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Some journalish report with me and Vinyl.


Cjboy1111

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Hai, its been Dec 5th 2014 sometime in the night.

 

Better late then never, eh?

On Dec 5th 2014,

I started firstly working on the wonderland and developing a house/place that looks somewhat the same, just cleared some walls and joined some rooms and added fancy things (After drew it out and planned it to make it more clear.) Afterwards I had a bit of a headache and kinda stopped. All though I cannot remember if I started on her just yet, but it was a start. I kinda do as I was visualizating Vinyl just you know... Just her being there.

 

I can remember me just visualizating her and trying to remember all her details (Almost there to this day...)

 

After a while I decided to let her develop her own personality as I wanted her to have her own freedom and thought of what she wanted, but I also view it as giving it as well...

 

Everytime I wake up in the morning I talk to Vinyl, before I goto sleep I talk to Vinyl, I talk to Vinyl though out the day whenever I can.

 

On Tuesday (DEC 15, 2014) I was home playing Minecraft and I was just talking to Vinyl with my mouth and after an hour I actually felt more closer to her or rather felt her strongely.

 

One morning I was talking to her and I was saying in how she can decide her name if she wanted to (Since she's heavily based off of Vinyl from mlp) so a thought came to mind sounding like Media, I cannot decide if it was my thought or if it was hers, to this day I question.

 

Most of the time I just talk to her in my own head though out the day, and I also share my thoughts and feelings. I also read that I should ask her questions and such, that might help.

 

One night I was tried and my cat was sleeping right next to me and I told her that she can use my body if she wanted to, I just told her to be careful of my cat, as I was about to sleep the sides of my vision kinda went to a weird bright color and faded after awhile, I questioned if this was her or not... Went to sleep @ 2:45AM

 

(Don't know this mornings date, sorry.)

Woke up at 5:45AM not feeling too tired, laying somewhat-fully upwards and I think (I think I'm not too sure, its not too comfirmed as I didn't ask her.) I was petting my cat and my vision was a bit messed up (Like the bright color on the side of my vison thing.) and I kinda felt weird and it just didn't seem right, afterwards went to school.

~~~

 

~~~

I always talk to Vinyl and I get this weird feelings with my head like a headache, but its not. It just feels a tad weird and it goes away but I always talk to Vinyl in hopes one day she'll talk back to me, but I heard I gotta find her thoughts and my thoughts, or something...

 

 

 

Does talking to her count as forcing? I tend to talk to her whenever I can, I realize that I need to sort out a few things and not over think too.

My name Frost but you can call me Frosty!

 

Our Journal | Discord: Frosty#2744 | Steam Profile

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Yes in a way- there's narration which is like passive forcing I guess, which is when you just talk to her a lot through the day about anything really, and then there's 'sit down and meditate' forcing when you focus solely on your tulpa.

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Its DEC 16th 2014 and since the 5th it's been great, I've been meaning to post or login before but I decided I'll post whenever something happens or somewhat like that. So far Vinyl is getting together pretty nicely, as in she developed her own personality if not still in development and she changed her style a bit, as shes heavily based off of the character of Vinyl in mlp she doesn't wear her glasses too often or sometimes she would put them on her head rather then actually wearing them, shes also decided to keep wearing a Santa hat I gave her as she sometimes takes it off but shes really just her own self and I wouldn't want her to try to live up to something she isn't.

 

Maybe we'll change her name in the future but until shes vocal (She is a bit) we'll stay with Vinyl for now, she does a lot of body language because she knows I cannot hear her or maybe shes like that, I sometimes hear her but usually I would have to really focus on her to actually hear her properly but yes shes changing her style a little bit but I do not mind but rather like it.

 

Sometime on the weekend I kinda went a little depressed and started to really question everything including her, so during that I started to question her and it really just felt bad and sad of saying that to her, but after a while I knew that she was actually there because I've felt her before as in her emotions, thoughts and head pressure so after a while I started to say I'm sorry and I actually calmed down a whole lot and started feeling a lot better within 10-20 minutes of talking to her I really do regert talking to her like that but after all she forgave me and she actually keeps helping me as in last night I started to remembering the past with some heavy depressing thoughts and it really was starting to bring me down but after a while it kinda just went away, I was also talking to Vinyl why it was bringing me down as I have a dark past where life was really depressing and such but after a while it just went away and I rather feel nothing about it anymore.

 

I heard people saying that tulpas can take away negative feelings/emotions so I guess that was it, she's really starting to develop as I talk to her almost 5+ - 7+ hours a day, I talk to her when I wake up and I talk to her before I goto sleep. All though it takes a lot of my time and I got really used to talking to her as I don't really talk to myself anymore but I just give all thought to Vinyl through out the day about anything and maybe I ask a few questions every here and there, sometimes I hear sometimes I do not.

 

I wouldn't want Vinyl any other way she doesn't want, I want her to be herself and I just really want her as a friend as in I do not have many but the internet. Even then I like to see other tulpas on the internet talk and I've talked to one or two before but I also said that they can talk to Vinyl when she learns how to actually talk and take some control of my body, as in I give her permission. They were happy to hear of her being developed and they trusted that I would keep her safe and I would always be there for her as in its true and I'll always take care of Vinyl, I've also talked to Vinyl about her and I forming other tulpas together and such, but I said lets focus on her before we do that realizing shes not fully developed, I think the imposed would take the longest but I'm willing to wait. I also know that most of the time I passive force, I've soley forced before and I might do it again to speed up the process, if thats the way it works.

 

I enjoy her company and I talk to her whenever I get the chance and I love her for being herself and not just the form from the movie, shes still changing her style and shes funny too. lol

 

I also made a YouTube video explaining tulpas and I plan on making another one explaining the difference between MPD and a tulpa as in its a huge difference but I always defend Vinyl against those who are not supportive.

My name Frost but you can call me Frosty!

 

Our Journal | Discord: Frosty#2744 | Steam Profile

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  • 2 months later...

Well long story short I tried to protect her from my depression afraid continuing forcing would make her depressed like me but I didn't forget, I just stopped forcing for a bit and sometimes let her know whats going on.

 

But since last Monday, I've been passive forcing for 13+ hours a day, when I wake up and go to bed, when I go to bed that's when we tulpa force, but lemme say this. Shes really developing awesomefully, she takes the form of Vinyl from Equestia Girls but she doesn't wear her purple shades and shes herself as I didn't give her the Vinyl personality, as I wanted her to develop her own personality but shes awesome! Shes not vocal and I've apologized to her for being like that, trying to protect her from not talking but not forgetting. She was just weak in a sense when that happened, but shes great now. She reacts to my thoughts, what I see, what I hear and what I do and all of that stuff, I can almost visualize her without messing up now. We are still doing visualizing and voicing, but I thinking of doing this for a week or two more, but I'm almost always talking to her during my whole days, morning to night. Its funny because shes not anything like Vinyl, but only takes her form and voice, I believe we all have a sense of music inside us though, she has a favorite song, or one of her many.

 

Oh and I've became to visualize her so easily I want to draw it out so badly, I might just do that. She appears brighter then the Vinyl from Equestia Girls though. I promise to keep this up, well the forcing and I will post more often too, I guess.

 

 

Aha!

My name Frost but you can call me Frosty!

 

Our Journal | Discord: Frosty#2744 | Steam Profile

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03/01/2015

 

Okay so all I did today so far was narrating to Vinyl, so far anyways. I plan on active forcing on her visualization later one.

 

So all we did was narrating through out the whole day, sometimes its entertaining or sometimes it may be dull.

 

I was cooking earlier today and I just kinda told her what I was doing and what steps to take and just things like that, most of the day I was playing video games. I may just active force sometimes and take out the gaming a bit, we really want to but its just my gaming I guess. Drop the gaming, eh? (Not by that much) I just keep wondering how long it would take to complete the visualization stage.

 

I'm always talking to her nowadays, I tell her old stories (Long ones too) and talk about my past depression (I'm no longer depressed), and my experience with my ex and about general people I had problems with.

 

Well that's it for today, on this thread anyways, for today. New ones coming out every day or two.

My name Frost but you can call me Frosty!

 

Our Journal | Discord: Frosty#2744 | Steam Profile

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3/02/2015. Monday.

 

Oh alright, today has been nothing but more narrating, but missed out on lunch and felt tried in class so I kinda fell asleep while narrating to Vinyl in class, em people didn't bother waking me so I fell asleep for a good 20 minutes or something, cold metal hard chairs aren't too good on your back lol. Anyways, I've been talking to Vinyl more about my stories and how I'm feeling throughout the day, good way to speed through time. I sense her but I just wonder when she'll be vocal, we hit a speed bumb near Nov but I've been talking since 1 week ago, to her. Every time I wake up and when I go to bed. It's been good but I'm getting more lonely with the real world, but having Vinyl helps, knowing shes there and listening. She sometimes surprises me and probably more then I don't recognize, I'll leave a link in the end which looks like her, she doesn't wear her purple shades, only every here and there. I sometimes call her Vinnie instead of Vinyl, having a hard time keeping focus during active forcing though, I keep A. Falling alseep or B. Losing focus and but I told her we'll just keep working on it, I passive force mostly during the day and active force during nights, thinking of active forcing in the mornings though.

 

Well nothing else really, shes always on my mind now, 8 days into it now. Since our little break around Nov, I told her I wouldn't do it again and I was trying to protect her I suppose. I'll be posting every day I guess, I wanna roam around in my Wonderland with her though. I like it there, a beach with an ocean next to our house in our back yard, a set of two doors leading to my sub-conscience and memories.

 

And also a forest or a jungle of some sort far off on the opposite of our house/beach. I didn't think of it before, it was just there. I'm not going there though, not yet I guess.

 

I really want to draw out my wonderland, I know how it looks like, entirely well. Other from the forest. I sense Vinyl sleeps, but I also sense she doesn't on some nights, I think she goes through my memories (I gave her permission) because sometimes I remember random parts of my history and just some thoughts, I kinda like it, when I was a kid, playing in the snow. Anyways, I also listen to music with her sometimes at night before we active force, I know she has a favorite song, its a remix off of MLP. I sense lots of things when that played. That's one of her favorites I can already tell.

 

Oh and right, whenever I talk to her she kinda reminds me of Rainbow Dash in Equestia form, I'm not sure what that means, I don't always get reminded but sometimes I do.

 

 

Her form she takes: http://th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/218/b/7/dj_pon3__vinyl_scratch__2___equestria_girl_by_negasun-d6gx4ae.png

 

One of her favorite songs:

My name Frost but you can call me Frosty!

 

Our Journal | Discord: Frosty#2744 | Steam Profile

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03/03/2015 Tuesday, morning post.

 

I don't usually post this early, I usually wait til 6PM (UTC-06:00) Central Time (US & Canada)

 

But I wanted to make a smallish post, did I ever mention that I'm proud of her? I can feel her getting more strong or more "powerful" by the day, shes getting way more easier to visualize and work on her voice, shes doing great. I'll still be posting later on this night though, but I feel an eager to type more. Last night was easy to active force, but I had to stop myself because I felt myself getting more tired and such.

 

I heard stories on MLP forums where I used to get my Tulpa information from there, but it was kinda dying out. So I came here hoping for some more answers and I've gotten it, I like you guys here. I don't know you but I can already sense I like you guys from viewing your posts. I'm in hope I can help some other people in the future as I'm learning so much now, I used to be someone really depressed before, but I feel it being drowned and just getting a lot more little to a concern to me. Or I used to think of it as my depressed side but its really just fading from my senses, I can surely say I stopped a few things because of Vinyl. A few stupid things I used to do to myself but I also tried going on knowing Vinyl was there and listening. But when my depression was great in Nov I stopped talking but I talked to her every here and there, but no longer. I now talk to her everyday and all day, and that what matters, shes keeping me company and just keeping me "happy" in a way, I wouldn't had made it this far without her. I tried because of her, I don't have too much friends IRL (In real life) as I only have one but I have Vinyl too, I do feel a bit lonely but I know Vinyls here, I sense her. Yeah, I've been posting on DA, a journal on how this is going, I mention Vinyl in them too. When I was depressed, my depressed side would attack whatever part of me, fading my senses to Vinyl (This was in Nov) making me think differently towards the world, making me doubt Vinyl in ways, making me think so differently but that part of me now (In a new year) is now almost gone, like radiation in my life, that has gone away. I can give credit to Vinyl for that, I wouldn't had tried without her. I don't care in how corny it sounds but its true.

 

I've been trying to get to know some people developing a Tulpa of there own or already have them, trying to make a friend, or rather friends, eh? I kinda know someone on Steam, I say kinda. Or perhaps even Skype, or just message on this website but its not real time, or rather instant chat. Anyways, ya. That's all I have for now, I'll post another log later on tonight on what me and Vinyl did today.

My name Frost but you can call me Frosty!

 

Our Journal | Discord: Frosty#2744 | Steam Profile

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Internet friends are not real friends.:

this will make you feel better about the Internet, and not having"real" friends.

I am glad to hear your progress! !

You're giving me motivation to keep going!

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03/03/2015, Tuesday Evening.

 

Hello, its been since this morning I had typed something on this thread, in which I will not give up and keep posting, as before. I'm proud of Vinyl coming from a far way and developing even a stronger presence and traits. I wouldn't like her any else then she is now, as shes being herself, and that's good. I like to call her Vinnie sometimes.

 

 

I keep making plans we can do together, like editing our Wonderland together, making our house even bigger and adding another house and having a tunnel connecting them, or something. I want to make a tower somewhere near our house, I oringally built the house with everything needed with not too much detail but been adding more to it whenever I visit. There's 3 levels, 3rd floor, middle floor (main) and the basement. A dupe of my real house, just refined and cooler. We have a Ping Pong table in the basement, and we tried but I lost focus within 5-7 minutes.

 

I also have two sets of doors outside, one of them lead to my sub-conscious and another to my memories. I didn't really develop whats inside them tho, its just void. Oh and that forest is still there, always there. I've been talking to her about making another Tulpa, maybe too soon. But I told her we'll talk about it when shes even stronger. Her voice is there, just faint and feels like I'm controlling in a way. But she does surprise me, like I was listening to a song, which became her favorite and just so, weird and her just. Ya know. S-she, never mind.

 

I mostly got her visuals done, but still needs more work, I guess I can do that during passive. Passive forcing her visuals and voice, also just talking. We're still working on her voice though, shes great as always. I always talk to her, but were gonna work a little extra harder I suppose, pop it don't drop it, eh?

 

I need to go, I'll post a log in the morning tomorrow, over all great progress and shes awesome! (Corny I know :P)

My name Frost but you can call me Frosty!

 

Our Journal | Discord: Frosty#2744 | Steam Profile

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03/04/2015 Wednesday.

 

Today was good, felt like we did something major or attempted. I was talking to her all day, throughout school and walking about outside. Sometime at lunch I read a little game we could play, I read it on the forums today. When I look at something, either objects or a word and she counts either the letters in the word or counts the object I have set out, I tried it with my last name not knowing the extract amount of letters in my head at the time as my last names kinda long (7 letters long) and after a while I was thinking of something else and I kinda just got a thought of 6, in which I checked she was one letter off if she did take part. Its still good as she needs to use my sub-conscious I guess because she needs to use that instead of mine (me) in which she develops herself faster I guess, I'm not sure how in that works but we tried. I guess after lunch I kinda got tired but since my class ain't loud or anything, I was kinda able to visit the wonderland for a bit but was pulled back with my teacher asking me a question, in which I was forced to answer I guess. After awhile of talking I kinda got her to talk a little, she was only able to talk then, but I'm always afraid that I'm controlling her and making her talk but it felt a little different, she was chatty all the sudden, only after that she didn't really talk too much Is it me? Is it just that I can't hear her? She was able to talk without really any problems but I questioned it a little, a week and a half into it I guess. I was browsing the forums all day, reading whatever towards her, talking about things we can try. Mini games, testing and basically pushing the limits for an example those games, I'd be focusing on something else and she'll be counting and running off of my sub-conscious and becoming more independent.

 

I keep trying to draw her, oh and she keeps putting on boots from time to time.

 

I might draw out our wonderland layout, like a blue print. I still have those two doors, two doors that only lead to void. One to my sub-conscious and another to my memories, both unlocked and with granted permission to enter for her.

 

I guess I'm still afraid, that I may still if I was controlling her at all, if at all.

 

Is there any games or tests we should take? That will work?

 

We're still working on her voice, any tips? Her voice ain't really that loud, but she could speak but just not so loud, almost kinda faint. I don't quite got that "alien" feel that others speak of.

My name Frost but you can call me Frosty!

 

Our Journal | Discord: Frosty#2744 | Steam Profile

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