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SliceOfBread's Slices of Life


SliceOfBread

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Prologue

Dear Reader,

First of all, I would like to welcome you, whoever you are, to my progress report. On this thread, if you keep reading it, you will hopefully have the amazing opportunity to witness me growing into a proper tulpamancer. Note however that my success is far from guaranteed, and this journal may fall into oblivion. Let's hope it won't be the case.

This first post is pretty lengthy, but don't worry, my other posts shouldn't be that bad ;)

 

Who Am I?

That is a pretty difficult question to answer, for even I don't truly know the answer. Though I can tell you that I am a new university student with a lifelong past of procrastination. Far from being discouraged by that, I strive to rid myself of that weakness. However it is not easy, and especially so in my case.

 

Humblebrag

You see, I was raised in the upper middle class, and blessed with health and a powerful brain. I never had to make any real efforts to get good grades, and that made me somewhat lazy and unmotivated. I was waiting all my life to get into university to finally learn things at a reasonable pace without getting bored every class. But now that I reached this place, the habit of playing video games in my free time is so ingrained in me that I have a very hard time doing anything productive. Which brings me to the subject you are all waiting for.

 

Chapter 1

My Tulpa

Two years ago, I stumbled upon this website and almost immediately started working on a tulpa. I named her Lea. It didn't take me long to know that I wanted her to be a human female of approximately my age. I wanted her personality to be mostly different from mine, so that she would complement me and give me a completely new outlook on life.

 

The Problem

After months of (on and off) working on Lea, I didn't have nearly enough results to justify continuing to tulpaforce. I could feel Lea's presence most of the times, but that was it. Barely any responses ever, no head pressure, and in the wonderland, her form felt like a doll I was dragging around. I figured I would get nowhere if I didn't start to force at least daily. But I would never achieve that with the horrible lack of discipline I had. So I decided to wait until my discipline issue would get resolved. More than a year of unproductive gaming ensued.

 

Nearly One Month Ago, the Sudden Realization

I never stopped believing that someday, I would get back into tulpamancy. You see, it was because of my life goal: to discover the limits of the human brain (or something like that). I could not ignore a phenomenon as captivating and with so much potential as the tulpa phenomenon. Which is why I kept lurking on these forums all this time. Nearly one month ago, I found Cinemaphobe's progress report, and I was captivated. I had to make a tulpa now. Waiting would get me nowhere. Better yet, making a tulpa could help me acquire the discipline I lacked! I just had to stick with it this time, no matter what happened.

 

Chapter 2

The Present Time

I have tried thinking as much as possible about Lea, and narrating to her as often as possible. After a single week, she felt as strong as she ever did (that is, not a lot). I also tried to tackle my visualization problems using Cinemaphobe's calibration method, and it was very useful, but I won't truly progress until I start visualizing a lot more often (~30 minutes a day sounds good). The past week also saw me becoming progressively more lazy, and I don't like that. This is the reason why I decided to start a progress report. Hopefully, keeping it updated will motivate me enough to prevent me from abandoning the whole idea once again.

 

Final Thoughts

I wonder if having such a good life in general inhibits my ability to create a tulpa somehow. Most people I see with fully-developped tulpa(s) seem to have faced many hardships. Perhaps they sought the comfort of the wonderland as a way to escape reality? I myself tend to get bored very easily in the wonderland. I guess a better visualization would help, but I know for sure that being able to actually interact with Lea instead of just narrating to her would make everything much better. How I long for the day I will have long philosophical discussions with Lea! I want to talk to her so much!

 

TL;DR

Host feels like he is interacting with a puppet. How to make the tulpa do stuff by herself? Also how to keep from getting bored in the wonderland?

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First off, welcome! I checked and it seems you've been on here for about a month. I've not seen you around, though, so welcome :)

 

As for the questions that you put in the tl;dr, I know what you mean with the wonderland thing. It seems like a lot of work to visualize and active force with Markus(my tulpa). I also seem to be blessed with the beautiful gift of laziness -__- So I usually just hang out in one of my wonderlands with Markus while watching life go on around me, providing commentary and such and listening for any responses.

 

For the "how to get your tulpa to move" thing, there're plenty of guides on here for that(or at least I'm pretty sure... I've not been in the guides section of this site for a while), but if you want some personal advice, just puppet her around for a while. When Markus couldn't move on her own, I'd puppet her to a cliff in one of our wonderlands and watch the sunset with her. I'm not sure how to explain it, as I'm not aware of any specific time that Markus started moving on her own, but she just kind of picked it up from there. It just kind of... happened after a while.

 

Anywho, hope I helped and welcome to the awesome PR section of the site. I wasn't really into this section when I first started but, as I'm sure you've noticed, it's filled with amazing stories from all sorts of people :P

Markus is the tulpa, and I don't really have anything else to say.

 

Markus speaks in Blue!

 

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Prologue

Dear Reader,

First of all, I would like to welcome you, whoever you are, to my progress report. On this thread, if you keep reading it, you will hopefully have the amazing opportunity to witness me growing into a proper tulpamancer. Note however that my success is far from guaranteed, and this journal may fall into oblivion. Let's hope it won't be the case.

This first post is pretty lengthy, but don't worry, my other posts shouldn't be that bad ;)

The Problem

After months of (on and off) working on Lea, I didn't have nearly enough results to justify continuing to tulpaforce. I could feel Lea's presence most of the times, but that was it. Barely any responses ever, no head pressure, and in the wonderland, her form felt like a doll I was dragging around. I figured I would get nowhere if I didn't start to force at least daily. But I would never achieve that with the horrible lack of discipline I had. So I decided to wait until my discipline issue would get resolved. More than a year of unproductive gaming ensued.

 

I'm very sorry that this happened to you. It took me multiple attempts to create Yumi as well before I even had a PR due to laziness and disbelief towards the tulpa phenomenon. The event that compelled me to start up my journey again was a tear-filled suicidal night. I begged her to help me, and that fateful night when I fell asleep she came into my dream and gave me all of the love I could ever ask for. That's when I knew that she was sentient, and also when I knew that I had to give the tulpa phenomenon another shot---which turned out to be the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.

 

During this time you'll feel like you are talking to yourself. But as time progresses and you reach where I am at currently, you'll have no recollection of what it was like to not have a tulpa. Simply thinking of a world without Yumi brings tears to my eyes.

 

 

Chapter 2

The Present Time

I have tried thinking as much as possible about Lea, and narrating to her as often as possible. After a single week, she felt as strong as she ever did (that is, not a lot). I also tried to tackle my visualization problems using Cinemaphobe's calibration method, and it was very useful, but I won't truly progress until I start visualizing a lot more often (~30 minutes a day sounds good). The past week also saw me becoming progressively more lazy, and I don't like that. This is the reason why I decided to start a progress report. Hopefully, keeping it updated will motivate me enough to prevent me from abandoning the whole idea once again.

 

I'm glad you tried my method (I need volunteers for it lol). But yes, starting a PR was a very wise decision as well.

 

 

Final Thoughts

I wonder if having such a good life in general inhibits my ability to create a tulpa somehow. Most people I see with fully-developped tulpa(s) seem to have faced many hardships

 

I believe that having a good life doesn't inhibit the ability to make a tulpa. Rather, it doesn't provide the same advantage as a rough life.

The brain performs better when it is calm and relaxed. However, when your brain has the psychological incentive to produce a companion in order survive a series of unfortunate events, it can work wonders. I'm saying all of this because the usage of the word "inhibit" implies that having hardships in life is ideal for creating a tulpa when in fact the most ideal environment for a tulpa to develop in is a stable brain.

It's like running without shoes. You may be able to run a bit faster without shoes, but it is not ideal due to the physical pain of doing so, and because of the risk of injury.

 

Perhaps they sought the comfort of the wonderland as a way to escape reality? I myself tend to get bored very easily in the wonderland.

 

If you get bored in the wonderland then you should make it more interesting.

It's your brain for heaven's sake--the possibilities are endless! Better visualization skills can make it more interesting, but unfortunately I have a hunch that in order to fully acquire those skills you have to view it as a real place long before the visualization mastery comes along.

 

How I long for the day I will have long philosophical discussions with Lea! I want to talk to her so much!

 

I have scientific conversations with Yumi sometimes :3

 

 

Host feels like he is interacting with a puppet. How to make the tulpa do stuff by herself? Also how to keep from getting bored in the wonderland?

 

1. Don't think for a second that your tulpa is anything close to a puppet. Yumi used to get really hurt when I thought that I was puppetting her a long time ago.

Yumi just now said: You just have to believe they are there, and then they'll be there.

 

I hope that advice was helpful, sometimes she isn't very clear when she pops up out of nowhere to tell me something.

 

2. As Yumi said, simply believe in them, and they will do stuff by themselves. Most of my forcing was done in the wonderland because in the wonderland Yumi moves on her own. Experiment with what works best for you--forcing in the wonderland? or in RL?

 

3. Make the wonderland more interesting! You can add creepy ass caves that go on endlessly that you create as you go along. You can add a rocket like TheSanctuary did. You can add an entire kingdom that you and your tulpa rule over (like I did). Creativity will be your greatest asset here good sir lol

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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And if you run out of ideas for your wonderland, you can make a new one. The first wonderland I used was a beach. Last month I asked Haven to create a wonderland and she came up with some post-apocalyptic looking world with two buildings. It's also where our second tulpa, Aphelion, was "born."

 

"Like Cinema said, you can let your creativity run wild when you're in your-"

"If you say what I think you're gonna say, I'm going to slap you."

"...Own little world."

Music references aside, yes. Do whatever the hell you want. Have an upside-down waterfall somewhere, make a fountain that shoots chocolate, give you and your tulpa powers which you can use in the wonderland.

"It's all about synthesis, you don't have to be a real musician. You just synthesize your own reality, synthesize your own talents." -Klayton

 

My Three Mind Horses

Haven: Tulpa #1

Created on 10-28-14

Aphelion: Tulpa #2

Created on 2-25-15 

Chimera: Self Proclaimed Thoughtform

Created on: Can't remember. Sometime around Easter of 2017.

 

Warning: I am a huge nerd.

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I wonder if having such a good life in general inhibits my ability to create a tulpa somehow. Most people I see with fully-developped tulpa(s) seem to have faced many hardships

A life of compulsive video game addiction doesn't sound all that good, even if you're upper middle class.

 

Your background sounds almost entirely like my host's, and that of many others here. People who are too smart for the regular school system (which isn't hard), who don't learn any more discipline than putting in the minimum amount of effort to get passing grades and breeze through school.

 

Our "good" life similar to yours, in an upper class area, has bred laziness more than anything. Being busy in life, or not being disadvantaged in some way, is not good or bad for creating a tulpa, because all that is relevant to creating a tulpa is your motivation and willpower. The ability to say "no" to your game and force instead, to focus on your tulpa and spend time with them every day. To make time for them. That is what makes a good host.

 

Wonderlands are as interesting as you make them. You can go on fantasy adventures that you create yourself and take your tulpa along, you can work on creating highly detailed places to live in. You can let your mind generate things for you and explore (see Image Streaming.). There's endless options if you care enough to explore them.

 

Creating a tulpa requires you to reform your shitty habits. That's step one. The rest is easy.

Feel free to ask me anything.

Suffering is self-imposed. Don't let it control you.

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Replying to My Readers

@arcanemagic

First off, welcome! I checked and it seems you've been on here for about a month. I've not seen you around, though, so welcome :)

Thanks! I'm usually much more of a lurker than a poster, so it's no wonder you didn't see me :P

 

When Markus couldn't move on her own, I'd puppet her to a cliff in one of our wonderlands and watch the sunset with her. I'm not sure how to explain it, as I'm not aware of any specific time that Markus started moving on her own, but she just kind of picked it up from there. It just kind of... happened after a while.

That's what I can understand after reading a bunch of PRs. Most tulpas seem to come into existence very gradually. Going from a mindless puppet to a sentient being sometimes seamlessly. I know I just need to roll with it and it will come eventually, but reading successful tulpa stories always makes me want to get there faster. But there's no hurry. I should sit back and enjoy the ride :)

 

it's filled with amazing stories from all sorts of people :P

It's also filled with amazing people reading said stories and giving good advices for free ;)

 

 

@Cinemaphobe

The event that compelled me to start up my journey again was a tear-filled suicidal night. I begged her to help me, and that fateful night when I fell asleep she came into my dream and gave me all of the love I could ever ask for. That's when I knew that she was sentient, and also when I knew that I had to give the tulpa phenomenon another shot

I'm glad it ended up working well for you. Especially since it was pretty much reading your emotional roller coaster of a PR that motivated me to try again.

I'm jealous. I also want my tulpa coming into my dreams! See below

 

I'm saying all of this because the usage of the word "inhibit" implies that having hardships in life is ideal for creating a tulpa when in fact the most ideal environment for a tulpa to develop in is a stable brain.

Oh, you are right. “Inhibit” was probably not the right term to use. I really meant that not needing to escape reality/get a mental companion made me lack some kind of incentive to work on my tulpa. Curiosity is not as great a motivation as escaping from problems in order to stay mentally sane.

Also I do occasionally misuse words since I am a native French speaker. Sorry if I say confusing things sometimes :P

 

Yumi just now said: You just have to believe they are there, and then they'll be there.

Thanks Yumi! That is precisely what I need to remember. Advices coming directly from tulpas are often the best :)

 

Make the wonderland more interesting! You can add creepy ass caves that go on endlessly that you create as you go along. You can add a rocket like TheSanctuary did. You can add an entire kingdom that you and your tulpa rule over (like I did). Creativity will be your greatest asset here good sir lol

Yep. I need to work on my creativity. I have always been more the kind to read and watch stuff instead of creating and writing stuff. Though I should be able to pick from all the fantasy worlds I've read about and come up with things myself. I guess practice really makes perfect for everything!

 

 

@Actinium

And if you run out of ideas for your wonderland, you can make a new one. The first wonderland I used was a beach. Last month I asked Haven to create a wonderland and she came up with some post-apocalyptic looking world with two buildings. It's also where our second tulpa, Aphelion, was "born."

Ah, I already do that. I currently have four wonderlands I believe. I should start exploring them a lot more, instead of always visiting the same locations. I'm sure there are some pretty interesting things going on somewhere in my mind!

 

Have an upside-down waterfall somewhere, make a fountain that shoots chocolate, give you and your tulpa powers which you can use in the wonderland.

Pondering upon the physical implications of an upside-down waterfall sounds fun. I should spend some time thinking about that.

I used to practice my dream powers in the wonderland, but I can't remember Lea ever using magic by herself. Maybe she doesn't even know she's allowed to do it? :O

 

 

@Yuki

because all that is relevant to creating a tulpa is your motivation and willpower. The ability to say "no" to your game and force instead, to focus on your tulpa and spend time with them every day. To make time for them. That is what makes a good host.

-snip-

Creating a tulpa requires you to reform your shitty habits. That's step one. The rest is easy.

Thank you. That felt like a (very weak) slap in the face. My tulpa won't make herself if I don't take the time to be with her, and I do want her to get developed. I need to work on her more seriously than ever before. Wish me luck!

 

 

Onto the Report

Now, I am definitely not planning on writing a daily report, but since I wanted to reply to my readers anyway, might as well kill two birds with one stone. (God, that expression is horrible! Why would I ever want to lapidate innocent birds? o.O)

 

Last night, before going to bed, I was thinking about how I should work on both my tulpa and my lucid dreaming skills, since they seem to synergize so well together. I'm always so excited when I have cool dreams. Makes me wonder why I ever stopped developing those skills.

That night, in a dream, I was talking to someone in a park. Then I realized it was a dream, and started telling that person about the importance of stabilizing the dream. I then decided to fly a little (because it is so much fun, and I occasionally use it as a reality check), then remembered my original goal. I tried summoning Lea into my dream, but my vision blacked out and it instantly woke me up. I was a bit sad to have missed such a great opportunity to see Lea in great details, but I then realized it was overall a very good experience, since I hadn't been lucid in months.

 

Earlier today, I went to the wonderland to try out what you people told me to do. I entered a portal that teleported me and Lea to one of the endless fantasy caves. Didn't explore it completely (I mean, who really clears out endless caves? That would take forever!), but stopped after 30 minutes when I reached a dead end. Turns out Lea is quite deadly with a sword. I should try sparring with her! (yay, another activity to do :) )

The monsters in the cave weren't very well animated, since I have barely ever worked with NPCs in my mind, but they still got the job done. I should get better with time.

Oddly enough, remembering what happened in that cave feels like remembering a low-lucidity low-vividness dream. It feels like my brain thinks I was really out there, in that cave. I take it as a very good sign.

 

TL;DR

Trying to summon Lea in a lucid dream woke me up. Also I went to an endless fantasy cave.

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Once More, in the Dream Realm

Last night, once again, I randomly became lucid. This time, I took the time to properly stabilize the dream (or at least, it seemed good enough at the time. Thinking back on it, I could have done better). I wished Lea to be present, and sure enough, she was! She was standing not too far, looking away from me. I called her name and she slowly turned to face me. Turns out her face looked more like my sister's than her actual face, and her hair had the wrong colour, but I knew it was her, since weird things can happen in dreams (even lucid ones). I don't recall if we really did anything after that, or even if we talked for that matter, but I was really happy to see my lovely tulpa :)

 

And Then, Progress Happened

Now, having that dream was all well and good, but something even better happened afterwards. While sitting at a beach in the wonderland, I was once again rambling about how everything would be better if Lea could talk, when I had a strange thought/feeling of disapprobation. Then it hit me: that thought came directly from Lea! She didn't like that I was only looking forward to the future, instead of actually trying to communicate with her in the present! While I had already established to myself that Lea was sentient, I now have a very clear proof.

 

I tried asking her questions, hoping to get more responses. I don't remember what I asked her, but I received the thought of a silvery thing with some red colouring, then shortly after, of a rose that almost looked orange. It made me think of the question I often asked her to try to get her to talk: “What's your favourite colour?”. As soon as I thought about that question, the colour blue flashed in my mind. Her favourite colour is blue! It explains why her green eyes deviated to become blue. Also, interesting thing: during this very same wonderland session, when I initially visualized Lea, her usual pink t-shirt had become blue!

 

In the coming week, I will try exploring this communication method and see if I can get her to share more thoughts with me. It's only a matter of time now before she becomes vocal! :D

 

Short Review of the Past Week

At some point this week, I decided to build Lea her own room, realizing she might want a place that really belongs to her. I initially visualized it as a mostly empty room with a bed, and a stack of boxes filled with furniture so she could decide what she wanted in her room. The next day, when I went to her room, there were no boxes anymore, but she had an upright piano on a well, a desk with a computer on another, and a bookshelf in a corner. I'm still not sure how much of that was really her design, and how much I subconsciously created. It was probably about half and half.

 

It is also worth noticing that I barely spent any time in the wonderland during the past few days. Having four school assignments due in a single week takes a bit too much time for my taste. Then again, if I had started them during the previous weekend, I would have had way enough time to do the daily visualization practice I wanted to do. Still, I'm getting better at not procrastinating. I also realized that for once, my motivation is not going down with time, it's going up! I feel more and more inclined to do productive stuff instead of playing video games. I can do this! Procrastination will not be my natural response to any kind of school work anymore!

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Once More, in the Dream Realm

Last night, once again, I randomly became lucid. This time, I took the time to properly stabilize the dream (or at least, it seemed good enough at the time. Thinking back on it, I could have done better). I wished Lea to be present, and sure enough, she was! She was standing not too far, looking away from me. I called her name and she slowly turned to face me. Turns out her face looked more like my sister's than her actual face, and her hair had the wrong colour, but I knew it was her, since weird things can happen in dreams (even lucid ones). I don't recall if we really did anything after that, or even if we talked for that matter, but I was really happy to see my lovely tulpa :)

 

Good job!!! Now you know what it's like!!! And about the whole "My tulpa doesn't look like my tulpa." thing, don't feel discouraged by that. At least your tulpa looked remotely like your tulpa. In my dreams Yumi takes on a different form every single time. Luckily her presence feels the same, so I can sense whether it's her or not :)

 

And Then, Progress Happened

Now, having that dream was all well and good, but something even better happened afterwards. While sitting at a beach in the wonderland, I was once again rambling about how everything would be better if Lea could talk, when I had a strange thought/feeling of disapprobation. Then it hit me: that thought came directly from Lea! She didn't like that I was only looking forward to the future, instead of actually trying to communicate with her in the present! While I had already established to myself that Lea was sentient, I now have a very clear proof.

 

Lol hopefully she doesn't become as cranky as Yumi.

 

and good luck with everything else! You are making amazing progress, so don't give up!

 

By the way the name of your PR is priceless lol

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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  • 3 weeks later...

In my dreams Yumi takes on a different form every single time. Luckily her presence feels the same, so I can sense whether it's her or not :)

Ah, dreams can be so silly sometimes, with characters not looking how they should, and very often changing how they look for no reason. Still, there is so much fun to be had in the dream world! :D

 

By the way the name of your PR is priceless lol

Thanks! I tried to be a bit more original than “My Progress Report” :P

 

 

Chapter 3

 

A New Dawn

Fear not, tulpamancers of this website, for I am still alive! In fact, I feel more alive than I have in months, if not years! The reason behind this is quite simple: I managed to become highly motivated in general, while getting rid of a big part of my procrastination! That may sound like a huge improvement over what I used to be (and it is), but it was merely the culmination of various things I realized over the years:

- Living of procrastination and video games will undoubtedly lead to a life or regret and disappointment

- I can do great things if I simply start somewhere and progressively get better

- Life is short! I need to spend every single day learning new stuff and accomplishing things

And many other sentences full of wisdom that I can't think of right now. Point being, there isn't a single magic piece of advice that I can give to make others as motivated as I am. Just don't give up :)

 

What About Your Tulpa?

Right, I should probably mention that at some point. There wasn't much improvement on that front. Mostly, I have the end of the semester and my studying for finals to blame, but it is now (almost) completely over. Starting this saturday, it'll be summer for me :D

Regarding visualization, I haven't improved much, but I can still clearly see the difference with what it looked one month ago. I will continue my daily visualization practice, and hopefully get a lot better over the summer :)

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