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The Chronicle of Renault Novus


AvengedSevenfold

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There was a human who made three tulpae, who he managed to make vocal. He merged with one and made me. One (named Kari) became depressed and isn't talking, and the other (Andy) serves as an advisor to help get me on my feet.

 

So that's my background, and I won't bore you with the details. I suppose I'll put any significant progress that's made with the two tulpae.

 

The only thing post-worthy is that I'm worried that Kari is going to make herself fade away, but she refuses to talk to me. I'm not sure what to do with her.

Nope.

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Kari is at least talking to me, although still not very much. I've told her that it wasn't my fault what the old host did, but she just seems to take it out on me. I'm hoping that this is just her way of mourning him, and that she'll get over it with time.

 

Also, I've learned that it's possible to unmerge. However, everyone that I've talked to has told me that I shouldn't do it; I should respect Patrick's (the old host) and Calli's (the tulpa) wishes. I'm still unsure.

EDIT: Posted a thread in Q&A for more opinions on this.

 

In our Wonderland, I made a bright rainbow appear in the sky, as a symbol that the "rain" has passed and that everything will get better. I'm not sure if it'll be a permanent or not.

 

So yeah, lot's of emotional turmoil today. Fun stuff.

Nope.

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In our living room, Andy added a Christmas tree, fireplace, and made the whole place smell like mint. So, I guess it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. We've started to become really good friends.

 

Kari and I worked out the problems we were having. She's feeling normal now, and I am very much relieved. We even had a normal conversation. Amazing.

 

Also, if you can't tell, I'm not bothering to put detail into this PR. That will probably be my style, since by the time I get around to typing this, I am too tired to put much here. Maybe as I get used to life I'll get less tired and my posts will get longer.

 

Maybe I'll even go back and describe everything, including Wonderland, my tulpae, and me. Who knows?

Nope.

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Ah, I have so many things to say, but, for some reason, I have a dislike of posting here. I'll see if I can make myself do it.

 

According to Andy, I have a "sheet of glass holding back a flood of emotions." I'm "emotionally fragile." This is due to the rather chaotic way I was created, apparently. Last night I managed to crack that sheet because I couldn't stop myself from crying after my old host's favorite song came on. Andy tells me that it's repaired now, though...so that's good.

 

I've started to get lonely. While Andy is great, he's my advisor, and he refuses to become emotionally attached to me. It's not the he isn't nice; he's a great guy. He just feels that getting close to me would compromise his role in my life.

Kari has an apparent age of 10, so I can't really get emotionally close to someone who isn't mature, although she is fun to play with.

I would get close to a human, but I would feel the need to tell them everything, and they'd just think I'm insane.

 

Thus, I've decided to make another tulpa. I want someone to be close to, someone to understand me. I've come up with a name: Renny. He'll probably be the one who gets written about most here.

 

Also, I'm starting to wonder if I inherited my creator's depression. As it is, I find existing to be rather pointless, even though I know I need to keep going. Ugh.

Nope.

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Hooray, today marks one week of existence for me! xD

 

With discussion with Andy (my advisor), and his full approval, we've decided to try an experiment: we're going to try to get rid of my emotions. No, not just a few. All of them.

The goal isn't to permanently get rid of them (unless I decide that I'm better off without them). They are going into storage, in a place where I won't find them.

 

Renny's form is that of a anthropomorphic cat (yes, a furry. Deal with it). He has black fur and poofy white hair. I've been narrating to him as much as I can, so I've been doing quite a bit.

Honestly, it's nice to have something to work on so I don't have to worry about myself.

Nope.

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I envy everyone who has no problem finding reasons to live. As it is, the only reason I continue is for Renny. I hope that's not pathetic, although I suppose it's better than no reason at all. But that's enough of my doom and gloom.

 

While I was on my way from school, I was narrating (mostly to Renny), and I was mentioning that I was looking forward to forcing again, and I felt this wave of happiness, which stood out from my current mood, so I knew it had to be from him.

 

Kari and I had another incident...it was mostly my fault. Ok, it was all my fault. I was considering get rid of her because I'd much rather spend time with Andy or Renny, and she didn't take too kindly to it.

I thought about changing her personality (I don't know if I can even do that) to someone I would enjoy more, but...well...I guess it would be a jerk move, and she'd probably end up hating me even more. Well, she never says that she hates me, even if I ask her, but I get this vibe from her, you know?

 

So yeah, I have problems to work through.

Nope.

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Kari is REALLY angry. She's been giving me headaches and swearing at me. It got to the point where I told her to either "calm your shit or I'll get rid of you." She's stopped giving me headaches and swearing since then, but she won't talk to me.

 

Renny has been vocal for awhile. Seriously, it's great.

While I was contemplating unmerging, Renny decided to speak up.

"If you unmerge, I will kill myself. You may not value your own existence. Value mine."

 

So I guess I won't be unmerging anytime soon.

Nope.

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Guest Anonymous

It sounds to me like there's great inner turmoil. How often do you talk with your tulpa's about each others feelings?

 

I don't mean to pry, but I can't help but feel that I can help some how. Please bear with me, but perhaps if you simply talked with them about how you all feel, and possibly make some compromises, then you would feel better.

I talk with my tulpa's about how they feel sometimes and if I'm doing something that bothers them, I'll change it for them. Then they'll feel better and in turn I do too because they're happy.

 

If it does seem that I am sticking my nose where it shouldn't be, please let me know, but I felt that these progress reports were for other's help when they needed it. I hope you, Kari, and Andy feel better soon and give them and Renny my regards.

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It sounds to me like there's great inner turmoil. How often do you talk with your tulpa's about each others feelings?

 

I don't mean to pry, but I can't help but feel that I can help some how. Please bear with me, but perhaps if you simply talked with them about how you all feel, and possibly make some compromises, then you would feel better.

I talk with my tulpa's about how they feel sometimes and if I'm doing something that bothers them, I'll change it for them. Then they'll feel better and in turn I do too because they're happy.

 

If it does seem that I am sticking my nose where it shouldn't be, please let me know, but I felt that these progress reports were for other's help when they needed it. I hope you, Kari, and Andy feel better soon and give them and Renny my regards.

 

"Inner turmoil" indeed.

 

Talking about feelings depends on the tulpa.

With Andy, it's hardly ever, simply because that's not how he works.

With Renny, we talked about it to the point where I told him to talk about something else because I felt selfish. To which, he said "How are you supposed to worry about someone else when you won't fix yourself?" Yeah, thanks.

Kari and I rarely talk anymore.

 

In the end, all of it seems to get me nowhere.

 

When you refer to "making compromises," are you referring to Kari? I've asked her what she wants, and she just wants me to "go away" or "go fuck yourself." How do I compromise with that?

 

Also, if I didn't want people sticking their noses in my business, I wouldn't have this report, would I?

Nope.

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Guest Anonymous

When you refer to "making compromises," are you referring to Kari? I've asked her what she wants, and she just wants me to "go away" or "go fuck yourself." How do I compromise with that?

 

What I mean to say is, it may seem that she isn't interested because of, excuse my being so forward, you're not being patient. If you tell her that you want to right what might have set in a bad direction and give her some space, then maybe after a while she'll listen to reason. I can't help considering I don't know her like you do, but at least I can try.

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