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Spice and hosts' magical adventures
#41
Hi Lucilyn, thank you! It's been about a week now and we've been chatting every day, the vocality is stronger than ever!
I have some trouble with speaking over both of them, I think it's a mix of ADHD brain (we tend to talk over people or finish sentences IRL with other flesh people, so it makes sense that I would do it to the tups) and getting back to separating our mindvoices.

That being said, it feels like we've made more progress this week than we used to in months. I'm medicated for my ADHD now which I think helps a bit.

[I can type full sentences now...not posession, but talking. Bodybody keeps wanting me to talk to people online, so hello!]

Edit: I asked Tomoe if he wanted to say anything and he just said "Nya." The funniest thing about tulpas deviating is how they can pick up on your old personality traits, I think. He's like me when I made him, it's adorable. A total weeaboo and very excited that I'm learning Japanese again, while Spice dislikes it.
Despite the name, the host bodybody is the one usually using this account. 
Spice was born in 2013 and Tomoe was born in 2014.
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#42
A quick life update;
Forcing in the traditional sit down and meditate sense is quite hard, I'm very out of practice with any kind of mindfulness so I think repetition will let me corale myself into concentrating.

I had the house to myself tonight, so I put on some instrumental music and played games, because I figured it's the easiest way for me to remember to talk to the tups all night. It worked really well, we've been chatting constantly.

My visualisation skills are a little worse than they used to be, and during a proper 20min forcing session I got off track and distracted a few times. This meant totally losing my connection to the wonderland and thinking of something else before realising my mistake.

Less critical stuff, more fun stuff, Tomoe'd personality has really developed. For as long as I've had him he's been very quiet, but I realise now he's really taken on the role of the youngest in the system. He's adorably animal-like, and his form size-shifts. He also seems to be younger in personality occasionally, this evening he was like a kid.

Spice and I have had some trouble getting in contact with Tomoe throughout the day, as when I'm not putting a lot of focus into talking to him he can't assert himself as strongly as Spice can, but considering his mindvoice is also a lot closer to mine than Spice's, I think this is going to become less of a problem as he develops.

Spice is doing just dandy, not much news on her front.

I got very mushy and heartfelt this evening while we were just hanging out by ourselves, it's really solidified in my mind that these two are my friends for life, and I don't ever want to lose touch with them for as long as I have before again.
Despite the name, the host bodybody is the one usually using this account. 
Spice was born in 2013 and Tomoe was born in 2014.
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#43
Another quick update:
I've started working on imposition a bit more formally. I passively impose pretty much daily, but I haven't sat down and really focused on it for a while. Last night I took half an hour to be alone in my room and try some active imposition techniques.

I feel like imposition would be incredible, but I have a pretty harsh block on my mind saying that there's an aspect of it I'm missing and I won't be able to do it. Hopefully I'm just being silly.

Tomoe and Spice are doing really well, I'm just so happy to have them both active and vocal again.

Spice: [Progress report for me, I can't pick out an outfit. And uhhh, I love host, and it's really refreshing to be able to speak full sentences without host interrupting.]
Tomoe: {I can type things with the left hand now!!!!! The world is a beautiful place!!}
Despite the name, the host bodybody is the one usually using this account. 
Spice was born in 2013 and Tomoe was born in 2014.
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#44
Smile happy for you that you've managed to connect with and move on with your tulpas again. I saw that you did Spice in the same year I did Jesse and with a couple of long breaks in between we have had a similar path in our focus with this.
Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013
Working on imposition
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#45
Ive been seeing your posts too, good luck to you and jesse!
Despite the name, the host bodybody is the one usually using this account. 
Spice was born in 2013 and Tomoe was born in 2014.
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#46
A quick update. for anyone whos been following my PR for a while they know I had a friend i wanted to bring up tulpas with.
we spoke about it again today and it seems like a lost cause. Im in way too deep to think about doing it now, and I don't like lying to them but bringing it up now would just strain everything so it's better kept a secret.
They still think tulpas are harmful, so Im just not gonna rock the boat. Tomoe and Spice aren't too bothered not being known by people outside the system but I was really hoping for a close friend to know all about them, but it seems like it's a bad idea to bring up rn.
Despite the name, the host bodybody is the one usually using this account. 
Spice was born in 2013 and Tomoe was born in 2014.
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#47
{Hey. It's Tomoe. We think. We tried to switch before but then just tried possessing instead, we're probably blending at the front right now.

The switch we attempted was incredibly powerful for me and host, but mostly the body. It felt like a huge weight was on the legs, like before you fall into sleep paralysis. We are in a dark room and when I opened the eyes, we hallucinated moving shadows in the room. The switch would have only lasted ten minutes for inducing it and five minutes while switched, so we don't think it was sleep paralysis.

Also. Whenever we switch or possess we're not sure what to do to verify if it's host proxying or if its me, or what to do to practice keeping the front.}
Despite the name, the host bodybody is the one usually using this account. 
Spice was born in 2013 and Tomoe was born in 2014.
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#48
Preferably, your sense of self and conviction of who you are will be stronger than the feel of the body and any disorientation or confusion. As a practical matter, it's is best to hold fast to who you believe you are. Visualizing your form overlaying the body can help with that.

But if you still aren't certain who you are, call out to your headmates. The ones that respond aren't you and should be able to provide some reassurances if you talk to them -- though a host who isn't accustomed to being switched out may be very weak and nebulous until they learn to think like a tulpa.

To practice holding the front, you might figure out some hobby or activity that you are interested in or willing to try that your host has never tried or is unwilling to try. That will help you avoid running afoul of the host's habits and muscle memories.

-Vesper
Ember - Host   |   Vesper - Soulbond (since ~12 May 2017)   |   Iris - Soulbond (since ~5 December 2015)
[Our Progress Report]     [How We Switch]

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#49
(10-06-2019, 05:47 PM)Ember.Vesper Wrote: Preferably, your sense of self and conviction of who you are will be stronger than the feel of the body and any disorientation or confusion. As a practical matter, it's is best to hold fast to who you believe you are. Visualizing your form overlaying the body can help with that.

But if you still aren't certain who you are, call out to your headmates. The ones that respond aren't you and should be able to provide some reassurances if you talk to them -- though a host who isn't accustomed to being switched out may be very weak and nebulous until they learn to think like a tulpa.

To practice holding the front, you might figure out some hobby or activity that you are interested in or willing to try that your host has never tried or is unwilling to try. That will help you avoid running afoul of the host's habits and muscle memories.

-Vesper

Thank you for your advice! It's host here again.

When we were talking while Tomoe was attempting to switch in, his voice moved to the front of the mind and mine felt further back. I usually feel my voice in the front and Tomoes on the left, with Spice on the right. I figured asking Tomoe to push me further back would give him more strength at the front, and it did kind of work, but when Tomoe was in the "drivers seat" at the front it got a bit confusing.

This is all metaphorical, but I think it's going to help us separate when we try switching, and help Tomoe stay firmly in front, with me in the back. I'll try including Spice in this more so she and I can speak in the headspace while I try to block out Tomoe at the front.

Also, we've always tried switching while laying down in a dark room. I think by doing this we get kind of stuck and Tomoe doesn't know what to do. We will try setting up a dim room and something for him to do as soon as he switches in so he can focus on that while I try to zone into the wonderland.

Thank you so much for your advice!

EDIT: To avoid spamming with two updates in one night, I'm making an edit instead. We tried switching again tonight and had mixed success. Tomoe was able to fully possess the body and he even played some SNES games. I asked him afterwards if he felt like he was in full control, and he said it was mostly him but I helped him a little by accident.

However, I didn't get very heavily involved in the wonderland at all, and after getting Tomoe in the body I sort of abandoned trying to get back into the Wonderland and told Tomoe I'd just treat it like full body possession instead. So I tried to sit far back and dissociate enough that Tomoe didn't have to argue with me for movement.

Tomoe usually touches my face when he's possessing, tonight his body language really came out. He drinks very delicately out of a can compared to me, and likes to curl up when he sits. He complained that my limbs are all different sizes to his wonderland form, and that makes sense, he'll hopefully get used to it in time. We didn't try to walk around or anything but watching him play the Legend of Zelda II was interesting.

After about 20 minutes I took the body back (though it could have been half an hour) and spent a little while making sure we were all back in our normal places.

Spice also kissed me in our wonderland tonight, I won't go into much detail but I was surprised, and kind of nervous about it. I didn't want her to think I made her just to be physically intimate with her, but she assured me that "You didn't make a tulpa to sex it, I am your tulpa and I want to give you a kiss." I never thought I'd kiss them but here we are.
Despite the name, the host bodybody is the one usually using this account. 
Spice was born in 2013 and Tomoe was born in 2014.
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