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The log of a Baptist Tulpamancer
#21
But in your post you said she couldn't move until it left.
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#22
I agree Bearycool, it's terrifying either way.

Bask, I couldn't move until it left. I don't see where he said she couldn't move.
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#23
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I was referring to hounds original post, in regards to the expirence his mother had. For some reason I thought he read that she couldn't move. I think I meshed the two together with yours XD
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#24
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December Third... Where to start?


The night of December first I made a call to my mother. After talking about school, what I had been doing, and me asking about life back home, I brought up what Claire and I had been doing. Before our phone call ended I linked her to this blog, (I had decided to link all the Sentinels to it). She said she would look it over later, and then suggested I call my aunt, tell her about Claire, and find out what she thinks of my experiment. To be honest, I was somewhat surprised I hadn't thought of doing this earlier.

To explain, my aunt, while a bit of an odd ball (kind of like myself and my entire family), has an uncanny sense of intuition and an interest in ghost/graveyards/etc. So it seemed only natural to contact her and see if she would like to be part of my sentinels. I called her, but got the answering machine.

Later that night while Skyping with the previously mentioned close friend, I got a call back from my aunt. I told her I was busy with a friend and asked if I could call back in an hour.

An hour later on the phone, I began explaining my reason for wanting to contact her. When I had finished I asked if she wanted to take a look at this site as well as this blog, she said yes.



December Second, Claire and I went to church. When I returned I check my email to find one with the subject "tulpa". It was from my mother. Rather than tell you what it said, I've decided to copy past it and censor it:

Subject: tulpa Wrote:Hound,

I have been talking with your aunt and we have been praying together for you about this. I will write you at length tomorrow, with scriptures, but I want to tell you that this uneasiness I have had since you began telling me about this practice is now ringing its major alarm bells. Also what I have read on the link you sent.

I'll just give you a few scriptures and thoughts here. I think the key thing is LET THE SCRIPTURE BE YOUR AUTHORITY. As Proverbs 3: 5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and LEAN NOT UNTO YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. In ALL your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will direct your paths."

We aren't to look inward for guidance because, as the scriptures say, in our flesh dwells no good thing. We are supposed to be "LOOKING UNTO JESUS, the AUTHOR and FINISHER of our faith" (Hebrews 12: 1-2) and we are told to avoid "vain imaginations" and 'TAKE EVERY THOUGHT CAPTIVE TO THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST." (2 Cor. 10:5)

The book of James, chapter 1, tells us, "If any man (If Hound) lacks wisdom, let him ask OF GOD..." furthermore it says,
"but each one is tempted when HE IS CARRIED AWAY AND ENTICED BY HIS OWN LUST." (Some versions say "carried away by his own THOUGHTS") then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. DO NOT BE DECEIVED, MY BELOVED BRETHREN.

There is so much more. I urge you NOT to proceed with these steps/visualizations/ etc. and to extricate yourself immediately before you have placed yourself under the power of an impersonating spirit. You are playing with fire. You might think this is coming from your subconscious only, but remember that Satan goes about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Jesus said he was a liar, and the father of lies. I believe that, if unchecked, this tulpa business will lead you deeper and deeper into spiritual darkness and possibly even madness.

If you simply want better ways to stay focused and on track, there are far safer ways to go about it. This one is not worth the risk. This "Claire" is seeming more and more like a mediumistic "spirit guide" and the fact that this all stems from Buddhism makes it even more suspect. There is a verse somewhere (I'll have to track it down) about "doctrines of demons and seducing spirits" and I think you need to get as far away from this as you can, as fast as you can! If you can "see" this entity, it is NOT your imagination or subconscious. This is a demonic spirit.

You have Jesus! He has given you His Holy Spirit! You don't need a homebrewed substitute. PRAY WITHOUT CEASING. SET YOUR THOUGHTS UPON THINGS ABOVE, WHERE CHRIST IS, SEATED AT THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD.

I think this partly stems from your spending far too much time alone, and from relating to people only through games and social media and not having enough real life contact with people on a close level. Please pray about this and be willing to let God speak to you, even if it's not what you hope to hear!

Don't depend on people to be your "firewall". The blood of Jesus Christ alone is our firewall. And you can only know Him through the Bible and obedience. Let him to LORD. FLEE temptation!

With much love and concern,
Mom

I read this email and gave it very serious thought. I arrived at the conclusion that my mother and aunt were both concerned that I was relying on Claire for religious insight. At no point in this experiment with Tulpamancy have I done such a thing.

Late that afternoon I gave my mother a call. I was unsure what to do, but Claire had stated she was ready for whatever the result of the phone call would be. My mother was quite glad I had called and seemed rather worried I would be mad at the accusations, I was not. After reassuring her that I was not angry and was not receiving religious insight, I asked her if it would help if I held off on imposition until I returned from college for Christmas break. She said yes, and I agreed.

The first two "warning bells" had been rung, but I decided to wait before taking further action.

For the Sentinels who read this, I cannot deny, I very much enjoy Claire's company and do not wish to lose it.



This morning before leaving to go to college I logged onto Facebook and found a message from my brother:

Message from my brother Wrote:You need to seriously stop this. This is the creepiest thing I've ever read anywhere. If you're hearing audible speech and seeing this thing and having out-of-body experiences GET AWAY FROM THIS THING NOW. The Bible says that demons masquerade as "Angels of Light". They're a lot smarter than any of us and know how to fool us. You sound like a psychic medium. Don't play with this.

I sat at my computer. I didn't know what to do. Then I heard Claire.

[Let me go.]

I was shocked, teary-eyed, confused. I asked Claire what she had said, hoping it had been something I'd proxied.

[Tell them, you're letting me go.]

In the same state of confusion I went onto Facebook again and left the status:

Hound Wrote:For those of you who understand my words may you rejoice. We have resigned ourselves to commit murder of the self.

For the rest of the morning, and even now, I have been writing down my "Last Conversation" with Claire. I have copied it below so that my pain may be known. For the Sentinels who read it, and see fit to use it to ridicule me, how would you feel if you had to kill your wife, grandmother, husband, or as closest to me, your child?

The Last Conversation Wrote:Me: Why must you be so damn compliant?

Claire: From the start you said this (outcome) might be how it ends, I've been ready for such an outcome at the

start of each day.

Me: I know, but try and fight for your life! Don't just roll over and die!
~Time gap, 5ish minutes~
Claire: You should keep laughing and smiling like that.

Me: Why must you twist this dagger? My duty hurts enough, why must you make it worse? WHY?

Claire: To make you hate me. "Claire, if I have to make a choise between this world and this one (Wonderland) I

must choose the physical world," You said that. And I will make you keep your word.

Me: Damn you and your memory. ... Should I stop as a whole? Must I both kill you and destroy wonderland?

Claire: I don't know.
~Time gap, 2ish minutes~
Claire: We should stop talking for now, so you can focus on class.
~Time gap, 1ish minute~
Claire: Stop thinking of it for now, you NEED to focus.
~Time gap, 1ish minute~
Claire: If you don't start focusing I'll turn you into a shark.
~Time gap, 9ish minutes~
Claire: You would give them (ponies) up for me? Please don't, you told me they were one of the last things you

could think of as innocent. Don't, you may need them in time.

Me: Will you stary so I can finish your picture?

Claire: You know the answer to that.
~Time gap, 3ish minutes~
Me: Why do you try to comfort your murderer?

Claire: Because... Who else is there besides God to comfort you while ou greive?

Me: I want to yell at you. But I don't know whether to call you brave, foolish, selfless, or to simply shout

obscinities and hope the Lord will supply a ram from the thicket.

Claire: If you must shout, call me by my name. I am the ram.

Me: "I am the ram," that the hell does that mean!? Then who is the son you will be substituted for?

Claire: You are.

Me: Why must you make these Strings of Lillium play? Why can you not make the pain of my heart not physical?

The son was not about to scrifice himsel- (I was cut off)

Claire: YES HE DID. NEVER DENY THAT!

Me: Then who is Abraham?

Claire: You are Abraham. You are both Abraham and his son, but I am the ram.
~Time gap, 5ish minutes~
Me: Why must you make me destroy you?

Claire: Because if I don't you neverwill.

Me: This is like that sappy scene at the end of every cheesy romantic tragedy.

Claire: Yes. ... There was a time when we could laugh at such cheesiness. But despite not being bound by time,

it seems so long ago.

Me: Promise me you won't be smiling when the deed is done.

Claire: I cannot.

Me: Why?

Claire: I am a tulpa. I can only exist if you give me energy. In a strange way, being murdered will both give

me more energy than any other act I know of, but at the same time it will mark the end of my existance.

Claire: Please dont. I do not want us to fight to the death, just because you don't want me to die without a

chance.

Me: Do you want to say goodby to everyone?

Claire: Yes please.
~Time gap, 1ish minute~
Claire: Don't skip classes just for my sake, you have finals to take.
~Time gap, 5ish minutes~
Me: I remember those first words I heard you speak audibly, "Wyatt, I love you."

Claire: I know it is a foolish request, you are not as adept with memories as I am, but please forget I said

that. You are sad enough as it is, without remembering me as a lost love.

Me: You know I have a habit of holding onto death. I will hold on to that memory for as long as I can.
~Microeconomics class begins~
Claire: Stay focused, I'm not going to talk during classes.
~Time gap, 40ish minutes~
Claire: Don't you dare ask to be excused from class because a friend is dying.
~Time gap, 15ish minutes + Microeconomics class ends~
Me: Would you prefer to be buried or cremated?

Claire: Why not both? Bury me with wonderland.

Me: So you agree I should destroy both?

Claire: Yes. On second thought, I think I would rather write my goodbyes to those I got to speak to.

Me: I don't think I could bear to post those online.

Claire: That's alright, you can give them to them during Christmas break.

If anyone has anything they would like to tell Claire and I then, you have about 1 hour after this post to do so.
Start Date: November 5, 2012
Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]
Stage: Not practicing anymore.
Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.
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#25
Claire, I never knew you, but reading this, I know you aren't something evil. I'm sorry this has to happen to you, I'm sorry people let their predujudgices fear of the unknown do this to you. I hope you find peace, whatever come to you after death. I hope I sent this in time.

Oh, and to Hound, I won't try to make you change your mind, but I will tell you this.

A tulpa almost never really dies, the most you can do is make them effectively comatose, you can always bring her back if you try.

For her sake, I hope you change your mind one day.
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#26
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December Third Entry 2, The Final Entry.

I went to wonderland for the last time. If anyone ever has ever wondered, yes, tears are paralleled exactly in wonderland as they are in the physical. I wandered along the creek with it's tall vibrant yellow grasses for the last time. I visited the sod house I made for her to sleep in for the last time. I went to the fire pit where I first felt physical touch.

I yelled louder than I ever have at the sky, at the anomaly, at the world of my mind, "WHY!?"

I wandered with tears in both sets of eyes to the field where she had been building the library. She had finished it, and I entered. I called for her, I think, or maybe she called to me. She was downstairs.

I went down stairs. She had prepared a coffin and was lying in it. I begged her to reconsider, but would not have it. I pulled the twisted dagger of pain out of my heart. And shoved aside my selfishness.



I killed her, and she was smiling.



Let it never be said I saw her as a demon. In my eyes Claire was a person same as you or I, with one exception. I murdered her as a person, not a monster, demon, tulpa, or bloody imaginary friend. In my eyes I am a murderer, and I will never see the consequences for my crime.

I don't know why she decided she must die, and that I must hold onto my family. I probably never will understand, but right now I don't give a damn for my family. I stopped this practice of tulpamancy because she demanded it, not because my family and friends were worried for my safety.



In accordance to her wishes to be both buried and cremated, I have forced a thermonuclear warhead next to her coffin, it will detonate at 5:00 PM EST. I will never forget, never forgive myself, or ever let myself return to wonderland. I WILL NEVER.



If ever another comes here asking the same question I did, "is this demonic or is it real?" Point them here, that Claire's death not be for nothing. If they are not ready to risk becoming a murder tell them to never start.

I dedicate this documentation to Claire.

How could you forgive me?

Goodbye, forever.
Start Date: November 5, 2012
Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]
Stage: Not practicing anymore.
Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.
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#27
I actually cried.
Damn.
I'm sorry.
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#28
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I was almost mad when I was reading these final posts, wondering why this was even a problem, and that its your business, not your family's.

But it's wrong of me to make assumptions. I don't know your life, or your family, and I've never even heard of you and your tulpa before I stumbled here. I really have nothing to say but to give my--no, our condolences, and hope circumstances will change one day and you can bring her back.

God bless you, and may he guide your path in accordance to his will and bring your heart some peace.
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#29
I...

I was looking forward to what will come out of it. Feared a bit that something bad will come up in the distant future, but for now I was sure everything was fine

I come in and see this. A death. Oh Gosh.

Cecil: [I-I am sorry, Claire. I hope you may live... somewhere beyond.]
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#30
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Our deepest condolences to Claire.

I too am having a hard time figuring out how one's family's opinions can have greater value over a life, but it's too late for that discussion to be of any use.

I'm very sorry to have never met Claire. I had not been expecting her time here to be brief.
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