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The Little Cottage
[The Blah Blah Stuff]

The first time I heard about tulpa was about two or three years ago, on a lucid dreaming Web site. The thought of a real "imaginary" friend was terrifying to me at the time, but I also remember thinking that it would be disappointing for me to spend so much time on the personality of my tulpa and him or her just deviate from it. Well, I forgot all about tulpa until a couple weeks ago. I experienced the same terror and unease for about an hour, forced myself to sit down and read some of the accounts and guides on here, and I thought, "Well, that's not so scary."

I spent a few days trying to figure out if I wanted a tulpa or not, until finally I asked, on the third of September, and I knew without a doubt that the answer was yes.

It was easy to start. "Hi, James. I just talked to you. I'm considering you sentient. There are some that would argue that you aren't yet, but it doesn't matter; there's no going back now. . . ."

I'm pretty detailed about the wonderland and his personality, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and values, but I can't tell you how much I've stressed that it's A-okay with me if he deviates. I always tell him that it's all more of a basic guideline and that he can add or take away as he pleases.

[Last Night]

See, I've been saying, since the fifth or sixth, that if there's any way he can give me head pressure or an emotional response before the fourth of November, then that would be lovely. I've explained that I don't think of November so much as a deadline as I do a simple means of communication, for me to be sure that I'm not doing anything he doesn't like and whatnot.

Well . . . James says eff-that, apparently.

There'll definitely be people that say I didn't hear James at all, but that's okay. I can't blame them. I wasn't so sure myself at first. I was daydreaming--probably about the Holocaust?--before going to sleep and I had the image of James in my head (not a very fluent one, either, he was sort of stiff), and I heard him say something in response to something daydream-me said.

My general reaction was, "Um . . . James, if that was you, can you do that again?"

And he did. Twice.

Haven't heard from him since then (but then, I've probably been talking non-stop to him too much for him to get a word in edge-wise if he DID try. sorry, love), but even though I can't remember what he said I know it was him. What he said was totally--well, it wasn't what I was thinking, it wasn't something I would have said.

Now that I think about it, I don't know much about the vocal stage of a tulpa. It sounded to me that he knew what he was doing, though. Good.
~ until the very end

His name is James. James says hi.

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I've had some computer problems and so I wasn't able to make a quick update, but at least I can now. ^_^;

Last Thursday I had a lucid dream, and I think the credit for that would definitely go to James. I walked into my room and received a . . . pink "box thing," and I knew it was from James and had several things in it that he wanted me to do. I remember one was a quiz on Japanese Hiragana, and then when I went to see the next thing he said to "train the puppy."

Outside, in the main hall, was a very small puppy wandering aimlessly on the wall. I walked over to it and realized that I was dreaming. I yelled out for James to come, but I then decided that I really needed to calm down from the mini-high before we worked on his form and whatnot. Unfortunately, the alarm clock rang shortly after.
~ until the very end

His name is James. James says hi.
Somehow or another, every time I go for the PR, my mind is all in a jumble.

Well, anyway. . . .

I'll be honest here: I'm a major Potter nerd. It isn't surprising that I've been reading those books to him when I can, in addition to books that I haven't read before and fan fiction (no, really, I'm very nerdy). I'm also fairly big on anti-spoilers, and so the thing that's been keeping me from letting James sift through my mind are them. (Well, okay, in the beginning I didn't want him to go snooping just because it felt too personal, but really, we see each other naked all the time. We've long since passed the point that most people, at least without tulpa, would consider "personal.") I was taking a shower and decided that if I created three doors, with the first being labeled as "Everything," and the other two labeled as a series and a book I want to read to him, then that would be easier for the both of us, in the long run.

I wasn't really sure what James wanted to do about looking through all my memories and my subconscious thought and whatnot, so I asked him to summon any energy he may or may not need to apply head pressure, and then try to tell me what he wanted to do: if he just wanted to dive right in, then I would get pressure on my right side of my head; if he didn't want to dive right in but had an idea of what he wanted to do, then he would put pressure in the center of my head; and if he neither wanted to go right ahead nor had an idea of what he wanted to do about it, then he would apply pressure on my left side. Well, as soon as I stepped out of the shower I felt a very slight pressure, that I am assuming was James, in the center of my head. Which is awesome, because I'm pretty sure that this is the first time I've ever felt head pressure from him, though I admit that I might just not have noticed.

Not quite sure what he's doing at the moment--I mean, if he's preparing or if he's already through the first door. I told him that I was going to find something else to do so as not to distract him until I was done, and then maybe later on I might call him for visualization or narration.

* * * * *

Okay . . . so . . . besides that, I also realized that I've been experiencing emotional responses. There are certain excerpts from Harry Potter that James seems to find funny, though I've never thought much of them (as far as humor goes) at all before now. He also seems to enjoy Kuroshitsuji, or Black Butler (which isn't too surprising to me. He enjoys Victorian history).

* * * * *

And finally, I think I'm going to scrap my basic outline of my wonderland--well, that's not right. What I mean is that I'm going to redraw James' bedroom in hopes that I can make it more clear in my mind, and then slooowly branch out from there.
I'm enjoying reading your PR. I haven't yet let Chance look through my subconscious. Will do that when the time is right. I haven't really imagined my wonderland in full. Chance usually just sleeps on the ground. Haven't made a bed for him, though I think I might. Make a little cottage for him too.
Chance, an anthro husky, wolf or fox.
Birthdate September 20, 2014.
Sentient October 1, 2014.

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