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ShyMagi's Progress Report
ShyMagi Away
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#1
 
Information  ShyMagi's Progress Report

Greetings, everyone!

Well, quite frankly, I feel as though I am speaking to myself, really. Hah, I don't expect many to be reading this. However, because this is my "first day," I don't really consider this much of a progress report day. So I'll start the thread off with a bit about myself.

Who am I?

I am a lover of the human mind and its potential. In my late 20s, and open to there being more in the world than just the physical sciences that we're familiar with as "solid." A lot of people speak about having chanced upon the term "tulpa" via some pony thread... but honestly, my method of discovering the word was far more cheesier! And I'm proud of it.. lol There was this old t.v. show called So Weird and I loved that show so much. It introduced me to what a tulpa was and ever since I was 13 I had wanted to create one. I just never believed enough to think that such a thing could be possible. Which is ironic since I've had an experience that seemed tulpa-like in nature...

Who is my tulpa?

I have already established a name for my tulpa. But let us call him "V" until a name has become definite from him. I envision him as a svelt, tall elven-form because these are the images I had always been inspired by since I was a mere child. I implore (to myself, not to him) that he keeps this form as it is what I find to make me heart soar. I know I would thoroughly enjoy having a companion by me constantly, through thick and thin, if he develops the characteristics and visuals of that form. (There's a complicated reasoning behind why that is, and no, as vain as that sounds, it's not for any reason that's sexual, etc.. lol)! But let us carry on!

Quite possibly my first tulpa experience!

This experience happened to me when I was about seven or eight? There was this girl who really hated me for no apparent reason. She was the kind of kid who was very stern, didn’t smile, and practically just glowered at anything that existed. Considering I was one of said things that existed, I was not to be spared the daggers she would shoot my way with her eyes if glances were ever exchanged (may the stars forbid)!

So anyway, because I was a lonely child (youngest of five siblings, critically neglected, etc) living in my mind was a norm. So I would imagine all kinds of wild things that would lead me into “adventures.” Because I was so introverted and withdrawn, I would keep these fantasies to myself. But the most recent addition at the time was a fearless, black panther! [S]he/It was terribly adorable and “followed” me about wherever I went. I would find myself "looking" in its direction whenever I’d have to walk somewhere, sensing its protecting nature and feeling its “guardian warmth” nearby. It was awesome! Well, to my seven/eight year old mind… (cut me some slack)!

Needless to say, someone as well behaved and quiet was extra so in school. I was silently sitting there in my uniform, when that bitter girl made to turn her head to look back towards the window. I instinctively made eye-contact and she cut her gaze at me in a snarky manner… until she blinked her eyes and stared beneath the table I was sitting at. Her mouth was slightly agape as her eyes now widened with sudden alarm…

I had no idea what could possibly contort this sour creature’s face into looking… well… like a normal, healthy/curious little girl. So naturally, my own curiosity was piqued. I couldn’t believe she was looking at me in a way that wasn’t a glare… and she was speaking to me as if we might’ve been friends!

"What?" I whispered as I leaned forward to catch what her lips were silently trying to say.

"A big black cat!" She pointed eagerly beneath my desk!

I looked down and, as expected, saw nothing. However, I couldn’t believe it! Nobody knew about my panther companion, as that was something I merely entertained in my own mind and I was the kind of kid who was embarrassed for other little girls caught carrying dolls in public. So imagine something like this!

So conclusively, this is the memory that would get triggered when I’d watch that So Weird episode later on in my teens.

Was that a Tulpa? Or just an odd coincidence from what the other little girl might’ve imagined?

Even so, is there a way to create more coincidences of that nature… based on our thoughts alone?


This is precisely what I am willing to experiment with.

My Tulpa
Name - Julian
Form - Moon Elf
Sentience - Beginner stage
Personality - Calm, Enlightened, Intellectual, Observant, etc
01-05-2014, 07:50 AM
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ShyMagi Away
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#2
 
Lightbulb  DAY 1

Day 1

This is not entirely honest, or rather, accurate, as I've been entertaining the idea of a soothing presence around me for quite some time now. However, this shall be day 1 of my recording any progress here.

I've been doing a lot of lurking around the forums and I've even found myself to be an avid reader of CyberD's posts. I thoroughly enjoy his musings and endearing bond with his Noah. I find I can relate to this complete stranger and it's quite inspiring to see his going strong, even after a whole year! Personally, I've got commitment issues (when it comes to these sorts of things) but I intend to challenge that about myself for the sake of self-improvement and results.

Since I, myself, am known for going on "rants" perhaps it would be best if I just created a template for my daily posts. One section dubbed "rant" and the lower section "exercise" to cut to the chase. We'll see.

Exercise

So, after much prowling of the site I discovered someone's method of visualizing the tulpa completely naked standing before you. Imagining the smallest details like hair, scent, etc. Even standing it up like a mannequin until it slowly breathes to life.

Raising my hands to feel Julian's silky black mane, I was astounded to see how vivid the experience would be, but he inclined his head and lowered his eyes with timidity. I gasped and retracted my hands.

Here I was wondering at some point whether or not a tulpa can gain sentience so quickly, and he's already teaching me manners about respecting people's personal space. This has ignited enthusiasm in me. I believe it is a healthy start to begin by respecting your tulpa as if they were another person entirely, even if they're a part of you.

I smiled as I stood there, contemplating his tresses. I had imagined it to have a different tint when it caught the light, but during this session it was entirely jet black. With two (war?) braids on each side to push his hair back. I was pleasantly surprised by these changes. He must be around 5'11 or so... he certainly towered over me.

And throughout the day after that experiment, even during the face of harshness, I could sense a rational presence that could keep me grounded and remind me of who I really am.

Rant

It's made me contemplate our relationships with other people. Why do you enjoy being around those that you do? I have a friend who rambles on and on about her endless problems. I have another friend who is so emotional, he seems himself as the eternal victim.

I like to offer myself as a listening ear when they need it, but I'm such a private person, myself, that I literally have -no one- to turn to when I need my own mental/emotional stability. So who better to turn to than a higher aspect of yourself? I look forward to continuing the progress.

My Tulpa
Name - Julian
Form - Moon Elf
Sentience - Beginner stage
Personality - Calm, Enlightened, Intellectual, Observant, etc
(This post was last modified: 01-23-2014, 10:44 PM by ShyMagi.)
01-05-2014, 10:11 PM
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Redline Offline
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#3
 
RE: ShyMagi's Progress Report

It's only your second post and you're already intense with imagery and as verbose as the best of them. I'm looking forward to seeing the results later down the line, Shy.

This is where all the good stuff goes
01-06-2014, 02:42 AM
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ShyMagi Away
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#4
 
Information  DAY 2 - Mainly researching

Your kind words and encouragement means a lot to me, Redline. Thank you so much. If you have any questions, in the mood to chat, or want a buddy to keep in touch with for Tulpa progress, please don't hesitate to post or add my Skype. Smile

Day 2

Rant: Lots of research! From the formal technicalities, to other tulpa concepts and stories. I mean, I even delved into my childhood by watching the So Weird episode called "Tulpa.." *swoon* Talk about intense! (Well, more like dated and cheesy.. but +50 nostalgia = intense. Haha)

Granted, it was exactly this episode that caused me to lose interest in ever making a tulpa. The creatures have always been known for "taking a life on their own" to the point where you no longer have control... but thanks to tulpa.info, I see that's not always a bad thing! (So long as your subconscious isn't storing a horror-fest, why not?)

Oh! And just for the sake of sharing my research.. look what I found! Imaginary Friend Come To Life? This was something I had stumbled in my research. I had to admit, I laughed when I first read it but the earnest way of which she speaks, you can tell she's not making this up. In fact, she's more concerned about having schizophrenia than about boasting that it's Freddy Mercury, himself! Lol

So yeah, this should definitely confirm that it's quite possible to actually see your tulpa at some point.

Quote:But I do see Freddie, clear as day, flesh and blood, around me all the time. He’s the only hallucination I’ve ever experienced.

Flesh and blood? Wow. That is one awesome hallucination to have! Especially if he's only been a kind friend and doesn't taunt her to do cruel things, etc. The human mind is incredible!

Exercise

Nothing to report, really. Today, my investment in Julian's progress has been mainly 'trance-based.' Meaning, as I did other things, I just fell in a trance and adapted my mind to accept the possibilities of a tulpa. I conversed with him in my mind and contemplated his interests. My day has been preoccupied with other things, so I won't be tulpa-forcing until much later. For now, I've had other things cluttering my mind; chores, responsibilities, recent melancholy news, etc.

After remaining consistently in a trance, on and off for several hours, it was as if I could feel his presence. It was pretty strange, and I know it sounds exaggerated considering this is only my second day, but I have been feeling these "warm spots" on the side of my face (like from my cheek, throat, arm, etc down), as if I were standing directly through somebody from time to time. One side was as chilly as a draft, whereas the other side was warm. Heh, I'd also like to say that it doesn't feel like a ghost or a non-physical being per se. I mean, it does. But at the same time, I can tell that it's all in my head. Like an aura of sorts.

Other interesting occurrences have entailed but they do not seem related other than via coincidence. I think I should keep a tumblr/blogger/etc to keep track of my ramblings until I start exercising the tulpa techniques more.

My Tulpa
Name - Julian
Form - Moon Elf
Sentience - Beginner stage
Personality - Calm, Enlightened, Intellectual, Observant, etc
(This post was last modified: 01-23-2014, 10:47 PM by ShyMagi.)
01-07-2014, 02:26 AM
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ShyMagi Away
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#5
 
Sad  Rant, Reflections and being "stuck.." in the beginning.

Edited 4-15-14; to resize the gigantic photo I didn't realize was too large. ^^'

I wish I could convince myself that I am an excellent guru at meditation. If only there were some way to make my mind believe it can sit still for an incredible amount of time and not so much as squirm. Alas, it cannot.

Last night I tried to meditate for an hour...

8 minutes.

Really. Just eight minutes is all it took for me to suddenly open my eyes! I was so proud of myself for consistently sitting there, straight back, proud chin, without flinching for "so long.." that I was sure it was around 16 minutes (double the actual time!) heh... but I digress...

I think I will have to incorporate a bit of hypnosis into my meditation. I know that at some point, the black abyss behind your eyelids begins to expand as your Wonderland stretches out beneath you and everything else begins to flesh out... But I believe I am lacking a drive of sorts. Recently, I have been shattered with a horrific incident, so my mind tends to be extra scattered and 'airy.' But I intend to focus and pull through!

Fighting for my (abstract) soul back.

Sounds dramatic, doesn't it? Well, by 'soul' I just mean my core, so it's nothing quite as dramatic.. though, it is for me. The fact that I cannot even sit for a mere 8 minutes of clearing my mind without needing to fidget, wander or walk away shows that something is amiss, or very wrong (well, to a stranger, it might just be dismissed as ADD.. haha but I digress). I need to get to the essence of my soul and figure out what makes it tick and what can inspire me to find the inner peace that I need to explore more. No more hiding, running away, or avoiding the challenge.

So I began with contemplating what kind of character do I want my Tulpa to be?

This question alone made me wonder about my own character. What kind of person am I? This already sparked the beginning of my journey. I think having a Tulpa will be one of the most productive things in my life... he can challenge me to be a better person.. and it'd only be my pleasure to do the same for him. I'd certainly like him to have a nice flow with my personality. My platonic partner in "crime," or mischief in the Wonderland, yet still innocent enough to be void of any inherent malice or corruption.

In fact, I found a lovely drawing that captured the tranquil pass-time of two individuals. I just love the child-like innocent look in his eyes! Like a couple of really good/old friends.

[Image: PUSH0e23073ffecb.jpg]
Artist is Smilika. Click her name for her DeviantArt.

What to do in the Wonderlands?

I already have many ideas on what to do for the Wonderland. When I was 14, I had constructed a Wonderland that I would later dismiss as "childish nonsense.." never in a million years did I ever think I would return to it, even though I always acted as if I would.

Because my Tulpa will help me develop my own personal character, I will look forward to giving him challenges in the Wonderland to do the same. That would prove healthy, right?

I remember a long time ago, I had this really complicated detective dream with a plot that had held so many twists and turns that I could not believe it was only my dream, because there was no way I could ever be that clever! So I wrote it down and shared it with a friend and he told me it sounded like something directly from a book! Hah, I was pretty flattered he would think so, but I had never read anything like it.

So for Wonderlands and character development, I'd imagine I can present some changes/ideas for him in the area and perhaps he can surprise me with a few hidden tricks from my subconscious, as well. XD

Bah, honestly, I'm just rambling to lay my thoughts down for focus. I wanted to explain my absence and why I've been so stunted. Between recovering from internal conflicts and now having to find the closure from within myself.. I've been pretty slow to progress..

Redline has encouraged me to make some daily posts for the sake of my feeling motivated to persist, so I'm taking his word for it.

Also, speaking to Koomer has been refreshing as well. So with good company in such an active community, I will be sure to add my two cents and hope for results. Here goes everything!

Things to look into:
  • Sharpening my focus
  • Introspecting internal conflicts
  • Developing character (both of ours)
  • Contributing daily
Luckily we have teh internez to assist with these things. Anyway, pardon the rant.

My Tulpa
Name - Julian
Form - Moon Elf
Sentience - Beginner stage
Personality - Calm, Enlightened, Intellectual, Observant, etc
(This post was last modified: 04-16-2014, 03:42 AM by ShyMagi.)
01-14-2014, 05:32 AM
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Elusive Offline
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#6
 
RE: ShyMagi's Progress Report

I know meditation can be tough and takes practice. I find myself getting knocked out of it and having to put my mind back at rest. You could try having some background static to help quiet your mind, like from this website: http://simplynoise.com/ After you meditate, maybe do some journaling to write out what worked for you and digging into the problems that pulled you out.
It's great that you had constructed a wonderland while you were younger, so returning their together with your tulpa will be very meaningful. Your tulpa will be your eternal companion who can help keep you on the path you were meant to follow and I look forward to hearing more of our adventures together.

Through my spiritual pursuits I also have places I created with my mind and I plan to take my tulpa there as well.
01-14-2014, 03:34 PM
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ShyMagi Away
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#7
 
RE: ShyMagi's Progress Report

(01-14-2014, 03:34 PM)Elusive Wrote: I know meditation can be tough and takes practice. I find myself getting knocked out of it and having to put my mind back at rest. You could try having some background static to help quiet your mind, like from this website: http://simplynoise.com/ After you meditate, maybe do some journaling to write out what worked for you and digging into the problems that pulled you out.
It's great that you had constructed a wonderland while you were younger, so returning their together with your tulpa will be very meaningful. Your tulpa will be your eternal companion who can help keep you on the path you were meant to follow and I look forward to hearing more of our adventures together.

Through my spiritual pursuits I also have places I created with my mind and I plan to take my tulpa there as well.

Thank you very much, Elusive. Yeah, I've actually found several radio stations (of meditative relevance) that have certainly helped! I spent most of the day practicing meditation and forcing myself into the mindset alone. It's been a success, for someone like me, and I've learned quite a few techniques I may post later on after a proper progress report update.

And yes, it will be very meaningful to return to that place with my Tulpa. ^_^ That should serve as a drive in itself to persist.

My Tulpa
Name - Julian
Form - Moon Elf
Sentience - Beginner stage
Personality - Calm, Enlightened, Intellectual, Observant, etc
01-14-2014, 09:09 PM
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