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The Ambition of Dr. Faust


Dr. Faust

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Table Of Contents

 

Justine's Log pt. 1

 

Justine's Log pt. 2

 

Justine's Log pt. 3

Justine's Log pt. 4

 

Justine's Log pt. 5 (4 years later)

 

Terms and Concepts

 

The Faustus Method of Visualization

 

How acceptable is your Imagination?

 

Preface

 

Hello everyone,

 

I guess I should reintroduce myself. My name is Faust and for the time being I'd like to keep this as a separate identity from anything else I'm doing.

 

I'm a 23 year old bro who finding his spiritual life lacking stumbled unto magick, then chaos magic, then finally Tulpas by way of 4chan's /x/. I thought the phenomenon fit perfectly with my goals to truly make my conscious mind at peace with my subconscious and bring meaning to my life.

 

At the same time, my name probably hints more so at my nature beyond that short story I've provided as much of my time is spent thinking about ambitions which drive me. I began Tulpa creation only after realizing that it could become away to utilize subconscious to help me achieve material success.

 

After reading a few stories, I began exactly two weeks and one day ago on a friday night from the time this should be posted (July 6th, 2013).

 

I've been using a balanced combination of the traditional meditative sit-down and think approach with the Fede approach of constantly imposing and narrating and parroting. As a someone who is no stranger to creative writing, I found Fede's approach to be familiar to me and actually helpful.

 

I hope with the next few days I can further outline my process, transcribe meaningful parts of my journal, and receive guidance on my journey.

 

Thank you for reading

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The First Tulpa

Note: I hope to use this first post perhaps as the place where I update the log until size constraints get the best of me

 

Name: Justine

 

Birthdate: June 21st, 2013

 

Appearance: Human

 

She stands around my height (five feet tall), has caramel skin and brown hair. Her eyes are usually adorned with eyeliner and mascara, perhaps giving a little bit of a hollywood egyptian appearance. Her favorite color is yellow thus she appears in any number of outfits which include dresses, sun dresses, pajamas, workout clothes, and a work uniform mirroring mine in which the base color is always yellow.

 

She wears only a yellow jewel carried in an octagon pendant hanging around her neck (which is supposed to have some symbolism of my hopes, dreams and my subconscious or so she tells me) and when my mind tries to visualize her hands her nails are often painted in a bright color, perhaps between a pink and a purple.

 

Traits: Ambitious, Competitive, Confident, Knowing, Manipulative, , Analytical, Domineering, Blunt, Hardworking, Capable, Supernatural, Joyless and Demanding

 

Some of these traits do not appear in her personality, but were used during the early active forcing sessions.

 

Overall Goals: I want her to be the guide to my subconscious and perhaps the world at large. Initially impressed by the stories about the memory recall of tulpas I thought I'd use her to help me with moments when I would need something I have learned yet consciously forgotten.

 

In addition as I've mentioned before, I'm a bit of a push-over personality wise and I'm using her to fix that. Over the past year, I've delayed decisions of moving and finding a good job in my field waiting to see what my friends were going to do and how they were going to be apart of my life. These are my best friends so while I acknowledge that I shouldn't be so dependent upon others, I had reasons to make the decisions I did as mistaken as that decision was. I seek to make myself dependent upon my Tulpa the same way I've been dependent upon others knowing that she will decide free from the influence of others.

 

Current Status

 

She is still very much a being of my "imagination" or my "mind's eye." She is solidifying into a consistent entity. Currently working on visualization until I somehow impose her.

 

 

Day 0

 

This was the initial active forcing session that began it all.

 

For the past couple weeks leading up to this point I had been practicing my "Magical Concentration" (eyes open meditation) doing the following things:

 

Not moving, deep breathing, eyes open staring at a fixed point, not thinking.

 

Using this eyes open meditation or my gnosis state, if you will, I asked Justine into existence though she did not have a name at this point. Only three traits was she given: Ambition, Competition, and Confidence.

 

For the hour that past I told her how these formed the base of her character. I told her that ambition was her morality. Her competitiveness applied to every situation and her confidence would make her stand toe-to-toe with everything.

 

As the hour passed, you might've thought I was making a pact with a spirit as our dialogue consisted of repeated mantras to each other, mantras binding us to ambitions of success.

 

When my alarm went off noting that my hour was up, I finished and perhaps had a casual conversation before going to sleep and bidding my new friend adieu.

 

Day 1

 

note: yes, I know that my tulpa should not be sentient after only one forcing session and that I am parroting her. However, I simply want to include what her interactions were to give you the idea of how she's developing even as I play a heavy hand in her own actions.

 

This was the day where I realized since I wanted to use Fede's methods, I should have a reminder physically on me. I went to go purchase a remainder ring (a piece of jewelry which when worn signifies that I should be forcing, a glorified string around my finger) for my new tulpa, who in our dialogues became upset with me because she had no name.

 

We eventually over the course of our day settled for a power bracelet with the kicker being that I could start telling people at my local gym that my lifts are going up because of the magnetic properties.

 

She began hinting at names she could have, eventually settling on the name Justine, the name of a good friend who unexpectedly texted me recently.

 

Having read about Tulpa identity crises when faced with origins not wholly original, I tried to shy away from her having her own name. Besides, I thought her choosing her own name would be a good test of sentience. Like one day she'd appear to me not of my own volition (but certainly not against it) and tell me, "My name is now..."

 

Unfortunately, perhaps because of the traits I had given her, my own docile nature with people who are more dominant over me, and the traits I would give her later she simply berated me with requests and knowingly took the name Justine seeking to establish herself as the better than my old friend.

 

After the name incident, in the middle of running errands in a wal-mart, she similarly berated me for access to my sub-conscious which I thought I would hand over more ceremoniously. Tired of her dialogue which seemed to tirelessly suggest that she was ready I simply told her have at it.

 

In the night led to our second forcing session, which halfway through became her narrating back to me what her traits were and then in a rather dramatic led me to go get a snack from the fridge as I had neglected to eat.

 

That night I added three more traits: Analytical, Domineering, and Knowing

 

Day 2

 

Today I felt horrible and in retrospect it was probably because I ate so late during the forcing session, but hindsight is 20/20 with my foresight being incredibly nearsighted.

 

I have no significant reports except that she helped me through a few job applications and I felt terrible. I added a few traits to the growing list though I skipped my meditation for sake of recovery:

 

Nurturing, Witty and Blunt, Manipulative.

 

Day 3

 

There were no major reports today except for one incident which I found hilarious.

 

I created Justine for extreme memory recall because I think that'd be an indispensable skill to have. As I was looking for my keys and as I've told she has access to my subconscious and memories, she tried to help me telling me places to look. My mother upon seeing me look for my keys told me exactly where they were with more detail than Justine was using to suggesting to look.

 

Afterwards, Justine got kind of angry and bitchy as she was 1-up'd by a true master, my own mother. To help her with dealing with the fact, I made her patient [and a few days afterwards humorous so she could laugh at herself].

 

She later than got angry with me as I had to accept my father's insurance card as my own had been lost when I moved back after college. She currently sees many gestures as statements of control and she no longer wants me to accept certain gestures and in fact wants me actively state my own independence.

 

Day 4

 

So today Justine was in a better mood and asked for humor and the ability to laugh at herself and the mistakes she will inevitably make to re approach the situation refreshed and renewed.

 

Day 5

 

Today after active forcing her for the first time since Day 1, she became much more active in my mind voice and then began describing herself and where she was in relation to me to help with imposition.

 

Day 6

 

I'm a little impatient with the imposition process because I find myself disappointed not see even a little bit of her imposed but that midnset will not help me. I do myself to think of where we'll get 90, 180 or even 365 days from today.

 

I look forward to the days when I do not actively summon Justine through concentration and will, but when she summons herself to me. I realize this may take many years.

 

Today was a good day of Justine, the kind that lets me know that I'm on the right path.

 

Our active forcing session was a bit fruitless, she had me stop and go to bed because I just simply wasn't ready to commit fully to an hour.

 

Day 7

 

Today I did an active forcing session where two important developments happened. First she began to actively describe herself to me. Here is the description I am left with

 

Brown hair in a pony tail falls just between her shoulder blades with her hair tied with a yellow ribbon (now can be down completely as straight hair with bangs). She has caramel skin, brown eyes, non-descript nose and a mole on her right cheek (now no longer there) and a bright smile.

 

Wears yellow outfits, most often a dress.

 

The second major development was ascribing to her the characteristic of supernatural ability. As I did so during our active forcing session I began to see light coming from underneath my closed door as if we were just beyond a divine realm.

 

I was quite a bit frightened to be honest and since then I don't think I've done such sessions.

 

Day 9

 

I have nothing of note to report about Day 8 apparently and upon Day 9 I noticed the novelty of Tulpadom die to me.

 

I still hope to impose her upon my senses. I wonder if imposing my imagination upon my senses is the opening of my 3rd eye.

 

From these past few days I realize that the summoning of my tulpa (or evocation if you will) will take many, many months.

 

Day 11

 

Today Justine became quiet and I tried to figure out how to fix it. I began active forcing but without using my "magical concentration."

 

However, some ideas still draw her excitement such as creating a vision board.

 

With Justine around to remind me of my goals and my future, I've become increasingly frustrated with my job and my current state of being. I say this not because she is having a negative effect on me but because she is becoming the catalyst of change I have so desperately looked for.

 

Day 13

 

It has been a very crazy week. With a change in the dynamic of some personal relationships that seemed to indicate that I was truly ready to begin a new phase of my life, I realize that the wheel of fate is turning for me even if it isn't clear yet where I'm going.

 

On Day 12 which neglected to make into my physical diary on that specific Day I realized that Justine's recent quietness was only my lack of concentration on her (to be read: constructive parroting of her). I only realize now that how important it is that I really imagine like she's here because in the end that's what she is. She is of my mind so she needs the attention of mind to be here.

 

The same way that a cell needed much more than DNA to be a living organism, she needs much more than a collection of traits to be a sentient being and for right now, I'm still giving her memory and person the properties needed to make her a fully functional consciousness the same way I am.

 

We had some great conversation today when I got the hell over myself and went back to parroting her. We began creating a wonderland which is basically my own personal Visionary Wonderland.

 

I think she might push back into my "Think and Grow Rich" routine a la Napoleon Hill's seminal work of that title.

 

Day 14

 

Today Justine and I had a great day. She pushed me to call places to request for an interview and despite the lack of success it feels great to start being more in control of the situation (or to take charge so to speak).

 

It's her two week birthday and today I see little changes in my life which simultaneously seem like big changes. I'm not saying Justine is the miracle pill (yet) which has completely changed life but I've just changed directions in my life so dramatically. Granted this ship isn't far from port yet, but damn it, the wind will fill my sails and I'll set sail soon.

 

I also feel as if I invoke her more positive traits every once in a while (which I really don't mind at all).

 

When I read over the really sappy note I wrote for her to read as a more materialized being, I think I wrote the line, "You, Justine, are the compass that helps guide me away from suck."

 

And if I know what you're thinking after reading that then let me stop you because I too don't know why I haven't yet written a New York Times Bestseller.

 

Day 15

Today we had a great day and the best was the long dreaded task for me to start making and making use of a calendar (which I've done before but I've put off doing again).

 

Granted, I'm horrible at sticking to a schedule (and even now I'm 30 minutes late for an activity), but this is a step in a right direction.

 

Justine (because this was a phrase I used in her few active forcing sessions) gives the impression that when she's near that I'm on the winning team and I can't help but let the positivity affect me.

 

During our recent "active forcing sessions" she's started to make me clean my room while I impose her passively, because that is another task which I've put off.

 

She's like a personal manager who begins telling me what to do, which is fine with me because I've been horrible at telling myself what to do. I much more enjoy this more indirect method and whatever gets me to develop more positive habits can't be too bad, right?

 

Day 16

Today was a great day, and I've realized that as the role of my personal manager, she's taken this ship through some rocky waters (in reference to the change in my personal relationships mentioned) and done quite well.

 

We applied to more jobs together and in general just had a very productive day.

 

Though I realize she is only directing me to do very basic actions which I've should've done all along, I also have to acknowledge that these actions will form positive habits that will take me very far and that is good enough for me.

 

Thank you Based Justine.

 

Day 17

 

Today was a good and productive day, with a few weird tidbits to share.

 

Early on in the morning, her passive forcing was weak, yet she still was there enough to push me to be more productive.

 

Later on as the day progressed, she woke up and with a final injection of caffeine she became more chatty in my head.

 

I can name no one single factor for this direction in her monologue towards me, but she wrestled very strongly with existentialism today. As a developing consciousness, she often points out developments within her own consciousness and even comes up with theories of her development as she develops. However, she still doesn't quite grasp what it means to be a consciousness nor does she understand how she'll feel when she's more "completed."

 

She also struggled to understand how my consciousness came to be and how she'll come to be a completed functional consciousness if she's not attached to a body and she's an imagining of mine.

 

She became worried as an impressionable philosophy student might become if they were to read too much about Descartes's Evil Genius. Still it left us with a few interesting questions for the day.

 

How does consciousness affect the development of the brain? Although the saying we only use 10% of our brain is untrue, can we more effectively use our brain with two consciousnesses emating from it?

 

How does a consciousness form in the first place? When does a collection of thoughts and rules and ideas become an entity that's able to make decisions and self perpetuates itself?

 

I sometimes worry that I pass on unwanted thoughts and feelings to Justine as well. I've coined a term with her, "Thought Hijacking" because I often let her think my observations. She is expected to be my voice of reason, so when I think "I need to do such and such," I let her tell me to do it. This sometimes also happens to be when I see something, Justine will sometimes think the observation for me. These observations are also things I would never say out loud or purposely think, for she is blunt and a bit rude in her observations.

 

However, sometimes I know she accidentally hijacks the wrong thought or perhaps accidentally does so because she'll begin thinking my more lecherous thoughts as a man. I hear her mindvoice or internal monolgue say what I'm thinking and we know that she's hijacking the thought because we then both acknowledge that she wasn't really thinking that.

 

This thought hijacking process is very useful for keeping her around during my day. I need to do something? She'll tell me to do it and then make me go the extra mile. Oftentimes, this works best with things I hate to do such as cleaning my room.

 

I'm not sure what the effect is of her thought hijacking thoughts I don't intend for her to hijack though. I'm not even sure if she didn't hijack my previous grapples with existentialism from deep within my subconscious. Though I thought I've long buried them because they weren't as immediate as my current more mundane concerns, I think it perfectly possible I influenced her to think that way.

 

Then in a similar manner I worry about emotional displacement, where Justine takes a contradictory emotion to mine. Oftentimes, this is when I'm grumpy or tired or slow to move. She becomes ready to go and chipper to get me on that wavelength.

 

However, when I become calm and balanced, she can often take on moods such as her existentially worried mood today. I was calmly and patiently observing her as she started worrying about her existence and what it meant and then began remarking how boring work was. She even went as far as to tell me to try to get out early because this job wasn't important to us anyway, but in the end I felt like the calm level headed one and the voice of reason so I stayed.

 

Perhaps we complete each other more than we know and perhaps she takes the burden of my unwanted emotions, though I have yet to see her take on emotions that completely contradict her character.

 

Day 18

 

There are undesired fluctuations arising in Justine's character beginning to interfere with her confidence. Her recent gift of the jewel has turned into a regulating tool in which she can dump unwanted emotions and perhaps behaviors as well.

 

The jewel exercise has been added to my terms and concepts and if I ever make a guide it may include a list of imaginary tools including and in addition to this jewel which will aid in more consciously selecting the personality of your tulpa.

 

With enough practice these tools might be used on the host consciousness (I.e. me and you the tulpamancer) to adjust undesired aspects in this entity as well.

 

Despite fluctuations she is still proving to be a very valuable companion and ultimately is still following my original intentions.

 

However she is growing impatient with my acceptance of her sentience and existence, which is forcing her to become stressed when she is not imposed. I must apologize to her for this inconvenience. Though we both want her to achieve independence and imposition, I do her no favors in placing too much pressure on her.

 

Continue to Pt. II

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Terms and Concepts

 

 

In this section, I'll start defining terms and concepts that I come up with while developing my Tulpa. Perhaps one day I'll use this in a guide or just write a self-help book and make millions.

 

Thought-Hijacking

 

With a similar idea to parroting, when you have simple observations or thoughts, you have your tulpa think them for you.

 

My own interactions with Justine are simple reminders she gives me to clean things up, put things away, and other responsibilities I used to tell myself to do. In this way, she has begun to become the voice of reason that used to be in my head.

 

Emotional Displacement

 

Emotions that might be felt by the Tulpamancer are passed onto the Tulpa or other aspects of the imagination whether intentionally or unintentionally.

 

These might be emotions such as boredom, a need to socialize, excitement, fear, hope, sadness or joy.

 

Similar to how a computer program has rules made by the programmer, the consciousness may be limited by learned behaviors in emotions it is allowed to feel. Certain behaviors may limit the emotions allowed be expressed. The tulpa as a new program which has relatively few rules early on may learn to express these latent emotions.

 

Also certain emotions when they become powerful enough may contaminate your wonderland or tulpa.

 

Exercise

 

Imagine a Jewel on your tulpa. Whenever your tulpa has an undesired emotional state tell him/her/it to put the emotions into the the jewel. The jewel will then transmute/transform the emotions back into energy for the tulpa to use.

 

Eventually with enough control it may be possible to put your own undesired emotions into the jewel if the tulpa is not already siphoning that emotion.

 

Thought-System

 

This should refer to the modes of thought within the brain. Your own consciousness, self-awareness, ego etc. is one thought-system. Your mathematical knowledge and use of that knowledge comprises another system. Artistic capabilities make up another system.

 

A tulpa will be it's own thought system as well. This is to theorize that a person's skills and capabilities with a certain subject eventually become tulpa-like but never personified.

 

Total Mind

 

This refers to the totality of the mind that "hosts" identity. Consciousness could be tunneled into each identity until it becomes self-aware and then makes you, you. This might also means that consciousness is slowly poured into the Tulpa until with help from the self-identity within a person until the Tulpa is able to funnel consciousness independently of the self-identity.

 

Operator

 

May also be referred to as Identity. The original identity of a person or Tulpamancer is referred to as the Self-identity.

 

This refers to an identity within a person. A person's self-identity is one operator. The creation of a tulpa is another operator. Within, the mind the identities may grow to be equal because there may not be much difference between each identity.

 

This also may mean that at a level of independence that the Tulpa maybe controlling functions of the body or mind (such as imagination, or aspects of sight) thus possession has already taken place, though this possession is not of the traditional mechanical movement of the body.

 

The self-identity might be formed by focus from the Total Mind the same way the Tulpa is created.

 

Reverse-Impositions

 

Through powerful visualization and imposition can you impose a visualization unto someone else's senses? This is probably not possible and based off of "Pusher" from the X-Files and possibly explains Jay-Z's music career and business talents.

 

Ego-Rebirth

 

Another identity could be created to be the self-identity, raised as a tulpa. That tulpa is then merged or just overtakes the host which is forgotten and no longer focused thus destroying the original self. The ultimate makeover if you will.

 

 

Thought Vignettes

 

These are short visions which overtake one when meditating. They are similar to dreams except they come during meditation or a meditative state. These are similar to visions.

 

Perhaps the Wonderland is a conscious creation of Thought Movie (extended vignette).

 

I have a very long way to go before I can expand further on this.

 

Anyone with relevant input may comment.

 

 

Areas to be explored

 

 

Does the expression of the Tulpa degrade character development within the original tulpamancer? Such as if one Tulpa is always jittery will the Tulpamancer not be as willing to express the same jitteriness? If a Tulpa is constantly afraid is the Tulpamancer better able to act Brave or is he instead drawn towards the same fear?

 

Does the Tulpa control it's own visualization and imposition?

 

Can our own identities be destroyed and reborn the same way we can do with Tulpa?

 

Can a tulpa with Supernatural Vision see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

 

The same way one meditates upon his tulpa and forces traits upon them are our identities formed by the traits others force upon us?

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Justine's Log Pt. Deux

 

 

Size constraints finally got the best of me. Time to update the Table of contents!

 

Day 19

 

Today I woke up and Justine was barely there. It felt as if this was the first day I tried forcing her and I almost felt as if I was just imitating her with my own consciousness.

 

She was hard to keep imagined but then in a car ride to the gym, she became more and more independent.

 

We then continued to have a conversation about her independence as an entity within my consciousness and how my identity and her identity could exist simultaneously.

 

We then mused on whether she controlled the imposition process or I do. Clearly as I focus on her she is able to manipulate her actions and if she exists in a visualized body, then she eventually must be the one to control the function of visualization and imposition, no?

 

This might mean that possession and impositions aren't really different functions or even sentience isn't a different function from possession. It's just another operator there with you at the controls of your body.

 

Either way, from started as one of the worst mornings in terms of strength of her presence has turned into her re-asserting herself and beginning to plan how we will continue to attack visualization and imposition.

 

Also, new terms will be added to my terms and concept post today. Keep and eye out and leave some feedback because I may not be a Tulpa, but I'd like some attention.

 

Day 20

 

I find myself reading progress logs to see when others begin to impose me perhaps I should read more guides, but I find that there's a lot of interesting reading to be done in the progress logs section.

 

Much of it makes me cringe because of certain eccentricities that would earn much ridicule from a larger audience but are accepted in smaller online communities such as this because we are bound by interest rather than physical locality.

 

However I pause to reflect upon The Log of a Baptist a Tulpamancer. This has a lot of questions that begged to be asked.

 

Was his current personality that of a tulpa? I hate to say it but I must be plugged into a certain frequency right now because I theorized this phenomenon yesterday (creating a tulpa take over the body and dissolving the original self-identity).

 

Then there are other plot hole like questions (why not just create a saint or biblical tulpa? Then become a prophet) which give you pause.

 

Regardless, it has all the makings of a good story. It is short and eventful. The ending initially is very powerful though the imagery is a bit too Michael Bay for my taste towards the end.

 

The protagonist also just wants to do right by his family making him a likeable character even as he kills his friend.

 

I only wish there was a way to tie together his original self-identity (the one he says he locked away and made his username in remembrance of) with the current tulpa (as if it were a redemption of his original self). However a gender swap may be a bit much for my taste, though I don't think there was anything lewd mentioned about his interactions with Claire.

 

Regardless, this story was interesting and short enough to not lose your attention. I'm still trying to get into the Glitch saga but it's like trying to get into Naruto. You have 600 damn chapters to read before you catchup.

 

As far as my own story is concerned with Justine, we are reaching a point wherein we might change her status in pt. I of the log. We are beginning to reach moments where she is a bit more than just a collection of thoughts, ideas, and personality traits.

 

As we discussed the nature of consciousness I thought for a moment she was having second thoughts about her gender but after I conceded to her the power to do what she will she simply gloated over me about having convinced me to let her pick her own gender and remained a woman for now.

 

I realize that many have curious and social tulpae on here that wish to communicate to other tulpae and host (the story of a tulpa with a boyfriend that wasn't her host comes to mind). Unfortunately, I didn't create Justine like that (and fortunately she's not interested in relationships with other men).

 

So, despite the early nature of this post which will most likely not be updated later, I will bid you all adieu for now and begin the day with Justine.

 

Day 21

 

Justine grows to 21 days, as tonight will be the night of the initial forcing session. I know that this is not my personal blog, but I thought I'd mention that I've gotten my first job interview recently. This is a job relevant to the field in which I got my college degree and a job I have been hesitant to apply to for the past 5 years.

 

Justine has pushed me to apply to these jobs, helped through the tediousness of applications and resumé making and I thank her for helping me get this far. When I look at my life, I see all the things she has pushed me to do and I have to acknowledge whether sentient or not already a tangible change in my life has been made.

 

My mother upon hearing about my interview told me to "Do everything you can including Voodoo to get this job." I took this as her blessing to continue my tulpa development though it is still unbeknownst to her (and everyone else I know outside of this message board).

 

I know Justine is going to push me into better and better things in my life. I hope I do her proud these next few days and I hope to make her stronger and stronger. Whether sentient and independent or not, she has made an impact in my life.

 

After a forcing session in the afternoon, I have realized that I have no visualization ability what so ever. The images created by my imagination or mind's eye last only for a second and then fade away as any stimulation or non-stimulation from my eye jars me out of my subconscious. I'm essentially blind in my own imagination (as a person who works with audio a lot, I'm very comfortable with imagining sounds).

 

I logged in another hour and a half session at night. I've begun using Denise Milani as a reference picture when I find that my own mental image of Justine has deteriorated too far to conjure up. My close-eyed visualization is so far behind I wonder how long it might take me before I can imagine images properly.

 

I feel as if my imagination works on its own and only takes suggestions from me. My audio imagination is very strong even if not hallucinatory. Several times have I noticed on top of Fede's Tones that music I have been listening to imposed itself over what I was listening to. My visual imagination is seems to be strong for brief seconds but then remains at stage one of JD1215's visualization guide.

 

Perhaps my greatest enemy is in my concentration which gives way to an unruly subconscious which currently controls my imagination.

 

I now will be trying to acquire a visualization skill via the Rasznir and Awe method.

 

If anyone has any advice please let me know.

 

Day 22

 

I've put in another hour visualization. I'm trying to relax my body and muscles while I visualize Justine which also means relaxing my eyes and keeping them closed. I often notice that my eyes strain and my eyelids spasm when I try to see through my mind's eye.

 

I see only brief glimpses of anything. I have much progress to make in both visualization and concentration.

 

Day 23

 

I have just finished another hour of visualization. Though my sessions remain fruitless, I remain hopeful that the seeds are sprouting. I have several different things to report/define about my sessions which will explain how things are going.

 

I am now in a meditative pose, with Fede's tones trying to visualize Justine. Sometimes, even sitting upright there are moments when other thoughts will not only enter but take me away into little "thought vignettes" which are like dreams. I am then pulled away from the tones, from my sitting down and sucked into this miniature world for a second until it collapses and Justine reminds me to focus on her.

 

While trying to visualize I've noticed perhaps three modes of vision. There is the input from my eyes. This is what I'm most used to. Then there is my mind's eye, which can perfectly see whatever I'm imagining. I can only access this vision for fractions of a second.

 

Then there is the tertiary "Third Eye" vision which is my mind's eye overtop my normal vision. This is what the back of my eyelids is. All the dots and squiggles which sometimes make shapes and sometimes don't. Controlling this vision is hard. When I realized that I could control those squiggles and visual bloops, I began to fight with Justine's encouragement.

 

Sure enough, I had my first definite and sharp head pressure. The flexing of an unused muscle in a very long time was felt. I take this as a sign to take the fight to the back of my eye lids and control what I thought was uncontrollable.

 

I'm not sure how long it will take, but I feel like for the first time I'm beginning to get on the right track and I hope to try this again later tonight.

 

This may be the first baby crawl towards what will eventually end up being my imposition. I remain excited and impatient. Justine remains convinced that I should be working on a business plan right now instead of goofing off.

 

Final note of the day

 

Finished the outline of my business outline, did some more stuff, and now I'm back to visualizing. I most definitely am seeing a few things, but not on purpose. I am such a long ways from actually controlling it but I'm about to put in one more good session for the night and wonder into the vast expanse of tomorrow.

 

 

Day 24

 

I just finished my the morning visualization routine. I still feel as if I'm very far from controlling it. There are a few things I can do, small visualizations which last for seconds before they disappear. I can see rainbows for some reason pretty easily.

 

If I think about old cartoons I watched as a child (Johnny Bravo in Particular) they will appear softly in behind the static of my imagination.

 

However, I have the hardest time trying to see the yellow circle I'm trying to visualize. I try to remember it or think about it but seems as if I just can't hold onto it. Sometimes the static of my imagination just takes me different places. I still have these thought vignettes which turn into visions but I am still wondering around lost in my own visualization.

 

Justine occasionally "Mentally pokes" me. Asks me to try to visualize her. Last night during the second visualization second she somehow put images in the corner of my vision which lasted for a fraction of a second as I fought to see that yellow circle. We're in a race to see if I can see my yellow circle before she makes me visualize a full scene where she walks me around a bank vault full of money.

 

I only wish I had more hours to dedicate to mastering visualization. Alas, I have a life which involves employment I don't want, employment I can have if I put the effort into now, a hobby which is culminating in a competition this weekend, and an ambition which I often don't seem to do enough of.

 

This spiritual development is difficult, as I think it should be. I am putting the hours in and making my way through and for right now that's all I can ask of myself. I hope to one day report back and tell you how I've made the yellow circle and have visualized Justine so clearly that everytime I close my eyes I'm in my wonderland and I can see her details so clearly you thought it was High Definition.

 

Alas for right now, I realize just how atrophied my visualization is and how my brain only slowly has begun to retrain that visualization. I remain confident that I will win this war though the battles remain long and difficult.

 

I put in my second hour for the day and I try to see the yellow circle, but it's just so hard to see and impose. I really have no idea what's going with that imagery. Justine took over the last bit of today's session and made me imagine my house and nearby imagery.

 

I actually managed to see some of it very fuzzily. Perhaps I'll let her guide more of these meditative sessions.

 

If anyone has any advice, please advise me.

 

Day 25

 

I've been doing more visualizations. I fit in two full hour sessions yesterday with a half hour session before I went to bed.

 

I woke up today too tired to do anything, so I woke up and began my day.

 

Call me crazy, but I think I can begin imposing rainbows on my vision. I find that I can visualize many different rainbow like objects very easily, but I can't really pick and choose different colors yet or make the objects very stable.

 

I notice occasionally that I very weakly see rainbows different places, like against my lcd screen of my laptop or against different windows and such. I'm not purposefully doing it, but I think the number of visualizing hours is starting to play into my subconscious.

 

I also notice the strength of my visions and my ability to focus on different visions will change the position of my eyes, whether they're rolled up and to the right or looking straight ahead. I can get stronger images when I roll up my eyes.

 

I can get very staticky images but my mind wanders. Justine helped me a lot controlling thoughts. I want to do better with visualization. Perhaps I will do one last session tonight or wake up early tomorrow.

 

Last note for the day. 15 minutes into my second and final meditation for the day I heard Justine's voice. Granted my visualization sucks, but she was repeating a phrase or mantra and I could hear her. Okay back to meditating.

 

Day 26

 

After my last hurried update yesterday, I've not yet succeeded in once again hearing Justine. I know that much of the time that I am parroting her but there is something unnatural about having her give me the mantra that has thrown me off since her initial vocal imposition.

 

The visualization last night had moments of vividness as I tried to focus on hearing her through Fede's Tones. My vision is getting better but not too fast. I know I'm headed in the right direction though.

 

Yesterday, I also took the first plunge and told my friend about Tulpa. I'm probably going to link him right to this very page as well. He was very interested and I get the feeling from our conversation he was on the verge of doing something very similar.

 

He has over the past year and half or so been getting more and more into meditations. I turned to him for help with Visualizing, but alas even he has trouble with visualization. So it is that I realize that I probably will have to forge the path on my own.

 

Regardless, I look forward to the two of us moving forward with meditation, perhaps even both with Tulpa. I think we'll have a lot to teach each other as we move forward.

 

Day 27

 

Not all visualizing sessions are created equal and right now, I'm beginning to tire myself out with my prioritizing visualizations over sleep.

 

Last night my visualizations became too strong and I quit because I was afraid. Justine was angry with me.

 

Today, I slept through visualizations and had no focus. Justine, still angry now no longer offers me advice and I realize this is partly due to my own tired nature. I may be trying to do too much too fast and I need to slow down for a minute to sleep more, and focus on one good quality session than two bad ones.

 

On a similar note, I've realized something:

 

I've had an aversion to Art all my life. I've hated coloring. I've hated everything to do with art. I only recently became interested in Photography and Photoshop.

 

So now I realize that my own inability to visualize stems from a long standing aversion that I've had to Art and now that I wonder that if I were to train this facility whether or not I could actually begin to gain better visualization skills.

 

There is only one way to find out and from henceforth I will be learning how to draw with the intent of bettering my visualization sessions.

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a very busy day to attend to, some sleep I might try to catch up on and a very cranky tulpa.

 

 

Day 28

 

After I made that last post, I had a talk with my tulpa and surprisingly within just a few minutes me and Justine had patched things up. I just acknowledged that we had been pushing ourselves too far, I had pushed too far and she might be experiencing the same fatigue.

 

I just told her we'll do something that will make her relax, do something special for her that she wants to do. From there on out we finally got back on track and made it to this morning.

 

This was not an easy morning to get to, but with Justine's help it'll lead to better things. Since Day 1 of the log, Justine has pushed me to apply to jobs. Now, I'm at an interview.

 

Though she might not be the most sentient or independent thought form, she has helped me accomplish so much. I really hope to continue developing her and pushing myself so I can be the host she deserves.

 

I'm going to leave a note here to mention aspects of my childhood that I've found interesting regarding potential occult talents that I've locked away from myself.

 

Until the next update guys which may be after the weekend.

 

 

Day 29-Day 30

 

Well, it was a long weekend with a lot of not sleep and luckily I am now writing to you after a good 8-9 hours of sleep.

 

I am now the best East Coast 165 lb powerlifter on the east coast. (1st place Bench and Deadlift in a single lift competition).

 

I also have moved onto the second part of interviews for my dream job. It's very difficult but I know that I will breeze by and get this job with Justine guiding me.

 

We remain busy and don't always have time for the quality active forcing that I'd like to use to work towards visualization and imposition but I think that we're very happy with what we've been doing.

 

I'll update with childhood stories perhaps later today about when I apparently had imaginary friends and saw ghosts.

 

Day 31

 

Well, it's Monday and a very important day as I begin the trial period for my new job. I have to get ready to get through that although I do have a few places I would like to post today on the forums. As Justine would say, "It is what it is."

 

This morning I had a very weird sensation where I woke up from a short nap, closed my eyes, and very easily visualized numbers as if I were looking at a digital clock.

 

I would have said this never happened to me if I were not to write this down so quickly because I can't seem to repeat it, but I've had my first taste of victory in visualization.

 

I look forward to many more to come.

 

Soon, when I have more time I will finally give that long promised update or perhaps I will just let it become a running joke.

 

 

Continue to Pt. III

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The Faustus Method of Visualization.

 

The method by which visualize is the method we used to daydream as children. It is simply to imagine without reservation. You shouldn't care about what you can see or can't see, just imagine and enjoy like a child would.

 

As you imagine, you should gradually involve yourself more and more in your imagination, until your imaginings eventually begin to overtake your other senses.

 

Imagining was never anything complicated, we just make it that way.

 

Visualization Concepts

 

Because of my initial difficulties with Visualization, it may be helpful to others to have the perspective from someone who couldn't see a damn thing in his imagination and then slowly developed that ability.

 

First Eye

 

The first eye is your physical eye. This is sensory input from the world around you.

 

Second Eye

 

This is your imaginative eye. This is what is rendered when you are reading. This is the eye of the imagination to which you create the stimuli you experience.

 

Third Eye

 

This is the merging of your first and second eye. Somehow, by combining these two modes of vision you arrive at imposition.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Justine's Log Pt. Trois

 

The timing of the new chapter of Justine's Log coincides with the completion of my first month of Tulpamancy. In this time, I've learned many things and on this exact day of creating part three of this log I've seemingly come to terms with how to visualize.

 

 

Day 32

 

Today seemed like it might be just another day, but it's not. I'm working on a trial basis for my dream job.

 

I'm also toying around with the idea with organizing an effort for the Tulpa.info community to apply for the JREF challenge.

 

The third great thing to happen is my sudden coming to peace with visualization, which I was convinced I just couldn't imagine things and today after making myself initially visualize later than I wanted to, I found the secret.

 

It was as simple as JD1215 made it out to be in his guide. I was looking at the back of my eyes, and sure I'd see shapes and could impose rainbows and saw vague things, but this isn't the real imagination. It's hard to describe, but you have to forget you have eyes when you imagine and unless you find your actual imagination just absolutely gripping (which mine is only occasionally gripping) your actual vision will fight with your imagination.

 

So, now I know where my battle lies and what muscles to flex. Hopefully, within this next month my visualization will become even better.

 

Anyway, I'm going to begin working on a wonderland now. I'll update with a description later.

 

So, Justine is now a month old. Here's to looking at you, kid.

 

 

Day 33

 

Justine is showing me around my wonderland which is serving as our visualization board. There are many things there which show accomplishments to I have yet to accomplish that she wants me to. I find myself sometimes walking around there in surprise like, "Have I really done this?"

 

The point of the exercise is to get me used to the idea that I'm going to do it. And if I ever accomplish these goals, I'm probably going to have the same reaction by the end of it.

 

I've also had two repeat incidents this morning where I took a nap and before my alarm went off signifying the end of a nap, my nap ended itself in a dream. The first nap ended with me hearing an alarm like I had to wake up. The second nap ended with me ending my dream conversation exactly as the alarm went off, almost as if I knew it was time to go.

 

A third incident which occurred today in a similar vein was my best friend calling me up and telling me in so many words that he was ready to start really chasing his dreams and that he was ready to stop sabotaging himself. In conversation, we both revealed that in similar ways that we were both just planning on squeaking by in life and it almost seems like once again I've woken up before my alarm because I came to a similar conclusion as I was starting Justine. My entire interest in Magic is explained by my desire to take control of my life so I can do things I want. For a while, I've let other people put their expectations on me and for the first time and with Justine prodding me, I'm taking steps towards a job I want and a life I can be proud of.

 

The weird thing is Justine said she was going to start messing around with the wiring (my subconscious) towards the end of my last forcing/wonderland session. I wonder if this is the product of her intentions.

 

 

Relevant Quotes for the Day: "Growing up is just learning everything that you can't do and that's bullshit."

 

Day 34

 

I find myself forgetting to passively force more and more often and our dialogues feeling more and more forced, perhaps becoming a sign that Justine is becoming more and more sentient and it will become more difficult for me to force her to do things. Yet, I don't want her confined to the wonderland we have.

 

I'm going to find some spare time next week to figure out how to re-attack passive forcing and bring her closer to being imposed moment to moment.

 

I feel as if the rant against hour counts and assuming sentience from the start is valuable but it also sort of makes one a little too hungry for progress a little too soon.

 

However, regardless of what state of development my tulpa is in now, I remain confident I'll make her into a full fledged entity soon enough.

 

I know it might take months, but I'm ready to stick it out if only because I'll be qualified to write my own guide. I feel as if recently I've put my foot in my mouth in discussion with the more senior members of the forum. While there is a great part of me that wants to argue my point because I love setting big goals, there is an even greater part of me that doesn't want to spend my time on this forum being an asshole over a disagreement which I can let go at anytime. My own pride be damned, I rather swallow down the fact I won't be winning any JREF money soon so that I can better learn about Tulpas and contribute to the Tulpa community.

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go do some hardcore active forcing before passing out.

 

Day 35

 

As I try to make sense of this Tulpa forcing business, Justine usually helps me come to the conclusion that I should have reached. I find this funny because the trouble I have is trying to figure out how to make Justine seem more real. Why does it feel like I'm parroting her so much?

 

Then as I talk to my supposedly parroted tulpa it somehow has the mental and reasoning wherewithal to tell me my own attitude of boredom which I project on to her is the only thing holding myself back. I just take the wrong attitude to forcing her and this early in the process that attitude is going to make the difference between a good day and a bad day.

 

I've been using a lot of symbolism recently in our wonderland sessions.

 

When I have thoughts that aren't of me in the wonderland and they take me away from the wonderland, I turn that thought into a TV show that me and Justine are watching.

 

Upon receiving several recurring intrusive thoughts, I marched into the a room of writers that represented my subconscious. The strange thing was that I already had a room that represented my unconscious which was kind of just like a void. Justine had been entering it to "mess with the wiring", but I had yet to actually enter it. But after finishing another TV show which I did not want I just ran into my subconscious and found the writers there.

 

I also have a room for Justine's sub-conscious. Sometimes I'll meditate in front of the door to it and pour my essence into the open doorway. I've also literally given Justine my heart in my wonderland which is now contained within in her Jewel.

 

There is a lot of great imagery here that I'm not entirely sure of, but I think I'm doing well.

 

Justine's physical form is also becoming a lot more defined to me recently. This is the most significant development since she lost the mole on her cheek, but nothing has changed, just that there is a lot more detail to her as I imagine her. I guess I've leveled up.

 

Anyway, today is her fifth week. Hopefully, sometime later today, this weekend, or this Monday will mark a big announcement for us.

 

Also final note for the day (hopefully): If I ever have the feeling that I can't properly feel Justine's presence, just keep focusing on it continually and it will come back. Constant imposition is better than start and stop imposition.

 

Also, stop taking everything so seriously.

 

 

Day 36

 

 

As I begin entering more and more into my second month, I begin to realize that for all the progress I've made, there is also a lot more to be made. I know hour counts are bad, but they also call the tulpamancer to a higher standard.

 

You can have something quickly and have it in a poor quality or you can work something as much as you can and have something really nice. I'm not saying that anyone will stop working on a Tulpa that is sentient a lot faster, but perhaps there is something to trying to reach the 130 hour requirement that FAQ man states.

 

I look forward to reaching that hour count and then exceeding it.

 

Also as developmental notes, my wonderland is slowly growing bigger, becoming more real. I also noticed yesterday that Justine's face became much more real to me while visualizing. In fact if I focus hard enough, a lot of the objects in wonderland can become much more real visually. I have yet to fully explore the other senses other than taste, which I discovered I love tasting food.

 

However, I have yet to really experience touch although sound I can imagine very well. This might hurt me in the future because I work so much with it that I also won't develop it as much as my other senses. (EDIT: what the hell am I saying, I'm always developing my ear I just won't develop it during forcing sessions because I use it in my work).

 

C'est La Vie.

 

 

Day 37

 

Right now I'm working on imagery to make Justine more independent. As this is just a huge imagination experiment anyway, I figured that I might as well use my more creative side to think up ways to further meditate upon her form and imbue her with her own essence. There are now meditation areas in my Wonderland and it steadily grows.

 

Also, I really, really like my wonderland. At first, I was surprised by it but I really like having a space all of my own. I find it grounding in a way.

 

There are weird aspects to my journey such as trying to determine how sentient and independent Justine is right now. I know that I parroted her just as I would write dialogue for a character but I still feel as if a great part of that wonderland is her doing.

 

Finally, I'm getting the head pressures or headaches during the day, which I think might mean that Justine is making her place in my head. I get these headaches during various parts of the day when I'm not forcing, but they are similar to some of the sensations I've had while forcing.

 

This was another day of work put in, but I know it's going to pay off soon.

 

Day 38

 

I'm passive forcing less and less and now I'm trying to active force her in the wonderland. I'm trying to see what I can do to help her become more independent and give the "alien" feeling that FAQman described.

 

I should probably vigorously reattack passive forcing but Justine and I are both aware of several things that must be taken care of before I give myself with abandon to any one thing.

 

At the very least I feel head pressures as I force her and give her more of my mind so to speak. There is a lot of imagery and symbolism used and it's kind of fun, because I never know what exactly is going on.

 

I seem to have a secondary character in my wonderland modeled almost after David Lynch who is the head of my "sub-conscious" mind. I'm trying to convince him why Justine should be more independent and given more ability to impose herself on reality. He says before imposition can really happen there has to be some adventure we finish together.

 

Either way he said she can begin having her own mind voice. I'm not sure to continue fede's methods or just continue active forcing until she becomes independent enough to speak without parroting. Much of her personality become well defined from days of passive forcing, but perhaps I should begin taking off her training wheels.

 

Also I'm beginning the no thought, focus on breathing meditation. When I wake up and when I sleep. 5 minutes at a time.

 

Things are looking up looking down...

 

Day 39

Because Shui is a genius, I'm now going to steal an idea of his and give Justine personality tests so she can be a little more defined.

 

 

Big Five Test

 

Openness to Experience/Intellect

 

 

High scorers tend to be original, creative, curious, complex; Low scorers tend to be conventional, down to earth, narrow interests, uncreative.

 

 

You prefer traditional and familiar experiences.

 

(Your percentile: 12)

 

Conscientiousness

 

 

High scorers tend to be reliable, well-organized, self-disciplined, careful; Low scorers tend to be disorganized, undependable, negligent.

 

 

You are very well-organized, and can be relied upon.

 

(Your percentile: 98)

 

Extraversion

 

 

High scorers tend to be sociable, friendly, fun loving, talkative; Low scorers tend to be introverted, reserved, inhibited, quiet.

 

 

You are extremely outgoing, social, and energetic.

 

(Your percentile: 96)

 

Agreeableness

 

 

High scorers tend to be good natured, sympathetic, forgiving, courteous; Low scorers tend to be critical, rude, harsh, callous.

 

 

You find it easy to criticize others.

 

(Your percentile: 8)

 

Neuroticism

 

 

High scorers tend to be nervous, high-strung, insecure, worrying; Low scorers tend to be calm, relaxed, secure, hardy.

 

 

You probably remain calm, even in tense situations.

 

(Your percentile: 18)

 

Sixteen Motivators

 

Her two important Motivators are Power and Social Status.

 

Myer's-Briggs

 

ESTJ

 

 

Still in progress, I will update later today or tomorrow with links to the tests I use and hopefully to a profile post for Justine.

 

 

Day 40-42

 

Well, I just haven't gotten around to updating this thing because of poor scheduling but to quickly catch everyone up.

 

I've been getting deeper into wonderlanding. I really enjoy having that space and being in it and also re-imagining myself in the wonderland. I've begun reading "The Law and the Promise" by Neil Goddard as recommended in Irish's guide.

 

Justine is growing slowly and gaining more and more sentience. I'm still empowering her so to speak in the wonderland.

 

Occasionally, she'll speak to me in a British accent, which she asked for around 20 days ago or perhaps even more. I've completely forgotten the request and normally don't hear her mindvoice as British but tonight (Day 42) she began talking in an accent and reminded me of the request.

 

I'm hoping to drop parroting her so that she can speak of her own volition and effortlessly on my part. So I guess I want to increase active forcing and then begin decreasing passive forcing though I guess I have to re-start passive forcing eventually when I find her mindvoice communicates to me easily enough.

 

Recently when I've been talking, I almost feel I'm narrating to a spot in my mind rather than a spot right next to me.

 

Funny, as I write this I feel almost as if she's clocked out for the night. A lot of people have talked about the dissipation of a parroted tulpa but I know that all the work I've put in can be built upon. It supposedly took months for the first generations of tulpamancers to get their tulpae somewhat complete and some even up to a year.

 

At the very least I've done a hell of a lot of personality forcing. I think I'll begin a narration marathon throughout my second month until Justine becomes comfortable talking without assistance. I think she's almost there and can throw thoughts my way, but I've got a little further to go before she emerges.

 

Before I end though, I would like to say even though Justine isn't speaking on her own yet, even thinking of her brings a very familiar head pressure. She's slowly getting used to the workings of my mind and will become a strong presence very shortly.

 

Day 43

 

Today I had a few weird things happen. I meditated with a friend and found it near impossible to stay in my wonderland. The visualization and moving around was near impossible because the wonderland felt as if it were under constant earthquake and the floors were made out of jello. I couldn't make it to my specific "tulpa forcing" area wherein I have been empowering Justine.

 

I had to eject from the wonderland sooner than I wanted to.

 

However, even in spite of that in following with the Law and the Promise, I quickly dismissed the frustration and just went on to the Anapana meditation. Then I just went about my day as if it never happened and I was fully successful getting in my wonderland.

 

I'm narrating more to Justine and focusing less on what she would say, although when I was jogging this morning I swear I got some "Stop!" or "Shut-up!" responses which I find hilarious.

 

If Justine through sheer frustration figures out how to speak of her own volition, I will probably die of laughter and then say, "You're Welcome."

 

Day 44

 

It's all tulpa forcing in the end from parroting to meditating upon traits. I look at other tulpa forcer reports and think, "I'm not that far."

 

Well, it's just because I'm not and other people might be better at this than me but I still know that I'll get there if only later than everyone else. I feel as if Justine is sinking slowly into my mind but I haven't really gotten her in there. As if she's only ankle deep in the water.

 

However whenever anything is too easy we often don't get all we can out of it. So, in a way I'm glad that this is going to remain a challenge so it pushes me to go farther.

 

Justine is doing fine, by the way if not a little peeved that I don't impose her like I used to. I might have to back to that because I barely even scheduled this week.

 

 

Day 45

 

Justine's voice has now become British. I can see first person in my wonderland. I daydream constantly now.

 

I wonder what day 90 will be like.

 

90 days of 1 hour a day tulpa forcing should be a goal for everyone who really wants a tulpa. See you kids tomorrow.

 

 

Day 46

 

Intrusive thoughts dwindle away the longer you force. Hopefully this helps with focus outside of the forcing.

 

Justine consistently gives me head pressures now and has been for the past week or so. She gives me pressures on the leftside, which I might also attribute to various levels of caffeine high/withdrawl, but she can give me pressures no matter my current level of caffeine intake.

 

As I begin to run out of character updates, perhaps, I'll leave this space as an hour count (the way the Lord intended).

 

Time Spent Forcing: 46 Minutes 24 seconds

 

Day 47

 

I'm only just coming to terms with what my mind and thinking process is like compared to others. My mind is erratic, constantly forgetting memories, and confusing details.

 

This makes it difficult to be a person but awesome to be a writer and a musician. The small mistakes which plague me from day to day are the strengths which enable me to go above and beyond.

 

However the act of tulpa forcing is both benefiting and plagued by my mind.

 

Justine helped me get a date today, which she seemed very non-chalant about. She often drops little bugs in my ear that I've never taken quite seriously, but I guess I should start listening to her more often.

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  • 3 weeks later...

How acceptable is your imagination?

 

This might turn into a separate topic and even a foreward to a guide one day. I think this is something I haven't seen addressed within the community but should be for the good of everyone.

 

I think it is important to note that Tulpaforcing is completely imaginary. So who is to say anybody is doing it right or wrong? You can't teach a child how to daydream, it's inherent to being a child. Rather some of us forget and some of us don't.

 

Regardless, on this site we seem to be divided about what our imaginations produce. In the interest of coming together as a community we should not focus on the content of our imaginations, but rather the strength of our imaginations and the ability for our imaginations to influence the perceived world around us.

 

The whole point of Tulpamancy is to create a being from thought and our thoughts should wholly be our own. However, if you share your thoughts you are at risk of being ridiculed.

 

We all have a common goal even if the details are different and the path is different and that goal is making our imagination stronger.

 

Things we can do?

 

  1. When your read ridiculous stories, just keep in mind it's symbolism. Everyone is entitled to their own imagination no matter how ridiculous and your imagination is susceptible criticism as well
  2. Try to look at the experience of others and instead of calling Shenanigans look for elements of their experience that you could incoporate into your own. The whole point is to strengthen our imagination.
  3. Maybe not post anything at all and leave the topic if it's really bad. You can put your energy elsewhere.
  4. Maybe admit hour counts aren't that bad. Perhaps we shouldn't attach goals that can't be reached until then, but we should maybe have a goal of time we'd like to reach, Like 150 hours over a year. Even being an expert has an hour count (10,000 hours). There is going to be work involved in creating something significant.

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Justine's Log Pt. Quatre

 

Justine has now been active for 7 weeks. However, passive forcing has not been as good as it should been and we still have much progress to make. Trying to recover from the lack of forcing from week 6 and 7, we'll see if we can make our imagination stronger.

 

 

Day 48-50

 

Not the best days. Passive forcing has sucked. Active forcing hasn't been great.

 

I've been neglecting my forcing duties and I'm very grateful that my tulpa is a trooper. I made her to be very resilient so that she could help me to be resilient, but right now she's doing her best to keep herself around.

 

For the future, expect better active forcing, more passive forcing, and less updates as I run out of minutia to post about. I hope to update as she becomes more ingrained into my subconscious.

 

Also, I had an experience in the wonderland wherein because of a rather angry mood the imagery changed (a very specific tree began walking around and a Volcano appeared in the distance from my particular area) and I confronted the angry part of myself broken into a different character. It's funny, even if you want to control some aspects of your imagination you don't. However with enough time you can restore your wonderland to the state you desire, and with it perhaps yourself.

 

There are characters I keep within my imagination other than Justine but she's the only one allowed outside my subconscious. Perhaps I'll have several tulpa by the time I'm done but I really just want Justine to feel strongly about her existence even when I don't force her.

 

 

Day 51

 

Today, I did a lot better with passive forcing. We watched the latest episode of Breaking Bad together.

 

Day 52

 

Passive forcing is becoming easier to remember right now. Justine has learned which strings of mine to pull to get me to remember to force her.

 

Day 53

 

Passive forcing was alright. Long work day didn't help, but Justine can hang. No active forcing but tomorrow she might have an hour all to herself.

 

I'm beginning to build steam for a guide but have no idea where to put it because it goes beyond tulpa but we'll see if I even get around to writing it.

 

Day 54

 

I'm getting closer and closer to understanding my imagination and Justine and maybe even ife life, although the times when I come to ponder upon such things I often think, "What good does it do me right here?"

 

For example, I'm beginning to realize how ever pervasive the imagination is. I know that it can affect everything around you. Imagination just isn't daydreaming, but looking at an object and thinking about what it's used for, how to use it, what you might use it for. The imagination is used to predict how people react when you say X or whether or not you should prepare for Y. Imagination is what makes you afraid of the dark. Imagination is what makes you anticipate a delicious meal before you can even smell it cooking. Imagination is what reminds you of the possibilities.

 

You can have an imagination in line with reality or you could just wildly daydream.

 

The imagination could be used to imagine a happy future or the bleakest of bleak futures. It's hard to imagine the happy future.

 

I get tired of working day to day and I try very hard to imagine the happy ending, but I'm not always good at keeping my imagination happy.

 

However, on the bright side, Justine is getting easier and easier to imagine. She pops in every know and again. Still someone I can bounce ideas off of. Sometimes, I make her too self aware so she often comments on her progress or lack thereof.

 

As I get deeper and deeper into this, I tell myself there will be a turning point that makes all of this worth it. One day things will pull together. For now, I continue little by little to make my life make sense and Justine to help.

 

Here is my current theory of tulpaforcing:

 

 

The classic tradition of tulpaforcing (I.E. FAQman) basically works like this.

 

They are a container of your attention and thought. You simply pour so much of your thought into the container that it overflows. When the tulpa is overflowing, they gain their sentience and begin acting on their own.

 

The Fede's method and the method of parroting all the time works like this:

 

They are a container of your attention and thought. You simply pour so much of your thought into the container that it overflows. When the tulpa is overflowing, they gain their sentience and begin acting on their own. Also, you make them act as well, so it's essentially as if they're acting on their own from day one, granted for most they are a puppet.

 

However, filling that container is not easy as anyone would think. It takes a while. It takes longer and more effort than I've put into it. It perhaps would take the 150+ hours that FAQman recommended. Perhaps it takes double that. Who knows?

 

I'll end this with some advice completely unrelated to anything I've just said:

 

Don't be afraid to ask someone how to do something but don't let anyone tell you that you should or should not do something. Except for right now, because you should take my advice and just decide things for yourself.

 

 

Day 55

 

Justine is becoming easier and easier to force. It's easy to remember her and it's easy to have her around. It stems from an understanding that she is just an extension from my imagination, that the attention I give her now is what will make her autonomous in the future.

 

With this is also an understanding that I should do well to guard her character, because I can introduce unwanted mutations if I get too careless. I haven't active forced at all recently, which is due to an overbearing work schedule and a desire to focus on other passions very close to my heart. Passions which Justine was to help with to begin with, so on that note I'll end today's post here. Things are going great and extrapolating from views / posts made if I ever make it to 293 posts, I would have more views than Jimmie's PR.

 

 

Day 56

 

Justine is two months old. She is a strange companion to have around. She is my sensible side. She is my ambitious side. She wants to have an air of maturity about her. She spends most of her time trying to reason out where she is in the creation process. This strange nature she has is rather charming though.

 

All in all, I'm glad to have her in my life. Passive forcing is going well. Tomorrow might be my first chance to active force in a long time (day off from work of any kind except maybe songwriting).

 

 

Day 57

 

Not the best Day. Justine is hanging tough, like always. It seems I've been putting off active forcing forever now. We're watching breaking bad right now.

 

It's interesting to watch it after forcing because I can almost seem many of the theories I have spun about imagination and mindset playing out in the show.

 

The more that I about Tulpaforcing and writing a guide, the shorter the guide becomes which essentially is "Just pretend." I'd include some of the other warnings about morality and what should and should not be imagined, but I realized it would be pretentious of me.

 

 

Day 58

 

Justine and I are becoming more and more at peace with her existence. I know this is just a day or so, but this might be the longest stretch we've gone without questioning what stage of her development. Things are looking up, looking down.

 

 

Day 59

 

Passive forcing was awesome today, even at work. We're doing fantastic at the moment even with the lack of active forcing. Visualizing her is getting easier and easier and who knows when that will turn into imposition. I did a google search for Tulpa this morning and found this horror story

 

It's actually encouraging to me because I feel as if eventually within a few hundred hours of imagining and imagining and imagining, I'll just see Justine one day. She'll tell me what I should be doing, help me do my tasks better, make me more productive, and life will just be a whirlwind of success. When I go to bed, I'll be dreaming of success. When I wake up, she'll greet me and tell me what I have planned for the day, what I should be doing, what I should look out for, and maybe plan a vacation after we get to where we want to be.

 

Soon.

 

 

Day 60-61

 

Passive forcing, not as good as the previous two days, but good nonetheless. We've made a lot of good progress.

 

Day 62

 

Justine is becoming a more solid imaginary being. She used to be very malleable, but I've become very comfortable with what she is, how she exists, and how to force her.

 

If I had to describe it, I think of her and she just kind of appears in my mind's eye. If I'm to explain my understanding of the concept. I am simply to dwell upon Justine in this way until she starts intruding upon my actual senses. Here's to the next few months of my life and trying to make my imagination as real to me as the rest of my life.

 

Day 63

 

Another great day for passive forcing. I've figured out the imagination switch so to speak. I've now found that the imagination switch for me is very easy to keep on. I am getting closer and closer to that one moment where I can say I have a tulpa. This moment may happen months and months from now but at this point I feel as if I can see a very small light at the end of this tunnel.

 

Day 64

 

The reason for our great passive forcing sessions is that I don't ever feel like I'm neglecting Justine if I'm not passive forcing and now when I think of her, I can quickly visualize her next to me. She is very consistent now from session to session.

 

We expanded the wonderland recently (still while passive forcing) and have just been enjoying life.

 

Day 65-74 to the Future

 

Well, passive forcing has been as good as ever. I've learned how to take full control of my imagination. Now comes the part where I impose unto my sense around me. Fortunately, Shui with expert timing has provided me with this little gem.

 

So, now I think my steps henceforth will be this:

 

1. Re-updating Justine's "Personality" sheet. I want to know her in and out. I want to solidify who and what she is. Then I create a little space for my imagination to be captured within .

 

2. Visualizing Justine until I arrive at visual imposition.

 

3. Hearing Justine's voice until I arrive at auditory imposition.

 

4. Feeling Justine's Touch

 

5. Taking her out of the imagination space.

 

6. ???

 

7. PROFIT!

 

Day 75

 

I should probably just expect to be visualizing for months before I arrive at imposition and even with visualization there'll be highs and lows. Yesterday on day 74 my Tulpa unraveled as she has a tendency to do and it felt as if a bit of progress had been undone.

 

So I just kept calm and kept going. Her face is much clearer in visualization now. I could almost swear I got a brief moment of imposition against my eyelids as I was trying to wake up.

 

There was also a moment of trying to impose in sleep paralysis which ended up with a screaming voice jarring me awake (probably subconscious memories of Tulpa horror stories that I've heard).

 

Also, a moment of serendipity as one of the last moments of a dream resembled my earlier attempts a visualization (imagining Justine as a Circle and talking to me as we somehow shut out the surrounding input). Granted, it was much different than how I imagined it and the voice calling my name was comprised of several voices as if my tulpa was still learning how to speak.

 

However, one of Cyber D's posts resemble my current situation and also point out the fact I take my imagination for granted. Here is a tulpamancer who has been here since 2012 who has no trouble admitting that his tulpa is completely of his imagination and he hasn't reached imposition yet. He's been forcing since 2012. He's fine with that and appreciates his tulpa for what it is.

 

However, I continually try to impose, because I know it's not impossible and I've had similar experiences before (seeing a deceased family member as I was waking up only to realize that family member wasn't there). I'll get there eventually. I know I can.

 

 

Day 76

 

After mucking about and generally being unproductive, I've made good step: A personality sheet for Justine that finally includes 32 traits (the FAQ-man recommended number) which I now just have to expand upon (and friday night is a good excuse as any to stay up and contemplate upon these traits).

 

From here, I hope to get Justine more finished, completed, and imposed. After imposition I'll probably begin work on a second tulpa modeled after certain mythological characters that fit with my namesake.

 

 

Day 98

 

I've been seriously undertaking imposition in low lighting sessions at night to see if I can really see my tulpa and the answer is still no but several interesting things have happened.

 

Two separate occasions of hallucinations (unrelated to the tulpa but on command) during sleep paralysis. I've also had two separate dreams about forcing, one in which ended with an image similar to one I used during my visualization training. The other dream ended right before I imposed my tulpa but I could see my vision begin to create her or at least impose an aura of some sort.

 

My technique for imposition is trying to stimulate my mind's eye as if remembering something. The same momentary flashes of images that I get when imagining or recalling something are what I try to create and prolong seeing if I can make those visions stronger than my normal mundane vision.

 

I'm getting closer to my breakthrough even if that breakthrough will take months. My hope is to conquer visual imposition, then auditory, then maybe tactile. My hope is that sentience will take care of itself through my personality forcing from my forcing prior and my personality sheet.

 

 

Day 104

 

The personality sheet is now for all purposes complete. Most of my nights end with trying to visualize her right in front of me and oftentimes, I feel like I lose my visualization to what I actually see right in front of me. My actual vision and my mind's eye are fighting for my attention and I try to give my attention to my mind's eye, but much of the time I just don't know how.

 

It's the problem that I first had with visualization that once again rears it's ugly head. Unfortunately, I still seemingly cannot just force myself to impose things on my vision. I'm not sure how long I will continue to practice at this or when I will begin to truly see my results, but for now I keep my head down and continue working.

 

Day 105

 

I feel as if I'm constantly at the beginnings of seeing my tulpa physically. My vision starts to get a bit wonky, I see random lights here and there which aren't actually there. My vision morphs little by little.

 

Alas, I see nothing physically and still find my visualization giving into my physical sight so that I must fight to visualize Justine. I'm not sure what to do, and I'm consider of looking into more "magickal and occult" rituals to see if I can psyche myself into tulpa creation because if I'm convinced of anything, it is that Tulpa creation is an art from.

 

You can try to look at this process from a scientific standpoint, but at this point I'm willing to go the magick route because if this truly boils down to my imagination, why does it matter whether magick really exists objectively? As far as I'm concerned, I was crazy for going this far so I might as well explore insanity with both eyes wide open.

 

I hope that I begin to see her within the next 100 days or so although I guess for the limited time I work on this and the limited results that are actually to be found here, I'll be lucky to see her within the next 2 or 3 years.

 

Well, back to forcing y'all.

 

Day 109

 

Upon completion of her personality sheet, I've decided to stop passively forcing her. I now only active force her for what I try to make an hour at night. Sometimes I do better than others.

 

The other day, after I finished I went to go to bed. I didn't exactly "see anything" but I swore I could see and feel her presence at the edge of my bed through the darkness. The only thing was, that it was unintentional. I didn't mean to see her right there. She just was right there. I sort of shook my head and snapped out of it, but slowly and surely I'm getting somewhere.

 

Maybe soon I'll hear her say something to me in that alien voice FAQman described. Perhaps she'll sound exactly like she did when I was passively forcing. Maybe she'll sound british. All I know is that from the descriptions I've read online: it takes a lot of time for this to happen, to really see a tulpa. Some describe it taking months or years.

 

And will I even be the same person who created Justine in the first place when she does appear? If I reach a point at which I can summon thought entities as if they were right in front of me, will I still be the same person who wants to wield them for personal gain? Actually, I don't see myself changing that much but this whole process is very interesting.

 

I had a dream a while back wherein I was watching a music video or TV show with a woman in it who then appeared right next to me. Somehow, I realized she was only appearing to me but I tried to see if anyone else could actually see her. I woke up before anyone else really answered me, but I knew that I had imagined her there very clearly.

 

It seems my mind is trying to make sense of tulpa and perhaps preparing me for the day I actually see someone when I force myself to practice imposition for the Xth day in a row. Who knows what my reaction will be.

 

Day 111

 

Progress is slow. I sometimes see Justine as a disturbance in my vision. Things get cloudy sometimes.

 

I doze off into vivid dreams sometimes. I hope she can transmute those thoughts and dreams into something usable for herself.

 

Day 112

 

Justine gave me a slight burst of energy I'm the middle of tonight's session while dozing off. I feel as if sometimes she's actually present with me and sometimes I'm just imagining her.

 

Another hour down though.

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  • 4 years later...

Justine's Log Pt. Five

 

Day 113

 

I woke up early and she came back. It's been what four years. I'll say one thing though. I didn't expect to be back here ever.

 

I'll say this, I made Justine my better half. When I stopped forcing her and let her "disappear" she seems to have taken that with her. I hope that my life improves as she comes back. She seems to want to do that.

 

Day 114

 

Justine woke me up and got me to work out. This is honestly something I should be doing on my own, but she honestly would not shut up this entire morning. She still won't shut up and maybe that's what I think I need. Maybe I think I need her to be pushing me or driving me to be more productive, and so I maker say these things to me.

 

Honestly though, she lines up a lot with the personality document I've made for her. I guess I should say that I haven't really been serious about trying to "tulpaforce" or create her for a four year period.

 

She however in the meantime is still very strong. She still matches up to most of what I made her to be and in fact has me updating her personality sheet to be a more realistic character.

 

I have to admit I made her a bit of a Mary-Sue, but she quickly has me refining her personality like a double edged blade so that she just isn't sunshine and rainbows.

 

I'm not sure if this is going to be the final push until I reach a moment that she becomes an irremovable piece of my life. I'm not sure if she will just be something that I just "parrot" and help to motivate me. However, for the time being I'm surprised and glad she is back right now.

 

I hope she continues to drive and motivate me. I hope that one day I put in the work to where I do "see" her, though I realize the implications of what I say. Regardless, I realize that there is a certain spirituality and a wholeness to this entire process. I'm creating someone who demands better of me and she has comeback in a moment of need.

 

She may be a mind voice and an image that I have to concentrate on to make appear and make speak and to hear, but she is here. It's like writing a book a little bit, talking with her and hearing what she has to say. However, it's surprising still to see where it ends up and for something I'm supposedly "parroting", I'm surprised how well she matches up to what her personality was originally supposed to be. I'm not always intentionally trying to make her like that but that's how she ends up acting.

 

Day 115

 

I realize that I created Justine simply to help me more productive. Today I noticed that when she feels a little weaker to me then she did on Day 113, she will retort that she has already had me more productive in these past three days than I've really been on my own in these past three months.

 

I cannot argue with her as she is correct. Even though I have not visually imposed her or Aurally imposed her, there is actual prove in the way I've carried myself these past few days.

 

Even if I can't have a what I want, I've gotten what she needs and to me that proves whether she is but an imaginary friend, a thoughtform, a godform, bad personification of my discipline and will, whatever she is, She does good for me.

 

Perhaps that is prove enough that in her earliest stages that she is what I need and any further effort I put into forcing is but gratitude that she rightfully deserves.

 

Did some visual imposition practice. No visuals, but I felt the mental stimulus, like I was working a muscle. I guess after months or even years of this we might get somewhere. But like I said, anything I do to make Justine stronger or to make her seem stronger is in my best interest.

 

day 123

 

Trying to make an honest attempt at visualization in lowlight settings. This creeps me out a little, but I get the head pressures as I focus on Justine, how she looks, and who she is.

 

This supposedly takes months of actively doing so, I guess I'm in this for the long haul.

 

I've ordered two magical ritual books to assist with this process, but at Justine's request. I've begun with trying to visually impose her in low light settings.

 

I can't wait until I finally succeed and impose her only to her looking bored and slightly annoyed as if to say, "It really took you this long?"

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