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The 37th Log


37th

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Hello and welcome to my progress report!

 

Name's 37, and I'm a pretty normal teenage girl from Stockholm. I draw way too much, and I also love reading and coldness. How very scandinavian of me.

 

Anyway: I've decided to create a tulpa. Obviously. His name is Tiko (for now). Because I haven't really found a good name yet. I guess he can decide it himself if he wants to. His form is a bright blue little bird called the Mountain Bluebird. Or in Swedish: Bergsialia. Such a pretty name.

 

If anyone reads this I'm very grateful! Thank you! Please leave a comment too, and answer some of my noobish questions. Please?

 

Oh, and I've also highlighted the stuff I think is important with bold text, so it's easier to read for all you lazy bastards out there :D Great, huh? Let's start then.

 

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Day 1 - 7th July, Sunday

 

Afternoon - Okay, so this is where it all begins. Or well, not really. Truth is that it began for about six months ago, when I first discovered tulpae. But I decided to wait with creating one until I truly had the time, since I was busy with school back then. Now, however, I'm on my summer break so I decided to finally create my own tulpa. It's not like I've got anything else to do.

Earlier today I was thinking maybe a cat. But I want something easy, and feline back legs are just so annoying. Then I thought maybe just make it an orb. Until a few minutes ago, when I had a breakthrough: A bird. I just need to decide what kind of bird now. I love ravens, but they're so big and creepy. I'd like something smaller and cuter. So perhaps some kind of songbird then. Sparrows are incredibly cute.

Oh well, I've decided to have my first proper forcing session tonight. Exciting!

 

Day 2 - 8th July, Monday

 

07:10 - So yesterday night I had my first real forcing session. Nothing too special, I guess. It was a mistake to force at night, though. I was really tired.

But anyway. I introduced myself to him (see, I decided on a gender), and told him about himself. I think I'll call him Riki. He was a mountain bluebird during all this, which is an adorable little bird. I still haven't decided which bird to pick, though.

Then I talked some more, and said I'd start narrating tomorrow. In other words: today. So I guess I'll just start then? Maybe I'll have a short session first, to work some more with personality, perhaps.

 

09:00 - I've changed his name to Tiko instead of Riki. I simply think Tiko would fit him better.

I did a short personality session. I came up with four basic traits and told him this is what I'd want him to be like. The four personality traits are:

- Calm (not too sensitive, not a worrier, a stable mood)

- Adventurous (loves to try new things, explorer, investigator, curious)

- Kind (helpful, generous, doesn't want to hurt anyone)

- Introverted (very private, secretive and reserved, not very social)

 

I've also started narrating now. Maybe it's a little early? But I don't really see how it could hurt? Anyway, it's been going well so far. It's really hard to narrate while on the internet, though. I keep forgetting, haha... It also becomes a really weird mix of swedish and english. My thoughts are supposed to be in swedish, since it's my native language. But when reading stuff in English at the same time it becomes really confusing, ahah. Poor Tiko.

 

17:05 - Whoah, time passes really slowly when forcing.

 

Earlier today I did a 15 minute visualization session. Which felt like at least an hour, to be honest. Went surprisingly well, though, considering how bad I am at this. I've finally decided the mountain bluebird will be Tiko's form, after all. It's so beautiful, and pretty easy for me to visualize too. I tried using some reference pictures while forcing, and it made everything much easier.

 

Just now, a few minutes ago, I had a strange forcing session that I want to write about. I was trying out a version of the digital screen visualization method (by squir). I remember I could see Tiko clear as day. Like... Extremely clear. I think I continued for about 20 minutes, when I suddenly fell asleep. I dreamt a very vivid dream. And I remembered it too, which I almost never do. When I woke up, about ten minutes ago, I felt like I had slept for hours, though it was really just a quarter. I also woke up with the song Sailboats by Sky Sailing in my head. I suddenly realized that they sing "I love you Audrey Hepburn". Who I didn't even know existed until I just googled her.

Okay so this might have nothing to do with Tiko. I just thought it was all really surprising and weird. But then again I don't usually fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon so I guess that would explain it.

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Day 3 - 9th July, Tuesday

 

09:10 - I forced yesterday night, though I can't remember much now. Did some open eyed visualization too, and it was hard. I really can't say I look forward to imposition...

 

I've started visualizing to music. I find that it's far easier and funnier. Sometimes I just make him walk or fly to the beat. I tried spinning him around too, which was hard but cool. Sometimes I make it a music video too. Do you guys think this is good? Combined with usual visualizing too, of course.

 

13:00 - Just did a 40 minute session. 20 min visualization and 20 min active narrating. We sat on a bridge in our wonderland and I talked, and he sat still. It was fun, I guess...? Did a short visualization session earlier too. Now I need to do the dishes, ugh. At least I can narrate at the same time.

 

18:30 - I'm definitely getting better at being patient. I just finished a 50 minute session, guys. Almost an hour! Might not sound much to you, but to me this is a great accomplishment! I barely got bored!

 

I started with some personality, then I did a short visualization exercise. It didn't go very well, though. It felt like I could barely see him. And his chest kept turning white instead of light blue. Could this be deviation? Or am I just screwing up? I didn't use reference pictures this time, so that definitely made it harder. I think it must be too early for deviation, we're only on our second day for god's sake! On the other hand, we're supposed to assume sentience from the start, aren't we? So I guess I'll just accept this change if it happens again next time. White chest looked pretty cute anyway.

After the unproductive visualization I narrated. I babbled on about friends, today, Coldplay, what TV-shows I like, and yada yada lots of other crap. Poor tulpa. Oh well, at least it kept me entertained for almost half an hour!

 

I plan on reading tonight. Could this count as narration? Reading out loud to him? I plan on stopping after every few pages and discuss the story with him, too. I think it sounds like a very good idea! At least I know I would enjoy it, if I was a tulpa. What do you

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Day 4 - 10th July, Wednesday

 

17:45 - Loads of stuff happened today, so I've only actively forced for about twenty minutes, yet. I've tried my best with passive forcing and narrating, though. It was very easy to visualize him today. Even open eyed! I imagined him on my shoulder, in my knee, flying outside the car etc. I used to think I was horrible at visualizing. Now, though, I'm starting to realize I was probably just untrained.

I did forget about him several times, though. It was especially hard to keep up narration when conversing. Oh well, I'll improve with time.

 

Just one little problem. Or well, probably not even a problem to be honest: He's moving, and I'm not doing it intentionally. He's even spoken a few words, answering my questions. Thing is I've had lots of mental constructs (nicer word for imaginary friends, I guess) so my brain is used to making up responses.

But I do know it's always best to assume it's the tulpa talking. It's very early, but I'll just assume it's early signs of sentience, I guess?

 

I've got a light headache now, too! I never thought I'd say this; but I'm really happy, it makes me feel like I'm progressing.

 

Oh, and his chest doesn't turn white anymore. I think I was just tired, and that's why it happened.

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