Stanford Tulpa Study looking for more participants
(if you're chosen they'll pay for travel and lodging!)

The log of a Baptist Tulpamancer
#71
Quote:He then asked a few more questions, such how I was doing spiritually, Claire's personality, and about what we planned to do in the future. I answered his questions and he seemed satisfied with my answers. I then mentioned your question, Kor.

When I first mentioned it to him he was confused and asked several more questions to figure out what I was telling him. Once he had a grasp on what I was talking about, a second separate entity that possessed a unique personality. He figured it as being not a full person in the sense, but a piece of the imagination that had been isolated and allowed to develop an identity all it's own.

We continued talking. I guess time had passed fast, because a few people entered the church. My Pastor motioned toward the door and said I could close it if I wanted to. I glanced at it simply stated my indifference to whether the door was open or closed. At this point, I really don't care who knows about Claire.


Thanks for doing that for me. I was very interested in hearing what their initial reaction would be! It seems they interpreted it as a part of your own mind that you allowed to develop.

I had a southern Methodist upbringing. While I am now non religious I do recall quite a lot of fire and brimstone sermons that unfortunately would go into great detail about god's everlasting punishments and would just glaze over god's everlasting love. While every church is different and every sect is different, my early experience with religion was that I was to fear his punishment. I felt that I was somehow tainted, broken, or lost because I had a questioning mind. I struggled with this for many years and dreaded going to sermons because of it.

After a few years I approached my parents and talked to them about how I no longer wished to participate in church activities or attend sermons. I was very fortunate to have a well adjusted family and both my parents were very level headed about all issues. They explained that they had wanted me to have that religious aspect in my life and they did not mean to force any sort of doctrine on to me.
My father told me something that day and it still governs a lot of my actions. He told me to "Never accept something that does not satisfy your own sense of reason and common sense."

So to see someone as intelligent and even minded as yourself approaching a religious representative, it kind of sparked my interest a bit. I am extremely happy that they seem to be accepting of your journey with Claire and it is a big relief for me to know that you are confident enough with yourself to not let what others may think of you stop you from doing what you want. This is a very beautiful quality to have, Hound. I truly hope to see more people with that sort of mindset!

Okay, I've rambled on enough in your PR. You had asked:
Quote:We know we want to do something, but we're not entirely sure what. Anyone got a suggestion?

What I have been doing with Mira has been a lot of reading to her. I will take a book that I know very well and teach her what I think is the meaning behind the words, and then I will take a book that I haven't read and try to read it with her voice in my head and then see what she thinks the meaning is.
I found it enjoyable, maybe you and Claire will find it fun too?
There's a reason scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.
Reply

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to

#72
I shouldn't let more than a day or two go by without updating thing report.



Anyway, the 3rd was some kind of anniversary. We have no idea what sort of anniversary it was, but we did know we wanted to do something fun. We made big plans, we were big schemers, but then school life said no. Most of our plans got thrown out the window due to an English assignment, but we still got to dance.

Claire had at some point in the day designed a green ballroom gown, it had a string going from the hem of the skirt to the her gloved right hand. I loaded up a playlist of waltzes from Youtube and we spent about forty minutes dancing away within an endless tiled dance hall.

Even though most of our plans went up in paper work, we still had a pleasant evening.



The following Thursday, the 5th, there was a jazz concert at my university. It was free, so of course we planned to attend.

Earlier that day I had done a bit of forcing, not much about fifteen minutes, but it was really starting to bug me how jittery I still perceived Claire's movement to be.

During the drive to the concert I had the most brilliantly creeper idea to solve the problem. When we arrived we found a set of seats about halfway up the middle row, from there I began to watch the entrances and study how people's legs moved.

After engaging in this activity for about eight minutes Claire piped up and asked, "So are we just going to sit here and watch women's legs like a pair of creeps until the concert begins?"

"Yes," was my answer. After about twelve more minutes of staring, the lights dimmed and the concert got going.

It was a blast. It also made me aware of how there are times I'm glad Claire is invisible.

Now, I move a lot when I keep track of a beat. I'll sway left and right in my seat along with the rhythm, tap both feet, and tap one of my hands along with it. But compared to Claire... I've never been to a metal or rock concert, or a "rave", but I imagine that people there show their enthusiasm as much as Claire does with jazz.

I'm not even sure how to describe her... antics, but I am quite glad she's invisible, even if that makes holding conversations with her and real people tricky.



That Saturday my sister and I went to visit our cousins a few counties over. The trip is a little over two hours. On the way there I spent most of the time forcing, movement was far less jittery.

I finished setting up the warp cube in the WL and swapped rune CM-9 with CM-1. As I had guessed this removed the eternal night and the snowfall replacing them with a sunny bright spring season.

I was a little hesitant about using the cube for anything else. I didn't have a clue as to what most of the runes do and aside from the bayonet I didn't know of any other weapons at our disposal.

I voiced these concerns to Claire. She pointed out that since we had a pile of firewood there had to be a chopping ax somewhere around the glade. I found it around the back of the house and picked it up.

Since I've likely never mentioned it, my family has a wood stove to heat their house. The demand for firewood has resulted in me having to chop a great deal of wood. So I know a nice ax when I pick one up.

The grip and knob were made of a very heavy deep red wood, I guess it was some kind of ironwood, the rest of the handle was made of some sort of maple, and the whole thing was without a splinter or divot.

The ax head itself was covered with a leather "sheath" of sorts, it have a buckle to remove it. After taking it off and examining the head itself I was puzzled as to what kind of metal it was made of. It was lightweight and looked like iron, but it had a soft red discoloration that gathered mostly at the butt and that streaked toward the bit. I have no idea if this metal exists or not, but it holds a sharp edge well. The rest of the trip there was spent getting used to the weight and speed of the ax.



On the trip back Claire gave me a strap for the ax so I could wear it on my back, I don't know where she found the leather but she did. I was feeling a little more confident about exploring with the warp cube so I punch altered the new home code slightly by replacing CM-5 with GR-5 and CM-6 with DS-6.

We warped in to a cliche western town, the clock approaching high noon. Now, I have a sneaking suspicious that the choice of scene might have been influenced by the fact that my sister had the song Big Iron playing, mostly because a showdown between a California ranger and an outlaw that happened lyric for lyric as the song played.

Once the event had played out we decided to explore around. We found a tailor who was willing to give me a shirt with buttons in exchange for the atrocious plaid shirt I've had to wear and if we delivered a suspicious package to the "man at the chapel".

We gave the package to the dude and asked him if there were any other warp cubes near town. He gave us a look, it was brief but it was chiseled with disgust, then mumbled something about one being behind the chapel graveyard.

We took that cube and went back home.

I'm still concerned about his reaction to the mention of the cubes.



For the past several day since then I've been doing finals, but today I finished the last of them. YAY!

I've got a nine hour plane trip to get to my home in Washington State. I'm planning on spending four-five non-consecutive hours of that forcing. It's going to be hard but I'm sure it will help significantly.
Start Date: November 5, 2012
Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]
Stage: Not practicing anymore.
Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.
Reply
#73
Hey guys it's been another few days since I've updated this but I've been keeping a physical log of what's been happening so I've got some notes to reference unlike previous times.

Anyway last Saturday morning I went upstairs to my mother's sitting room. She was having her morning Bible reading and asked if I wanted to join, I said yes.

After a while we started talking about if we should have our usual Christmas Eve party. We talked about that for a little while and then my mother brought up how nice it was I wasn't depressed this Christmas, unlike last year. It seemed like a good opportunity to bring up Claire's return.

"Oh no," were the first words out of her mouth when I informed her. I assuaged her worries by bringing up the six month long analysis I did with Pastor Matt. When she brought up some of the creepy communicatory thing-a-majigs certain African tribes are purported to do by staring at fires I went one step further by stating that tulpamancy can only affect one's perception of reality and not reality directly.

Later that evening Claire and I were watching The Uninvited with the family. I kept laughing at various anecdotes Claire would make earning more than a few queer looks from my mother.

Toward the end of the movie a most curious thing happened. I was sitting down when I suddenly felt like I had very long hair. It was like that ghost limb phenomena but with hair. I got up to walk it off, but it only persisted and grew more noticeable with the addition of bossoms.

I grew quite concerned and whispered, "Ok this is getting weird, Claire, it's like we're overlapping."

After many unsupportive jokes from Claire about having invisible breasts for the rest of my life the feeling went away as mysteriously as it had come. Since it has not come again.



Sunday brought a visit from my brother, sister-in-law, and my niece.

My brother, Hunter, brought his M91-30 Mosin-Nagant, his latest addition to his gun collection. According to the date printed on it it's old enough to have shot Nazis, a fact which he is very proud of. We fired about two clips each and now two days later I'm still feeling it. But the noise produced when it fired impressed Claire and she remarked how excited it got her.

Afterward we went back into the house, Claire and I watched my (our?) niece, Gwendolin (Hail the Dark Sun Covenant). We've been fascinated by the similarities and differences in how thoughforms and children grow. After a while we lost interest in comparing the two and just enjoyed the baby.



After dinner I snagged a ride from my brother and sister-in-law to my friend Zach's place. We played some Dark Souls and caught up with each other, it was pleasant. He asked about Claire and I dropped into proxy mode and just let her talk for a bit. It was odd not paying attention but still conducting an intelligent conversation.

The night took a really strange turn when Zach's girlfriend started texting him. It started off innocently enough until I saw Zach texting something about how his favorite thing to do was quote, "making her cum." (That was really hard to type just now). After glancing that elicit message the awkward meter topped out and I dropped into proxy mode, I wasn't prepared to witness such things. Claire was giggling like a maniac at how squeamish I was being. Zach just starred at us, unaware that his massages were being read. After a while the awkward meter settled back down into tolerable ranges, the giggling stopped and I took over again.

A short, and I mean short, time later he began sexting something else so horrible I will not type it, but needless to say I let Claire handle it. After another fit of giggling from Claire and more starring on Zach's part Claire leaned forward and said, "Some of us are more squeamish than I." He glanced at his phone then back at us, Claire smiled the mischievous smile of a certain wise wolf looked intently at him.

The next two minutes all I heard was Zach furiously tapping away at his phone, presumably telling his girlfriend that we had been privy to their elicit communications. The rest of the evening passed without incident.



And those are the notable events of the passed few day. I'll update this in again (hopefully soon) with more developments.
Start Date: November 5, 2012
Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]
Stage: Not practicing anymore.
Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.
Reply
#74
Last Tuesday passed without any notable happening. Yesterday, however...

My mother and I went into town to get groceries for Christmas eve/day. We stopped by the candle aisle and Claire enjoyed the different scents and picking her favorite, apple cinnamon if you're wondering. Afterward we visited the rest of the store. Claire rode in the cart and in opposition to my requests didn't climb out until there the cart had been filled up with too many groceries. For the whole exchange I was the one pushing the cart, so I tried to factor in her weight for how much strength I need to use.

About noon we left Fred Meyer's and went to the local Mexican restaurant. There Mother half jokingly asked if I was going to order the deep fried ice cream. Claire, always interested in finding new food, began requesting I order it to see what it was like.

"Now you've got her fixated on it," I said to my mother.

My mother gave me a confused look and asked, "Who?"

"Claire, your mentioning of the deep fried ice cream has gotten her as obsessed with trying as she is with the rainbow trout at Cracker Barrel."

Mother took on a reserved expression and straightened herself in her seat, "I worry about your involvement with that stuff."

I was quiet about Claire for the rest of the day.



I thought I had settled my mother's fears, apparently not.

I've gotten quite frustrated with having to keep Claire a secret, hidden away like a bastard child during the 17th century. Hiding away in a secluded quiet room like a modern Dr. Frankenstein. Even in the presences of those I've taken into my confidences I feel constricted, like I should talk to Claire out loud like I normally do.

I can't stand it. Keeping other people's secrets is easy, but I've never been one for having secrets of my own, especially when I delight in said secret.



Anyway, Claire and I have started working on vocal imposition. I've forgotten my old tricks for practicing it, has anyone got some favorites they'd like to clue me in on?
Start Date: November 5, 2012
Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]
Stage: Not practicing anymore.
Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.
Reply
#75
It's a bit much to expect someone who has no experience with your subjective reality to be able to understand it. I can talk to my mom about headaches, she's a nurse and a human being who has experienced headaches before. I couldn't talk to her about lucid dreams and dream signs and especially tulpas. She wouldn't understand any of it. It's why communities like this are important to have. People who share similar subjective realities can band together to discuss it.

The only reason I don't have a log here is because I have a friend who I can talk with in real life about this. I would definitely go crazy if I couldn't share all of the fun antics I have with Celia to someone else.

Sorry, I can't help with any imposition. I haven't even begun to try and understand it. I'm still working on making everything feel less hazy in my mind.
Reply
#76
I read through this progress report, I found it really great, until I got to the end (or at least where it was the end until you came back) That point I can not put into words how angry it made me reading that. I'm not really to judge because how I was raised and how you were raised are very different and perhaps if things in life were different for me I could have been in your position.

I can respect that, but I still can't help but feel a deep anger and negativity just by reading this report or even just being on this page and it's unfortunate because you've got some experiences I could more than likely learn from and perhaps help me with my tulpamancing. From the few phrases and sentences I managed to read recently I read "resurrection." Despite what I may or may have felt about some of your choices and decisions, I'm Glad that Claire is back. Truly I mean that.

I read the current entry. Like Maelstrom mentioned, your mother probably just doesn't understand. I can understand that she might be worried about you, but still, she doesn't understand. Things like this are something that you shouldn't expect others to try to get instantly. It's also something that's hard to prove or even explain right. Only way to truly know and understand is to try it for yourself. I know sometimes you feel you have to say something, but I would recommend if you've got to say something say it here within this community. These forums, the IRC, I'll even talk with you if you need it. I haven't even told my parents about Mel (I always feel weird about referring to her as "my Tulpa" I dunno, might just be me) The only ones I've ever told were my little brother who thinks it's kindof interesting, but looks up to me too much to think that I'm insane or something or that Mel is something negative, the friend that got me interested in Tulpa in the first place, and a friend's mom who is into this kind of stuff. This isn't exactly a concept a lot of people can wrap their minds around easily or one that people will accept with open arms. People tend to fear what they don't understand. I've been in many communities myself that people would much rather attack or make fun of than learn or try to understand. Sometimes you've got to pick your battles and be aware that even if you don't see it as a battle, there are those who might.

Anyways, sorry, I didn't mean to go on and lecture you. As far as Audio imposition goes, I have not gotten much done on that really. I feel I'm just starting to play around with it. I'm not sure exactly how to go about forcing with them, I've kindof just gotten them on and off and they weren't exactly related to Mel. I've heard that for some people it's best to work on any form of imposition when really sleepy. So either as you're going to bed or right when you wake up and are still a little groggy. Perhaps at a time like when something wakes you up in the middle of the night, If you can remember to work on it, work on something until you either fully wake up or until you fall asleep again.

Edit:
I skimmed through another one of the posts that was more recent, sorry for giving you a hard time about that earlier. Just don't let anyone convince you to Kill her again. I guess a part that made me most angry was the fact that I tried to imagine myself in that position.
Reply
#77
(12-01-2012, 11:53 PM)Yoko Wrote: This happened to me during my Freshman year of college. I awoke in the middle of the night, saw a tall dark human-shaped shadow at the edge of my bed, and could not move or scream until it left.

Sorry, I know we were speaking on another thread, but I felt I had to comment on that.

This is known as sleep paralysis, something that is quite common among people. It is said to happen to about half of the world's population.

It occurs in which your body falls asleep, but your mind stays awake. You are not able to move due to a chemical your body produces in order to keep you from moving whilst asleep.

Both visual and auditory hallucinations happen during this half asleep, half awake state, and on most accounts, are of disturbing things. Some describe it as having a demon or monster sitting on their chest, leaving them unable to move.

This is often mistaken for having an encounter with an otherworldly entity, but in reality, is all in your mind. It can be scary, but only lasts for a short time. It is no demon.
Reply
#78
Hound: sorry for the necro (of the thread, and any bad memories). Did you ever figure out what the crystal-light-thing was?
I once had a Tarot reading. I took it to be about my tulpa. Are you aware of any way someone experienced with New Age things would be able to sense her (thus making it necessary to take precautions so I don't go through what you did)?
P.S. sorry if "go through what you did" sounds like I'm treating you as a thing to be gawked at.
Reply
#79
Why does this (tulpa) stuff keep coming up in my life?  Had a friend mention lucid dreaming and being afraid of having to deal with the common side effect of sleep paralysis.  I told him he should try forcing if he really wants to have a mindscape he can control without having sleeping issues.  He asked me about some stuff and I told him i would supply him some resources for visualization.  Thing is, I don't have most of them anymore.  I still have the "Can't see a Dang thing" guide but I'd rather get him more than just one guide.  Since a whole lot more guides have come out since 2014 what are some good guides for forcing and visualization I get him?

-------Update:

I've had a lot of time to look back and reflect at my endeavors.  I've looked over some of the threads where folks have mentioned me, and a lot of them often villainize the folks I told about Claire..  But the truth is, the project was honestly kinda doomed from the start I wanted something to spur me to be more outgoing and extroverted, both of those aren't really possible if I was always sitting in a corner talking to myself(myselves?).  So really if anyone is to blame for all the emotional trauma and horror... it's me, Wyatt.  I don't regret any of the steps that brought me where I am now, even if some of those steps are things I'd never want to do again.  

I am still alive and feeling more hopeful than ever, but I don't know where Claire is.  The reason for that is after a while Claire and I decide to part ways.  She's has now been wondering my mind for the past four years, during that time I think we've met only two times, and then we just smiled and nodded at each other.  That said I wouldn't be surprised if she'd infiltrated some of the D&D characters I've made.

Anyway, hope you guys can help me out with those guides.  Best of wishes to all of you who exist and those folks in your heads.
Start Date: November 5, 2012
Humanoid Construct: Claire [MIA]
Stage: Not practicing anymore.
Praise the Lord for the gift he has given me.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Sponsors:
Lolflash - click it, you know you want to