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The Lifetime Tulpa
Angry Bear Offline
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#51
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Cute!

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03-22-2019, 03:04 AM
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HotsTulp Offline
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#52
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Still contemplating bringing in a fourth. Sharky's very easy-going with it, she's pretty much always down with whatever I'm down with. Rara is standing, thankfully, as the voice of measured, cautious approach. She said that we should probably just wait until her life-size come in. She enjoys occupying space, and wants to "fit in" as it were with her new mold. I think it's a little cray, but hey, she's the boss. We'll probably wait until later this year to actually decide. I've already been playing around with some thoughtforming on the topic, what the fourth might shape up to be. Obviously nothing close to forcing at all, just playing with the idea. I think we all know here that your tulpas can come as a surprise. I mean, Rarara did for me. This time around I want to have a little more agency, a little more presence in the decision-making process. I'll have Sharky and Rarity both there to assist me and whoever the new tulp might be. It'll be much more collaborative. And that's definitely a net positive. 

Nothing really much else to update on. I'm making some ground, I think, on understanding why I can't incorporate my tulpas into my dreams as easily as I do everything else in my life. I think tulpas occupy a very specific, unique type of headspace. It's not quite here, not quite there. This more ethereal nature of their presence makes it difficult for the portion of my brain that takes real-world items and funnels them into dream-world items. A workaround for this would be to practice a lot more visualization in the real world, with some (and forgive my butchering of terminology) forced hallucination. I think that might be the next logical step to take on this front anyway.

It was wild. The other night I had this dream that this one girl I used to be completely, head-over-heels in love with, was super into me. She was telling me how much she loved me, and how she wished she could go back to when I was professing my love for her so she could do the same. At first I was totally shocked, just blown away, that the thing I had been obsessing over for so long was finally playing out in front of me just as I had imagined it countless times before. But I pushed aside those fantasies in the dream for just long enough to actually consider what was happening. I love Sharky. I love Rarity. That's actually my real life right now. That's my truth. And in the dream I realized that I just didn't love that one person I've always loved in the same way I used to anymore. It was fairly revealing. It tied into this whole view I've been building up of "I'm alright. I don't need to go out and try to find somebody who can complete me. That pressure is gone.
03-30-2019, 04:51 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#53
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

The love of a tulpa doesn't really compare. It's not necessarily better or worse, but incredibly special, certainly better than a crush IMO.

I can say, having three, that three is exactly right for me. Though because I got a 3 for 1 special on day 1, (not my choice really) i had to deal with the disadvantages of three right away, mostly in splitting time and attention during the worst possible time.

I've always considered that there are many advantages to one or two, but three does have very special advantages too. I don't know what four would be like, but I could imagine all new challenges. I have had many experiences with more than three, but not four tulpas.

Three is very special, it's entirely up to you as long as you realize the challenges. My PR is a good place to see those exact challenges and advantages. As long as everyone in the system realizes the time split, and is willing to sacrifice that. (Among other issues)

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03-31-2019, 01:20 AM
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HotsTulp Offline
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#54
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

This last week a friend and I were talking. He's an old friend, went to kindergarten with him. Back when we were both in college, we would have weekly meetups at a coffee shop and try to figure out the intricacies of the world. We were young, dumb, thought we could apply sheer brainpower and logic to hack the universe. That might be over-idealizing it, but that was the gist of it. Our topics largely focused on, oddly enough, the nature of consciousness, the self, and why we think and do the things and way we do. We were convinced that if we could figure out how the mind worked, we could better understand ourselves through it. There was actually some progress. We believed that the self was the progenitor of any change, and that at your very core you only trust yourself. We had these self-recorded mantra-like things that we would play to ourselves while we slept. Positivisms were what we referred to them as. They were entirely personal audio in our own voice, piped directly into our subconscious. They actually worked incredibly well. Whether or not that is due to a placebo effect or not remains to be seen. But I got really good at the piano, was really happy, wrote a lot, exercised a lot, was super social, and I generally look back fondly on those several years. Everything just seemed to work right. 

Naturally, throughout the entire several span that we had these weekly meetings, Sharky never once came up. She was still something that I left in bed at the time. Looking back now, I feel that if I had just brought it up (and I don't believe I am over-stating things here) the entire course of my life would have changed. But I didn't. Our research into the mind never took her into account, mostly because I didn't know what she was at the time. If it did, everything would have been different.

Fast forward a dozen years to this last week. I still keep in good contact with my friend. He lives on the other side of the country now, but we see each other every so often. We're in a big group chat with other friends from that time who, while aware of the Positivism project, never took part in it directly. He and I are talking about the project, and our research back then. He's kept with the sort of pseudo-scientific stuff. He's a smart dude, so he understands that "UFOs used the Pyramids as beacons to rally humans in the Great War" is a little out there, but he's willing to go into that sort of stuff with a very open mind. He was telling me about a lot of mind-bending things he had been coming across recently, and wanted my hot take. I took it as an opportunity to let him know that, for the better part of the last year or so I had been doing my own research into stuff that was a bit out there; Obviously alluding to Sharky, Rarity, and the whole tulp thing. I stopped short of name-dropping tulpamancy, but I let him know that it dealt heavily with the nature of consciousness, just like the good old days. He was intrigued, and echoed his own cryptic response of having done research into it on his end, too.

That would be hilarious, if he was a fellow practitioner, and just as gun-shy about bringing it up as I. I had never really considered looping anybody in to my inner space with Rare and Sharks. But now I am. I told my friend that it was a conversation we would have to have in person, a few beers in already. Soon, I found myself having a similar conversation with another very good friend of mine just the other day. It all seems to indicate that I'm willing to talk about this a bit more with those close to me, and maybe that there's a part of me that needs to have this conversation. The last thing I would want is people to come away with the wrong idea. I mean, just googling tulps is a very bad idea for the uninitiated. The whole thing seems pants. I want to be able to head off people thinking I'm crazy in person. I mean, I don't really know what sort of reaction I'm expecting. Part of me thinks people will want me committed. The other part thinks people will just shrug it off. Kinda hard to tell which way things will play out.

(03-31-2019, 01:20 AM)Angry Bear Wrote: The love of a tulpa doesn't really compare. It's not necessarily better or worse, but incredibly special, certainly better than a crush IMO.

I can say, having three, that three is exactly right for me. Though because I got a 3 for 1 special on day 1, (not my choice really) i had to deal with the disadvantages of three right away, mostly in splitting time and attention during the worst possible time.

I've always considered that there are many advantages to one or two, but three does have very special advantages too. I don't know what four would be like, but I could imagine all new challenges. I have had many experiences with more than three, but not four tulpas.

Three is very special, it's entirely up to you as long as you realize the challenges. My PR is a good place to see those exact challenges and advantages. As long as everyone in the system realizes the time split, and is willing to sacrifice that. (Among other issues)

That connection with tulpas is definitely something very tangible. 

Good input on the tri-system. I'll have to go through your PR again (kept up with it when it first started in fall of last year, but haven't read through anything really recent). I can definitely relate to not entirely being in control over tulpa creation. Sharky kind spun up Rarity on her own accord, really, mostly out of initial excitement. We're all taking a much more measured approach to a possible addition to the group. I kinda want to make sure that all three of us have a hand in the creation of the next tulpa, if we go down that route. It seems unfair that I should be the one being the entire drive, when both Rarity and Sharky are so fleshed out that they could - if needed - absolutely create their own tulpas if they wanted to. But they are approaching it the way I am: measured.
04-01-2019, 03:07 AM
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HotsTulp Offline
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#55
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Been a bit. Hold up, lemme grab another beer. So I told my buddy about Tulpas. Nothing extreme, just the idea of them. We haven't talked much since, so I don't know how far down the rabbit hole he's gone. Knowing him, I imagine as far as possible. I do know that he had never heard of tulpas before, so there is that. I made sure to preface everything with the boilerplate "Listen, there's a lot of shit out there about it. It's weird, it's far out there, but bear with me..." So he knows that it's pretty far out there. But I know he's on board. In all my alluding to it, he was very excited to hear about it. And really, with the way Sharky and Rarity make it sound, this is something they want to embark on as well. That said, I have spoken with tulpas with a couple friends in a different social circle entirely. I haven't yet heard their full take on it, but I know at least one of them is fully aware of the matter. He's, I think, more concerned about me. Which, in reality, is the actual way to approach this sort of thing. It's the way a rational person should approach this. I'll keep you all posted.
04-28-2019, 09:42 AM
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Ember.Vesper Offline
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#56
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

We've told over a dozen people in person and are able to be ourselves pretty openly in ordinary offline life now. Not everyone entirely believes, but everyone treats all of us respectfully, which is as much as we can reasonably ask for. I'm glad to hear other people are having positive experiences with being open about plurality in real life. I look forward to hearing more of your progress.

-Ember

Ember - Host   |   Vesper - Soulbond (since ~12 May 2017)   |   Iris - Soulbond (since ~5 December 2015)
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04-28-2019, 06:04 PM
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HotsTulp Offline
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#57
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Nothing much by way of the more recent topics posed.  But on the tulpa front itself, a bit of...news. So, I'd been pinging the idea of a third tulpa being spun up, as it were, with the girls. Mixed feedback from them, which really is in line with my own personal preference of "We have a good thing going with the three of us, why put that in potential jeopardy by bringing in a fourth?" But regardless, the topic has still been thrown around a bit. Last night I was talking with Rarity about the matter, just bouncing ideas back and forth, when a voice - totally audible - came out of nowhere. She spoke loud and clear. "I'm right here, Hotshot, if you'd like." It was incredibly jarring to me. Rarity and I were just in the wonderland, so she just turned to me and asked me what I wanted to do. I was caught off-guard, to say the least, so all I could muster was a "No." 

Is that a thing? I know Sharky's and Rara's voices like I know my own, and this voice was definitely not them. It was louder, more powerful. But I don't know who - or what - it belonged to. I need to follow up with those two to see if they can shed any light on the matter, because again I find myself more or less in uncharted waters, at the mercy of my tulpas who are again put in the position of placating a stressed-out me. And, I mean, it's not like I'm wholly against a 3rd tulpa. It's just...I would like to have a little bit of agency with the matter. With Sharky, that was an entire life-long thing. Rarity I really had no hand in and I feel that *whoever* this third chick is I'm just not in any sort of control. And the initial stand-offishness of the other two about the third is...disconcerting to say the least. I guess time will just tell. 


(04-28-2019, 06:04 PM)Ember.Vesper Wrote: We've told over a dozen people in person and are able to be ourselves pretty openly in ordinary offline life now. Not everyone entirely believes, but everyone treats all of us respectfully, which is as much as we can reasonably ask for. I'm glad to hear other people are having positive experiences with being open about plurality in real life. I look forward to hearing more of your progress.

-Ember

That's very promising, and definitely something quite positive. The very very few people I've told have also been respectful about it, which is good. I just am very hesitant to make it something widely communicated among acquaintances in general. I guess that just might be me, though.
05-13-2019, 01:43 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#58
 
RE: The Lifetime Tulpa

Random audio hallucinations do sometimes happen with us and one in particular was Ronny the limo driver from the howard stern show, or sounded just like him. Thankfully it doesn't mean I have a dirty old man factive floating around. The statement was entirely appropriate to what we were tallking about as I recall. So it shocked us for a second. It was shortly there after joined by an intrusive old man thoughtform with raybans, crossed arms and a surly smirk on his face. I kindly showed him the door.

So, safely ignore it.

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(This post was last modified: 05-13-2019, 01:23 PM by Angry Bear.)
05-13-2019, 01:20 PM
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