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Swearing around Tulpas
#1
Hey guys, this may sound silly, but I'm not sure if it's a bad idea to swear with my Tulpa. I've only really been trying to make one for a day, and I don't want my bad habits (I tend to swear quite a lot, and stupidly, too) to rub off on my Tulpa. Are they more likely to pick up on bad language if I use it more often?

I guess I'd feel better when (if) my Tulpa gets to a point where they're able to think for themselves a bit more, but for now... Is it okay to swear occasionally? Lol I guess I see it like swearing when talking to a baby.

Any feedback is appreciated - thanks!  Big Grin
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#2
If you don't want your habit to rub off, then yes, you should be careful not to cuss, especially when forcing/talking with your tulpa. I think it's most important that you don't cuss at your tulpa, which seems more negative than cussing just in general or making vague exclamations. "Damn, I forgot my keys!" is a different type of cussing then ranting and calling someone "an evil bastard" after they cut you off in traffic. 

As tulpas gain vocality, in my experience of the matter, their manner of speaking is very pliable, their voices change a lot over very little time. If your tulpa does start cussing (For example, they say "Damn, you forgot your keys!") you could politely explain that it's a bad habit you yourself want to avoid, and suggest some alternatives ("Oh no!" or "Darn!' or "Ah, man!") that they could say instead of cussing. This also applies to yourself. 

The occasional swear won't affect your tulpa too much, just like the occasional swear in front of a child won't affect them too much... but, if you want to break your own habit of swearing, I would suggest that this time is the absolute perfect time to do so: if you want to hold someone up to a standard, why not hold yourself up to that standard, as well? Whenever you find you've just cussed, rephrase it, whether you cussed in your head or out loud. 

I remember my brother (a tulpa, as I am) who generally speaks squeaky clean said, "Holy shit!" when he noticed his basil plants had sprouted. And I try not to cuss and I do cuss much less than my other brother, but I still mentally said "Bastard." yesterday when I got hit in the face with bus doors (just in general, not directed at anyone.) If there's a reason for cussing, I don't mind it so much, but cussing at people (including oneself) is a different matter. 

Hope this helps,
Gavin

And good luck with your new tulpa!
Three brothers. [Progress Report] [Art] [Oops! All Jamie]

"You are the messenger, not the message. You are just like everyone else."
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#3
You can swear in your daily life if you want, but I'd recommend not using that language specifically around them. When forcing, passive forcing or just talking to them, if you don't want them picking up on it, avoid it.

If you learn to switch, on the other hand, our (mental only, we don't swear in any form out loud or in public) "swearing" habits affect what comes to mind for each other. Meaning if we're in more of an "Oh shoot" habit than the alternative, that's what will come up first to anyone fronting. Sometimes Lumi or I swear mentally, but since that causes the want to swear to come up for Lucilyn (who doesn't want to) we try to avoid it.

Really all expletives/exclamations work equally well if you stick with them, but they're extremely habitual and getting used to more offensive words is a slippery slope it takes some real intent to get away from. People who don't swear aren't more or less angry people (and vice versa with people who do), they simply haven't been around enough places it's okay to use more offensive words in normally. Getting used to words you find more "offensive" will lessen the impact they have to the point that less offensive exclamations used to have, which is why we've kept ourselves from swearing in public/out loud our whole life - despite having been in plenty of communities/having friends who do. It's so that we can still comfortably fit into communities and such where swearing is more looked down upon or outright inappropriate.
Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.
All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.
Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
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#4
(05-03-2019, 08:13 AM)JGC Wrote: If you don't want your habit to rub off, then yes, you should be careful not to cuss, especially when forcing/talking with your tulpa. I think it's most important that you don't cuss at your tulpa, which seems more negative than cussing just in general or making vague exclamations. "Damn, I forgot my keys!" is a different type of cussing then ranting and calling someone "an evil bastard" after they cut you off in traffic. 

As tulpas gain vocality, in my experience of the matter, their manner of speaking is very pliable, their voices change a lot over very little time. If your tulpa does start cussing (For example, they say "Damn, you forgot your keys!") you could politely explain that it's a bad habit you yourself want to avoid, and suggest some alternatives ("Oh no!" or "Darn!' or "Ah, man!") that they could say instead of cussing. This also applies to yourself. 

The occasional swear won't affect your tulpa too much, just like the occasional swear in front of a child won't affect them too much... but, if you want to break your own habit of swearing, I would suggest that this time is the absolute perfect time to do so: if you want to hold someone up to a standard, why not hold yourself up to that standard, as well? Whenever you find you've just cussed, rephrase it, whether you cussed in your head or out loud. 

I remember my brother (a tulpa, as I am) who generally speaks squeaky clean said, "Holy shit!" when he noticed his basil plants had sprouted. And I try not to cuss and I do cuss much less than my other brother, but I still mentally said "Bastard." yesterday when I got hit in the face with bus doors (just in general, not directed at anyone.) If there's a reason for cussing, I don't mind it so much, but cussing at people (including oneself) is a different matter. 

Hope this helps,
Gavin

And good luck with your new tulpa!

Heya Gavin, thanks! Don't worry, I never swear at my Tulpa, it's just become natural to cuss at pretty much any opportunity. It runs in the family lol. I think that this is definitely a good time to try and get out of the habit though. I now apologize and say that I shouldn't cuss each time I do - I hope that counts for something lol
(05-03-2019, 10:06 AM)Tewi Wrote: You can swear in your daily life if you want, but I'd recommend not using that language specifically around them. When forcing, passive forcing or just talking to them, if you don't want them picking up on it, avoid it.

If you learn to switch, on the other hand, our (mental only, we don't swear in any form out loud or in public) "swearing" habits affect what comes to mind for each other. Meaning if we're in more of an "Oh shoot" habit than the alternative, that's what will come up first to anyone fronting. Sometimes Lumi or I swear mentally, but since that causes the want to swear to come up for Lucilyn (who doesn't want to) we try to avoid it.

Really all expletives/exclamations work equally well if you stick with them, but they're extremely habitual and getting used to more offensive words is a slippery slope it takes some real intent to get away from. People who don't swear aren't more or less angry people (and vice versa with people who do), they simply haven't been around enough places it's okay to use more offensive words in normally. Getting used to words you find more "offensive" will lessen the impact they have to the point that less offensive exclamations used to have, which is why we've kept ourselves from swearing in public/out loud our whole life - despite having been in plenty of communities/having friends who do. It's so that we can still comfortably fit into communities and such where swearing is more looked down upon or outright inappropriate.

Unfortunately, I live in a family that swears constantly - well, except my 5 year old sister and 12 year old sister (although the latter swears when she thinks no one's watching) - so most bad words have lost all meaning. Honestly, you should hear my mum lol. Definitely gonna try toning down though, at least a little. Thanks!
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#5
Don't expect your tulpa to be infantile forever. Eventually they'll catch up with you (probably very soon), and they'll have the right to use the same language if they want to. It's not a bad thing, just means they are an adult (or teenager if that's what you are).
I'm Luxio Volt, the "Storm Rocker" of the Felight family. I'm a tulpa made March 2017. My systemmates are Apollo, Piano, & Indigo.
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#6
What I find interesting in your question is the underlying judgement of profanity use in general. You use it, but you wouldn't advocate others use it, especially a long term companion. I am trying to find very neutral words here to try and avoid any further bias, for or against, the use of profanity. I am interested in what it means for you; I have an idea of what it means for you because artifacts in your question, ie, 'bad habit,' swearing 'a lot,' (excessively?) and 'stupidly,' (for no purpose other than I couldn't think of a better?) So, in short, you don't like that you use profanity, you have a judgement of it, and you won't advocate its use, or want it to be used around you... What's your explanation for its persistence in your life?

So, first, my opinion profanity. It exists. it can be appropriate, it can be inappropriate, it appropriately inappropriate... I have no moral objection to its use. In the past, I did have moral prescription against it. I suspect a greater part of society tends to frown upon its use in general, especially when excessive, and people definitely box people who use it. I learned to use it watching 'Smokey and the Bandit.' I bet more profanity was used in that than any other movie. I have clients that use it, and immediately apologize because they assume I don't participate in the 'ritual' use. I do. Some of the things I hear that people experience just deserve some profanity. Now, if you had to go to court, I would recommend dropping f-bombs. In fact, use of profanity in a court room could result in penalties. Most people who go to court have sudden absence of profanity. (Meaning, they have self control conditionally, depending on environments.) If a law enforcement officers pulls you over for ticket, it is advisable not to use profanity. Police have rough jobs and you never know if the last guy triggered their fight or flight and just how much patience he has left, and one misplaced profanity might cause things to escalate... Just saying. If, hypothetically, law pulls up along side you and your language clears up, and or, you're at church or your minister or someone you like shows up and your language is improved, then it's not a habit, it's a choice.

So, you have an idea for your tulpa. you have clearly thought this out, you don't want them using profanity. high probability set is they will not. Even after they deviate, they are likely not to use... but if you set the reason for not using due to a sense of morality, there could be unattended consequence of their being annoyed by your use. You don't want them cussing, for good reason, and now they don't and they expect the same from you... Relationships problems before there is even relationship to be problematic.

So, you live in your head. Your tulpa will live in your head, too. No secrets. Why not just accept yourself and your tulpa as you are and as tulpa will be, because generally, whether you engage in profanity or not, you're a reasonable human being. You should be at home in your head. If you're not, that's not something lament, but rather is the call to change. Stop using profanity. Cause if you're using, but not accepting of others of using, now you've introduced a new level of judgement, hypocrisy.

Aero46, my new friend and colleague, I think you're okay. I think your tulpa will be okay. Contrary to popular belief, profanity use doesn't denote intelligence. Some of the smartest people I know, PHD level folks, use. Hell, one of my best counselor cursed as if he were an inbred sailor. Now, calling people names and just directing disparaging labels at a person in anger, that's not this. That's something else. That said, what I heard in your question is you don't like it even for yourself, and if you would like ideas on how to decrease your dependence on it, well, that is an achievable goal! What do you think?
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#7
Uhh, well, I don't swear out loud, but I do swear in my head. So when I decided to make Aya, I had to consider, whether I would keep swearing in my head or not. I decided it's not a big deal, and I don't feel like censoring myself in my own head in that way--I don't feel I swear in a way I would be ashamed about. Aya is not a baby, so it hasn't been a problem at all.

If the way you swear makes you uncomfortable, that's something you'll have to think about. If you'd like to change that aspect about yourself, this is a good opportunity. But your tulpa will hear lot so swearing anyway whether it's from you or not.
My tulpa Aya writes in this color.
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#8
(05-03-2019, 01:51 PM)Luxio Wrote: Don't expect your tulpa to be infantile forever. Eventually they'll catch up with you (probably very soon), and they'll have the right to use the same language if they want to. It's not a bad thing, just means they are an adult (or teenager if that's what you are).

I guess I'm not bothered about them swearing, I just don't want it to be because I do it all the time (if that makes any sense).
(05-03-2019, 07:59 PM)solarchariot Wrote: What I find interesting in your question is the underlying judgement of profanity use in general. You use it, but you wouldn't advocate others use it, especially a long term companion. I am trying to find very neutral words here to try and avoid any further bias, for or against, the use of profanity. I am interested in what it means for you; I have an idea of what it means for you because artifacts in your question, ie, 'bad habit,'  swearing 'a lot,' (excessively?) and 'stupidly,' (for no purpose other than I couldn't think of a better?) So, in short, you don't like that you use profanity, you have a judgement of it, and you won't advocate its use, or want it to be used around you... What's your explanation for its persistence in your life?

So, first, my opinion profanity. It exists. it can be appropriate, it can be inappropriate, it appropriately inappropriate... I have no moral objection to its use. In the past, I did have moral prescription against it. I suspect a greater part of society tends to frown upon its use in general, especially when excessive, and people definitely box people who use it. I learned to use it watching 'Smokey and the Bandit.' I bet more profanity was used in that than any other movie. I have clients that use it, and immediately apologize because they assume I don't participate in the 'ritual' use. I do. Some of the things I hear that people experience just deserve some profanity. Now, if you had to go to court, I would recommend dropping f-bombs. In fact, use of profanity in a court room could result in penalties. Most people who go to court have sudden absence of profanity. (Meaning, they have self control conditionally, depending on environments.) If a law enforcement officers pulls you over for ticket, it is advisable not to use profanity. Police have rough jobs and you never know if the last guy triggered their fight or flight and just how much patience he has left, and one misplaced profanity might cause things to escalate... Just saying. If, hypothetically, law pulls up along side you and your language clears up, and or, you're at church or your minister or someone you like shows up and your language is improved, then it's not a habit, it's a choice.

So, you have an idea for your tulpa. you have clearly thought this out, you don't want them using profanity. high probability set is they will not. Even after they deviate, they are likely not to use... but if you set the reason for not using due to a sense of morality, there could be unattended consequence of their being annoyed by your use. You don't want them cussing, for good reason, and now they don't and they expect the same from you... Relationships problems before there is even relationship to be problematic.

So, you live in your head. Your tulpa will live in your head, too. No secrets. Why not just accept yourself and your tulpa as you are and as tulpa will be, because generally, whether you engage in profanity or not, you're a reasonable human being. You should be at home in your head. If you're not, that's not something lament, but rather is the call to change. Stop using profanity. Cause if you're using, but not accepting of others of using, now you've introduced a new level of judgement, hypocrisy.

Aero46, my new friend and colleague, I think you're okay. I think your tulpa will be okay. Contrary to popular belief, profanity use doesn't denote intelligence. Some of the smartest people I know, PHD level folks, use. Hell, one of my best counselor cursed as if he were an inbred sailor. Now, calling people names and just directing disparaging labels at a person in anger, that's not this. That's something else. That said, what I heard in your question is you don't like it even for yourself, and if you would like ideas on how to decrease your dependence on it, well, that is an achievable goal! What do you think?

Wow... There's so much I hadn't actually considered. I guess I feel like I just swear too much - and I know that some people may find it offensive (I don't usually, depending on the situation). Maybe I'm worried that my tulpa will judge me for it just like other people do. Huh. You're definitely right though and I feel a lot better about it, thanks a lot Solarchariot!
(05-04-2019, 01:02 AM)YukariTelepath Wrote: Uhh, well, I don't swear out loud, but I do swear in my head. So when I decided to make Aya, I had to consider, whether I would keep swearing in my head or not. I decided it's not a big deal, and I don't feel like censoring myself in my own head in that way--I don't feel I swear in a way I would be ashamed about. Aya is not a baby, so it hasn't been a problem at all.

If the way you swear makes you uncomfortable, that's something you'll have to think about. If you'd like to change that aspect about yourself, this is a good opportunity. But your tulpa will hear lot so swearing anyway whether it's from you or not.

With my family, my tulpa will hear some of the most colorful language there is lol. An answer from Solarchariot made me realize that I might be more worried more about being judged by my tulpa without even knowing it. I'm going to know my tulpa for life, so I guess I want to make sure I don't screw it up by looking like an idiot haha. Thanks a lot Big Grin
(05-04-2019, 05:09 AM)Aero46 Wrote: With my family, my tulpa will hear some of the most colorful language there is lol. An answer from Solarchariot made me realize that I might be more worried more about being judged by my tulpa without even knowing it. I'm going to know my tulpa for life, so I guess I want to make sure I don't screw it up by looking like an idiot haha. Thanks a lot Big Grin

Lol I wrote 'more worried more'. And I'm supposed to be a professional writer...
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#9
(05-04-2019, 04:56 AM)Aero46 Wrote: Lol I wrote 'more worried more'. And I'm supposed to be a professional writer...

The best professional writers have editors. I have no editors, therefore I am only an amateur. :Smile No worries, we're not grammar police... well, some of us are, and that's helpful, too!
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#10
(05-04-2019, 11:45 AM)solarchariot Wrote: The best professional writers have editors. I have no editors, therefore I am only an amateur. :Smile No worries, we're not grammar police... well, some of us are, and that's helpful, too!

I've been on the run from the grammar police for a while now lol  Wink
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