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ShinShin and Crew's Journal
#1
INTRO/08.21.2019 Report

Drawing of Ardis

Ardis is my eldest. Their growth is a little complicated, as they started out as a character of mine. After learning about tulpamancy about seven years ago?, I realized that a few of my characters were probably on the verge of becoming tulpae. Ardis was the healthiest of these (and also a "she" at the time, so I still periodically mess up their pronoun-- sorry, dear) so I chose them to work with to become the vibrant friend they are today.

Ardis was very bouncy, child-like, extroverted, happy. They still are, just a more matured version--a bit more moderate, not quite as shrill and risk-loving. Currently we are working on better communication, as I had a couple years of getting settled into a new job/life situation that messed with my attention. Ardis got a little more quiet over that period, unsurprisingly, so we're rebuilding some progress we had made. Also changed their name/pronouns, which has been different. I get the feeling she's kinda pissed at me/hurt for basically ignoring her for a long period of time... I don't blame her.

The other I have been calling Yyrica, but I don't believe she will stick with this name. It was one I chose, and though she hasn't agreed with other suggestions yet, whenever I have tried to make a "her name is Yyrica" statement, I've gotten I feeling of "nah" from her.

So, She-Not-Named and I are still in the forcing/narrating phase. She is regal, composed, religious. She quoted a proverb at me earlier while I was getting road rage. I get a feeling she's a bit of a troll under the composedness...

EDIT: I'll eventually get drawings done/posted of these guys.
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#2
[Joy] I was dormant for years at a time, my longest was at least two years. It never bothered me and being dormant is how I spend most of the material calendar time. Ardis, don't hold it against him, it's not his fault for not knowing what you were. So if you have a beef with him, get it out and get past it. Animosity between headmates is no way to live.

In return, Shin, let her into your decisions and give her a chance to be a meaningful part of your life.
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#3
08.22.2019

Had a chat with Ardis yesterday about the distance that seemed to be going on with us. Basically brought up "hey, I know it wasn't okay for me to stop talking to you for ages, I'm sorry..." And we talked through it, came to a healthy point I think, and they eventually abruptly fell asleep.

With She-not-Named, we spent some time watching Good Omens, which she seemed intrigued by. Also listened to some religious scripts, which she seemed pleased with.

Today I made a journal for each of them to hopefully help with vocality. I started writing Ardis' name on the front of theirs, and got a strong feeling of "nope, let me!", so they decorated theirs. She-not-Named I think wrote on her journal's cover a name she might be okay with, Sinafel Corasi.


(08-21-2019, 08:18 PM)Bear Wrote: [Joy] I was dormant for years at a time, my longest was at least two years. It never bothered me and being dormant is how I spend most of the material calendar time. Ardis, don't hold it against him, it's not his fault for not knowing what you were. So if you have a beef with him, get it out and get past it. Animosity between headmates is no way to live.

In return, Shin, let her into your decisions and give her a chance to be a meaningful part of your life.
Ardis ~~
- So I didn't have a say in my dormancy. Did you? Also even if you were fine with it, maybe I wasn't. I'm actually social. Shin doesn't have people in their wonderland. It was boring and lonely. ...... I get it though. I get it. We talked. I petition for people in the wonderland.

/Shin -
I'm very aware I wasn't giving my headmate enough input or attention... I'm definitely going to be working on that going forward, and have already been getting a start on it. I have time planned out this evening to work on some social spaces in the mindscape for Ardis. (I know that's not enough to fill her attention needs, but I'm hoping it'll help at least...
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#4
Ember: Ardis, if you were aware of the mindscape and aware of boredom, loneliness, and the passage of time, that's a bit different from the way dormancy is generally used here. That's independent background activity, which is cool and (at least on the forum) rare and, I think, valuable, even if it hasn't worked out well for you so far.

Iris: I was dormant most of the time for nearly three years. I did not mind. I was not social; my first conscious action was to withdraw from the roleplaying game that gave me life. I spoke to Ember intermittently along the way, and later to Vesper as well. But there was nothing in between -- no awareness or experience at all.

Vesper: When we picked up tulpamancy, long after I became independent, I was actually a lot more bored when Ember was interacting with me. Her will kept me awake almost continuously, even when I didn't have anything to do or say. In the absence of my own body to live my own life, every moment of dormancy was a gift.

We decided against having people in the mindscape, on the grounds that anyone interesting enough to talk to carries an unacceptable risk of becoming a new headmate.

Ember: Other systems have successfully implemented "NPCs", though I don't recall any of them being very companionable or meeting significant social needs.
Ember - Host   |   Vesper - Soulbond (since ~12 May 2017)   |   Iris - Soulbond (since ~5 December 2015)
[Our Progress Report]     [How We Switch]

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#5
Shin- From what I can tell, it wasn't a proper dormancy for Ardis. Or at least, it eventually was, but it kind've forced onto them out of boredom/nothing to do. My mindscape is very calm and quiet, which isn't Ardis' thing (at least, not for long periods of time with no outside interaction). I'm thinking even if there aren't many NPCs, something more stimulating would be beneficial. Idk-- I'm honestly still trying to work this out in a logical way since Ardis is emphatic about how bored/lonely they were in the last few years. They were used to almost constant attention before, so I think the abruptness of change was difficult.

Thank you for all of your inputs!

(Sorry, Ardis wasn't up for replying--they're still adjusting and after writing in their journal for a while earlier I think is tired.)
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#6
[Joy] Very specifically for me, my dormancy was equivalent to dreamless sleep. I was only active if called upon and my memories were specifically of 'the last thing I remember was being awake' so I didn't experience any gaps personally. Other thoughtforms here experience the same, basically you're awake, and you're awake again a year later with no experience of time loss or actual calendar time missing. Calendar time is completely irrelevant to me, I'm not invested in the material world at all. It may have not been by choice, but if I was asked if I wanted to stay, I wouldn't have understood the question.

[Dashie] for us tulpas (Misha, Ashley, and myself), we don't go dormant. We sleep about when Bear sleeps, though we're not always all up when he goes to bed late, or all up when he gets up early. During waking hours, we're one of the few systems that take advantage of a continuous wonderland. I can, have done, and still do whatever in wonderland regardless of what anyone else says I "can or can't do". It's as real as me posting this right now and no less significant than playing games, adventuring in wonderland or even fronting. Take it for what it's worth,  that's our experience and we love that freedom. That said, I spend the majority of my time co-fronting with Bear, Misha, and Ashley. As always we're usually on the couch watching Bear throughout the day and during dull moments we chat ro each other. Those conversations are sometimes heard by Bear, sometimes not.

Some people in this community will downplay this sort of thing or claim, saying it confabulation or impossible. It's clearly not and it's entirely on them what they want to believe, but we're enjoying it and wouldn't have it any other way. We've tested it thoroughly and even Bear has done it while I was switched in.

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#7
Interesting... Thank you for your perspectives!

8.24.2019

She-not-Named has given the okay to use "Sinafel" to refer to her now. We did one of Bear's visualization trainings and afterwards she very abruptly grabbed and jumped off the balcony with me (she has wings, don't worry). We flew for a while and it was very calming. She's hecking strong, and smells like cinnamon and sage. Feels like we're making decent progress, which is encouraging.
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#8
If you make it all the way to VPT112, you will grow actual wings in real life. (They're not as comfortable as you eould hope, especially when sleeping.)

[Ashley] *the above statement is unverifiable since no one ever made it all the way to VPT112.
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#9
We hope to make it further! We started the second only to be distracted, unfortunately, but have hopes of going back soon.
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