the paramedic was saying it, which would suggest that he would define medical shock rather than give definitions that he is not qualified to.

Yep, OK. The point that your friend didn't kill any of your family members, nor was holding a handgun, still stands. This just implicates you as a faggot excitable and naive when it comes to basic psychology.

Ladies and gentlemen, here we are. A prime specimen of the present-human, who neither wants or cares enough to make a microwave meal. Where is humanity headed?
Seriously though, you missed my point. Microwave meals require practically low effort, and this is indisputable.

Where was I taking you too literally? The above suggests that you are serious about Google being too hard for you.

Keep in mind that translating medical terms is not that easy for me, as the norwegian language is very different from english.

When presented with a threat to your life im pretty sure that you will do one of two things: 1) stand there and die. 2) let your brain enter primal instinct mode and take action. That point still stands.

And seriously? Microwave food? Rather go hungry. I live in a family with both a mother and a father with good cooking skills, so i rarely get to make dinner, but i would never make microwave food.

And i was never serious about the google thing, what i was saying is that i do not consider it "google worthy", and i still think that it is nothing to make a big deal out of.

Just sit down and ask yourself: "Do i really need to pick at every tiny error?", because doing so is actually pretty dumb if you ask me. No need to be so serious.
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#48
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(11-29-2012, 11:11 PM)intelhunter Wrote: Keep in mind that translating medical terms is not that easy for me, as the norwegian language is very different from english.

When presented with a threat to your life im pretty sure that you will do one of two things: 1) stand there and die. 2) let your brain enter primal instinct mode and take action. That point still stands.

And seriously? Microwave food? Rather go hungry. I live in a family with both a mother and a father with good cooking skills, so i rarely get to make dinner, but i would never make microwave food.

And i was never serious about the google thing, what i was saying is that i do not consider it "google worthy", and i still think that it is nothing to make a big deal out of.

Just sit down and ask yourself: "Do i really need to pick at every tiny error?", because doing so is actually pretty dumb if you ask me. No need to be so serious.
The so-called 'primal instinct mode' would inevitably be, when the attacker has just shot your family, to run. Still, that's less likely than standing there screaming.
I'm not really picking at tiny errors anyway. If you're referring to the story then what transpires in the prologue makes the biggest impression, and will likely determine whether or not the reader reads on. If you're talking about your own posts, you refused to back up anything you said because 'Google is hard to operate'. Really, I had to flag that up.
This is heading off-topic, so it should probably be dropped.
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#49
If a problem occurs and the solution can't be agreed on then I suggest she just avoids that part altogether. Soemthing like "Daddy hit the floor, blood was everywhere. I didn't even feel anything. No shock from the blood, no fear. Next thing I new the killer was dead from the knife in my hands."

Or some shit like that.
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#50
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(11-30-2012, 07:49 AM)waffles Wrote: The so-called 'primal instinct mode' would inevitably be, when the attacker has just shot your family, to run. Still, that's less likely than standing there screaming.
I'm not really picking at tiny errors anyway. If you're referring to the story then what transpires in the prologue makes the biggest impression, and will likely determine whether or not the reader reads on. If you're talking about your own posts, you refused to back up anything you said because 'Google is hard to operate'. Really, I had to flag that up.
This is heading off-topic, so it should probably be dropped.

Ok, ill agree to drop it, but just one last thing: how one reacts depends from person to person, and aggresion is a option for some.

and when i say "google is hard to operate and i dont want to back up my sources" i say it because im not sitting down to write a essay on how people react, i didnt read this online thus i have no reference or sources that i know of.

(11-30-2012, 09:01 AM)Avalanche Wrote: If a problem occurs and the solution can't be agreed on then I suggest she just avoids that part altogether. Soemthing like "Daddy hit the floor, blood was everywhere. I didn't even feel anything. No shock from the blood, no fear. Next thing I new the killer was dead from the knife in my hands."

Or some shit like that.

i imagine the door to the kitchen to be to her right about 1 meter away from her, and the hallway reaches about 7 metres down where the masked assasin is standing, and then the mother jumps up the stairs to the right about 1,5 meters away from her and the assailant follows her up there, before shooting the mother and going downstairs again.

erh... hope this explains, made in 10.000.000 hours in paint.

[Image: 2s8380o.jpg]
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