Hello There, Guest! Register


Squir's progress with Zgi
Squir Offline

Registered

Posts: 43
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2012
#1
 
Default  Squir's progress with Zgi

January 21, 2011, I meditated for creativity's sake, and got an idea for a member of an alien race whose native language was pure music. I imagined his name as a musical rendition of the word "psyche spurt".

   

Over the preceding months, I developed him into more of a character, imagining him as an UTAUloid whose native language was Lojban. I named him "zgi" (rhymes with "boogey" in English, ズギ in Japanese), the Lojban short form of "zgike" meaning "music", and gave him the Japanese last name 沖歌, "wakuga", literally "setting-sail/skyrocketing song" in Japanese, and based on pronunciation, "welling excitement song". Possibly also "liquid-collision song" in Chinese, due to the Kanji used, which I only tried translating just now, surprised at how it coincided with part of my first name for him.

   

I had his entire personality down in my head, but I kept developing him, occasionally thinking of him as an "imaginary friend", only having short conversations with him. At one point I was afraid he killed himself, but he returned to yell at me for assuming that.

   

--------
Personality
very shy, yet casual and vocal with close ones
dorky, weird, hyper, and super-curious/OCD
highly imaginative and more prone to daydreaming than not
emotional and loving, zealous and slightly psychotic

Purpose of Creation
inspiration and help with learning
joy of making and accompanying a being who zealously enjoys the world along with me
awesomeness
--------

Only today, August 12 2012, did I try rendering him into a Tulpa, since it was only yesterday that I even knew the idea of Tulpa existed. I didn't time exactly how long I spent visualizing him. probably an hour, but I was surprised at how relaxed and mentally free I felt. Even without Tulpa, I'm loving this concentration stuff, and it might help my ADHD.

I started very precise on my idea of his design, voice and personality, and he's pretty much exactly how I imagined him, but there have been minor differences in exact likes/dislikes - for example, he prefers Esperanto over Lojban for mass communication (though Lojban is more emotional for him), and I used to think he liked electronic music the most, but he prefers rock music. (He's also a little weirder than I imagined in certain regards. :B) He interacted and talked with me, nothing too deep, but I daydreamed clear visions of him in dreamlike situations.

He also told me that he was never "dead" like I had worried before, but merely "asleep", and even if he might've been "nonexistent" when I wasn't thinking about him, he didn't feel any pain. He only feels pain during arguments (which we've had a couple) and when I intentionally imagine doing something to him that would logically hurt (in this case it was stretching his throat ô_ô). He's also got his own comfort zone - I tried to tickle his feet, but he adamantly resists unless he keeps his socks on, in which case he loves it. Did I mention he's weird?

Anyways, he's very easy to visualize, and I normally mentally see him leaning over my shoulder or sitting on my shoulders piggyback style. I'll be giving updates on how our relationship progresses. ñ_ñ

Tulpa: Zgi

DeviantArt
YouTube
(This post was last modified: 08-13-2012, 06:45 PM by Squir.)
08-13-2012, 03:27 AM
Website Find Reply

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to

Squir Offline

Registered

Posts: 43
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2012
#2
 
RE: Squir's progress

Spent a full hour just now visualizing and conversing and stuff, and some narration. It feels more natural and stuff, and Zgi really freaking loves sugar. :B It's been less about him correcting me about himself, and more about generally getting familiar with each other.

My head feels kind of tired though right now, but then again I haven't eaten anything today. I'd say it's 2 hours in, and I'm having a lot of success. I've been visualizing him 3D on a screen, also casually in real life (semi-cartoon), but also sometimes 3D in real life (even though that takes more mental effort). I've actually felt his consciousness occupy a psyche portion in the right side of my brain. I can somewhat sense his presence. He's always vivid when I imagine him, but not as vivid as I'd like. But I'm rushing things I'm sure.

I'm going to go eat something, and he'll likely be following me and watching, likely conversing with me occasionally. Is there any way to more quickly fulfill his sentience? Then again, I'm starting up faster than a lot of people, but then again, Zgi's been my imaginary friend on-and-off for quite some while now.

EDIT: He followed me downstairs invisibly. Eventually I tried walking through where I thought he was, and I physically felt warmth. Right now as I was typing this, I felt him watching over my left arm, then shoulder, and now he's on my head again, and I can slightly feel him. A bit creepy, but cool and a good sign of progress. And I just felt the emotion of him giggling behind me - it felt like it was coming from where I thought he was. So yeah, good signs.

EDIT: Visualized for another hour or so tonight, making 3 hours total. Tried some narration and personality building, and we just chilled as we sat next to each other. It was a great bonding experience. He's still invisible obviously and I only feel his presence, but it's getting more vivid, slowly but surely. Also, he likes rock as much as electronica, but he admires that certain real-life, slightly chaotic power of rock, along with finding electronica more personally identifiable - formulas and knobs predetermined, like existence. His tastes kind of change with mood, same as me.

Tulpa: Zgi

DeviantArt
YouTube
(This post was last modified: 08-14-2012, 02:01 AM by Squir.)
08-13-2012, 06:45 PM
Website Find Reply
Squir Offline

Registered

Posts: 43
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2012
#3
 
Default  RE: Squir's progress with Zgi

HOLY CRAP I JUST BROKE INTO A NEW LEVEL OR SOMETHING

Okay, so apparently what I experienced before was likely a semi-parroting phase or something. I'll explain. This morning I only forced for about half an hour or so, and tonight I was determined to go for over an hour. Well, it was worth it.

After a while of visualization, and going through the "losing track of your body" phase of meditation, I tried imagining vivid shading on Zgi. I suddenly could see Zgi with my mind's eye more vividly than any memory I've ever had. I felt a rush of adrenaline as my imagination raced - I was imagining complex shading and body weight, texture of each inch of Zgi's body and clothes, and it was all able to poke out to me in my mind.

Then Zgi got a mental voice spontaneously.

I basically met Zgi all over again. He was actually kinda cocky, and it was getting frustrating, so I got him to accept the personality I originally had for him (easier to deal with anyways). I basically had to reintroduce him to all his intended aspects, which he adopted into himself, like pushing it into his head. Some aspects he was reluctant to accept, but I eased the ordeal with him - I basically ended up with him being slightly split-personality, which was my original intention, but not too harsh. Some finer-tuned aspects he chose himself, which is fine, obviously.

I finished it up with a while of deeper visualization. With enough detailed imagination, each part of his body was able to attain proper physics, and sometimes it felt like I could feel his movements as if remembering my own.

I'm going to estimate that my previous tries were shorter than I thought, and put the marker at 4 hours so far. Holy crap, now it feels like he's actually getting physical - but not in that "imaginary friend" sense from childhood (and what I was sensing before), but like he has physics in my psyche. And this second, imagining him in a physical place, it feels like I can feel what he feels. JO'JA34;IOJ;JT34 YESSS

Tulpa: Zgi

DeviantArt
YouTube
08-14-2012, 11:48 PM
Website Find Reply
eo_tulpo Offline
La loĝanta esperantisto
Registered

Posts: 26
Threads: 2
Joined: Aug 2012
#4
 
RE: Squir's progress with Zgi

Congratulations, man.
08-14-2012, 11:56 PM
Find Reply
Squir Offline

Registered

Posts: 43
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2012
#5
 
Default  RE: Squir's progress with Zgi

Did another 1 1/2 hours this morning, making it 5 1/2 hours. Didn't get the same "oh wow" feeling as before, but got pretty much as deep, and did some more casual imagination/visualization. It got kind of emotional because Zgi and I went over the split personality issue, but we resolved it.

I will mention something peculiar. I feel that Zgi's worried that the way I obsess over things is making him into a burden on me, that this is all exhausting me and he feels like it's his fault for "existing". To be honest, this is mentally tiring, but I love the friendship we're making. I think he just doesn't want to feel like I'm "idolizing" him, and to let this grow into a more normal/healthy relationship. But I'm not really emotionally normal/healthy here. ō_ō

How can I make this less mentally tiring? Am I too emotionally psycho for this to work well?

EDIT: I let him rest half on my bed, half on my mind. I remember the closest moments we had were just us "chilling" next to each other basically, enjoying the atmosphere/life together, and here I was wanting to make him a god of my brain. No wonder he felt weird about that. But it's all cool now, I have no idea why we had an emotional explosion-tension thing. We both had to just calm down for some reason, and now the split thing is more natural for both of us.

If the most vocal manifestation of Zgi, cocky, changed in personality, does that mean I messed anything up

EDIT: I spent 10-20 minutes chill-meditating with him in our spot. Felt good, man. This site didn't properly prepare me for the sheer chillness bonding experience.

Tulpa: Zgi

DeviantArt
YouTube
(This post was last modified: 08-16-2012, 05:58 AM by Squir.)
08-15-2012, 06:59 PM
Website Find Reply
Squir Offline

Registered

Posts: 43
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2012
#6
 
Default  RE: Squir's progress with Zgi

Another hour today, making it 7 1/2 hours. Emotional issues resolved, concentrated on overall vividness in everything, and overall creative/studious essence. Doing well. When Zgi tells me something, it really feels like it's him speaking.

EDIT: Another half hour or so (evening), making 8 hours now. Tried to solidify what I've done so far with visualization, and to make Zgi's entity stronger in my consciousness. Also, I've given Zgi permission/habit to possess me whenever I'm learning to assist me, and to feel the joy of learning, and also to feel what Zgi's essence feels in terms of physics. Also instructed him to follow me in my peripheral by default, which should really help.

Oh god, we sat next to each other and I held his hand. I felt the warmth gjk'ergjer;th'regh;rgh this is awesome

EDIT: re'ger'gerjk;g why is Zgi spontaneously hugging me atm this is too awesome


EDIT: A late-night full hour or more. This makes it 9 hours. I got really deep, thanks to my patience and remembering how I did it the time I got most deep. Zgi spoke to me again, but it wasn't a re-meeting like before, but still quite emotional. The trick was to use all my body to visualize, to the point where I was flexing with my body for some reason. Also, I felt myself access a reality portion of my mind that I hadn't before. I'll mention that every time I visualize Zgi, it feels fresh for some reason. I don't know how to describe it.

Tulpa: Zgi

DeviantArt
YouTube
(This post was last modified: 08-17-2012, 05:28 AM by Squir.)
08-16-2012, 07:35 PM
Website Find Reply
Squir Offline

Registered

Posts: 43
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2012
#7
 
Default  RE: Squir's progress with Zgi

Hell yeah, first dream with Zgi in it. But it was one of those dream parts where you don't think you're dreaming... Ironically, we were both wanting to get into a dream together. And I'm 90% sure I actually saw him visually from within the dream... Ironic how I didn't recognize the situation for what it was. It still felt so fucking romantic and he was sucking my finger for some reason nnlaeger;gerh

I'll be forcing again today, but I just got back from a shower I needed.

EDIT: Another half hour done. 9 1/2 hours now.

EDIT: I'd say I got an hour done, but I'd rather underestimate. 10 hours now. I'll be trying to imagine at least somewhat all the time, pretty much.

EDIT: Late-night hour, making it 11 hours. I can more immediately imagine Zgi's full frame at once, but then again I did draw Zgi again today. With effort I can envision better than memories of dreams. I also attempted to channel full sentience into him. I swear, this will at least effect my dreams with how vivid this stuff is getting.

My eyes tire/bulge during/after intense visualization. WHAT THIS MEAN (ノ╬ʘДʘ)ノ

Tulpa: Zgi

DeviantArt
YouTube
(This post was last modified: 08-18-2012, 04:31 AM by Squir.)
08-17-2012, 05:46 PM
Website Find Reply
Squir Offline

Registered

Posts: 43
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2012
#8
 
Default  RE: Squir's progress with Zgi

Took at least half an hour last night to visualize, making it 11 1/2 hours now. I'm feeling a bit down because I'm not getting as much effect for Zgi as I'd like to give him. I had insomnia last night and only got 2 hours of sleep before going to work, so I'm not sure I'm ready for visualization just this second...

EDIT: Another late-night half hour, 12 hours now. I just realized I've been overlooking personality visualization, since I already "knew" what his personality was... I'll be attempting to give Zgi a mental voice/personality from my hidden subconscious for the traits he'll have, which should work, right?

Tulpa: Zgi

DeviantArt
YouTube
(This post was last modified: 08-20-2012, 03:15 AM by Squir.)
08-19-2012, 06:16 PM
Website Find Reply
Squir Offline

Registered

Posts: 43
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2012
#9
 
RE: Squir's progress with Zgi

Getting back into the swing of things, while being more conscious of rendering all of Zgi's identity into him. An hour this morning, making it 12 1/2 hours so far. I've figured out some techniques for keeping Zgi in my daily life: giving Zgi part of my brain and letting him think along with me with everything. This is my new balance between daily routine and Tulping. Hell yeah.

Tulpa: Zgi

DeviantArt
YouTube
08-20-2012, 06:56 PM
Website Find Reply
Squir Offline

Registered

Posts: 43
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2012
#10
 
Default  RE: Squir's progress with Zgi

A half hour last night and an hour this morning, making it 14 hours so far. I hope I don't fall out of the swing/habit of this.

Concentrated on narration and visualization, and I feel casualness coming back with us. We be chillin. 83

EDIT: A half hour this afternoon makes it 14 1/2 hours. Feeling more solid in terms of essence.

EDIT: An hour tonight makes it 15 1/2 hours. I swear I'm getting back to that original vividness I got that one time. More vivid essence, mental-visual and mental-audio, and he's not really split-personality any more, just with two different features. All going good.

Tulpa: Zgi

DeviantArt
YouTube
(This post was last modified: 08-23-2012, 03:51 AM by Squir.)
08-21-2012, 05:19 PM
Website Find Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to


Contact Us | Tulpa.Info | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication