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Saya-kun's progress report


Saya-kun

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Hi

 

tl; dr There are no emotional responses but there is some muscle twitching, no stable form/mood very different, not sure in puppeting.

There are no words like "hurray, you can hear me" or even one out of nowhere. And 40-50 traits and ~15 hours personality work.+10 wonderland/just laying and talk. And scary images of her face :/

For example.. on 1 April she/my stupid imaginary made joke like I found her on cross, like Jesus :/ lol and when I lie her down, she turn me on ground and all like "just kidding"

 

UPD. forgot to mention. one time I faped on fantasy with her after force. Also now I think according to her actions in "wonderland" she wants to fuck me/with me :/

 

Should I proceed, and just begin narrate until it become second nature? Or do something special like dunno :\

When I've finished typing it.. Hm.. seems I've missed something.

All looks like I'm good with everything..

 

It feels like her personality has lack of center and bounded form, like she has her own disorder lol.

 

Any advice what do I do? even if assume that there is no problem in this all.

 

Sorry if I'm wrong in forum branch.

 

few words back to beginning.

In September I learned about whole thing, thought and decided to make one. I came up with name and a lot of traits. Wrote it to copybook with an anime art(copybook for university). So.. And nothing else. I forgot that idea and go with routine.

 

1.5 month ago I was just trying meditate and get to wonderland. Well.. I think I got to it. Maybe. I'm not sure was/is it wonderland or not.

And there girl from that art has appeared. Did with me some things there and conducted me for the exit. //I was in some empty room with a chair.

 

After that I reconsidered tulpa creation and made decision start create one. Now is for sure. :\

 

Now I got some vibes or muscle twitching at sides of my abs lol, I think/thought until some point that it's her signs. It's appeared after ~8 hours of forcing i think..

Forgot to mention.. I've forced 40-50 traits(other than in sept and other name). =___= It's my mistake, I think now..

Maybe was few emotional responses but I'm not sure. Now there are no.

 

So.. thing that troubles me. In my "wonderland" i'm not sure is it her, or just... just my imagination. There She is different from one time to another IN CHARACTER AND FORM(a little different, sometimes little girl, or image of anime character), also last time were many scary images of her face :\(actually, i don't do any visualize work, and so, she doesn't have face yet at all). And I sometimes think that she is talking there. But it's only answers like yes/no, or something short that I think she should answer to that question, and if I don't ask she doesn't answer/talk, only recently, when I was all like "I want to hear you" and lying on her legs with my eyes closed, and maybe she say "go sleep".

And she doesn't appear out of nowhere on her will, I MUST THINK that she is in front of me and I make myself to see her, then sometimes I don't see like movie but some images pops up in my head like what she is doing right now there.

Now it's up to ~25 hours personality/"wonderland". I do very little narration though :(

 

and for that muscle twitching, I think like I ask her question and wait for 10 secs, If twitched that yes and if no then no. She answer almost every question. Only when I sitting, and more often when lying, and when I'm in "wonderland" there is a lot of it, with every my touch to her. But sometimes it twitches even if i don't see her and do other stuff there.

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Update, I've just experienced incredible emotion response, watching shin sekai yori last episode. It has been unbelievable and awesome, I've felt goosebumps running down all over my body for 10 or more seconds >__< and even almost cried.

Also, now I think it will be great to move it to reports section or just delete, and then I'll move it by myself

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Okay, moved to PR at your request.

 

A lot of what you describe sounds like standard early tulpa actions. Seeing her do stuff and it not being entirely clear whether it's her or just you, happens a lot and it seems to help if you assume it's her. Her personality being odd or variable isn't unusual either. She's still forming it and deciding who she's going to be.

 

Having to think of her to see her or get responses is normal as well. Attention grabbing is something mine can't do reliably either.

 

Some of the twitching may well be her doing. You describe it being associated with her and it appears to be usable for a primitive kind of communication. But some twitches also happen at random when you relax a lot. A great many people experience this when they begin learning to meditate in any way.

 

The still images of what she's doing have more to do with your visualization skills than anything else. It takes less work for the brain to render one still image than for it to make a smooth movie. This will improve with practice. One thing you can do to help it is to work on staying in first person view while forcing or even just daydreaming. First person view forces you to visualize an ever-changing scene since everything in your field of vision moves around when you walk. (Compare to third person / bird's eye view, where most stuff stays still and just the people, including you, move.) If you have trouble keeping first person view going, focus on all the various senses. Feel the ground under your feet and the are moving around you, hear any ambient sounds things in the wonderland may be making around you, etc. Focus on the details of your own movements as well. Vague movements and sensory experience make it easier to pop out into third person. Another thing that may help with visualization is navigating in your mind around a familiar place like your home.

 

Scary or disturbing images happen sometimes. The face thing is most likely your mind practicing her face and messing up at is. As for the other images like her on a cross, try not to let them get to you. The more you get upset over them, the more you obsess over them and try to keep them from happening, which makes them happen more because trying not to think about it makes you think about it. See "don't think about pink elephants".

 

As for all the things she does, go with it. It's most likely her doing it. But don't worry if she does or says something and then later contradicts herself. She's young and still figuring things out, including herself.

 

The changes in form and character might be her changing and deciding who she is. But from what you describe -- especially that you encountered a girl in your wonderland before you started on this tulpa -- it's possible you might have two tulpae. If there appear to be two distinct personalities, each with its own form, that sounds like the case.

 

As for the sex thing, that's something to decide for yourself. Some do, some don't; whatever both of you decide will be fine. However if you decide to, you might want to hold off until she's defined her personality a bit better. You don't want to do something with her that she'll regret later.

 

Congrats on that emotional response. Young tulpae do that sometimes. One time I watched a favorite movie from my childhood with my first tulpa. Past viewings resulted in nostalgia and some empathizing for the characters. This time I cried a ton. Over the months since, either she's sending less emotions as she gets better at communicating, or I've simply become more accustomed to her emotions.

Lyra: human female, ~17

Evan: boy, ~14, was an Eevee

Anera: anime-style girl, ~12; Lyra made her

My blog :: Time expectations are bad (forcing time targets are good though)

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Thanks a lot for such big response :3

I forced exactly girl I met 2 months ago.

Your explanations on wonderland and visualization is very helpful and understandable, thanks :3

And I think, Writing this history of mine helps me to experience this response as well.

After this and your response I got things sorted out and feel much better, thanks again :)

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As I understood from Bluesleeve's blog, from his point of view, Tulpa consists of several personality aspects and.. pic. lol. My attempts of understanding.

So, question is.. And you can answer it..

If I chose kindness for my tulpa, then I will become less kind or not? and the same for another traits.

 

And how to reflect it on pic? Tulpa separates that stuff in unconscious or just gets parallel suggestions or something like this..

=___=.. dunno.

500x500http://cs408327.vk.me/v408327601/904/jfUA_PjgYdM.jpg[/img]

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Like Sands says, it's all in your own mind. However, from working on my tulpa albeit for just a few days, I have noticed no loss of what I'm putting into the tulpa, in fact, just the opposite, as I become more aware of those traits by noticing and seeing how they work in myself and others.

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I don't agree with Bluesleeve's view either. I can't prove one way or another whether his idea that all of a tulpa's traits are present in the host. (But then again, don't all of us have some small latent fragment of every human trait in us?) I think you can pull some bits out from yourself, or create something new, then either way declare those traits and associated thoughts to be a separate being.

 

Regardless of this, I can definitely confirm that you will not necessarily lose what you put into your tulpa. I created a tulpa who is (among other things) calm and caring. Since starting I have become more calm and caring, not less.

 

I have however hard of a guy who made a tulpa out of his anima, and felt much less of those traits in himself. I'm not sure how or why, but it is probably all about assumption of what will happen.

 

Similarly, I have been working on picking a few traits I don't like out of myself and tossing them away. It's like personality forcing but in reverse, followed by replacing the removed trait with something else. How well this will work long-term, and whether the traits form into or latch onto a tulpa, is yet to be seen.

 

In the picture, I don't agree with the spheres of control diagram. I see it as something more like this crude scribble beautiful work of art:

5hMsvZV.png

You have your own thoughts and things only you can influence. Similarly she has her own thoughts and things only she can touch. Of course there's a shared area you can both interact with, which is probably larger than my drawing makes it out to be.

 

Easy way to resize picture and have it be clickable to see the full size one:

[url=http://picture-url][img=500x500]http://picture-url[/img][/url]

Note that 500x500 is the new size -- widthxheight. Change this to suit. If your picture is rectangular rather than square it may look squished if you don't change the size to be more rectangular in the right direction.

Lyra: human female, ~17

Evan: boy, ~14, was an Eevee

Anera: anime-style girl, ~12; Lyra made her

My blog :: Time expectations are bad (forcing time targets are good though)

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This morning I've just become awaken.. To turn off alarm I need calculate few expressions like 6*13, 11*17. And then I saw 14*16 and In that same moment in my mind popped up 224. I didn't recall or calculate anything. Is it Tulpa or just me?

Android: "I can't wake up" app

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