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Sunset: A Tulpa Record


Evening

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~A Quick Intro~

 

Me

Name: Eve

Age: 15

Form: Human (Obviously)

 

My Tulpa

Name: Dark

Age: 17

Form: Winged Humanoid

Date of Creation: April 7th 2015

Status: Partly Vocal

 

Wonderland

Our wonderland is a city, Dark and I live in an apartment on the top floor of a skyscraper together. Whilst our apartment is very well developed little of the city is developed beyond being a bunch of buildings.

 

I'm not going to go over everything that's happened between April and now but I will fill in information if necessary.

 

~August 25th 2015~

 

Today was a school day, but as I'd completed all the work required for two of my classes I was able to spend two hours actively forcing with Dark, we mostly just worked on speech as right now Dark communicates with a mixture of head pressures and broken sentences. During these conversations, something interesting happened. Dark did something unexpected.

 

Dark has never been too unpredictable in the four months he has existed, other than the one time he deviated and changed his eye colour to red, so this was a surprise, and maybe progress? Dark expressed a desire to go on a walk together, like after school instead of just doing homework and other stay-inside-the-house activities Dark wanted to go outside.

 

It's not like he hasn't been outside before or anything, I just didn't realise he enjoyed it. I am a very shy person and I don't see the point in going outside for walks around my neighbourhood, I don't like the awkwardness of seeing other people and pretending they aren't there, I don't like the cold, and I find it boring. But now Dark has decided he wants to go on a walk outside and we haven't even tried possession or switching yet I guess I'm going to have to put my dislike of the outside aside for the moment and make space for Dark's interests.

 

While I decided against going on a walk after school today I'll certainly try to go on one tomorrow and force with Dark as I do so. I'm excited by this development, while it's something I'm not interested in doing it is an activity that would align with the personality I created for Dark so I must be doing something right.

 

We also started a little bit of work on depersonalisation and possession. Most guides I read on the matter said that possession involved giving control of your body to the Tulpa, so we created an alternate dimension in our wonderland where there's a purple control room and a black backroom. I currently reside in the control room and Dark in the backroom but we're hoping that eventually we'll be able to switch rooms to help Dark take control of my body. I've also practiced withdrawing from my right arm and leaving it uninhabited (so eventually Dark will be able to then start controlling it?) Either way we're still a long way off from possession so I don't think we have to worry about it quite yet.

 

Achievements

-Dark expressed a desire to do something I'm not interested in.

-We created an alternate dimension in our wonderland.

-I practiced giving up control of my body.

 

~*~*~*~*~

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~August 26th 2015~

 

I went on the walk today. As I'm not known for going on random walks I had to run this through with my family so they'd know where I was. Needless to say they were surprised I had decided to go on a walk and asked why, I gave them a lovely story about how 'there's just a part of me that's excited about walking.' (Real smooth Eve) It wasn't necessarily a lie though, Dark is a part of me, and he was very excited about the walk.

 

The walk itself was rather relaxing, I brought earphones so nobody would try and talk to me and headed off. I narrated to Dark about anything and everything we saw on the walk, the trees on our neighbourhood, how seasons worked, my dislike for dogs. He was mostly quiet but did respond occasionally. On quiet streets I narrated out loud too which I haven't done in a while, I also tried to imagine him walking behind me since I haven't done much imposition yet. I don't know if we'll be going on another walk soon though, that's for Dark to decide. I guess it was kind of refreshing.

 

I'm kind of confused about how Dark talks to me to be honest. I feel like he's using his mindvoice to talk to me but it also coincides with head pressures so it ends up just feeling like a head pressure except I know what he said to me? Maybe his mindvoice is just weak still, I should probably look up some exercises to strengthen it soon.

 

Achievements

-Went on a walk with Dark.

-Narrated out loud.

-Practiced imposition.

 

~*~*~*~*~

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~August 27th 2015~

 

Dark and I didn't make as much progress as I would have liked today. I narrated to him as usual but he didn't engage in much conversation with me. I guess we really need to practice more vocal exercises together, I'll have to look some up later. I feel that Dark is so close to being fully vocal and I'm slightly annoyed that this final push is taking so long.

 

Onto things we did actually do; I read the next chapter of Death Note to Dark as we haven't read it in a while and we both enjoy reading it together. Dark seems rather intrigued by the plot. While reading I paused to ask him several questions about what he thought was going to happen, or what he'd do in a situation like that and got rather interesting answers. Dark said he'd have taken the shinigami eyes deal although when I asked him to elaborate on why I just felt a very strong head pulse.

 

I also tried another exercise where I had to imagine my body filled with a colour symbolising my control. Next I'd imagine it leaving one of my hands so that nobody was in control of it. I'd done this a few times before but today was different as just when I'd stopped controlling my arm I felt Dark's aura/colour fill my arm, I didn't ask him to do this or discuss it with him, but Dark has made it very clear to me before he really wants to master possession. Dark didn't actually try to move my arm or anything, we just stayed still for a while and then I regained control of my arm. Still I hope this is good practice for when we really do attempt possession.

 

Achievements

-Read Death Note with Dark.

-Practiced a simple possession exercise.

 

~*~*~*~*~

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~August 28th~

 

I didn't really achieve much today, I think I'm coming down with a cold or something because I felt really off and unmotivated. (also my throat hurts like hell) I did try to narrate with Dark throughout the day but he seems distracted, he wasn't really that interested in engaging in conversation with me.

 

Twice during the day I felt really strong head pulses but when I asked Dark what was wrong got no reply. I guess it's okay to not always achieve something everyday... Hopefully we'll get back on track tomorrow with some more active forcing sessions.

 

Oh, and Dark was fairly active when I was reading a comic/manga thing called Jack the American Ghost, so maybe he was enjoying reading it along with me? [i was] Woah, Dark hasn't spoken while I type up these entries before, maybe that's a minor achievement in itself.

 

Achievements

None :c

 

~*~*~*~*~

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~August 30th 2015~

 

Today I tried playing the piano with Dark. Back in April early on when I was creating Dark he expressed an interest in being able to play the piano one day, I honestly forgot all about that until this week and so I decided to play the piano while forcing him to see if he still had any interest in it. He apparently doesn't. I don't know whether I was just confused back in April or his interests changed but I got no kind of response from Dark while playing the piano. But that's okay, maybe his interests lie elsewhere. Of course it's hard to for Dark to do anything when he can't possess me yet. There's the wonderland but when I ask Dark what he's been doing there I don't usually get a response. I hope he isn't bored.

 

Other than that I mostly just tried to passive force Dark throughout the day and spoke to him out loud when possible. (Does speaking out loud to your Tulpa have any positive effects? I think I read somewhere once that it does but I don't remember what...) I have to say even if I haven't been doing as much active forcing as usual lately I've been remembering to passive force Dark often which is an improvement. I definitely want to have an active forcing session with Dark tomorrow though. (Although honestly I'm a little bit stuck on what kind of activities to do with Dark during active forcing)

 

Also I have been getting strong head pressures the entire time while writing this but I don't know what Dark's trying to tell me.

 

Achievements

-Passive forced out loud.

-Played piano together.

 

~*~*~*~*~

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Does speaking out loud to your Tulpa have any positive effects? I think I read somewhere once that it does but I don't remember what...

 

If you're having problems differentiating your mindvoice/thoughts with what your tulpa is saying it can be helpful, and it's harder to lose track of what you're saying if you're prone to that sort of thing, but other than that I wouldn't say that it's objectively more helpful to talk out loud.

 

Also, I'm kinda wondering how your tulpa is two years older than you. It says that in your first post and I'm not sure how that's possible, wanna shed some light on that for me?

We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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I imagine that's "tulpa years". For example, Fenchurch appears to be in her mid-20s, even though she was created two years ago.

 

Another advantage of speaking out loud to your tulpa is that it feels more real, so it can help to build up a feeling of presence -- that feeling you get that there's someone else in the room with you.

 

And the downside is that it's very easy not to notice someone else who is in the room with you, or maybe just outside the room, and look completely crazy.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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If you're having problems differentiating your mindvoice/thoughts with what your tulpa is saying it can be helpful, and it's harder to lose track of what you're saying if you're prone to that sort of thing, but other than that I wouldn't say that it's objectively more helpful to talk out loud.

 

Also, I'm kinda wondering how your tulpa is two years older than you. It says that in your first post and I'm not sure how that's possible, wanna shed some light on that for me?

 

Oh well Dark's mindvoice is still very similar to mine most of the time so I guess talking aloud is actually helpful!

 

 

I imagine that's "tulpa years". For example, Fenchurch appears to be in her mid-20s, even though she was created two years ago.

 

Another advantage of speaking out loud to your tulpa is that it feels more real, so it can help to build up a feeling of presence -- that feeling you get that there's someone else in the room with you.

 

And the downside is that it's very easy not to notice someone else who is in the room with you, or maybe just outside the room, and look completely crazy.

 

Yes that's correct, Dark is only 4 months old but he has told me that he's 17 in, well I guess "tulpa years" is a good term for it. He looks 17 and is treated as such in our wonderland's society.

 

Talking to your tulpa aloud seems to have more benefits than I first realised maybe I should do it more often.


~31st August 2015~

 

Today Dark and I had an active forcing session, it'd been too long since our last one. I went to our wonderland and appeared in my bedroom. In the wonderland my bedroom has few features but most of it is pink, to be honest I have no clue how it ended up that way, if I have no memories of designing it then it might of been Dark right? Anyway I went to the main room to go find Dark, although it soon became apparent Dark was not in the mood for doing anything together, he just glared at me. I took a guess at what he wanted and left the wonderland for a second to find a Muse song to play. Dark really likes Muse, I don't really care for them but I'd been promising to play him some of their stuff again for the last few days but kept forgetting, I guess he'd finally had enough.

 

Once I got the music going Dark agreed to come on a walk with me outside of our apartment. I haven't really explored much of the area surrounding our apartment so we took the time to and got ice creams along the way. I realised I was having trouble visualising Dark so I got my reference photos up on my laptop to help visualise him. (It was a forcing session with a few interruptions)

 

To finish the session I decided to try and switch rooms with Dark in the control room alternate world whilst imagining his energy fill my arm. Dark was still unable to control my body but that's to be expected at this point. My arm did twitch at one point but I highly doubt that was because of Dark. Oh well, possession isn't exactly an easy thing to accomplish.

 

Achievments

-Listened to Muse with Dark.

-Visualised Dark.

-Explored wonderland together.

-Practiced possession.

 

~*~*~*~*~

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~1st September 2015~

 

So I am officially sick. I'd had a cold creeping up on me the last few days but it sure hit hard today. My throat hurts, I can't stop coughing, I haven't been able to get a response from Dark all day. I don't know if being ill or feeling terrible has any effect on Tulpas, maybe not being able to get a response from Dark is a coincidence, but somehow I doubt that.

 

Sorry for the incredibly short update.

 

Achievements

None :c

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As I recall, Ashmo stopped getting responses from Bud briefly during and after a major cold. So yeah, that might be what's going on.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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