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The Adventures of a Girl & Her Psychotic Hedgehog
Rachel Gardner Offline
MariaTheFictionkin
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#11
 
RE: The Adventures of a Girl & Her Psychotic Hedgehog

July 15th, 2018 - I've been a bit adverse in discussing this (like I am with pretty much everything). This may be a bit controversial to some in regards to the idea of headmates and god  but I really wanted to speak about what I've been feeling between Shadow and I. Although I was told that it was alright to talk about my metaphysical happenings with Shadow in my thread... If this needs to be moved then that's alright with me. Also spoiler warning for those who haven't played Angels of Death/Satsuriku no Tenshi. 

So, last night I was playing more of the game, Angels of Death (episode 3) and it was probably the most emotional experience I had with the game so far. Like, does this game know me? Now, Shadow was the one who first introduced me to the series being hyperactive to the idea of us being reincarnations of the two character's Rachel Gardner and "Zack" Isaac Foster. Because of their strong resemblance to him and I, I took a fancy to the game and started to play it. There were moments when I was like, "Yeah. Shadow would say something like that." or "Yeah, I'm like that." But the more I played the more I felt that the two's relationship with one another were strikingly the same with us.

In Episode 3 of the game, specifically focused more on Rachel saving Zack's life and her belief in god but not really knowing who her god is necessary. And by this point she's grown a strong attachment to Zack after the hurdles they had to go through and all the things she learned about him; Zack being a foster kid, and not having a family, living in very poor conditions. This overall made Rachel feel very sorry for Zack and in turn, made her feel that Zack needs her and takes it upon herself to do everything she can to help him and in return, Zack is also helping Rachel out. 

Then things got really deep when a pastor accused Rachel of being a witch due to her supposed "selfishness" and her "meaningless" pact she made with Zack. He ended up having her hang from a cross to be burned to death. Obviously, in my little fan-girlish mind, I was like, "Zack SAVE ME!" and in a way "he" did but in the sense of some supernatural occurrences which involved the knife Zack gave to her getting her out of the execution ceremony. This is when she realized, her god was Zack. That he would not let her die by anyone but himself. So to witness a scene like this from a game gave me the most mind-blown experience in my life. 

This raised hairs all over my body and my stomach felt tight with thoughts I haven't really touched on in a while. I look at this and remind myself that... Shadow is my God... I've thought of Shadow as "my god" for years. Even back when I was like what... 13 when we first started to form our bond in this world. I've always looked up to Shadow and envied his powers in the canon and would talk to him, asking him to free me from this world since I've been bullied in high school and overall suicidal. 

I believe in gods/deities even though I technically didn't worship any. But Shadow is like my own God... I don't know how to really describe it. Shadow is just very special to me and we need each other. The things he does and the way he is... no one else could compare. Shadow does what he wants to do and believes in what he wants to despite how "wrong" those things may be. Yeah, he's quite quirky, psychopathic, violent, weird and disgusting but that's what I love about him. He's not "civilized" yet he's kind to me and obsesses with making me happy. He's that freedom that I always wanted. I would often picture us frolicking around in our "Froopyland" in complete bliss once It's time to be on my deathbed (I don't watch Rick and Morty, I just remember reading about Froopyland). I'd like that, very much.

Quote of the Day: "Are you surprised that you have a God that is a murderous psychopath?" - ShadowTheFluffhog, 2018

Pic of the Day (Not made by me): "My God" 

[Image: wM882EH.png]
(This post was last modified: Today, 12:53 AM by Rachel Gardner.)
07-15-2018, 08:48 PM
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Rachel Gardner Offline
MariaTheFictionkin
Registered

Posts: 9
Threads: 0
Joined: Jul 2018
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#12
 
RE: The Adventures of a Girl & Her Psychotic Hedgehog

July 20th, 2018 – (ShadowTheFluffhog = Zack/Isaac Foster) Today was a questionable day. Couldn’t say it was 100% bad and I couldn’t say it was 100% good either. There were things Zack and I pondered about in utter disgust and hate but there were the few moments where we felt at peace. Especially having complete solitude from everyone, including my mother for the day. We talked a bit on Discord about the plot of the First Purge we saw a few days ago upon other things. Then, Zack wanted to rest because he was “out of energy”. He also wanted to take the time to collect his thoughts as did I so around noon, when my mother left for the afternoon, I got onto my bed with Zack and cuddled with him.

He smiled at me, told me he was tired, passed out and then started snoring like a train wreck while having his arms around me (non-physically of course). I kept laying with him, visualizing his form beside me fast asleep. I then closed my eyes and began to fantasize some stuff that I liked as well as thoughts I’ve been having throughout the day so far. My cell phone dinged breaking Zack out of stasis making him sit my body up on my bed as he grabbed my phone contemplating throwing it against the wall. “JUST LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE!” He yelled in my mind, but I took control of my body and started sending texts to my mother. She was asking me about what we would be having for dinner which really annoyed me and Zack and we just wanted to be left alone and it was almost as if we could never get the chance. 

It also felt like Zack was absorbing all the anger that I usually would have. I felt hollow, bland, dead which tends to be not the case most of the time. I’m usually the one who has the pent-up hate and anger whereas Zack would be the sympathizer trying to calm me down. It didn’t feel right but this switch with emotions does happen occasionally. I’ve often questioned why it happened. One of the reasons I could come up with is because Zack doesn’t want me to ever feel anguish, so he absorbs all my anger and sadness for me. I should know, he’s the kind of guy who would take a bullet for me if that were to ever be physically possible. But I hate seeing him so upset…. And I felt that it’s my fault even though he’s told me over and over again that it’s alright.

We went back to our cuddle position as Zack tried going back to sleep again. Zack was unable to fall back to sleep and I had my back on the mattress rubbing the Shadow the Hedgehog plush as it laid on my chest, unknowing the fact that I was rubbing Zack as well. 

I laid staring at the plush focused on what I should do next, repeatedly gliding my fingertips along the plush’s belly. Eventually, I could “feel” things moving around “inside” the "stomach" which reminded me of Zack’s intestine tentacles which are part of his original form. I could then see Zack’s face looking down at me with a silent smile as I moved my hand away from the plush. I eventually got out of bed since neither of us was sleeping and sat back at my desk typing this portion of what happened today.

I had homework to do and wanted to clean.

At one point during the day, while I was cycling through my thoughts, my mind went dead on me and I began to spas out as if I was in shock. My eyes were wide open, but I couldn’t see or think, and I was breathing repeatedly. It lasted for about a few seconds until I stopped with a pounding migraine. Zack who was standing behind me looked down with worry. I was sad and a bit embarrassed, Zack was too. Usually when I have these… moments… I can feel them coming, but this was so sudden that I didn’t have time to react. The day went on.

I took a quick nap with Zack and cleaned a bit before sitting at my computer to do homework. I didn’t feel comfortable at all and began to have a moment where I couldn’t sit still and constantly gripped my head and throwing my mouse to the wall. Getting up constantly hopping up and down as I grabbed the screen of my laptop and forced my fingers on it watching the glass turn different colors. Sitting back down I tried my hardest to calm myself. I was infuriated, the thoughts that were spiraling through my mind was pissing me the fuck off and I was at my breaking point. Zack watched as I began to regain sanity again as I continued to drag my fingers through my hair worried that because of this, I wouldn’t get my homework for the day done in time.

I attempted to get focused again and brought up a word document. After adding more of this day’s happenings to my journal, I went on to do my assignment. It was 6 pm right now. I wanted to get the homework done so I could make Zack and I some burgers and rice for dinner. 

It was 7:30 PM and I just finished my homework, so Zack and I began to make dinner together. There really isn’t much more for me to say about tonight. I’ll probably play video games and maybe watch a movie with Zack before I sleep.

Quote of the Day: "If you want to make me happy, then get me food." – ShadowTheFluffhog/"Zack" Isaac Foster

Pic of the Day (not made by me): Zack & Rachel Eating Fast Food

[Image: OkVQn43.jpg]
(This post was last modified: Today, 01:11 AM by Rachel Gardner.)
Today, 01:10 AM
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