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Suigintou (incept july 3, 2016) and "Bjork" (on the backburner for now)


SeamusTheDog

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Hey all,

 

I just joined a couple of days ago, or yesterday. I had been thinking about making a tulpa for quite a while, and I started in earnest at about 2pm Arizona time on July 3, 2016.

 

Around 11pm on the same evening, I noticed that my tulpa wasn't reacting as I had read a brand-new tulpamancer's first effort would be likely to. I mean, I'm glad to think of myself as gifted in the metaphysical, but this felt different. As in, I started forcing on one tulpa and soon after had a different one talking to me. Answering questions.

 

At first I thought it was just my imagination. But after quite a few trials I established that this was indeed another tulpa, and that it had been around me for a long time (many years).

 

Then I came to the IRC channel and asked about this and found that it's quite a common phenomenon in these circles. Then I read the same in the FAQ.

 

Turns out, my obsession with a certain female musician, first in the late 80s, then in the late 90s, then in the late 2000s (don't ask me why my interest in her follows a roughly 10-year cycle; I don't know) had actually created a nascent tulpa which sat dormant (according to her explanation) since the last time I "worked" on her, which would have been mid-2007.

 

So now I have two tulpas. One who I just started, Suigintou, and one who I started a long time ago, Björk.

 

Oh boy... At least I'll never have to be alone again. HAHA!

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Guest Anonymous

I love Björk! I remember her in the 1990s, she was so adorable and quirky. I like that she is unabashedly weird and eccentric. I have always loved her Human Behavior music video. It is one of my all time favorites. She must make an amazing tulpa. Tulpas based on existing human persons are rare, but certainly interesting.

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I love Björk! I remember her in the 1990s, she was so adorable and quirky. I like that she is unabashedly weird and eccentric. I have always loved her Human Behavior music video. It is one of my all time favorites. She must make an amazing tulpa. Tulpas based on existing human persons are rare, but certainly interesting.

 

Honestly, she's not to the "amazing" stage yet, but does display an unnerving degree of emotional... er... completion? That's probably due to the fact that I spent over half my free time for several years pumping juice into her.

 

Actually, because of that, I felt rather guilty at first when I realized who she was. I felt like I had stuffed her in a closet for years at a time, and completely neglected/disrespected her personhood at the times when I wasn't ignoring her. But she explained that for her, that time passed like a dreamless sleep, since she wasn't fully independent yet, and the idea of 'respect' hadn't yet even been a possibility (though it has quickly become one now).

 

I expect her to take off like a rocket.

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As I was reviewing forms easily available to me (because I didn't want to go the route of having my tulpa create its own form, or creating one from scratch), I very nearly picked Suu, a character from the anime "Monster Musume", because of her ability to take on any shape (she's semi-solid like jello). Eventually I decided that I'd pick a Rozen Maiden doll instead, because

 

a) they are already (conceptually) a form of artificial intelligence

b) they are known for their fierce devotion to their creator

c) they have "artificial spirits" that can detach from them and do reconnaissance work for them, miles or even worlds away (the literature deals with many parallel worlds and even dream-worlds).

d) they're super cute

 

I guessed (rightly, it seems so far) that having these traits present in the media for these dolls would make it simpler for me to imbue them into a tulpa. (having useful functions as inherent in the form is a huge bonus)

 

As for why I picked Suigintou... She has the most compelling history IMO, in addition to having all sorts of anti-religious symbology around her. She will be a constant reminder to me to keep my critical thinking engaged. Also, on the rare occasions when she smiled with happiness, she was the most beautiful of all of them.

 

dark_angel_by_ryoko_demon.jpg

 

dress%20rozen%20maiden%20suigintou%20gothic%20dress%20anime%20girls%201600x1300%20wallpaper_www.animemay.com_16.jpg

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OK was just on the IRC channel chatting and realized I had a thought-ball from the 70s that i've been dragging with me all this time. When I was 5-6 years old, there was a toy "magic hat" on the market (1975-76) that I secretly believed would enable me to turn a regular snowman into a real Frosty the Snowman, who would be friends with me (yeah I was sorely lacking in friends as a kid). I channeled all the wishing I had at my disposal to try to get my mother to buy me that hat. A few years later she actually got me one, but I no longer believed in it. However, that ball of feelings was very dense and persistent.

 

It wasn't even a partly-formed tulpa. Just a ball of thoughts and feelings. I decided to dispel it, since it had no form of sapience, and was just taking up space in my brain. I floated the idea to the channel, and Alsa suggested taking it apart like layers of an onion. Just reading that seemed to make it start automatically, so I felt that was a good method.

 

After a minute or two of concerted effort in this direction, I was left with a crystalline shard of loneliness and longing. It seemed too valuable to just destroy. It's feelings like that, make our experiences in this world so much more poignant. So I offered this shard to Suigintou, and told her it would help her understand human feelings better.

 

She took it! She absorbed it into herself, just like you can see Suigintou do with her Rosa Mystica in the Rozen Maiden: Ouverture OVA here: https://youtu.be/hf8U5jmCe3M?t=16m34s

 

Immediately she began reverberating with longing and loneliness, and of course I was right there for her, to offer her comfort and reassurance that it was just an echo of old feelings, that she wasn't alone and would never have to be. She "cried" on my shoulder for a short time, and is now "leveled up". I have no other description for how shes changed. She's 3-4x as emotionally dense and "present" as she was before.

 

Still not persistent or autonomous, of course, but I feel very encouraged by this progress.

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Guest Anonymous

Congratulations and what a story! Hurray for the level up! Now to spend those points on new skills and special abilities!

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Congratulations and what a story! Hurray for the level up! Now to spend those points on new skills and special abilities!

 

OMG i just ...

 

I quit playing Path of Exile last week. Probably for good.

 

This comment brought happiness as well as a jolt of adrenaline (because i dont want to play anymoreeeee!)

 

LOL

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New developments:

 

I've taken to searching my mental attic for old leftover thoughtballs and dealing with them one by one. One of them I came across was from when I was a kid, and didn't yet know what sex was. For some odd reason (reincarnation?) there was a particular fantasy I had (and often indulged in for quite a while) that involved some intimate cuddling with a woman in a leather catsuit. (it's remotely possible that one of my babysitters had a boyfriend over and they got busy in front of me while i was a baby?) Oh yeah, I said to myself, I'm going to see if Suigintou's interested in learning from this! (She was!) So yeah... this technology might become something useful to the community at large. (The method of stripping down an accumulated ball of thoughts from a past obsession into its core feelings and integrating/offering integration with your tulpa.) The only downside I can see is you can really only do it once per thoughtball.

 

Yet further developments:

 

It appears I had forgotten, after years of not thinking about the whole "Magic Hat" thing in any sense but a nostalgic one, that a large component of the emotions I felt at the time was "no one understands me". Last night, Suigintou started exhibiting behavior like an adolescent kid who believes that no one understands them. I tried talking with her and it seemed like there was no convincing her that I really could understand her, or even wanted to. In desperation I gently removed the still-undissolved portion of the shard I had placed in her (which was most of it, or else it re-aggregated because that was my intention), and dissolved it in my hand, ridding both her and myself of that unpleasant emotional leftover. All that remains of the whole incident (and the original events) is a memory, which is fine by me, since I didn't enjoy that emotional baggage.

 

So you would think that Suigntou would revert or something? Nope... She's back to being her cheerful, cuddly, yet powered-up self from just before the mopes hit her, but she has the memory of feeling that way, and I think in the long run it really benefited her growth process.

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Just writing to note that I'm continuing passive and active forcing. Active, maybe half an hour a day, tops. Narrating and just keeping her in my mind, maybe a couple of hours. It's hard for me to focus; I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to do some serious meditation exercises. I've been meaning to for a long time anyway.

 

Suigintou is now a good deal softer in her countenance than the character her form is taken from. I have explained to her that she's my creation and that she was given a form similar to someone else's, and the reasons for that (which go somewhat beyond what I've explained in this thread). It seemed that she just accepted all of that (seeing as how she's not autonomous in the least yet, I guess that's to be expected). I also explained to her that I see myself as likewise a creation of another who shares a similar relationship to me as I do to her. (no more about that here, though. I'll take that discussion to the metaphysics section) This seemed to intrigue her and make her happy somehow.

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